


Camouflage of Great Renown

by SqueakyClam



Category: Hollow Knight (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Basically, But he's still a bastard, Canon Compliant, Character Death, Crack Treated Seriously, Drowning, Flashbacks, Gen, Giving Zote some redeeming qualities, Gore, He has family issues in general honestly, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Inconsistent chapter lengths, It's only in one chapter but still, It's zote what do you expect, Near Death Experiences, Nosk Society is wild, Nosk is a Species, Not Beta Read, OKAY LISTEN, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Please watch for warnings before chapters!, Suicidal Thoughts, This is a dumb Zote AU that I took too far, This wasn't meant to get as serious as it did, Trauma, Unreliable Narrator, Zote Needs Therapy, Zote has daddy issues, Zote is a Nosk, and motive, headcanons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:00:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 49
Words: 110,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25198903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SqueakyClam/pseuds/SqueakyClam
Summary: Nosks are an intelligent species to a degree - as they're still rather feral in nature and incredibly territorial - and they have their own secret society in Deepnest. Given that they have proximity to the Pale King, it was inevitable for them to gain minds and sapience... but they still retain a hostile nature to them.They morph and contort their bodies into makeshift lures, baiting unfortunate bugs into their traps and devouring them without a second thought. Before infection struck, they could even mimic voices.Hunting is all that matters. Providing food is all that matters. Your territory is all that matters.One Nosk in particular, however, does not share in that sentiment.While sure, attachments to others are unnecessary and strength is incredibly important in survival... why can't a Nosk be more than a ruthless animal? Why can't they gain honor outside of their kin? Why can't everyone know one Nosk's name?Why can't a Nosk be a knight?Better yet... a knight of great renown?Hmm. He likes the sound of that.Translation into Portuguesein progress!!!
Comments: 618
Kudos: 287





	1. Obey All Precepts

**Author's Note:**

> The Part Where I Explain Myself, Rewritten Because The Original Was Too Long:
> 
> This all started one fateful night at 2am where I sat dead awake in bed asking myself: "What the hell is zote"  
> At first I thought, maybe a funky void creature, maybe a vessel- but then. Somehow. Someway. Without any possible method of getting there:  
> What if Zote is a Nosk?  
> Not a Nosk pretending to BE Zote, no- a nosk, making a random disguise, naming himself Zote, and just trying to fit into society as a self-proclaimed knight. Basically: "Zote Was A Nosk All Along!" is the plot heehoo  
> Don't ask me how i reached this conclusion i have no idea
> 
> But here it is! An absolute monstrosity! Each chapter is based on one of his 57 precepts, and they're in reverse order because that's the easiest way for me to explain this mess of a story in a somewhat-chronological order!  
> Starting with a buncha exposition, shifting into storytime, and then a whole lot of reflecting on life and revealing painful horrible angst!!! But in time!! Because first?
> 
> you gotta listen to zote's constant self-praise and massive ego.  
> here it c o m e s......

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy. Here we go!  
> Welcome to a fic centered purely around a nosk-turned-"knight"'s nonsense. In which Zote the Mighty, a knight of great renown, details the events of his life from the beginning up to the end of what's known in canon (with no specific game ending in mind). We've got goof chapters, we've got headcanons and exposition, we've got angst that comes out of left field - this is a disaster fic that went from "crack taken seriously" to "crack taken **_seriously._ ** "
> 
> There's a gradual shift in tone throughout this fic that's entirely intentional! Thought I should point that out here heehoo.
> 
> Each chapter has been planned ahead of time, so hopefully I won't be writing myself into any holes! I mean, I'm halfway through as of typing this and lookin' good so far, but I guess we'll see!! :,)
> 
> Anyway, let's get this show on the road!!!

**_Obey All Precepts._ **

Most importantly, you must commit all of these Precepts to memory and obey them all unfailingly. Including this one!

I have dedicated my life to these precepts. They have aided in my survival every step of the way! Not that I, Zote the Mighty, have much need for _help_ when it comes to surviving. I’ve done beautifully just on my own!  
However, it doesn’t hurt to carry knowledge such as this! These precepts are the basic fundamentals of life, I tell you. Even the strongest of knights – such as myself – must follow their own moral code!  
Mine, however, just happens to be superior to all others’, so there is no reason to dwell on what some other alleged knights may offer you.

It is now your duty to carry these precepts with you throughout the rest of your life, and spread their importance all over these forsaken lands! Of course, no one’s loyalty to the Precepts will ever match my own, but they still prove themselves essential in every insect’s very existence!  
So what are you waiting for, you scoundrel? Run along, now! You waste my time!

…Hmm? Have you truly listened to everything I've said?

Let's start again and repeat the 'Fifty-Seven Precepts of Zote'! Just to be sure that you’ve understood how important my advice is, and to help you in keeping them all permanently burned into your memory!

* * *

  
…And perhaps, this time around, I will provide some more insight.  
For you see, I was not always the brilliant knight you see today… Well, that’s not true. I was always brilliant!  
But I must admit, although it pains me to do so, that it was an arduous struggle to earn this title of mine. I know, I know. The fact that I, one so wonderful, had to _struggle_ to obtain what was always in my reach… it shocks you. For you must be thinking, “ _If someone so perfect was still burdened with having to fight for his glory, however shall I fare in life’s unforgiving clutches? When I, a mere grub in comparison, contain so many more faults than he?”_

Fear not, for this is why I bestow these Precepts upon you! So that you may gaze upon your shortcomings and better yourself! Not that you shall ever reach my height in achievements, but you will improve nonetheless!

I have not been entirely truthful. This may also shock or appall you, but I order you to silence your doubts of me! I am still the same brave, courageous, invincible and _strong_ knight that I’ve always been! What lays beneath does not matter, and the past is better forgotten. As per Precepts Four and Forty-Five.  
Despite this, I feel I must relieve myself of a weight that falls heavy upon my shoulders. You wonder, intrigued, “ _What dark past does this mysterious knight hide away?”_ and I, Zote the Mighty, will now enlighten you!

For I am not what I seem, but there is no longer reason to feel shame! What hides beneath this mask, you ask? Not one of those monstrous “ _vessels,”_ I assure you, as I would never belong to a group so vile and unruly!

No, no. Truly, it does not matter now, as the past is meaningless - but I must rid myself of this mental strain!  
So listen closely, for I will not repeat this again! This requires your full attention, as nothing more important has ever graced your ears before!

…And, just to test your memory, we will be repeating these marvelous precepts _backwards!_

Finally, I confess.  
I, Zote the Mighty, a knight of great renown, terrifying, beautiful, and powerful: belong to the now-extincted species known as _Nosk._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Rewritten as of 10/8/20:]  
> Heehoo. Guess who went back and edited some things :) Including these notes :) And maybe the tags soon :)
> 
> A'ight, so, this a warning for anyone new here: It gets WILD in here! When I said "disaster fic" I MEANT it, I went ham on angst and pain and suffering as well as the goof chapters that are sprinkled in! This fic has completely sabotaged my life. Originally intended to be updated occasionally as a side-project, this mess has just taken my brain and filled it with images of Zote. I am telling you without shame that zote is my favorite character and it's all because of this horrible thing I've started.  
> Also yes, the chapter lengths are inconsistent and that's just because a limit spooks me! It's hilarious tho because my original plan was 1,000 words for chapter, ending at 57,000 words. no matter what period in time you're reading this, you can already see the problem :,)
> 
> If for any reason it seems as though I won't finish this:   
> SPAM ME. Seriously I mean it. I want you to badger me into updating, because I am NOT GIVING UP ON THIS FIC. It's not going to happen! I don't care man I'm already too far off the deep end! We are GETTING 57 CHAPTERS. I HAVE ALREADY BEATEN MY PREVIOUS PERSONAL BEST CHAPTER COUNT SO WE ARE GOIN' OFF YA'LL
> 
> And if you're here to mutilate me for starting something like this that's understandable have a nice day
> 
> Alright, if I haven't scared you off, welcome to hell!! Or as I said in the original notes,  
> "welcome to zote's edgy backstory where he's a shapeshifting monstrosity that can snap his own neck. goodnight."


	2. Do Not Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote is a denial incarnate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tag "unreliable narrator" is very important when it comes to this chapter specifically  
> And probably the next few chapters! Like I said before, his ego is gonna dial back over time, and he'll start slipping up more frequently,, but right now you're just having to listen through the lens of a pretentious prick and I'm sorry  
> Damn saying "listen" made me imagine this, finished, as a podfic. Oh god
> 
> Anyway watch me abuse exclamation marks! I don't get to do that often in writing so let me have this

**_Do Not Dream_ **

Ever since I was a measly hatchling, I have held onto the life-long aspiration of becoming a renowned knight. Of course, seeing as you behold me to this day, I was clearly very successful in that endeavor!  
With this in mind, I do not consider this desire of mine to be a _“dream.”_ I consider it to be a _success!_ An _achievement,_ one grander than any insect has seen before!

More specifically, of which no _nosk_ had seen before. For you see, nosks were focused solely on hunting. They scrounged about in the darkness, luring what pitiful prey they could back into their disastrously messy lairs and gobbling them up without another thought.  
By the Wyrm, the den always smelled of corpses! Webs littered every surface, hemolymph mucked up the walls… Eck! It has me retching just remembering it! As per Precept Nine, _“Keep Your Home Tidy”_ -

Ah! I’m getting ahead of myself! Back to the point.

My goal was not well accepted among my peers and brethren. They looked down upon me, and it was surely because they feared my potential! Even my father began to worry over my growing strength, for a fear of mine overpowering his!  
And he was right to worry! I would have crushed the old coot were I ever given the chance! Alas, he perished before I had the opportunity to strike him down myself. Good riddance, I say!  
My brother, on the other hand, proved a horrible nuisance! Bah, I still remember his terrible voice... So scratchy and rough, as if all he ate were the nails of his prey. Wouldn’t shock me! He was as ruthless as everyone else in this disgusting place.  
He stuck around long after our father’s demise. At least, so I believe. I wouldn’t know for a fact, as I hadn’t stayed in the den for any longer than I needed to! I’m sure he fell to infection as the rest of those forsaken creatures did.  
Hmph. That's what’ll happen if you never abandon your nest.

Either way, since my mentality was one of shame among nosks, I had to keep it hidden. Nosks did not become knights, it simply did not happen. There was no such thing as a “knight,” and our version of “soldiers” wasn’t much to strive for. Soldiers were simply meat shields for the den, acquiring no honor in their inevitably gruesome deaths.  
So how did I conceive such a wondrous idea? How did I come to such a life-altering decision, standing out amongst the feral beasts of those caverns and solidifying my superiority to them all?

While I would pridefully claim to have thought up this notion myself – as I was entirely capable, mind you! – I was, truthfully, told the great tales of the knights above by one of our den’s elders. She would enlighten me on a world far grander than the fetid old caves we called home, and it sparked inspiration in me!

During this time, I spoke of these stories to no one else. Dreaming of the space outside of the den was strictly prohibited, and we were sure to know as such. The outside world was for hunting and hunting alone. The mere idea of it it being anything otherwise was outlandish and frowned upon!  
How preposterous it seems now, wouldn’t you agree? I was kept a pitiful prisoner in the claws of my fellow denmates! You see how ludicrous it was, that something would ever be able to contain the Powerful Zote? It did not remain that way for long, I assure you! I carve my own path, and don’t let anyone control me but myself!

Until then, however, I was trapped there. Silently scheming and plotting my escape day-by-day! I would not – rather, I COULD not – share my ambitions aloud. For those around me would scold me with their scathing words...  
 _"Silence your inane ramblings, weakling. Your youth does not rid you of your limbs and jaws, and you are expected to utilize them accordingly; perfect your disguise, scour for your meals, or you'll be left to starve here. Neither your denmates nor your kin will provide for you. Resume your hunting, hatchling, and utter not another word of this! Or be discarded like the rest that speak their minds as such."_

 _Ahem_ , not that I ever heard such things, of course. I never spoke of dreams, for I did not dream to begin with! No, no, how dare you assume such a thing?  
It was not a _dream_ , it was a _promise._ A promise to myself. One I knew I would some day fulfill, and I would fulfill it soon! I would prove myself to my denmates, and have them choking on their doubts of me!  
Why must a nosk be nothing but a beast? Why can’t a nosk be as a nosk pleases? Surely, with morphs so perfect, a nosk could integrate flawlessly into any world and live however they so desired! No one would ever know what they ever were, for the past did not matter, and they did not have to share it!

So I plotted, and I waited for my chance. A learned knight knows when to strike and when to lay low.  
Hmph! In light of all I've said, I revoke my earlier statement! I did not keep it _hidden,_ as that implies I felt ashamed by it! As if I forced myself to be a “proper hunter” out of fear, or doubts, both of which I have never had in my life!  
No, I kept it _tactfully clandestine._ Hah! Yes, that has a far nicer sound to it, wouldn’t you agree?

I hunted as ordered. I practiced my disguises when necessary. I listened to my superiors without a single objection.  
But it was all part of my plan! A _plan,_ you understand? Not a silly dream. Dreams are dangerous things. Strange ideas, not your own, can worm their way into your mind. Thinking on it now, I can’t help but wonder if that dastardly old den elder purposefully instilled this idea in me?... Hah! Well, it backfired on her, anyhow.  
  
…But if you resist those ideas, sickness will wrack your body! You’ve seen them, yes? The husks that wander these lands, plagued by that infection? It’s because of dreams, I say! Or even a resistance to them!

Best not to dream at all, like me.

_Because a Nosk does not have dreams._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zote is so fun to write lmao,, there's something about just,,, unfiltered ego that's really fun to write through heeheheooo
> 
> Though I will admit it's hard not to let all of Zote's aggressive insecurities spill out all over the floor  
> not that he's doing a great job of hiding them himself but u kno


	3. Bow to No One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The "Zote explains Nosk society" chapter. because exposition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone's interested, I made a ref for Zote in this fic!  
> https://www.instagram.com/p/CCkNNtZnDoO/  
> With some lowkey spoilers I suppose,, for things that will happen in later chapters :)
> 
> Anyway next chapter time! I always plan what I'm going to write in these notes and then, when I get here, I never remember what that plan was. ah well. enjoy a bunch of headcanons on nosk society i guess

**_Bow to No One_ **

Egh, I suppose now you’re wondering how we nosks went about our lives, hm? How we managed to survive those dark, terrifying depths? Where no light dared to reach, and where no insect ought to travel?

Hmph, well, it was no thanks to our Wyrm-awful _“superiors,”_ I can assure you! Yes, now I must delve into the disgusting concepts of how we nosks were _‘managed’-_ and, I’m sure, if any were left alive to tell the tale, they’d spout nonsense about how _perfect_ it was! Pah! Those wretched things, so uncivilized and cruel to those below them! They were wholly and completely ignorant to anyone beside themselves!

The superiors – a sort of council, if I recall correctly, with those winged in charge – were no more than a horde of thieves looking to pick off the weak! Why, if only they were around now, I would strike each and every one of them down before they could snatch another morsel away! And then I would keep that morsel for myself! No one dares steal from the plate of a knight, I say!

Those bandits would flaunt all around the dens, presenting their alleged _“strength”_ for all to see, before causing scuffles over pathetic crumbs of insect husks. More often than not, these brutal barbarians would fight to the death! Over what, you ask? Surely more than just _food,_ as there was _plenty_ to go around. No! No, no, that was merely it! Clearly, nothing holds more importance in one’s life than _sustenance –_ not even honor!

Well, I suppose I shan’t ignore the territorial disputes that occurred as well.  
Can you believe that? Madness, it was! You take one accidental step over a border beyond your eyesight, and suddenly you’ve cost yourself a limb! Or, Root forbid it was a superior’s territory, as then you’d be handing over your rations for an indeterminable amount of time!

These superiors… they’d decide _everything_ for you! Where you’d hunt, what you’d hunt, how much of it you were permitted to _eat_ – They even selected your _mate_ for you! As if I was ever interested in affections to begin with, which couldn’t be farther from the truth; but the mere idea of their control _infuriated_ me! Who decided they held the reins? Who chose them to boss us around? If I were nearly as capable then as I am now, I would’ve challenged them myself! Tear down their rule and replace it with something _truly_ superior!

…Such as something revolved around myself! Ah, I can see it now. No statues, as they’re generally worthless to start with – posters, would you reckon? Tapestries? – but a pure utopia! Where every nosk knows my name! I would be lavished for how strong I am, and they would _finally_ learn to respect me! No longer would I be shoved around by my peers or cast aside by my family!  
Of course, not that I sought out their adoration to begin with. I could not achieve that now even if I desired to! For they all perished long ago! It’s no use dwelling on such things… per Precept Seven, “Mourn Not the Dead.” Which we will get to in time!

Where was I, then? Oh, yes! Nosk “ _law._ ” Or lack thereof.

Simply, as long as you obeyed every little thing laid out before you by your superiors, you were permitted to live in the den. Each nosk had their sanction, but they were more than free to kill for their neighbors’ lands if they saw fit. There was nothing to prevent murder between nosk-kind, as… well, no one bothered to care! It’s not as if we were meant to be attached to one another. Not even familial connections were encouraged by any means… so it’s not like anyone would miss a dead nosk.  
Which, per the aforementioned Precept Seven, I can find myself in agreement with! It mildly disgusts me to side with the superiors of my former kind, but I’m no fool! Allies simply did not _exist,_ as there was no need for such a concept. Makes complete sense even now, I say. Why find yourself getting attached to anyone? For you know their end before yours is inevitable!

I’m getting ahead of myself again! We’ll leave this for Precept Seven, when we get around to it!

One very prevalent notion was the assertion that the strong outlived the weak. If you could not provide for yourself, you were useless. If you could not fight, you were useless. If you could not disguise yourself or _hunt?_ Hah! You wouldn’t have lived longer than a few weeks.  
Even as hatchlings, we’re expected to learn for ourselves how harsh reality is. No insect will hold your hand through life! As my father would always say to me and my brother, _  
“I hear your cries, and I order you to silence them. Will sobs bring prey to your jaws? I think not. You will get to your feet this instant, get out of this den, and march straight to your assigned hunting grounds. I will not be fetching your corpses if you die out there. In fact, feel free to do so. Less mouths to feed.”_

At least, hrm, I’m sure that’s what he used to say. My father’s words are not ones to be memorized. In fact, I should be forgetting my father completely! What’s left of his body has been rotting in that hole for ages. It’s in the past and, therefore, does not matter now.

Despite this, I, for one, hold the virtue of strength high to this moment! So much so, I have two precepts on the subject: Precept Five, “Strength Beats Strength,” and Precept Seventeen, “Believe In Your Strength!”  
To be strong is to survive. It is a vital part of every insect’s instincts, and we were sure to understand as such from the moment we left our eggs.

As you can clearly see before you now, I have diligently worked to obtain the perfect build! Once a potential foes eyes lay upon me, they are fleeing and screaming for mercy before I even need to raise my weapon! Not once has this strength failed me, and I don’t intend to let it in the future!

…You can gleam the point I have made here, correct? Now even _you_ understand the trials and tribulations I had to persevere through just to make it in the nosk lair! You could not even fathom the troubles that forsake me afterwards, but rest assured, all will be revealed!

There are those in this world who would impose their will on others. They claim ownership over your food, your land, your body, and even your thoughts! As I have explained, they have done nothing to earn these things. All those superiors had were wings and a tendency to overpower those that turned against them. They deserved no devotion, nor does any insect that abuses their so-called “power.”

Never bow to them, and make sure to disobey their commands.

_Believe me. Disobey. Do not hesitate as I may have._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some extra things to note:
> 
> \- The time period Zote is currently talking about is when the Pale King was still alive. The pure vessel was already chosen and the abyss was sealed off. This does not mean vessels weren't already wandering outside of the abyss and getting caught by Nosks, though, which is relevant!
> 
> \- More on the nosk superiors: It's sort of an alpha system, though with females (winged nosks) having more control than males (non-winged). There's about six members of the superior class at a time, with usually more females than males.  
> They're nobility but feral and ready to maul you for your food. That's all they are oof
> 
> ANyway bbrbr, next chapter (and the one after it) will be shorter! The plan I have for each of them forces me into a tiny square of what I can write, because there's a lot that has to be revealed... later. Since there's no way in hell he's gonna talk about it now  
> There's gonna be a lot of hinting though! because damn I am a sucker for foreshadowing


	4. If You Lock Something Away, Keep the Key

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to slowly transition out of exposition! Slowly. Maybe. Not really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer for the circumstances of which this chapter was written:  
> while writing this, I was,,, half paying attention to actually writing,, there were a lOt of things going on while I wrote this chapter and it’s been wild  
> It's almost 1am now and i've reread this chapter multiple times like "uhhhsg,,, uhh" 
> 
> I mean, this chapter and the next are kinda the,,, awkward transition chapters, from "this is how things were back in the day!" into "and now it's story time with zote" so I apologize if they're a bit rough ;;  
> also oops zote gets insecure i spilled it all over the floor

_**If You Lock Something Away, Keep the Key** _

You weren’t under the impression that I kept my dr- my _promise_ under wraps the whole time, were you? Of course not! As if I would adopt such a cowardly method! I was covert for an impressive amount of time, sure, but I would never lay in wait for longer than necessary! If you recall, this was all a part of my _plan!_ Everything was pre-calculated and intricately thought out to happen _flawlessly._ Not a single bump along the way. Nothing to spark this change aside from my own will, I promise it.

There came a time when I decided that the beasts around me deserved to gaze upon how enlightened I was.  
Hrm, perhaps “deserved” is too strong of a word… it wasn’t as if they _earned_ such a privilege. I suppose it was pity I felt for them. Pity towards their underdeveloped, feral minds. They would never match _my_ level of sapience and strength, and it was about time they realized that!

So - as I said, with _nothing to prompt this change_ \- I became more vocal around my peers. There was no reason to keep my thoughts under lock and key for as long as I had, so I freed those passions with no remorse! If they didn’t want to hear it, they could suffer for all I cared. I had thought about this long and hard, and I had come to the conclusion that those around me should hear my cry for _honorable battle!_ They should fear my skill with a nail, of which I excellently crafted not long after I came to this revelation!

Yes, this was what ignited the creation of my wonderful weapon, _Life-Ender!_ Any other nosk would have difficulty in handling something so deadly, as their “talent” in battle only reaches as far as their venom, teeth and claws. I, on the other hand? I adjusted with ease, wielding my expertly designed nail without a single stumble nor failure!  
I began to carry this tool of destruction regularly, so all the den’s inhabitants would know to step away from the likes of me! Never again would I be belittled for my slightly shorter stature, or my tendency to remain silent – my silence was deadly, and it would’ve done them well to know this beforehand!

This visible shift in confidence went about as well as you’d expect.

My denmates became _cautious_ of me. They were wary, I tell you. They saw how powerful I truly was and regarded me with terror! I could tell by the way they would threaten me with their snarls and spats, criticizing my every word and action… this was plainly a demonstration of respect and abhorrence.

My father, even! Oh, the dread I saw cross his face when I came to him proclaiming my duty as a knight! Absolutely priceless. If only you had been around to see it, I’m sure you would’ve felt the same pride I had!  
_“Insolent, pathetic grub! You stray from your instincts to delve in some fantasy nonsense? You part from your denmates and abandon your hunting obligations to chase after some idiotic dream? Nothing can express the shame I feel in you, as I now must hang my head toward those that accuse me of raising my spawn incorrectly. You will silence this incredulous absurdity this instant, or be cast from this den myself!”  
_Shame on him, for he should know that I would never dream of dreaming! Unfortunately, he never quite understood that concept, and went on to avoid me henceforth. Nothing could compare to the delight I felt, knowing that I finally had my very father fearing me.

Aside from him… whom I should not even be speaking of! Gah, what foolishness! I speak as if his words plague me, which is not the case! I have gone on blabbering about him too much, now. I will refrain from mentioning him for the rest of these precepts! This is indisputable.

 _Aside from him,_ there was a particular group that took notice of my newfound poise. No, they were not superiors, for that would’ve been true hell.  
It’s not as if I wouldn’t have been able to handle the superiors, mind you! I would simply prefer to gut myself before being forced to endure their irritating nature any longer than what was unavoidable.  
Either way, this group was not of the superior class. How would I have known, you ask?

Their “leader” was my very brother. And I can assure you, he was _not_ a superior. Not yet, anyway.

However, he was nearly as annoying! He and his little parade of ruffians would often be a thorn in my side, as they were far louder in their expressions of… horror. Yes, truly. They shared in the same anxiety as everyone else. They were just outrageously vociferous in comparison to those that knew how to conceal their concern! Rather than running with their tails between their legs, they _followed_ me. _Insistently._ Almost always ruining my hunts on purpose; making a ruckus, striking me without warning, or blatantly stealing my prey! One could misconstrue their actions and words as mockery, but I saw right through them. They were meager, jealous cretins… Jealous of my vigor. I know it. Therefore, anything that may have happened to them is well-deserved…

…Not that I know what became of them. I’m sure they each perished insignificant deaths by the hands of the infection. As did the rest of my species.

 _Ahem,_ well. My point? If you lock something away – such as your ambitions, away from the eyes of those around you – make sure to keep the key. Nothing should be locked away forever, so hold onto your keys. You will eventually return and unlock everything you hid away.

Despite the fact I wasn’t hiding.

_Tactfully clandestine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, here's a cursed thought as an apology for this potentially not-as-good chapter:  
> Imagine Zote but with literally any other voice in the game. current favorite is imagining him with the collector's voice, just saving this bastard and WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOO AHAHAHAHAH as he "yOu BumBlINg OAF" or whatever he says
> 
> i am eXHAUSTED if this chapter gets edited later don't be surprised hehe
> 
> Also also YES it is my personal headcanon that Zote talks like this because the nosks did; it's stupidly funny to me to imagine these feral shrieking beasts known for mauling prey just,, speaking so eloquently. you're about to kill your neighbor because you want the dead bug he has and you "you blasphemous fiend, send thine cruelest blows and meet thine end by my jaws!" before a horrifyingly gorey mess of spindly limbs and screaming


	5. Do Not Steal the Desires of Others

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steadily transitioning into pure storytime format, Zote accidentally points out a plot hole in his own story and then proceeds to give some surprisingly solid advice near the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: I won't be purely focusing on this, it'll be updating infrequently while I work on other things  
> also me, purely working on this and ignoring the three other fic ideas I have: haha nosk!zote go brrr
> 
> Also, I am brutally abusing Unreliable Narrator with this one. The reasons and manner in which Zote left the den is a whole thing and he's just,, choosing to ignore those details for now :) All you need to know is that he outta there
> 
> oops on the "this chapter will be shorter" too because that didn't happen

**_Do Not Steal the Desires of Others_ **

Finally… after years of planning through my turmoil; suffering in silence, then in shouts… painstakingly hunting, disguising, obeying, _plotting…_ I made my leave.

Yes, the fateful day had arrived! Gathering my loyal _Life-Ender –_ the only tool I should need on such an expedition – I escaped the den and never turned back. I did not even grace the den with a final glance.

It’s not as if these were my first steps out of the den, but these were _new_ steps! _Free_ steps! No longer was I held down under the oppressive claws of my superiors, telling me where I go and how I get there! No, this was all _my_ idea. _I_ decided where I went, and how I got there. Better yet, I didn’t have to return in time for a curfew, as there _was_ no curfew! Even the tunnels that led outside the nest felt as if they had clearer air than that stuffy old place. It was truly invigorating, and really aided me in keeping my legs moving. I wanted to get as far away as possible.

Solely because I knew the freedom was finally in my grasp.

 _Solely_ because this was how I _planned_ to get out of there in the _first place._ It would do you good to remember that.

Anyway, I bet you’re wondering where I ventured after my success? Did I seek out the distant village not far from there, straight into a den of beasts? Did I face their gnashing teeth and swinging claws, complete with their piercing gazes colored crimson with _primal hunger,_ all with unwavering courage _?_ How gracefully did I slash my way through each and every creature that littered those tunnels, you may be asking?

Well, the joke is on you! As capable as I was – and I could’ve _easily_ swept away all the Deepnest competition, as even the Weavers knew to fear us Nosks! – I went the opposite direction. Shamefully, I remained in my monstrous Nosk form during this part of the journey. I hadn’t thought up the perfect appearance quite yet, and I had figured it could wait. After all, it’s terribly dark in those tunnels. Anyone would have a difficult time seeing down there, and I wanted to make _sure_ I looked as knightly as possible!  
…Granted, Nosks have vision that’s entirely adjusted to the darkness of Deepnest… so I could see without problem, but… _what does it matter!_ I was biding my time! Is there a problem with waiting? I had done it already for so many years, I say who cares for a few hours more? I don’t, anyhow! And neither should you! I was in a hurry – No, I don’t need excuses! We’re moving on!

Once I had stolen my way out of the winding, confusing tunnels that typically led to the den’s entrance, masterfully dodging the thunderous Garpedes and striking down any pesky Dirtcarvers, I zipped past a hot spring and soon found myself at a tram.   
To this day, it shocks me that the King’s people were successful in their endeavor to build a tramway into this wretched place. I know now that, at the period I’m speaking of, they were fruitlessly toiling away far above this one to build _another._ One closer to the Beast’s village. Last I saw, it was overrun by vermin and utterly destroyed. They couldn’t settle with just _one?_ How did they _think_ the creatures would react to another intrusion _?_ Even worse, one so close to the Beast herself? Hmph! Foolishness leads to one’s demise, and every single one of those idiotic tram builders met the jaws of Deepnest locals.

Well, despite this, one functioning tramway resided there. I believe it’s even there now. Probably works, if you manage to scrounge around and find a tram pass. Which… I did not have. Nor do I have one now, in fact. Do you realize the absurd cost those passes once held? At the time, I hadn’t even _seen_ geo before! Ludicrous… I’m sure they were reserved for only those that fell under the King’s favoritism, too.  
Pah! As if I’d want the recognition of some sniveling wyrm. Even if I greatly desired such back then. The past does not matter, and my younger self’s opinions and beliefs do not reflect on my current mindset!

The lack of a tram pass made it impossible for myself to access the tram. I’m sure I could’ve smashed in the windows, but I held honor, you hear? Adding onto that, it likely wouldn’t have been a good first impression on the basin’s locals… after all, this was a new life I was beginning! I was no longer an uncivilized barbarian! I was a _knight!_  
I _am_ a knight! That title has not left me with time!

…Plus, I’m not sure the tram would’ve worked if I had gone through with the action. The point is, I didn’t smash the tram’s windows. If, for some reason, the tram’s windows are shattered, that has _nothing_ to do with me.

I settled there, for a while. There was no reason to skitter away into the darkness, as no travelers were using the tram at that moment. Even if I would never commit to such a cowardly action. I face my foes head-on! As any knight should!  
It had been awfully quiet there. It wasn’t something I had been used to. The den had always been full of snarls and shrieks… this place had none of that. It was here I found my love of silence, away from horror and… the inevitable chit-chat I’d have to face, integrating into a new, rather populous society.

It is with great shame I must confess that I began to doubt myself. Well, no! There was no shame in it! I take back that claim. I was merely weighing my options. Wondering where I should head to, for example.

Not at all dwelling on the idea of heading back to the den. I was not contemplating if this was what my peers or family would’ve wanted. Their desires meant nothing to me now, and frankly, they meant nothing to me to begin with.

Every creature keeps desires such as those locked up inside of themselves. Desires for how we want those around us to behave. It’s no use denying it.   
Desire in general is often kept shoved down, far into the reaches of your mind where you never wish to see it again… per the previous precept, however: _If You Lock Something Away, Keep the Key._ There’s no shame in keeping tactfully clandestine, yet don’t keep it that way for your entire existence! That’s no way to live.

If you catch a glimpse of another's desires, however, resist the urge to claim them as your own. It will not lead you to happiness.  
Such as the desires others had for me! Now I think it preposterous that I ever considered their ideology as valid, but such is the way of how you’re nurtured, I suppose. You may often find yourself trying to fall in line with what others want for you.

Don’t give in to _their_ desires! Focus on your own, and your own alone!

_It was probably the best decision I made._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2ammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmicrowave
> 
> Also fun fact! This chapter was aggravating because while doing it, I realized I goofed up some things in my original plan! So some things have changed. Nothing drastic,, all previous foreshadowing still stands, I'm just gonna... add some character tags now  
> The goofs were related to the map, because I realized "oh geez he teleports across the damn map at some point without reason" so had'ta fix thAT
> 
> also also: be prepared for zote to do a lot of "remember when I said ___? yeah well i kinda lied-" throughout the course of this fic


	6. Beware the Jealousy of Fathers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote wants to fight rocks. And water.  
> He also makes a perfect disguise while he muses about fathers (but not his own, why would you think that).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> zote in chapter 4: I will not talk about my father anymore  
> zote in chapter 6: ,,listen,
> 
> It's 5pm guys!! Are you proud of me?? That's the earliest I've written and posted a chapter! Wrow!
> 
> Ah no, I might've accidentally projected. Onto Zote. Of all characters. Because of course. why can't I have a normal favorite character like everyone else  
> Warning for bad fathers!

**_Beware the Jealousy of Fathers_ **

Hmph. I realize the title of this precept, but this will _not_ alter my earlier assertion that I will no longer give my father mention! This precept goes for any and all fathers, as they’re all the same in this regard! Mine was simply a prominent example. One we shan’t delve into!

I came to this conclusion while I had been conjuring up this disguise. Yes, the very flawless form you see now came to be all those years ago!   
I had long departed the tram station, as there was no means of boarding, and opted to head toward the hot spring I had passed by earlier. Now, something vital to know is that all liquid is dangerous. Any body of water should be regarded with utmost caution! You never know what lurks beneath, and, as per Precept Forty-Four, _You Cannot Breathe Water._   
In the cases of hot springs, all are far too shallow to drown yourself in. This does _not_ give bugs the right to label them as _“soothing,_ ” however! I detest that firmly! The heat is absolutely suffocating, whether you submerge yourself in that foul, glowing liquid or not. The air is unbearably humid, and those lingering totems of stone seem to glare down at you with judgmental gazes. Pah! As if those ancient sculptures knew anything! They were just crudely carved rocks, too large and too looming for their own good. If they were living creatures, I would have crushed every last one of them for those condemnatory stares!

With this in mind, I was smart enough to not bathe in those boiling waters. This room was bright and free of intruding insects, thus making it a perfect spot to morph without disturbances. Adding onto that, I could use this water as a mirror! Truly, that’s the only use water should ever have; for what other reason should insects utilize it, other than to glimpse our reflections? To _drink?_ Hah! Nosks are above such a pathetic necessity. Thanks to that evolutionary success, water is utterly meaningless, as it should be.  
I will not disregard its usefulness in this occasion, though. Having the ability to see the disguise I masterfully put together was incredibly satisfying.

So, I bet you’re wondering how I, now the _famous_ Zote the Mighty, managed to create and take on such a brilliant exterior? One so immediately identifiable as myself? An appearance that so precisely encapsulates my gallant charm, and proudly – yet humbly, at the same time – showcases all my might?

Credit where credit is due, I suppose. My form was entirely inspired off those odd insects that would often wander into the Nosk den, unassuming and bland. Their eyes always void of emotion, horns in a multitude of shapes and sizes, and they always had tattered, unkempt cloaks wrapped around them. Soon after, I learned of their species’ name: _Vessels._ Nowadays, I also understand what they were meant to be for. To contain the infection, or something of that caliber.   
Back then, I had none of this knowledge. I only knew of their striking yet modest figures, and I concluded that it would be _perfect._

After all, a knight shouldn’t be flashy or overbearingly large, wouldn’t you agree? Yes, a knight should be approachable, yet maintain an image that can turn their enemies’ blood cold!   
The vessels always carried an ominous and mysterious air, and I wanted that for myself! I may not tower above those that cross me, nor is my venom plainly visible and threatening as it used to be, but it’s no matter! It gives me the opportunity to take others by surprise, then leaving the memory of me ingrained into their minds forever! They would know to recognize and tremble before _Zote the Mighty,_ a knight of great renown!

I worked at that hot spring for hours on end, toiling nonstop to achieve a faultless disguise. I shrank down considerably and molded these _intentionally_ asymmetrical horns with delicate care. The cloak I crafted was in splendid condition, not a single tear nor hole to be seen! Admittedly, it has worn with time, but those scars in the fabric only highlight the hardships I faced! The battles I’ve survived through!  
It’s an honorable article of clothing, and I wear it with pride.

And before some insufferable cur starts to whine over my maw, which I am fully aware vessels do not own themselves, know that I considered going without! But how else would I speak of my adventures? How else would I share these undeniably important precepts? I had been silent for long enough, anyhow! If you have another insightful suggestion, you are more than welcome to offer it! And by that I mean, keep your trap shut, as my logic is impeccable and I will not argue over such petty things.

While I fashioned my new appearance, I must confess that my mind began to wander. Unfortunately, said wandering led to the memory of my father, whom we _are not speaking of!  
_ Instead, I will summarize my thoughts to give my advice on _all_ fathers. This is not an isolated occurrence! Fathers are jealous by nature, and this is nonnegotiable.

The one thing a father is good for is to aid in your birth. Besides this, a father is worthless. He will only be a constant nuisance throughout your life, constantly berating you and trying to keep you down, only so you do not surpass him! Fathers are suspicious and wary of their children, as they are aware that one will someday be their “heir.” An heir is a terrifying concept to any parent, as it suggests that their importance will one day fall to bits as their offspring take their title.  
They are right to fear such a development, as it is inevitable! But with this fear comes actions. Actions carried out with the sole purpose of keeping their children below them. To the point where a father may treat his hatchling as nothing but a slave! A terrible, annoying slave, in his eyes. By that logic, I’d think it’d be better to not have children at all! Seeing as they’re so _problematic,_ and clearly not worth the effort!

Fathers may claim to know what’s best for you. They claim they’re doing what they must, as it’s in your best interest.   
I refuse that notion. As I said already, only _you_ know what _your_ desires truly are. Your father’s wants and wishes should mean nothing to you, as he’ll do anything in his power to keep you in line. He’ll skew your perception of reality, even, just to have you believe anything he says. If you try and stray from that predetermined future he has for you, suddenly the world must come crashing down! Suddenly you’re a disappointment in his eyes, a scourge on the family name, and better off dead for your crime of free will.

Fathers believe that because they created us we must serve them and never exceed their capabilities. Their outlook should not hold you on strings as though you’re a puppet! If you wish to forge your own path, you must vanquish your father. Or simply abandon him.

Or, if you’re as fortunate as I was, he’ll perish on his own accord. Perish due to his weakness and leave you to usurp him. You or whatever family you may have left.

Do not mourn for him. Do not grieve for him. Do not even think of him.

_He doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zote's family is a whole mess, and it has now registered with me just how long it's gonna take for that all to properly come to light,, oompfh, hope you guys are willing to suffer through lots and lots of foreshadowing and zote blatantly lying through his teeth for many many chapters
> 
> Also yes, don't worry, Zote's father being,, like that, is very relevant to them all being nosks! Not just in the "nosks are bastards" sense, there's a whole reason for Zote's father to act that way and it's,,   
> Yeah!! I can't talk. Much. About it now. For obvious reasons, but let's just say!! What's completely acceptable in nosk society is freaky but they're also insects so there's that
> 
> I was thinkin about it last night, and even if there's not a single person interested in this by the time I finish, I'll just feel accomplished for successfully writing 57 chapters of nonsense!! So there, I will plague the Hollow Knight tag for a WHILE and ya'll aren't gettin' rid of me


	7. Nothing is Harmless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote says what we're all thinking: Deepnest sucks I hate it here oh wyrm oh fu-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay honestly, this chapter had,,, very little going for it lmao. The notes in my planning for this chapter just said "deepnest uuuUUUUGHHHHHHHF" which is a mood but shkg,,, how did I get more ideas for the "eggshells are brittle" chapter and not for this one?? (and yes that's a warning for what that chapter has in store, when we get there)  
> But I guess whenever I'm kinda unsure what to write, I just let zote's insecurities take the spotlight and everything falls apart in record speed

**_Nothing is Harmless_ **

So began my ascension from this wretched place! Once I had perfected my disguise, I had realized I needed to escape these twisting, confusing, _dangerous_ tunnels and head toward the famed city. The faster I was free of the confining gloom, the better!

I had heard much of Hallownest’s capital from my time in the den. Most of my fellow nosks seemed repulsed by it… naturally. The Pale King’s light was allegedly dazzlingly bright, enough to blind those that looked upon him for too long. Most Deepnest creatures cannot stand light on its own, as it burns our eyes that are so adjusted to darkness; so it’s no wonder we would turn our backs on something even brighter.   
Adding to that, the city was rumored to be in a constant state of raining. Hence its name, “The City of Tears.” From what I’m understanding, some foolish cur decided to build the city beneath a grand body of water – thus leading to the never-ending trickling water from above. How outrageous! I’d like to meet what architectural genius made that call, so I could give them a piece of my mind! Given that they aren’t dead already, which I’m more than certain is the case.

Even with these deterrents in mind, I was dead-focused on reaching my destination! For that is where the king resided, and I had deduced that he must proclaim me as a knight!   
Pah! I scoff at my younger self’s foolishness. First off, I was oblivious to the existence of the king’s palace, which _supposedly_ could be located _beneath_ the city. Sounds like utter nonsense to me now, but in all fairness, the city itself was beneath a lake. I suppose anything is possible with _that_ in mind!   
Secondly, I did not require the king’s acknowledgment! If I said I was a knight, then that is what I was! What I am! No one doubts that, and any that do are blind! I am a knight as true as any other, and that’s the way it will remain!

Hrmph, well, that’s where I was headed regardless. To give myself credit – as is necessary! – my determination was admirable! Still is, as I’m sure you know. I was not going to let anything come between me and my goal, and that included the _demons_ that littered the hellish pits of Deepnest.

 _Eck,_ by the Wyrm, it was horrid. Not that I couldn’t handle it!  
It simply caught me by surprise! One that did not last long, but a shock that was noticeable! I hadn’t expected resistance from the insects here, but less than that, I hadn’t expected to be considered _prey!_ Foolish, daft scoundrels, the lot of them! For nosks were the top of the food chain, and no being dared to challenge our intelligence and strength! We nosks were superior to these lowly, dimwitted cowards; those that spent their days buried in the dirt, choosing to stalk and ambush rather than trick or lure, or anything honorable at all!  
Not that… tricking or luring is all that honorable to begin with, and I stand by my views of nosks being as brutish and feral as any other barbaric species, but _still!_ At least we had the minds to come up with bait, while these cretins just spring from the dirt with jaws snapping!

I may have been in a new, inexperienced form; one that was far smaller and bearing no resemblance to a nosk, thus giving the _illusion_ of weakness… but that couldn’t be farther from the truth! These insects were imbecilic not to realize that themselves, for it forced my hand!   
Something to note at the time was the state of my nail. Life-Ender was… admittedly worse for wear. Ahem, by that I mean, uhm… there were multiple pieces.

No matter! It had no bearing on my ability to defend myself, even in a form I was yet to adjust to! I was just as capable, if not more so! As I had grown on my teeth and claws, and I knew how to use them well!  
Even in a form that lacked both! Well, I have teeth, but they’re not nearly as sharp as they are as a nosk –

 _Aghh_ , it doesn’t make a difference! So what if there were a few chance times where I had to flee? None of those occasions imply that I was underprepared, or weak, or _useless, or a dead weight to the den._ I was, and I am, stronger than any enemy that crosses my path! It takes intellect to retreat when necessary, such as when you are unable to kill a foe in one blow! Per Precept Fifteen, which is coincidentally named “One Foe, One Blow!” Do not doubt my decisions!

Everything brought to the nosk den had already been subdued and too shocked to fight back. Thus, taking down prey was simple, easy, and there was nothing to suggest otherwise could occur. It was during this time in Deepnest that I _realized_ how tough this challenge would be! As, per this precept, nothing is harmless. My disguise would be useful in gaining the trust of others – why should I desire such a thing, however? – yet it also had me in a predicament. In which carnivorous predators thought me fragile prey.  
Well! They were wrong to assume, as I’ve explained! I braved my path through that place with barely a rest. Namely because there was no time for such things. I fought, I _tactfully_ fled, and in the end, I came out on top! Because I gained the crucial knowledge of _“Trust No One.”_ Which was the alternate title to this precept, in fact!

Given the chance, everything in this world will hurt you. Friends, foes, monsters, uneven paths… Be suspicious of them all, and cut down anything that dares lay a claw on you! Everything and everyone can be deadly, if that time in Deepnest and the Nosk den taught me anything. Even those that you may believe are your allies, you never know what they’re hiding from you!

Better to not have allies. Suspect that everyone has the worst intentions for you, and then don’t give them a chance to act.

_…and run when you have no other choice._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thanks to the comments I've been gettin, ya'll have really just kicked my writing motivation into high gear. Ya'll have been makin me just "hghrskjgnk <3333 ;;;;;;;" every time I see somethin show up in my Inbox,,, I love ya'll ;;;;;  
> But now you've solidified your fate: I am going to religiously drop zote chapters and you'll just have to suffer  
> Even worse, you're gonna have to suffer through my notes, because they're going to get progressively cursed I'm tellin you
> 
> Fun Fact that I need to say before I forget! again:  
> zote's not gonna say anything about this because "what! fall over constantly?? pah, gah, what, who, when? hgksjhl I don't fall I don't know what falling is", but he's a clumsy man!! listen he's not used to being this close to the ground, on two legs, he's more used to tall spindly leggies and even then he was poorly balanced!! so just assume that, in the time he's talking about right now, he fell over at least 50 times in deepnest


	8. Don't Linger on Mysteries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote breaks free of Deepnest, and the first non-deepnest person he meets is just a nuts. Great!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woop woop longest chapter  
> ANd I hATED WRITING IT, I don't know why!! I was really looking forward to the moss prophet chapter but I ended up just. staring at the word document on multiple occasions like "what now"  
> luckily zote's bs is starting to VERY VERY VERY SLIGHTLY break down, so it makes it a bit easier hehe  
> not to say he's not being a stinky liar in this chapter tho. and still on his self-made pedestal   
> but. progress!

**_Don’t Linger on Mysteries_ **

…Thinking now, perhaps it had been a bit hasty of me to take on my new disguise as quickly as I had. I ended up spending a considerable amount of time in that hellpit known as Deepnest, much longer than I had anticipated. Every attempt toward escape was thwarted by foe after foe; dirtcarvers launching out from beneath my feet, garpedes stampeding without a care, and worse yet: _corpse creepers.  
_ Imagine my surprise when I saw civilians wandering aimlessly through Deepnest! I had thought they must be lost, or perhaps some foolish insects that came here by the tram… for whatever reason. Turns out I was sorely mistaken! When approached, they would react by turning to face you, yet when they tried to speak… wretched gargling. If that wasn’t revolting enough, it seemed to surprise _them_ as well, and they’d then erupt with these horrifying shrieks of terror! My first encounter went about as well as you’d think, as the horrid thing _charged_ me! It almost seemed to be desperately trying to form words, begging for help or mercy, yet I reacted as anyone would when faced with this situation! Even without Life-Ender’s magnificent blade, I cut the fiend down, and it fell with remarkable ease!

Thinking that was the end of it, I had turned my back so to continue my journey, but it only got _worse._ I had only taken a few steps before I heard it _moving._ I looked back, and the body had been convulsing and twitching, giving off an unnatural rattling sound before an air-splitting _wail._ Legs sprouted from the monster, tearing through the husk’s carapace, and it wasted not another second in scuttling after me!   
Considering it hadn’t gone down in one blow, this means I was _justified_ in my decision to _flee._ And it was _heroic._

Of course, as you’re well aware, this form I’ve taken is more than overpowering! If I was as experienced then as I am now, I would’ve easily decimated the parasitic beast! However, at the time, I had only _recently_ mastered the art of the nail, and I was a _bit_ awkward in this smaller body. _A bit!_ A minuscule amount, barely even noticeable. In fact, there was no reason to even mention it, as I learned fast! It was a petty obstacle, and I overcame it.

…Well, despite how impressively quickly I adapted to this form, I came to a _cowardly_ conclusion that I should morph back until I got out of that place. I wasn’t sure how long I had been down there – and frankly, I’m still not certain – but it had felt like eons had passed!   
Furthermore, think of how embarrassing it would have been if one of my fellow denmates found me. For them, not for me! For they would realize their faults in underestimating me! The longer I lingered there, the more likely that outcome was. While it would’ve amused me greatly to humiliate another nosk, I had to break free!

Pah, even now that cowardice disgusts me! Some confidence! I’m sure the next attempt would’ve been the success, where I sliced my way up and out of that nightmare, leaving a trail of dead beasts in my path! But alas, I shifted _back_ into being a disgraceful nosk, and climbed my way to the surface. Hmph. While yes, the inhabitants now scurried out of my way with squeaks of fear, it did not carry honor! For they did not know to fear my _name,_ nor my _title!_ They only feared my species! How dare they lump me in with those brutes! Preposterous.

Yet I suppose it _worked._ After what felt like days of scouring for exits, I came across hints of fungus. From overhearing conversations between my denmates, I knew of an area that was rumored to be overgrown with mushrooms. This was a promising sign! It signified my proximity to the edge of Deepnest, assuring that I would soon make my break.   
The air of these fungal wastes was said to be noxious and carrying a terrible odor, and lakes of acidic waters were scattered about; easy to tumble into, thus losing a limb. This was essential to keep in mind, as disintegrating in acid was _not_ my goal. Not that I would, as my shell is tougher than any acid!  
Even so, I was _also_ very aware of the Mantis Tribe. From my knowledge, they were a hostile tribe that was known for being unkind to outsiders, and better yet, they guarded one of Deepnest’s exits! This I found out firsthand, when I was faced with piles of corpses pierced with spears, all haphazardly strewn about outside of a large door.

I have never forgotten the inconvenience! I fully understand _why_ they’d prefer to keep the Deepnest creatures under some form of lock and key, yet this completely ruined one of my possible escape routes! It was reasonably frustrating, and no amount of clawing at the gate promised any sort of release. Plus, it would be unwise to catch the attention of the mantises… think of all the _effort_ I’d have to exhaust just to fend them off! I didn’t have time for such things, so I opted to huff about it to myself and find a different way.

After painstakingly trekking through these tunnels for what must’ve been a decade, I found it. Another way out, also covered completely with fungus.  
Which did, in fact, smell as awful as my denmates had suggested.

When I emerged from the darkness and was faced with light, as well as air thick with spores, it just about sent me reeling. It’s a stretch to call this my first “breath of fresh air,” as it certainly didn’t feel like it!   
I had to squint for the longest time to even see ahead of me, and this wasn’t even the brightest area I’d go to! Light is such a nasty thing, it’s a miracle I haven’t been blinded by now!

Despite the _massive_ headache that impacted me the moment I crawled up and out of Deepnest, I felt a sense of relief. This was it! This was one of my most brilliant times of triumph, as I had worked so tirelessly to achieve this step toward my knighthood! Laying there, surrounded by fungi and the sounds of trampling and skittering monstrosities in the far distance… this was a defining moment. No longer did I suffer the sounds of snapping jaws, nor did I suffocate under the stench of hemolymph and cobwebs. It was oddly peaceful, a serenity I had never experienced before.

That was, until shouting and chanting rudely ripped me from my thoughts, and only added to my head’s insufferable pounding.

Forcing my eyes open, I looked to my left and realized I was just outside of a large building. It had grand stained windows, and a large arching doorway from whence the voices had carried out of. It seemed as if the walls were being consumed by the plant life, as large roots conquered every intricately carved crevice.   
Not that I was in the head space to admire it, because it was _impossible_ to think with this blasted light and practically unbreathable air! I could barely focus on the angry calls that echoed from within whatever that building was, yet to say I was damned with curiosity would be an understatement! Gah, even thinking of it now is giving me a migraine… how can creatures _live_ in those wastes?

As if it could keep _me_ down, however! Do you honestly believe something as pathetic as _noxious gases_ could put a stop to _me,_ Zote the Mighty? If I wanted to see whatever was making that ruckus, then I was going to find out! So I hoisted myself up and gracefully – without stumbling _once_ – passed the entrance way. Whilst remaining to the shadows, as I still remained a nosk. It would be _unfortunate_ if my presence caused a scene…

Now, would you believe me if I said that place turned out to be a _chapel?_ Yes, I must agree, it’s absolutely ridiculous. Something about crawling out of hell and landing on the doorstep of a church seems ironic, wouldn’t you think?  
It baffled me at the time, and it still does now. The inside had been far more spacious than I had expected, with an abundance of greenery dominating every inch. The voice’s owner was then revealed as a Mosskin of sorts… or at least some other creature made of moss. I wouldn’t know, for there’s no reason for me to be well-versed in the various flora and fauna that call Hallownest home! All I could plainly see was that it was a moss… thing!   
After surveying the scene, I tuned in to what the moss creature was babbling about. Its tone was furious for a reason I never understood, and it screeched something about “blazing light” and “achieving union.” Apparently, there had been an attempt to do… something, and it utterly failed, leading to this outburst of emotion.

Hah! I laugh at the notion. Clearly, this wouldn’t have occurred if they knew of my precepts! Specifically, Precept Nineteen: “If You Try, Succeed.”

The mosskin that surrounded the preacher – as I’m assuming it was – were sure to add their own sentiments by chanting a phrase over and over again… in response to the preacher’s nonsense. Honestly, to this day, I’m yet to find out exactly what this was about.

It was a short-lived viewing, as the preacher… prophet… priest…? Whatever it was, it spotted me.   
As you can see, I am cursed with a constant streak of bad luck. The thing gave a shrill cry before ducking inside of itself, leaving the rest of its loyal followers to turn their attention to me.

Now, what exactly happened after that point is a blur, but I have no doubts. I slayed each and every last one of those lumbering, mossy beasts, giving a battle cry that I know is forever stained into the preacher’s mind, whom was left alive. It was a ferocious battle, but even with my unsightly nosk claws and venom, _this_ was a rare glimpse of a respectable nosk in combat! They stood no chance against me! I swear on the Wyrm’s life, if I had just been in my beautiful disguise – that would’ve been the only thing to top it off!

Alas, that was not the case. My memory tells me that I awoke somewhere far away from the chapel, tucked away beneath a grove of fungi and covered in battle scars. This was clearly proof of how well I carried myself in that fight, you see! I _let_ them get a few hits on me, so they could be lulled into a false sense of security!  
I’m sure of it.

The only question remaining was how I got there. Well, admittedly, there were a few questions… such as _what_ those mosskin were yammering about. Why was that preacher so upset? Why was there a chapel out in the middle of nowhere to begin with?  
This was a mystery that plagued me for some time. While I never found the answers, it taught me a valuable lesson! _Don’t Linger on Mysteries…_ which just so happens to be this precept’s title!

Some things in this world appear to us as puzzles. Or enigmas. You’ll find yourself dwelling in troubling thoughts and possible solutions, but I argue that if the meaning behind something is not immediately evident, don't waste any time thinking about it.

While it wasn’t really a mystery, per se, I recall questioning what would happen to my species. I mean, if I wasn’t around any longer, how would they possibly fare? I had been the only truly intelligent one to exist! Without me, they were surely doomed to fail.   
And wouldn’t you know it? I was correct, because of course I was! Each and every nosk is far dead by now, succumbing to that infection. Not knowing this outcome for the longest time, though, my younger self was always wondering. It’s a shame! That brainpower could’ve been better spent elsewhere!

So take it from me, don’t linger on mysteries! There’s no purpose.

_Move on._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The moss prophet is pissy because they weren't infected during the first wave, and now the infection is gonna be kept in the pure vessel, so they think they missed their chance and they're angy
> 
> okAY OKAY I FORGOT LAST TIME BUT I WON'T FORGET THIS TIME, I made some concepts for Zote's family n some other important nosks!!  
> we got the original concepts, https://www.instagram.com/p/CC2jQI7nA5p/  
> aaand some rushed refs for the Main Fam: https://www.instagram.com/p/CC9tLebHDRi/  
> Yeah I'm going a bit too hard into this what's your point
> 
> and a note as to how zote killed that corpse-creeper-infected-civilian in his disguise and without life-ender: he literally just shoved them  
> My hc for how corpse creepers worked before infection was that they basically just,, took a body, lived in that bad boy without the owner's knowledge for a bit, and drained them effectively over time. Any poor fool that ended up in Deepnest was pretty much doomed to be hijacked by the parasite, but they wouldn't even realize it happened until they tried to leave or speak. The parasite for some reason is like "NO we do not leave deepnest" so the host is like "no we do not leave deepnest"   
> so my poiNT IS when one "attacked" Zote, all he had to do was push it over and it was so weakened it just died on impact with the ground; probably smacked its head or something
> 
> ANYWAY I'm done rambling goodnight oop


	9. Statues are Meaningless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote really doesn't like statues. In fact, he hates them so much, he would never be within five feet of one.   
> Why? Well... it has nothing to do with running into one at top speed, thus gaining a concussion AND completely obliterating the statue. Nothing at all. Because that didn't happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually writing this note before I've finished the chapter! That's exciting huh! Anything I say here now may be completely wrong by the time I'm done. Exhilarating  
> Anyway this chapter is literally just a goof!! just a guffaw!! a gaff!! I had been wondering WHY Zote hates statues, and I sUPPOSED I could give some edgy reason for it, but nah. he just. he's just a clumsy dumbass
> 
> Hope ya'll enjoy this break in lowkey angst and insecure Zote! where instead you get "Insecure Zote and the Guilt of (POTENTIALLY, NOT CONFIRMED) Breaking A Statue."

**_Statues are Meaningless_ **

To start, I’d like to make it abundantly clear that I have no association with any broken statues. In fact, this entire precept exists due to my _distaste_ for statues, and how I would never spare a _glance_ in a statue’s direction, let alone _destroy_ one. So, next time you come across a broken statue, I should not come to mind! For I have never broken any statues, and anyone that claims otherwise is only attempting to slander my good name!

Now that I mention it, my stance on those _grossly over-admired wastes of stone_ is very relevant to the next part of my story!

Abandoning my resting place among the fungus, I continued my excursion toward the City of Tears. Now, with all due respect to my flawless internal compass, you must grasp that I lacked something others may call “essential.” A _map.  
_ Pah! As if I would let myself grow dependent on a scrap of parchment! Nosks had no need for such things, so neither did I!... However, I hesitate to say I understand its usefulness now. For I had gotten a _bit_ turned around, ascending upward and toward the left rather than to the right.

You have no right to judge my actions, despite this! My reasoning as to turning that direction was entirely valid and had impeccable logic behind it. It wasn’t as if I had just chosen a direction and mindlessly wandered off – had foolish do you think I am?  
I had heard the chit-chat of insects! Voices! Alongside the huffing of those old tram beasts that used to carry passengers along stagways. That, in my mind, was a sure sign of civilization! You can’t blame me for this, as I had never been to the City of Tears before this time, so how was I possibly supposed to know I was misleading myself? That’s right! I _couldn’t_ have known, so _there._

Hastily, I hurried off toward the sound. I gracefully leapt over streams of acid, made all the easier with the longer legs of my nosk form. I could practically step right over them, if I so desired!  
Strange fungal creatures revealed themselves as I ventured. They were remarkably round, and they floated about aimlessly as if they were balloons. They posed no threat to one such as I! Namely because they were far too intimidated to even threaten me, choosing to merely stare from above.

Soon enough, the path I traveled was brightened by the light of lumafly lanterns hanging off of lampposts. Given that light is a wretched thing of its own, and the soft glow of the mushrooms had already been straining my eyes, I was sure to do everything in my power to _not_ gaze upon the lumaflies. How can any insects stand such brightness? It’s intolerable! I’m surprised I haven’t developed a permanent squint thanks to it!   
That’s one thing I can safely say I miss about Deepnest, then! It was so _dim,_ with only faint glitters off some glowy plantlife. I’m no botanist! I don’t know what they’re called, and I don’t care! Deepnest was _comforting_ in its darkness, that’s all I’m getting at!

Either way, the pathway was littered with those pesky lanterns, and it took all of my willpower not to smash the cursed things and free the tiny insects trapped inside. Not for the good of the lumaflies, but to save my eyesight!  
Finally, I caught a glimpse of it. A stag station, as I believe they’re called. Following the first wave of the infection, they were in the process of shutting these down, yet it was hard to keep insects away from one of the most popular landmarks in the “tour of Hallownest” or what have you.   
The Queen’s Station.

Honestly, it was worse than I had expected. Then again, nothing could match my high expectations, I suppose!  
It had clearly degraded after the infection first hit, as one could only assume a serious outbreak would hit someplace so frequently bustling with activity. The shrubbery was already starting to overgrow with no one to tend to it, and the stone ground was still stained with hemolymph; some of it tainted with that orange substance.  
I paid it no mind! For, at this time, the infection had just been sealed away. I had only vaguely understood this from gossiping nosks, whom had seemed quite pleased that prey would come easier with clearer minds to trick. Now I know what a failure of a plan that turned out to be! I mean… look around! Those demented husks now drone about today, forever stuck in their endless wandering or marching: Protecting a dead kingdom. Pah! Being overly devoted to one’s duties is no virtue.

Well, my current knowledge on the subject meant nothing then, since I didn’t possess it.

Knowing, however, that the stagways were long since closed thus had me curious. Why could I hear the echoing of voices, then, if no one should be there?  
Some sentimental bugs may claim that you can “still hear the ringing of the bells” in that station, even now. I assume, paired with it, they would go on to say the “voices of souls long forgotten” _also_ remained there, but I believe that is rubbish. After something is said, it may never be taken back, but it doesn’t hang in the air for countless years afterward! That’s just common sense. Auditory hallucinations is all any other bug is experiencing, if they’re prattling on about “voices.”  
I, on the other hand, heard _real_ voices. Two, in fact. A back and forth conversation. I can’t recall exact phrases, but from what I gathered, they were two old bugs that used to work at that forgotten station. Dwelling on memories and what-not, otherwise known as _wasting time._

My pace slowed once I reached the station’s entryway, and I stealthily stepped inside, silently moving down the passage that led further in. Once I reached a ledge, I paused, and peered my head over the side.  
The place was far larger than I had expected, stretching a lengthy way down and having plenty of jutting ridges and raised platforms. Signs were absolutely _everywhere,_ hanging from wherever they could be strung up. It was quite an annoyance with the height I stood at as a nosk! While I may be of shorter stature than most of my species, that does _not_ mean I was spared from signs mercilessly whacking my face or getting caught on my spikes! A pure _nuisance,_ and if anyone’s alive to make _new_ hanging signs, I demand that they are _higher!_

The voices came from the very bottom of the station, traveling out from a hallway that led toward where insects used to board stags. Even if I knew this wasn’t where I needed to be, intrigue shamefully got the better of me, and I spent a good while scaling my way downward.

Now, I bet you’re asking, _“when does the statue come into play?”  
_ Well, did you know that a statue used to be propped up in the Queen’s Station? It’s true! It was a tall representation of the Queen herself, with spiraling roots arching up and clinging to the stone below her. Anyone else would marvel at the craftsmanship, or how _“beautiful”_ it looked, but I protest that it was utterly worthless! After all, what good is a statue? It’s a glorified hunk of stone forever rooted in place, chipping away over time and, more often than not, being an undeniably false glorification of whomever it’s representing! If a statue were ever to be made of me, which I would never allow, I’d want to be there to view the _entire_ sculpting process! I’d want to be _sure_ it captured me _flawlessly,_ not a single alteration made to my handsome appearance!   
Alas, I would rather burn at the stake before a statue was made in my honor! They’re _meaningless,_ I tell you, and they will always be that way.

Furthermore, this particular statue was a bother to maneuver around. It sat plainly at the bottom of the station, taking up a selfish amount of space and near impossible to navigate around without going _over_ it. If I was in my disguise, I’m sure the issue would’ve been marginally less prominent, but isn’t it their _job_ to cater toward their people? And by “they,” I refer to that obnoxious royalty. They want the best for their kingdom, supposedly! So why can’t they be mindful of those that are burdened by _height?_

Egh. With reasonable frustration, I lifted myself back _up_ onto one of the raised platforms and took a detour above the dastardly thing.   
By the time I had done this, however, the voices had stopped. I hadn’t heard when the two had said their goodbyes, but the sound of a stag trampling away via the stagway was hard to miss.

What a waste of my precious time! I came all this way to see what they were yammering about, and they just up and leave before I get the chance to catch a glimpse! Infuriating, but surely it couldn’t get any worse, right?  
 _Wrong!_ Wrong, wrong, wrong! And I so wish that wasn’t the case!

I had leapt down from the platform, landing on the other side of the statue, and smartly decided to be _sure_ those insects had left. After all, it would be idiotic to turn my back only for someone wielding a nail behind me to have the upper hand! Not that they would have it for very long, of course!  
Weaving my way past some overgrown plants, I had only taken a few steps down the passage when it happened!

Two beady eyes stared me down from the end of the passage, and the insect before me wielded the sharpest and deadliest nail! While shorter than I was, this insect was still rather tall, and incredibly slender. No doubt agile and speedy, but nothing that I hadn’t handled before!  
The eye contact lasted for a few tense, silent minutes, until the insect gave a fierce battle cry and charged me! I skillfully dodged out of the way, having the poor fool flying past me and into the main room of the station. With perfect reason to consider this insect a threat – as the puny thing decided to cross me with its pathetic display! – I wasted no time giving chase. I gave my own fierce cry, dashing after the fiend as they adopted a new strategy! They hopped over plant life and cracks in the floor, criss-crossing as they tried to lose me, but I was many steps ahead of them!

When they made the mistake of sprinting past the statue, I _intentionally, deliberately,_ and _purposely_ rammed my body into the side of it.

The impact had me heroically stumble backward, but my plan was already in action! The spot I had slammed into began to feverishly crack and split, lines spiraling along the intricately carved stone until the entire sculpture began to crumble. The assailant I had been chasing had stopped at the other side, turning to face me again. Not realizing the peril of the situation, they were preparing to charge me again when the statue came crashing down on them! Dust particles flew up into the air, but I was sure not to cough _once!_ I stood tall above my victory, beaming down at the vanquished fiend _along_ with the tasteless statue.

…Then I made a swift exit, as the rubble that was left behind was a sure-fire sign of something fantastic happening there. I didn’t want to be swarmed with the inevitable flood of awed passersbys, especially in the form I was in at the time! Pah, imagine that! Some oaf would say I was _“amazing, for a nosk!”_ What an insult to me, to drag me into the same boat as my species! I didn’t want to hear such things, hence why I was sure to leave no trace of me being there.  
Aside from the collapsed statue.

I stand by my earlier claim! I have nothing to do with broken statues. I would _never_ break a statue.  
This tale I told you? Well, that was not me _breaking a statue._ It was simply me intelligently using my environment to suit my needs! And it worked without a hitch! Plus, even if I did such a thing, it would be a good riddance!   
But I didn’t needlessly obliterate any statue. They’re not worth my time!

I made a _planned call._ All planned! Every single step.

Statues are _meaningless._ Do not honor them! Do not even spare them a passing glance! And, if they’re broken, do not ponder the reasons as to how or why they fell. The previous precept, _Don’t Linger on Mysteries,_ still stands!  
Additionally, no one has ever made a statue of you or I, so why should we pay them any attention?

_We shouldn’t! Don’t dwell on the past!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> zote: you all probably think i destroyed a statue  
> zote: man this chapter's counterproductive,
> 
> We're at 57 comments as of me writing this, and that's a good milestone :)  
> \+ wrow even longer chapter!
> 
> you may argue that a statue doesn't exist in the Queen's Station, and I rebut that argument with "not anymore"  
> Anyway, ya'll can probably guess what /actually/ happened here. Some poor fool was chattin with his stag friend, accidentally crossed paths with a nosk, and when they tried to run off in a panic the stupid thing toppled a statue on top of them by bashing his body against it face-first. rip unknown bug who was greatly exaggerated for glory purposes
> 
> also also, headcanon that Zote was never infected because when the Radiance's light showed up he just bitched about it hurting his eyes until the Radiance was like "uuhGHH IT'S NOT WORTH IT" and left him alone


	10. Be Careful with Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote's first experience with uomas was very fun.  
> Zote's first experience with oomas was not as fun.
> 
> Zote's first experience with fire was...   
> well, enlightening, we'll call it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dang what IS it with me and writing about fire lately? i mean,,   
> Once more with feeling: ghost stares at fire for an entire chapter  
> Water my darling: fire being a huge point in that considering it's eating grimm alive  
> and now we've got this,, where zote accidentally commits arson
> 
> Fun drinking game for this fic! Take a shot every time I use italics for emphasis
> 
> Also, very glad the HK fanfic community has unanimously decided that uoma cores are delicious

**_Be Careful with Fire_ **

My rushed escape from the Queen’s Station had me rather turned around.   
Purposefully, of course! Why wouldn’t I want to visit the Fog Canyon, which was… the opposite direction of my destination? I mean, ahem, _I wasn’t lost._ That’s my point.

Said Fog Canyon was quite a sight to behold, I’ll admit. I’m not one for sightseeing, but even I know how to recognize beautiful scenery!   
The pink hues contrasted with the duller blues quite nicely, and it was a pleasant change from the sickening glowing yellows of the Fungal Wastes. While the acidic waters were still a frequent nuisance, it was hardly an issue to step over the streams with a single stride!   
Something I had not been expecting, however, were the bubbles that floated all throughout the area. I was reasonably wary at the first sight, as I had no idea whether or not they contained the same acidic properties as the waters they had arisen from, but considering the fact _hundreds_ of them popped along my body and I’m still here to tell the tale, I think it’s safe to say they weren’t dangerous.

But, rest assured, if they had been – I wouldn’t have stayed very long.   
What? I may be inconceivably tough, and the mere idea of being defeated by _bubbles_ is incredibly embarrassing, but I’m no fool! It simply wouldn’t be worth it to wander through that place and be consistently singed, especially since this wasn’t my destination to begin with.

Thankfully, the bubbles were harmless. The _lumafly lanterns,_ on the other hand, were back with a blinding vengeance! Just as I thought I was adjusting to the light! Their glow would then be caught in the bubbles and reflected, which made it all the worse. It just figures, doesn’t it?  
Eager to spare my eyes, and only just simmering from adrenaline, I hurried to climb upward.   
Almost instantly, I was met with a small, strange, floating creature. These I do know the name of now! They’re known as uomas, and supposedly, they are quite a numerous bunch in that foggy place. They give off irritating sparks of electricity every so often, proving to be a nasty shock if you so happen to brush against one on accident. I found myself simply watching as the tiny thing peacefully bobbed around in the air, and genuinely, I find them ludicrously amusing! They were so incredibly miniscule in comparison to myself, as my lengthy nosk legs had me looming over them, and their nubby tentacles seemed barely useful in aiding their movement. Each burst of static was followed by a satisfying _zap,_ which could hardly be strong enough to take down a tiktik!

Better yet, they were outrageously fragile. One prod with my claws, and the outer layer of the creature _popped._ I hadn’t even been intending to harm it! The uoma core fell to the leafy ground with a _splat_ , and it was almost tempting enough to try a taste. Not that I would stoop so low! After all, it had been dirtied now, and the probability of it being poisonous was too high!

… _In case you’re wondering,_ however, yes; they are edible, and they _are_ surprisingly good.   
Not that I would know! I didn’t eat one! I mean, Nosks are immune to most poisons and venoms, so even if it _had_ been poisonous, which there’s _no way for me to have known,_ it wouldn’t have affected me. But it’s a question of dignity! 

With the newfound knowledge of how simple they were to eliminate, _and no other reason,_ I went on a short-lived hunt! I managed to find plenty of those little things, and I took great joy in cutting through their delicate shells. After all, being so weak, they were practically asking to be vanquished! Adding their agitating electrical nature, I was justified in my actions! It was like a tidying up; I was doing the inhabitants a _service._ Now insects could stroll through without worrying about being electrocuted by a low-flying uoma!   
I know, I know. Save your thanks, for I don’t need any show of gratitude! The taste was a good enough prize.

The – _AHEM –_ The knowledge that I did the right thing! _That_ was the prize. Yes.

Carrying on, you may have noticed that I described this hunt as “short-lived.” That was indeed the unfortunate case, as not long after my spree began, it came to an abrupt halt.  
I had initially been under the impression that the uoma were the only variant of their kind. This was proven false, as I spotted a _far_ larger specimen.

These bigger jelly creatures – named Ooma, which… honestly, what is the point in changing a single letter? There isn’t one! Just call them all one name and be done with it – had a sinister feel to their sparks. Static was more prevalent in the air surrounding them, and their thin tentacles stretched impressively long. There tended to be multiple uoma that would clutter around one ooma, leading to _my_ assumption of the ooma just being infant uoma.  
Err… Uoma being infant ooma. See? Further reasoning to just deem them all one name! This is getting horrendously confusing!

Perhaps it was their towering presence, or the way they swayed in a nonexistent wind, but the oomas’ aura was suspicious, eerie, threatening… As if they were plotting something in that core of theirs. After all, you can peer right through them, and you can’t see where they keep their thoughts… A perfect façade to hide behind, I tell you!   
It felt as though it was mocking me, which I would not stand for! These evil gelatinous beasts would plague this realm no longer, if I had anything to do with it! Never again would they harm another insect, as I am positive they have done countless times in the past! Ghastly things, they were, and I refused to let their cruelty persist any longer!

With a proud cry, I charged the huge jelly monster, the spikes along my spine shredding the uoma that had been protecting their assumed parent. I whipped a menacingly sharp claw up, and perfectly _sliced_ through the thick shell! Their forms were far tougher than their younger counterparts, but I did not falter! All it had taken was my precise, quick, brilliant action, and the giant split straight in half with a guttural shriek!   
I let out a triumphant laughter, extraordinarily pleased with my unwavering strength and tact! I’m sure you would’ve been blown away if you had been there, too! It was one of my most magnificent takedowns!  
Alas, the beast had a trick up its sleeve, even after death! The core pulsed, gaining a mind of its own! Of course, my keen eyes noticed the moment something changed, and I ducked for cover when the blasted thing homed in on me! It zipped past me, and just as it made contact with the ground where I once stood, it _exploded!_ A massive explosion, decimating the entire area, leaving nothing alive in its path!

Of course, besides myself! As I can survive _anything_ this world throws at me!

When I emerged from my hiding- my- _gah._ When I emerged from my _cover,_ I was faced with the carnage of my victory. For you see, even the greatest wins come with their costs, and despite knowing I had done the right thing in slaying the beast… I now saw the consequences.  
The explosion had left some of the nearby pillars and stones in crumbled pieces, the bubbles that once stuck to the platform had vanished, and worse of all: Small fires had sprung up in the flora.

The majority of the grass that once enveloped the stone ground had been obliterated, but the remainder had been set aflame. The flames danced as they ate away at the plant life beneath them, without a care for how they had been birthed, or what consequences their actions would have.  
This was my first glimpse of such a thing. Before this, I had never seen fire, nor had I even heard of it. Of course, I know what it is _now,_ so don’t feel obligated to explain it to me! I’m no child!  
I can remember slowly approaching the flames, crouching down to be level with them and falling into a state of entranced bewilderment. The light, while otherwise deserving to be snuffed as quick as possible, didn’t bother me at all. I think it was the warmth that captured me so easy… for it was almost comforting, in a way. The nosk den was always frigid, unwelcoming… and that is what I was used to. Deepnest was freezing; and the Fungal Wastes had been humid, sure, but I hadn’t been there long enough to truly feel the weight of it.  
This? This was something completely foreign. Especially when a few flames congealed together, forming something grander.   
Perhaps it was the colors? While I knew to be wary of orange, for that were a sure sign of Infection, this did not share that same… feel to it, I suppose. It certainly seized my mind in a similar fashion, however.

I recall it very clearly… I was there for some time, my eyes trained on the phenomenon before me. As long as they burned, they kept my attention.  
Once they began to die out… that’s when I did something foolish. Then again, this was a learning experience. I was bound to find out one way or another.  
I reached out for it. Not quite with the intention of finding out what it felt like, more as if… as if I thought I could save it, somehow. Stop it from extinguishing. I could tell it was weakening, and idiotically, I thought it alive. So… one thought led to another, and I truly believed I could “save” whatever this was.

Of course, once my claws made contact, searing hot pain.   
I immediately drew back, scrambling to my feet and violently waving my claws to free them of the burning sensation. Within seconds, the fires burnt out, and all I had gained for my naïve attempts were burns. They were sure to turn to callouses later, which were _not_ enjoyable in the slightest, I’ll have you know.

Hmph. After this, I wasted no time turning tail and heading back the way I came. This wasn’t the right way; I was sure of it. In fact, I knew it all along.

Fire… well, I felt as if it had betrayed me. I still share this sentiment! Though not in the same immature vein as I used to.  
It lures you in with its promise of cozy safety, being a stunning marvel to those unaware of its true nature… however, it is nothing but a type of hot spirit that dances about recklessly, ravishing anything in its path. Flames are said to ignite memories and invoke thoughts in an insect, drawing them toward it and being fueled off those that depend on it for survival. It preys on your curiosity and awe, beckoning you to come close and _stay_ close. While it can warm you and provide light, it will also singe your shell if you give in to its wishes and draw near.  
Flames only have themselves in mind, and care not for those it harms in its path. They are nothing but tricks, and I advise that you avoid it at all costs!

_…They remind me a lot of my fellow nosks, now that I think about it…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quirrel: madam there's a nosk outside killing all the uoma  
> monomon: a what?? a nosk?? in fog canyon???  
> quirrel: yeah i'm confused too  
> (though I think monomon might be a dreamer by this point,, that or she's literally in the middle of preparation)
> 
> also yes,  
> \- I choose to believe an ooma's explosion would set things on fire, because,,, plot! also why woulDn'T iT  
> \- me kinda lowkey alluding to my theory of the Hunter being the former Higher Being of Deepnest, influencing Zote's thoughts on Ooma,,, even if all the nonsense he ranted about there was just him covering up his mind /actually/ thinking: "m,, those uoma cores are yum,, wonder if the,, ooma ones are even b e t t er"  
> \- what really happened in that scene: [zote sneaks up to the ooma, pokes it, the core comes at him and explodes] "FU C-"
> 
> Shoutout to the person who found me on HK Amino, being recognized absolutely terrified me!!  
> It's funny, 'cause I was juST about to put in this chapter's notes "haha the day someone messages me on another site like 'wait aren't you the person who wrote the nosk zote fic?' is the day I will ascend haha" but thEN  
> I'm just saying if this fic becomes my reputation among the HK community I'll be more than pleased


	11. Make Your Own Weapon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story of Life-Ender.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AW YEAH IT'S THE LIFE-ENDER CHAPTER  
> Sorry for suddenly rushin to get this one out the day after the last chapter, but hoW COULD I NOT IT'S THE LIFE-ENDER CHAPTER!! I get to talk about zote being overly attached to a piece of WOOD, that's the dream right there, baby
> 
> Feels like a good time to mention that there are certainly chapters to be more hyped over than others! Some are going to be just progressing Zote's story, in which it's mainly going to be events/places that Zote is giving his unwanted opinion on  
> But there's a few chapters, such as this one, that it's gonna be more of a look at Zote himself!! Even if it's still him dodging and avoiding it. These are color coded red in my planning doc hehe  
> The first chapter like this was "Beware the Jealousy of Fathers" :) If you want me to spoil what other precepts/chapters will be like this, let me know, and I'll respond with a list of the Colored Red(tm) chapters! since they're going to be more interesting than the ones where he's jus,,, stomping through the city of tears and complaining shgkjshdglkjh

**_Make Your Own Weapon_ **

Aha! Yes! What a remarkable precept! One of my favorites!  
Though, I assure you, all precepts are of equal importance! Even if I may personally hold this one higher than some others, every last one is to be memorized and respected fully, as I’m sure you understand. For if you were to forget one, say, Precept Forty-Thr-

Agh, I’m getting off track! We’ll cross those bridges once we get to them; _this_ is a marvelous precept, and you best be listening carefully!

As for where we left off in my expedition, well… I suppose I should explain some of the important details.  
I had retraced my steps back from whence I came when I entered the Fog Canyon, leaving that place behind once and for all. While I certainly had my entertainment in taking down such an impossibly vicious foe, it hadn’t been the right direction to head. My destination hadn’t changed. I was going to the City of Tears. All I had gotten in that disgraceful, bubbly area had been some burns, anyway!  
For my victory against the jelly beasts wasn’t entirely honorable, was it? After all, I still retained my nosk attributes… what a shame! I was entirely capable of winning with or without those “upgraded” claws. Pah! Upgraded… as if! They were gnarly, ghastly things – unsightly, not fitting of a knight. I was growing tired of seeing them!  
So, once I stealthy raced through the Queen’s Station – not as though I was moving fast for any _particular_ reason, thank you – I found a nice place to settle about halfway to the kingdom’s entrance. I hadn’t known how close I was at the time, for if I had, I likely wouldn’t have taken that pit stop. Either way, it was an important pause in my journey, as there were some things that needed tending to!

First off, my appearance. Now that I was no longer in Deepnest, and the creatures here were far easier to handle, there was hardly any reason to maintain my nosk form. Plus, the whole point of this excursion was for me to integrate into the rest of Hallownest society and leave the life of being a nosk behind me! That would be a bit difficult to manage if I stayed that way, wouldn’t you agree?  
Keeping my wits about me in regard to my surroundings, I _finally_ returned to the perfect image you see before you today! Spectacular.  
After that, I never looked back upon the species I started as. I refused to acknowledge my heritage, making it my plan from then on out to _never_ morph into that monstrosity _ever_ again. I would never even mention it, as there was no need to! No one had to know what I began as, all it mattered was that they saw what I am _now._ Per Precept Four: _Forget Your Past._  
And I did just that.

Second off, my brilliant weapon, Life-Ender! Ah, yes, I’m sure you’ve seen this fantastic piece of work by now. I myself fashioned it from shellwood at a young age!  
…Full disclosure, Life-Ender’s state at the time was… unfortunate. Hence why it was an urgent order of business at the time. Perhaps you recall my earlier statement, in which I explained how Life Ender was in… more than one piece… but it would not remain that way any longer!  
I had been keeping my precious weapon – _and its assorted pieces_ – tucked away in my cloak ever since I had fled the nosk den. The circumstances as to how Life-Ender was broken… are… _not important._  
Well, actually, I… I don’t remember how it broke. Strange, right? Well, _ahem,_ best not to linger on mysteries.  
It doesn’t matter what broke it. All that mattered was that it needed to be _fixed,_ as my new claws were dulled in this appearance. Which was intentional! A knight does not depend on teeth and claws, for that’s a beast’s mentality! A knight depends solely on his nail, and that is what I aimed to do!

So, I began to search the area. Intelligently, I deduced that I could use _some_ substance around here as a makeshift glue, so to reattach each shard and make it stronger than ever before!

Before you ask why I didn’t just forge a new weapon, I demand that you silence yourself! Immediately! Do you think me the kind to abandon my loyal, most trustworthy item? Do you think me the type to discard something so valuable the moment I face a hardship with it? No! No, what a blasphemous accusation! Life-Ender is my prized possession, and I would whole-heartedly choose the frigid hands of death over leaving it behind! I depend on it, and it depends on me! It’s the type of relationship any knight should have with his nail. One should not look upon their weapon as if it is disposable! Treat it as if it is your closest and only ally, one that will never fault you no matter the circumstance!  
For that is what Life-Ender is to me, and has been for… truthfully, as long as I can remember.

Forgive me for backtracking, but I find it necessary to express Life-Ender’s importance! No one else knows it as well as I do, so it’s up to me, anyhow!

Long, long before now, and long before the point I speak of in my story, back when I was just a mere hatchling… that is when Life-Ender was crafted.  
It was an admittedly shoddy thing back then, being created with sharp claws meant to maul prey and battle, not quite for carving wood; but to me, it was _perfect._ I spent countless frustrating attempts trying to make the most powerful weapon, the most lethal, deadly, _stunning_ piece of art that any insect would ever lay eyes upon! I would often skip out on my hunting assignments just to skitter back home and tirelessly work on my little project, reasonably wary of being caught by my jealous father or judgmental peers. They could never understand such things, and I had no desire to listen to their belittlement of me should they ever find out!  
I gathered the shellwood from the former shields and materials of insects turned prey, often making the excuse that I intended to gnaw on it to strengthen my maw. Imagine that! Wasting such a rare substance just to cover it with teeth marks! I could never truly do such a thing.

There was one fateful day, however, where I _had_ been caught.  
Uncharacteristically, I was extraordinarily lucky. The one that had found me toiling away had been the very nosk to inspire me in the first place.  
Do you recall my mention of a den elder? Yes, her… the one to spark my drea- my _goal,_ my _interest_ in becoming a knight. The stories she had told me were stocked full of heroism and adventure, and… well… perhaps I’ll get into the specifics of that another time.  
When she found me, she was miraculously impressed with my handiwork. Not that I blame her, of course! Even with disadvantages, I was – and am! – superior to anyone in any skill! This included crafting! I made a flawless nail all on my own, and her awe relieved me of any doubt I might’ve had! Which there wasn’t a hint of!  
Well… that wasn’t yet Life-Ender. The nail she saw was a prototype, unfinished and desperately in need of some refining. I could’ve handled it myself, but she offered… She offered to help. I hadn’t expected that, to be honest. Any other nosk would’ve scoffed, shouted, or simply choose to avoid me, as they didn’t see any sort of hobby or interest to be “crucial to survival.” But…

With her aid – which… was _minimal,_ of course, as I had made most of it myself already! – Life-Ender came to be what it is now.  
Well, without the splinters and cracks that adorn it in its current state. Its condition then was better than I could’ve ever dreamed.  
Namely because I don’t dream.

And ever since that time, I’ve held it close. Not once have I set it aside, nor do I ever plan to! It accompanies me everywhere I go, and no one will ever have the chance to pry it from my hands. For if anyone so much as _try,_ I’d…  
Well, I’d make sure they’d never try again.

…Anyway, where was I? In my story? Erm… Oh, yes! Reconnecting the pieces! Now you understand why that was so vital!

In the end, I settled on harvesting some of the fungus that grew naturally in those wastes, grinding them down into a fine paste, and opting to apply it as if it was an adhesive. It worked surprisingly well! Which I knew would be the case!  
With Life-Ender repaired, and my appearance adjusted back to my liking, I was finally prepared to take on the world! As _Zote the Mighty, a knight of great renown!_ No longer a hunter of Deepnest’s depths! No longer beast! This is who I am now!

Only you know exactly what is needed in your weapon. You know what works best for your fighting style, so leave it up to no one but yourself to find a weapon that matches you! Don’t even come touting the supposed importance of Nailsmiths to me, as that’s all rubbish! Nailsmiths are not mind-readers, as far as I know, so they can’t promise to make the perfect weapon for you. Trust only yourself!

With this ideology, I made my own. Our bond can _never_ fall, even if shellwood can.

Life-Ender has never failed me.

_Nor I it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Change in original plan a bit! Life-Ender was in pieces and I needed a way for it to be put back together, and for a while I had thought of him using Lifeblood like glue since I had no other ideas yet, but then I realized while writing this chapter that there is no lifeblood in the Fungal Wastes.  
> So screw it. Mushroom paste. Fungal adhesion. We don't know the properties of the mushrooms there, I make my own rules
> 
> Alright here's the angsty explanation of my headcanon now:  
> Life-Ender is a comfort/transitional item to Zote, and a reeal bad one  
> With the aggressive way I've been developing this man in my head, it's included a loT of my own research to the side, and I think I lowkey might've accidentally given him BPD (Borderline personality disorder); severe attachment to a specific item is often linked to BPD, and usually specifically stemmed off of childhood trauma:  
> "People who reported intense current attachments to transitional objects were significantly more likely to meet criteria for a BPD diagnosis than those who did not; they also reported more childhood trauma, rated their early caregivers as less supportive, and had more attachment problems as adults."  
> and I mean, other symptoms of BPD include depression, distorted self-image, grandiosity, or narcissism-  
> Basically, my point is this: If someone took Life-Ender away from him, he would have a breakdown on the spot. If something were to, say, destroy it... well... let's just say his reaction wouldn't be very pleasant.
> 
> was there any reason for me to go this hard into psycho-analyzing this character? no  
> am I going to anyway? yes  
> Though, of course, I'm not going to outright claim any mental disorders, since I wouldn't want to name one and then portray it completely incorrectly. I'm simply writing Zote how I interpret him, and I noticed it could fall under that. Just a thought I had!!
> 
> Also guess what guys!! We've officially surpassed "Once More With Feeling"'s hits! imagine writing heartfelt hurt/comfort and emotional support with characters people like. imagine writing about good dads. imagine not writing about zote


	12. The World is Smaller Than You Think

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote speaks of his arrival in the City of Tears and how spectacularly underwhelming it was.  
> He also,  
> \- HATES crowds, absolutely can't stand them.  
> \- Can't read, because what use would a nosk have for reading? However, Zote is no longer a nosk... and... being able to read means something, doesn't it? Uh. Well, ignore that, then, because Zote CAN read. He is very capable of reading. In fact, he's better at reading than you are. So there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I opened the word document to write this chapter and just audibly made the dancing cockroach noises instead of writing; hoping desperately the words would just appear in the document and I could go back to sleep
> 
> Well!! Here begins the City of Tears arc, in which a few chapters will be spent with Zote talking about wandering aimlessly through the city, complaining about rain and experiencing the joys of currency. I feel ROBBED of what I COULD write, because I LOVE writing out all the details of the City of Tears, but Zote isn't gonna ramble on about how beautiful the rain is because he doesn't like rain! so i am at a loss. my life is ruined
> 
> anyway Zote can't read and he doesn't like crowds! Or people in general. big mood

**_The World is Smaller Than You Think_ **

Just as one should not dream, one should learn not to have expectations! Especially not ones that are fatally high. I was sure to learn this once I finally approached the city's gates, soon to face all I had been helplessly fantasizing about.

Navigating the remainder of the Fungal Wastes was remarkably simple! Unsurprisingly enough, an even shorter stature made it all the easier to dodge those… fungal balloon creatures… Alongside some smaller sentient mushrooms I hadn’t noticed on my first trudge through! None that I came across seemed particularly hostile, as they would squeal and run off the moment that they unearthed themselves. Hah, they all knew to fear me before I even had a chance to raise my newly repaired weapon!   
Furthermore, I was faster, more elegant, and I no longer had to worry about knocking my head or arched spine against those blasted hanging mushrooms!   
Of course, the pools of acid were now a tad harder to leap across, but no matter! I was ultimately successful in my platforming endeavors, for as you can see, I am not completely singed by acid! I say that’s all the proof one could need for how wonderfully graceful I am.

Masterfully making my way through the perilous forest of fungus, I eventually caught the first glimpse of my destination. A large plaque, carved with intricate detail and meant to represent the towering buildings of the city; complete with four arching points, which I can only assume were meant to signify the King’s crown. The Hallownest seal was proudly at the top, illuminated by the glow of the mushrooms.   
The plaque stood outside a broad entryway that led to the kingdom’s entrance, with architecture that mirrored the appearance of the Queen’s Station… which… thus included a surplus of _lumafly lanterns!_ Because _of course it did!_ What is with insects outside Deepnest and their fascination with _light?_ Are they unable to see without it, what with their pitiful, useless eyes? Pah! Imagine being so weak that you stumble about in darkness simply _thanks_ to said darkness! How embarrassing!

Even with this blaring indicator, that wasn’t my only sign that I was heading the right way. What else made it so clear, you may ask?  
Well, _insects._ People. Gathering about outside the entryway, some passing through and others coming out, venturing off into the higher layers of the Fungal Wastes. This was quite some time before the city closed its doors, so the people were free to come and go as they pleased.

This moment, standing a small distance away from a crowd, without any insect running and screaming the opposite direction – it was my _changing_ point! The most I got were some passing glances of acknowledgement, and maybe one curious stare, but that was all! I was far from accustomed to such a reaction, at least from insects such as these.   
Then again, before this point, I only saw civilians as… prey. I don’t confess this lightly, mind you! That was a disgusting mindset to have, and I needed to get out of it as soon as possible! For how would these meager citizens come to respect me as a knight if they knew, deep in my subconscious, a part of me still considered them _food?_   
No, no! That wouldn’t do at all! In time, they’d _all_ stare, but it would be with nothing but _respect_ and _awe._ They’d all learn my name and cheer for me when I arrived at the kingdom’s gates! Yes, that’s what was going to happen, and I was sure of it. I still am! I still deserve that respect for the countless heroic deeds I have done since that time! I’m sure you understand.

Well, either way, here I faced a challenge far grander than anything I had ever faced beforehand. A worse experience than that run-in at the Queen’s Station, worse than the battle with the mossy preacher’s followers, or the betrayal of that flame, or that time my father –   
_Ahem,_ I’m sure you get the point.

What was so appalling? What could possibly leave such a stain in my mind, ingrained forever, that I must gather up the strength to speak of it now? What event tainted my psyche until the end of days? Undoubtedly changed who I ever could’ve been?

Ugghhh, the _crowd!_   
Yes! Gods, it was so unbearably horrible. In that moment, I had realized I’d _have_ to push through it to get to the city. I would _have_ to get by countless of insects, all towering over me now, with the inevitably that at least one would speak to me, at least _once.  
_ I didn’t have time for such things! I had expected the path to be clear once I arrived, what with the first wave of infection taking its toll already, but clearly, I was mistaken! It terrifies me to consider how crowded it must’ve once been, _before_ the infection ever struck. Eugh. At the very least, nosks understood how to respect _space._ I’m not sure the insects of the city had even _heard_ of such a concept! Outrageous, unfathomable, preposterous.

Despite my own qualms, I wasn’t about to let this be what turned me away! How pathetic would that have been? To give up, this tantalizingly close, just because of a _crowd?_ I’d have to get pretty used to it, anyway, if I was planning on living in the city!   
With Life-Ender secure on my back, and avoiding all eye contact, I bravely strode through the mass of insects. They must’ve understood just how important I would become, as not one said a single word to me! I got through that short passageway without a problem, and that got me feeling confident by the time I reached the bridge.  
By the way, an extra advantage in my height? The taller insects took the brunt of the shining glow of the lumaflies! Haha! An outstanding victory for Zote the Mighty!

Anyway, the bridge. It hung above a large body of acidic water, and overhanging platforms wracked with thorns were – rather threateningly – looming from the ceiling. Taller bugs had to duck their heads to avoid being nicked! Yet here I was, staying close to the handrails as I crossed without a single care, for no thorn could reach me!

There was a sign just before the bridge, and I would just like to take a moment to clarify that I did, in fact, _read_ it. I had analyzed every word on that sign very carefully, you see, so I would appreciate if my time and effort was acknowledged! I _did_ read the sign, because I am entirely capable of reading! Doubting this fact offends me greatly, so that is why I am making sure you understand me when I say that I, Zote the Mighty, _can_ _read._   
With this in mind, I’m sure you’re wondering what the sign said. Well, I could tell you, since I read it, but I’m not going to! It’s not my job to give _every_ little detail of this story! I’m sure the sign still stands! If you’re so curious, go find out for yourself!

Triumphantly, I reached the other end of the bridge. Not yet had one bug regarded me with anything besides a glance! As far as I knew, anyway, as I was sure to keep my own eyes straight ahead. _Not_ facing down - per precept twenty-one, _“Be Aware of Your Surroundings,”_ \- as that would only solidify a fate of bumping into someone, but my point remains!  
The atmosphere had shifted drastically, going from the bothersome yellow tinges of the Fungal Wastes and transitioning into a dull blue. Joining a few insects in entering a large building, of sorts, I was greeted with a _statue._ Distasteful. Awful. Wretched.  
It portrayed a large knightly figure with curving horns, huge armor, and the city’s crest held tightly between its claws. Later I would learn the name of this great knight: “The Mighty Hegemol.”   
Having never heard of the fabled Five Great Knights before this point, I hadn’t grasped the significance of this statue. I _still_ don’t, as statues shouldn’t hold any significance in general, so it baffles me that they do at all. Waste of stone!

Smartly deciding to ignore the statue, I wasted no more time, and hurried onward. I was so _close!_ In fact, I was already there! The City of Tears, the Capitol of Hallownest; I had hoped, anticipated, eagerly awaited to face the majesty of this place. Ever since that old den elder’s tales… even considering the complaints and rumors I would overhear from other nosks. They complain about _any_ and _every_ new area, however, so who was to say their judgement meant anything? Surely, this, as the grand center of all the Pale King’s lands, would be the most ambitious of his projects, thus deeming it the most outstanding and jaw-dropping of all time!

That is what I believed, and as you may have guessed, I _overestimated!  
_ It took far longer than I had expected to get through that first building, and the number of insects about all but doubled. The only saving grace was the dimmer lighting, as no glowing mushrooms were found scattered about… but alas! Lumaflies were a primary source of light, it seemed, and they were _all over the interior of that building._ In hundreds of thousands of glass containers. By the Wyrm, the headache I felt from being in that place! What I wouldn’t have done to smash the glass and free each lumafly, just so I could _see_ properly! But I would never stoop so low… especially not with the city’s guards in every corner.  
Spending what must’ve been years brushing past citizens, getting lost in the hallways of that massive building and being blinded, I finally stood in front of a floor-to-ceiling window. Miraculously, only a few bugs busied themselves with admiring the view, so I took what chance I had to _finally_ catch a glimpse of all that my life had built up toward. This city. This marvel of architecture. _Nothing_ like the nosk den. Everything I had imagined, right in front of me. Everything I had dre- I had- Everything I had wished for, and I could finally say I _made_ it, approaching the glass and gazing down at the whole new world beneath me.

I was…  
Disappointed.  
Why? I couldn’t _see_ anything! Not a single detail could be made out, other than some vague dark shapes in the distance.  
And why’s _that?_

The _rain._ Nonstop, neverending, unrelenting _rain._   
My fellow nosks were _right,_ and that thought made things even _worse._ It was a constant downpour. In my time staying there, I learned it could slow down on certain days, but more often than not?... I’m surprised the place hadn’t flooded.

I’m sure you’re thinking, _“well, even if the view was bad there, I’m sure you could see alright once you made it out of that building, right?”  
_ Hmph. Once I figured out how to escape – which included more elevators than I bargained for, which was a whole new experience in of itself, that I _loathed_ – I was finally at street level. Within seconds of exiting the final elevator, fat raindrops pummeled me, but at least I could _see_ better. Barely.

…I’ll admit, while I was disappointed thanks to the expectations I had conjured up, the city was… quite a sight to behold. At least to the mind of someone whom had spent their lives in the cramped darkness of Deepnest. The architecture was precise, planned, and seeing how each building reached high toward the cave’s ceiling, almost challenging the stalactites; it was inspiring. A very stark contrast to Deepnest, which was unorganized, twisting, confusing and eerie… this was serene.  
I understood then why that den elder spoke so fondly of this place. She would’ve liked it there.

This changes nothing on my stance, however! Curse that rain! Curse it and the lake it originates from, and then curse the King for such a moronic decision to build a _city_ beneath a _body of water!  
_ In fact, curse water. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but know that water is _not_ breathable, per precept forty-four.

When young, you tend to think that the world is vast, huge, gigantic. It's only natural. This leads to impossible expectations that leave us harshly upset when we’re faced with reality. Unfortunately, the world is actually quite a lot smaller than you may believe. I can say this, now having traveled everywhere in the land. It’s essential to realize this now, so not to inevitably disappoint yourself as I did!

Well, even with this setback, it’s not as if I regretted my choices. Not yet, anyway. I mean – No, I don’t regret anything I do! Every action I take has _purpose_ and _planning_ behind it, thus making sure I don’t regret a single choice. This is where I was meant to be, and not in that rotting hellhole with those unruly monsters. I reached my goal, and now I had a new one: _Find the King, become a Knight._

_Prove them all wrong._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought you guys would like to know about the entire joke fic I mentally wrote last night: It was about Bretta and Zote arguing over the fact that Zote can't read, despite his aggressive protesting that he can, in fact, read, and he's very offended that she would suggest otherwise. if I end up actually writing it don't be surprised
> 
> Anyway hmrg. the City of Tears arc won't be as Thrilling(tm) as other things, but it's still essential so I gotta have it here v-v  
> And I say this with full awareness of what's gonna happen in chapter 14. or at least what event Zote is gonna talk about in chapter 14. my point is chapter 14 is the reason for one of the interesting tags this wyrm forsaken fic has. watch out for chapter 14.   
> And 15 I guess. chapter 15 could be interesting. perhaps.
> 
> These chapters will also likely be shorter than some'a the others, but then again, the last time I said this I ended up rambling and the chapters kept getting longer. So not only should you doubt everything out of Zote's mouth, but don't trust me either :,)


	13. One Thing is Not Another

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bugs are friends, not food.  
> Otherwise known as, "The chapter in which Zote may or may not do something bad."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya’ll thought that one thing about seeing people around him as a food was a throwaway line, but you were WRONG
> 
> And also time for Hegemol, whom I will explain a bit more in the bottom notes
> 
> Hoo boy this chapter went a direction I didn't expect. I mean, I knew what was gonna happen since I had it planned, but actually writing it was an experience! Wrow  
> There's,, a lot I'm gonna say in the bottom notes, actually sdghklkj
> 
> also. zote's lying is kicked very hard into high gear during this chapter. just a forewarning :,)

**_One Thing is Not Another_ **

I find myself repeating this precept rather frequently! Well, I suppose I no longer must, as I’ve now revealed my origins… not that it matters! If I claim that I am no longer a nosk, then that is what I shall be! As this very precept’s title says, _One Thing is Not Another.  
_Therefore, I am just a knight. _Just_ Zote the Mighty. And I shall never be a nosk again!

Despite this assertion, and despite my valiant efforts… battling against instinct is far more difficult than one may anticipate. For you see, nosks are known to be… well… food oriented, I suppose. Just as they are naturally territorial, when a nosk takes on a disguise, they tend to find themselves fixated on one goal: Stalk prey. Lure prey. _Feed.  
_And what, you ask, tends to be prey for a nosk? Well, just about any creature they may believe they could sink their jaws into. This led to some ambitious hunts by some of my peers, but some settled with the easier alternative… minds easy to trick, to bait; to lull into a false sense of security, before swiftly ending their pitiful lives, with their last words being cries of fear or betrayal.  
…And what minds were so simple? What minds could so casually be toyed with?

None other than the insects that now _surrounded_ me.

Now halt your thought process! Do not think lowly of me! Do _not_ think that _I_ , the noble Zote, would _ever_ even _consider_ stooping so low as to hunger for these insect’s husks! Absolutely not! What a disgraceful idea! My mind is leaps and bounds ahead of the rest of my species, as I’m sure you’ve already deduced! Why, I did not feel that instinctual pull not _once._ How ludicrous that you’d believe otherwise! Just to erase that doubt from your mind, I’ll _prove_ it to you!

It had been a few days since my arrival in the city. My first day was spent gaining some well-deserved rest, as I was utterly exhausted. Once I awoke, I eagerly spent countless hours exploring the city’s twisting streets. After all, this place had been what sabotaged my mind for years! I was – admittedly childishly – _excited_ to see all the city had to offer. My expectations were still far too high, of course, so I was faced with some amount of disappointment on various occasions. For example, the rain, which I had _hoped_ wouldn’t be truly constant as my fellow nosks had once claimed, turned out to be just that. On and on it poured, and what a nuisance it was! I had to keep Life-Ender shielded in my cloak, just to be sure the adhesive wasn’t washed away… and speaking of, my cloak _clung_ to me in such an uncomfortable fashion. I was not a fan of this in the slightest!  
I often found myself returning to that first building – the one I had initially entered through. I had no other options in places to rest, for I had no nest of my own in that city; yet I needed _some_ place to stay, if only temporarily. I received some displeased glances from the guards, but it mattered not to me! If they had such a problem with my loitering, they could remove me themselves, if they had the nerve to try! Yet they knew their places and were sure to leave me to my devices. As they should!

I had not eaten in quite some time. My last meal had been ages past, if you recall those ouma cores… which… I did _not_ eat! That’s right! So, with that, I honestly cannot recall the last time I had feasted before then. Something that made it all the worse was my confusion toward how the insects of the city went about… gathering food. From what I could observe, there were no hunting parties… nor had I overheard anyone even _mention_ hunting.  
So what if I eavesdropped here and there? How did you expect me to get information otherwise? _Talk_ to these insects? Pah! As if I’d waste my time!  
Either way, I was at a loss. You must understand, I was yet to grasp the concept of currency at this time. Nosks had no need for such a system, as there was no bargaining to be had; it was either hunt or challenge others for their prey. I had figured the city bugs would be different, but I hadn’t realized what their alternative _was_.

No amount of listening in was doing me any good, so I had to adopt a different strategy.  
I was resting on a surprisingly comfortable bench, gazing wistfully out through a large window, fighting to silence my grumbling stomach when I turned my head. It was a slower day than usual, with far less insects crowding the halls. Only a few would pass through at a time, yet usually traveling in pairs or groups… that wouldn’t work with the plan I had.  
Now listen and listen closely! I was _not,_ I’ll repeat, I was _not_ planning on taking advantage of any lone wandering citizen. _No._ What a revolting, disturbing concept. That may have been my nature once, but no longer, you hear me?  
I was simply going to _ask_ someone. That’s all. I’d find any insect – preferably alone, as groups or pairs would be harder to split up… to question, of course – and just… ask where the hunting grounds were. Or, on the off chance these insects don’t hunt, where else I should go in order to feed. Completely innocent.

After the longest time waiting, my eye caught the sight of a solitary, tiny bug. They were frustratedly glaring down at a map, their gaze flickering up now and then to make sense of where they were standing. No guard was nearby at this time, so it wasn’t as if they had someone to ask, either. Hmph, a pitiable thing, relying on others or a fragile piece of parchment instead of their mental compass!   
I bided my time to see where they’d go, and once they randomly took off down a hall, I stood, and I followed them. For you see, I knew that hall led to nowhere but a broken elevator. It was under maintenance for some time, yet the bugs meant to be fixing it where no where to be seen. I suppose this was a day off. Either way, I simply wanted to let this oblivious insect know! Clearly, they required assistance, and while I was rather new to the city myself, I already knew it all like the back of my hand! All thanks to my powerful memory.  
I knew I could aid this pathetic thing, and in return, perhaps I could steal a glance at that map they carried! That could’ve pointed me toward hunting grounds.  
This… thing. _Ahem,_ yes, that’s… degrading. Again, _not_ prey. That is _not_ how I saw them.

After some time of silently trailing after them – silently… to be sure I didn’t startle them, of course – they reached the broken elevator and gave an aggravated shout. Extraordinarily loud for something so small, echoing through the hall in what was otherwise quiet beside the rain. I remember them letting out an annoyed sigh, pulling out the map again to see where they made a wrong turn.  
I had paused at their yelling... as I thought they might turn around by themselves.  
I then had neared... because they didn’t turn around, and I knew I could point them in the right direction.  
It wasn’t for any other reason. I was… just going to help them, that was all! As you know, I’m… I’m incredibly empathetic, and… a knight always puts the civilians’ lives before their own.

Before I could reach out to- to tap their arm, or their shoulder, or whatnot; I was suddenly, very _rudely_ might I add, yanked backwards! Something had snatched the collar of my cloak, swiftly lifting me from the ground and holding me with a vice-like constricting grip!  
Of course, I reacted as anyone would! I unsheathed Life-Ender and made a swing for whatever fiend had captured me! I would be protecting both myself and this unsuspecting insect, as I doubt this monster would be satisfied with just one piece of prey, when another was already cornered and helpless!  
Which- Uhm, that’s- Of course, that’s not how _I_ saw this insect. But this beast? I had no doubts!

Said bug whipped around at the commotion, eyes wide in admiration as they bore witness to my elegant nailsmanship! This beast was overbearingly large, just _barely_ fitting in that hall as its horns scraped the ceiling, and its rotund body grazing the walls. It had heavy armor covering every inch of it, yet Life-Ender no doubt left plenty dents! I would’ve eventually broken through that armor had the beast not been frightened by my show of strength, thus leading to it releasing its grip and letting me fall to the ground. I landed gracefully on my feet, before turning my blade on the ferocious behemoth, prepared to strike!

That’s when the insect behind me babbled some incoherent nonsense, but something that stuck out to me was the phrase _“one of the Five Great Knights.”  
_I took a moment to study this massive, armored beast, before recognizing what my eyes were laid upon. It shared _many_ similarities with the statue I had seen outside the city… the one holding the city’s crest.  
Yes, indeed! This monster was none other than one of those knights, and through the insect’s chatter, I came to learn his name. _“The Mighty Hegemol.”_  
Sounds a _bit_ too much like my title, Zote the Mighty, but I suppose I can let it slide; as I doubt he’s still alive today!

This alleged knight had some nerve, I tell you! To attack me as he had! I was sure to let him hear my complaints, once I regained my breath.  
He was far too intimidated to respond, his attention turning to the other bug. How cowardly! Refusing my very eye contact, opting to avoid me entirely by focusing on something else! Pah! The Pale King should rethink his choices in “Great Knights!”  
The knight beckoned for us both to follow him out of the hallway, as I’m sure it was far too cramped for someone of his size. Yet another victory regarding my shortened stature! Hah! My denmates’ taunts toward my height continue to be in vain!  
Once we returned to the more spacious room, the knight ushered the other insect away, giving some vague directions for where they were headed. _Hmph._ I would’ve been more descriptive than that. I’m sure they got turned around again later down the line, thanks to this knight’s irrational interruption.

Hegemol then faced me again. I suppose he was trying to frighten me, as he was sure to loom over me, using his towering figure to some “advantage.” Complete with the mace he wielded, held securely and threateningly in his grasp.  
As if I would cower away! I proved myself to this oaf already, and he would be a fool not to agree! I held his stare, sure to communicate through my eyes just how annoyed I was by this occurrence!  
His voice was excessively low and grumbly, slightly muffled by his mask. Irritatingly so. And, if you’d believe it, he was _apologizing!_ Hah! Hahahah! I still scoff at the notion to this day! He mumbled some rubbish about mistaking me for someone else, yet I knew the truth. He was petrified by my presence. He knew to fear me. He calls himself a knight with this level of cowardice? Madness! Blasphemy!  
Knowing the power I held now, I decided to turn my earlier question unto _him._ If he was so “sorry,” then he could make up for what I nearly lost: An answer to an important query.  
I asked him where hunting grounds would be found, and he responded with a dumbfounded stare. Either he truly was just a bumbling oaf, or that was the wrong question to ask. In case it was the latter, I rephrased, hoping _“whereabouts would an insect such as myself find a morsel of anything edible”_ would make a lick of sense to this hopeless “knight.”

Shockingly, and thankfully, he understood then. Yet perhaps he understood too much, as he repeated my _first_ inquiry, leading to a tone of suspicion entering his voice at “hunting grounds.” Mixed with my mannerism of speaking at the time… for a moment, I feared he had deduced what I really was.  
Er, excuse me, I did not _fear,_ and a nosk is not what I “really am.” We’ve been over this! It’s what this whole precept is about!  
Well, even if he _was_ intelligent enough to come to that conclusion – something I personally doubt – he did not make any accusations. Instead, he spoke of a few _“restaurants,”_ which was an entirely foreign term to me. Before I could ask anything else, he impolitely silenced me, claiming he had somewhere “important to be.” He then wandered off, his footsteps just about causing the ground beneath him to collapse.  
I’m sure that was all a lie, too. This was his method of fleeing! I should’ve stormed after him and challenged the knight for the title that rightfully belongs to me, yet I decided it wasn’t worth my time.

Plus, there was the potential of him knowing what I _used_ to be. However, if he had so much as _suggested_ that I was a nosk, or worse yet, that I had been planning to eat that insect – I would simply throw this precept at him! One thing is not another. This should be obvious, but even after this, I've had others try to argue that one thing, which is clearly what it is and not something else, is actually some other thing, which it isn't.  
Does that make sense? I mean- why am I asking you? Of course, it makes sense!  
My point is: Civilians are civilians, and I am Zote the Mighty. Civilians are _not_ food, and I am _not_ a nosk. This could be said for plenty of other subjects as well, I’m sure! Don't let anyone try to persuade you away from the facts of the matter! Do not succumb to any convincing! Stay on your guard! You choose your own titles. You choose who you are. Anyone that doubts it is a fool!

_I am Zote the Mighty, a knight of great renown, and that is all! How many times must I remind everyone?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zote's young self talking all eloquent like the other nosks did is what's going to get him caught, watch
> 
> Anyway, about the whole thing that happened with Hegemol,, Zote would have no idea, so I’m explainin my reasoning here:  
> I think the Five Great Knights knew about the vessels. Some knew more than others, obviously, as Ogrim’s dream nail dialogue (“so there were others…”) implies that he only knew about the Pure Vessel; but I think it’d be odd if the other knights were oblivious to it? Ogrim could’ve been kicked from the Five Great Knights during the process for all we know, so he’d only know about the Pure Vessel when it was announced publicly, and nothing besides that-  
> anyway, my whole point here was that Hegemol thought Zote was a vessel that escaped, thus leading to a “that’s not good” and an attempt to capture the little bastard. This just happened to line up with Zote’s accidental instinctual stalking of some random civilian, which made it easier to corner him/catch him off guard. So he just followed Zote (and citizen) into that hallway and scooped Zote up off the ground once given the chance  
> Hegemol was only proven horribly wrong when he realized 1) Zote is not void and 2) Zote has a mOuth; so then he just “oh wyrm” and let him go  
> As for Why Hegemol and Why Not Anyone Else: Ogrim booted, Dryya is with the White Lady, at least one knight might be with the Pale King still so that’s either Isma or Ze’mer (or both), while Ze’mer could also be mourning the traitor’s child by this point/Isma might be a plant. The timeline is up for debate and wild so hsghn,s, who honestly knows.  
> My personal headcanon for this is that Hegemol was in the process of “a’ight I’mma head out” to go check on Dirtmouth’s condition after the first wave of infection. It was during his time in the Forgotten Crossroads after this that his armor got yoinked by the Maggot. 
> 
> Also yes, there's no way in hell Hegemol would fit in that hallway, but listen listen Zote is a Nosk there are no rules anymore!! suspend your disbelief a bit to imagine that the hallways are JUST big enough for gigantic hegemol to fit through dghkdsghlksjdhglkj
> 
> I'M DONE RAMBLING I promise


	14. You Can Not Breathe Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote shames you and every organic entity because you need water to survive.  
> Meanwhile, he explains the time he tripped and drowned. So.
> 
> **!!!T/W: THIS CHAPTER HAS DESCRIPTIONS OF DROWNING!!!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn this was the hardest chapter to start,,, I just stared at the word document for so long,,, like c’mon, let’s drown zote already let’s GO  
> Also WOO 1,000 HITS BABY!! Who let that happen! Wild
> 
> This is an interesting chapter, because it's one where I take advantage of the fact that this is Zote /speaking./ So watch him have a minor breakdown while reliving a traumatic memory in real time!,,, yikes,,,

_**You Can Not Breathe Water** _

Silence your laughter this instant! What may be common sense to you may not be to others! Especially in the case of different cultures, societies, species, what have you!  
The only exception would be Precept Thirty-Four, _“Don’t Eat Immediately Before Sleeping,”_ which should undoubtedly be common sense among all bugs, of course.

Either way, the notion of liquid being an unbreathable substance was something completely foreign to me! And reasonably enough! As I’m sure I’ve explained, nosks were not a species that relied on water to survive. We were far superior to other bugs in that right! We didn’t have to seek out ponds, or rivers, or some other bodies of water just to stay alive. We didn’t have to maintain “hydration” as other _weak_ insects may.  
Worse yet, water can suffer contaminants, can it not? Are there not some liquids that are “unsafe” to drink? Pah! Imagine being dependent on something like that… one mistaken sip, and you could wind up awfully ill!  
Or, as this precept explains: So much as _breathe_ the substance, and you could possibly _perish_ to it! I pity those that must suffer that lifestyle. As if I would need _more_ rubbish to worry about. Consistently having to _eat_ is enough of a hassle as is!

The way I went about learning this law of nature was… less than ideal, to say the least.

It had not been long since my confrontation with the alleged Great Knight. While I still have my reservations about him, he _did_ give me the information I had been searching for, so I suppose that counts for something. Taking the functional elevator down and then stepping out into the rain, I now had a new, temporary mission: Find food.  
Well… find a “restaurant,” acquire food _there._ Truthfully, I’m unsure why I took the knight’s words at face value! For all I knew, it could’ve been a trap! And I’m not entirely convinced it _wasn’t,_ after the event that soon followed my departure from the entry building!

First off, how familiar are you with the City of Tears? Aside from the details everyone knows, such as the rain, the towering architecture, the _obsession with blinding lumafly lanterns…_ are you aware how the constant flow of rain is dealt with? Surely, with that nonstop pouring, the city’s streets would be utterly flooded. This wouldn’t be an issue if the city wasn’t built beneath a lake, but I digress.  
Well, it turns out that there was a solution to this conundrum! Something entirely inconvenient to the insects that roamed the streets, but a solution nonetheless, I suppose!  
Full disclosure, this solution did not halt the rain in any shape or form, but it _did_ keep the city from flooding. It was a system of waterways that ran underneath the city, complete with sewage pipes and support structures. Sort of drains, or… canals?... I’m not entirely sure the term to use, but they cut through the streets of the city in multiple troublesome places. Openings where the water could trickle into, creating their own little rivers all along the city; slowly gathering, the water would climb until it was street level, before draining into the pipes below.

These… streams? Aargh, this is why names are so important! How do I possibly refer to these contraptions to someone who hasn’t seen them?  
By now, with the city in the ruined state that its in, a good portion of the streets have collapsed, leaving trenches that require insects to leap across should they need to get to the other side. To get an idea of what these canals were like: Imagine those, but less frequent and a smidge thinner. They were easy enough to hop over, but this didn’t make them any less of a bother! Having to diligently watch your step every second, so not to go dropping down into any collected sewage… the rain certainly didn’t help, what with it making the ground all the slipperier. I’d seen many an insect slide right down into those gutters, all thanks to a puddle they hadn’t noticed. Then a whole _scene_ would unfold, as either the crowd would part to let a guard aid the poor sod, or some imbecile trying to play hero would jump in and try to save the day themselves! Believe me, I understand a knightly instinct, but these common bugs clearly had no idea what they were doing! Thus leading to more work for the guards, whom now had to fish out _two_ idiots.  
Pah, if it were me, I’d just let them flail! If they’re so sure of their own abilities, surely they can get out by themselves! They got into that mess; they can get out.

Well, I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this. I swore those things would be the death of me, and on this one fateful occasion, they nearly were.

I was wandering about, keeping a keen eye on the lookout for any glimpse of food. I’m certain the signs littered about pointed toward some of those aforementioned “restaurants,” but, despite _being_ _able to read them,_ I decided not to waste my time. It was nearly impossible to rely on my eyes either way, what with the constant rain and the promise of taller bugs blocking my view.  
No matter, of course! My senses were piqued by this point! Not only are nosks’ listening and scenting capabilities far grander than any other insect’s, they’re also greatly amplified when starved! So, despite no longer being in my nosk form, I held firm the many abilities that were essential in this task. No one could’ve done bested me in a competition of senses, I assure you!

…Being so distracted, however… It led to an unfortunate event. One that inevitably led to the creation of a few other precepts, such as Precept Twenty-One: _“Be Aware of Your Surroundings.”_ Said event _also_ contributed to my growing hatred of crowds, for I had been ever-so-carefully passing through the thick of one when it happened. Some ignorant, unobservant, sniveling “noble” had taken up the exact stance they needed in order to have me _trip._ I’m almost _positive_ this insect had done it intentionally, and that they were in cahoots with that “Great Knight” from earlier! This _had_ all been a trap, and one I’m ashamed to say I hadn’t realized sooner!

And, of course, with my horrendous and unfair luck, that cur had been positioned right beside one of those bug-made sewage rivers of death.

With a large splash – one that I hope thoroughly soaked that fiend! – I plummeted into those frigid waters. I thought I had already experienced being surrounded by water, thanks to the city’s rain, but this was a whole new sensation. And one that was downright awful. Made all the worse by the _smell…_  
Not that I was in the head space to complain about it, as I’m sure you’d understand. Instead, shamefully, the moment I hit the water and was sent shooting down into it, I _breathed it in._ I had no idea what the consequences would be! I had seen insects _drink_ all the time! While I was sure it couldn’t be _pleasant_ to do so, I hadn’t known that such large amounts would be enough to _endanger_ me!  
Not that- I mean, of course, I was never in any danger! As if I would be bested by water, of all things! Even if I… I didn’t know how to swim, and all I could do was… panic… while water filled my throat, threatening to seize my lungs… O-Oddly enough, of all things, I hadn’t expected my _head_ to feel agonized. My chest was horribly aching, but I felt as if my head was about to explode. The pressure was so intense, and I just kept… sinking downward. I couldn’t _get up._ I didn’t know _how_ to, _I didn’t know what to do, the water wasn’t going to just_ stop, _but I needed to breathe, I need to get out, but I couldn’t and I didn’t know what to do and I –_

 _Ahem,_ what? Sorry, I… I think I started rambling a bit. No, I wasn’t- I’m _not_ frightened by water, and I wasn’t about to let that liquid be what killed me. With absolutely no help from anyone leaping into the water and dragging me out, I miraculously understood how to propel myself up and out! With pure strength! You see, while I previously hadn’t known how to swim, the concept just… made sense! Then and there! And suddenly, out I was, surrounded by awe-stricken bystanders whom had done nothing but watch. Not that I needed their assistance, of course! Which I’m sure they all knew, guessing from the impressed stares I was receiving.  
Before I could accept their cheers and praises, however, uh– my memory gets a bit fuzzy here, but everything went black for some time. I’m sure I simply got to my feet, dry in an instant, and… uhm… continued my quest as normal. With no further deterrents.  
I have vague memories of guards, some shouting, hacking up a waterfall, and then waking up in an unfamiliar building where I was forced to stay and “recover” … but none of that’s important.

What _is_ important is the lesson I learned. You _can not_ breathe water. I was sure to keep this in mind from then 'til now.  
Water is supposedly refreshing… which… I’m sure you can understand my doubts toward! How can anything like _that_ be in any way “refreshing?” Drowning, as I now know it to be named, is one of the _worst_ possible events to live through. Far from _“refreshing.”_ It’d also make a rather dishonorable death!  
So, if by chance you’re ever considering breathing in water, I highly recommend you do not. If you try, you’ll be in for a nasty shock. I’m inclined to believe that smaller quantities are less… life-threatening… hence why any other insect can survive it, but I’m not quite willing to experiment, thank you!

The experience gave me a new perspective on the rain, too. What was once a minor inconvenience would now be viewed and felt with nothing but seething hatred and disgust. All deserved.

_…I’d rather not dwell on this any longer..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya’ll ever think about how we never see Zote at a hot spring? Yeah it’s because he’s afraid of water now
> 
> For those that didn’t see in the comments of the last chapter: This will be covering in-game events as well!! Eventually!! To give some perspective on when that’ll start being explained: if Ghost decided to get the Neglect achievement, this fic would end around chapter 33 or 34 :) 
> 
> Anyway, dam I was thinkin about it,,, imagine long in the future, when this is finished, and some poor sod deciding to binge read it. May god have mercy on whoever that unfortunate soul would be
> 
> Also also every time someone says “zote nosk” in the hk discord I start visibly sweating


	15. Never Forgive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote puts his trust issues on display, as well as giving a bit more insight as to what his brother was like.
> 
> He also has a second mental breakdown, but only if you squint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t think any of us were truly prepared for how long 57 chapters was gonna be,,   
> by that I mean, oh man I’m just. This is gonna be LONG, huh? it’s registered a bit more properly now oof,, now that we’re about 1/4th of the way through,  
> But don’t worry!! I’m still hella committed to this. Zote has completely overtaken my life at this point. I can’t listen to songs anymore without thinking about “damn do the lyrics kinda fit tho?” with this disaster plot I’ve made
> 
> Which REMINDS ME, specific song: “The Exit” – Forgive Durden. That’s it. That’s this plot.   
> “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” // “What’s the point of dreaming if it can never materialize?” // “Disguised as a citizen, his identity was hidden…”   
> It wasn’t at all intentional but just,,, go listen to that song, it’ll tell you zote
> 
> anyway hERE WE GO!!  
> Warning for bad brothers dghslkdjh

**_Never Forgive_ **

I’m sure you’re exhausted by my complaints toward water already. Trust me, I’d rather stray from the subject myself! But while it’s relevant, I feel I must mention yet another unfortunate effect it had. Not specifically on me, but on my trusty weapon, _Life-Ender._

Do you recall how Life-Ender was being held together at this time? Yes… a makeshift glue, crafted out of a mushroom paste from the Fungal Wastes… It held sturdy for a while, as anything I make always has and will, but when submerged in sewage…  
Well, I wasn’t at a _horrid_ disadvantage, but the new state of Life-Ender was… _problematic._

Yet another reason to be _rightfully_ upset by the recent turn of events!   
At the time, I was even being held prisoner in some unknown location in the City, forced to sit around and _recover._ These blasted bugs didn’t even know what I was! How could _they_ possibly know the state of my health? I survived, didn’t I? Why did I need to _stay_ any longer? It peeved me to no end, but alas, one or two of my escape attempts were throttled by insistent “healers.” Pah! It’s not as if I needed their help! They’d all witnessed my glorious feat, in which I rescued _myself_ from those perilous depths, hadn’t they?   
That was outrageous, and I still find myself seething over it to this very day! They didn’t hole me up there much longer than a night or two, but that was still _too long_ if I have any say in it! I wasn’t progressing in my mission, Life-Ender needed repairing, and I was given _far_ too much time to _think_ and _dwell,_ which we all should know is what I should _not_ be doing! Or what _anyone_ should be doing, for that matter!

That was all thanks to that Knight and noble, I’m sure of it! The two of them _must_ have concocted this devious plan against me ever since I scared away the “Mighty” Hegemol. He must’ve felt threatened! Surely, after gazing upon _my_ honorable and amazing self, he worried for his position and thought to be rid of me! He and I both know I am far superior to him, and the King would’ve _easily_ chosen me over that fool if given the chance. So, what’d he do? He pawned off some nobility – whom, as I’ve been told and shown, are always greedy to get their claws on some geo – to trip me up and assassinate me!  
What other possibility is there? None, I say!

While I was held captive in… what I believe is termed a “hospital,” my mind was left to wander, and that wandering led to rightful hatred toward those two that wronged me! After all, it’s thanks to them that I was in this mess to begin with!  
I decided then, and I hold onto this decision now, that I should never forgive them. Hence this precept! That behemoth had apologized to me after our initial run-in, and I had foolishly accepted it at the time. Look where that landed me! As far as I had known, these so-called “healers” were working with him as well and planned to finish where he had failed!  
Well, the jokes on them, as I fled the _moment_ they had given me the opportunity!

 _Never_ forgive. It’s a fatal mistake that could lead to your demise, if you’re not careful or competent enough! I swore it to myself, that if I ever saw that “Great Knight” again, I would pierce through that armor and _strike him down!_ He may beg for forgiveness all he pleases, but it wouldn’t change a thing!

…Hrm. Speaking of, why don’t I mention what _really_ led to this? And, by that I mean, what _truly_ sparked my desire to abandon the nosk den, which inevitably led to this very occasion? I find it rather fitting with this precept.

While I may never speak of my father again, that does not cancel out mention of my brother. Yes, yes, I’ve already covered his bothersome influence once or twice, but I failed to mention the… extent of it. Or the catalysts for such behavior.  
Not that I’m excusing it. He fit right in with the rest of the den: Cruel, menacing, selfish, and pretentious. He always had, and I’m sure if he were still alive, he would still be that way… if not worse.   
But he had his reasons.

To be clear, my distaste toward my sibling started _very_ young. Long before I crafted Life-Ender, and even longer before I met that den elder. It started after one, crucial mishap of his… or perhaps it was intentional. One can’t be too sure, as I was too young to remember clearly, and he – much the same, I’m sure – would claim whatever won him the favor of our father, whether it was true or not.  
Well, it didn’t matter either way. This action of his altered _everything._ Who knows how my, or his, or our _father’s_ lives would’ve played out had he not-   
…Hm… You know, I might come back to that detail… later. I know, it’s harsh of me to lead up to nothing but a cutoff, but be silent! I will get to that tidbit eventually, when I find it more suitable for the precept! For now, all that’s important to note was my already present disliking towards him. And I was imbecilic to ever _consider_ forgiving him, as his act only gradually grew worse.

At first, his interactions with me were few and far between. We shared a couple of hunting assignments, being siblings, but rarely were words shared. After all, it was unlike a nosk to grow affectionate toward his kin. Or anyone, for that matter. So, the most there ever was between us was competition for food, territory, what have you… just as it would be with any other nosk. We’d tussle and snarl and growl as any other would, come back to the den covered in scratches with one of us being victorious…  
Which, of course, was _always_ me. Sometimes I’d pity him and let him win, but he could _never_ match my strength! While stunted, thus being quite a bit smaller than he was, I was _twice_ as agile and _thrice_ as powerful! So, it’s no wonder he grew to feel threatened by me.  
 _Especially_ once I grew more vocal. Once my confidence arose, and I began to wield Life-Ender with nothing but pride, he realized he was in peril! After all, how else would he react? His own sibling proving to be leaps and bounds ahead of him, mentally and physically, in a society where the weak were cast aside without a glance? He had to _do_ something!

Driven by ambition with an unhealthy mixture of fear, he rallied up a few… Allies? Friends? Neither of those terms would fit, as nosks know better than to trust one another…   
A _group_. He gathered a few like-minded nosks, all paralyzed by my presence, and made it his _duty_ to undermine me. This I’m sure I mentioned already… how he would purposefully sabotage my hunts, scaring or _stealing_ prey from me! His words, which had been so scarce before, were now _frequent_ and _scathing._ A constant beratement from him and his little followers, all for a chance of tearing down my motivation and trampling all over my reputation.

Pah! As if I’d let it affect me! Even as his remarks grew nastier, and our scuffles became more violent, and… even as our father often took _his_ side, chastising me all the same; no matter! No matter at all! It was hard to take my brother seriously, anyway, what with how he failed to master common nosk dialect. He was far too blunt, trying to impress our father with how his words would supposedly “frighten” me. After all, if he could prove superiority, prove me to be “weaker” than him, his rank in the den would skyrocket; while I would be picked off like a meager tiktik, considered a burden.

 _“How pathetic, the way you sulk about, with a measly little stick being a frivolous attachment to your already fragile, feeble shell. Have you chosen to forget your claws? Have you abandoned your jaw? All for what? Some idiotic ‘dream?’ Sentimentality in a useless, poorly carved twig? Oh, no… That struck a nerve. Do you find yourself mourning that equally worthless hag? What an awful excuse of a nosk, if you dare grace yourself with the name. If you yearn so much for her presence once more, why shan’t I just end you of your misery? What stops me from gorging your throat now, finally relieving the den of your pitiful existence and granting you the ‘freedom’ you so seek? It’s not as if your absence would even be acknowledged.”  
_ Threat after threat. That’s all he was good for! He’d do whatever he could… just to corner me, catch me at the most inopportune times, and begin these sickening spiels… always ending the same. A “promise” to one day be what ends my life.   
Ironically. Hmph. Almost too ironically…

It reached its peak when our father perished. Clearly, despite touting how he, as a perfect nosk, knew better than to grow attached… our father’s death did _something._ It sparked something in him. Something worse than ever before. His aggressive nature spiked, and I was… unfortunately… all that was left to target… once he finished shredding his prey to bits each day.  
I’m sure you’re asking if _I_ suffered any emotional turmoil in the light of my father’s… passing. And I respond with an unwavering _no._ Of course not. Not that I was striving to be a “perfect nosk,” but I simply… I had no reason to mourn him. His jealousy was prevalent throughout my entire life, and now it had finally come to its close. I shed no tears for him, as any nosk should’ve reacted… None whatsoever.   
Yet my brother hadn’t handled it well, and now I was left with the brunt of it.  
I won’t go into details. I’m sure your imagination can fill in the blanks.

I did not feel sorry for him. I did not feel sympathy. Given that his anger was vented onto me from then on out, sure to have me battered and bruised whenever the chance was provided to him, I say I’m justified. I hadn’t forgiven him for his initial mistake, I hadn’t forgiven him for his words, I and I certainly do not forgive him for what followed. I don’t care if he was driven by grief, or pressure from nosks around us, or whatever it was that molded him that way.   
Perhaps it was just our father.   
Perhaps it’s always been just our father.  
Not that it matters. I’m not speaking of him, if you recall! Even the word ‘father’ is leaving a sour taste in my mouth. Eck. Moving on.

My brother’s death, on the other hand, was… it… it was sudden. I didn’t… I didn’t want…   
Wait, I mean- I don’t know how he died! Right, yes… _ahem,_ I’m sure it happened long after I was gone. It was him, after all, that drove me into finally putting my plan into action. I was fed up with his nonsense, and I wouldn’t be standing for it any longer. I suffered enough of that torment! My mind was made up, and I made my leave not too long after our father’s death. After consistent… _attacks,_ I suppose, from my brother… Which I was sure to fend off, mind you! He would always… be sent staggering back, and…

_Ugh._

He was still alive when I left. That’s all I know. Infection is what killed off the majority of my species, so I’m left to assume it was the same case for him.  
Good. It was… well deserved.

Where was I going with this?  
Oh, yes, yes, right! Never forgive. That holds true.

If someone asks forgiveness of you, for instance a brother of yours, always deny it. That brother, or whoever it is, doesn’t deserve such a thing. If you have been wronged, always hold the memory of it in your mind. Never forget what someone has done to you, ill-intent or not. If they even _think_ that you have forgotten, or that you’ve forgiven them, they may think they’re off scot-free. They may attempt to do it again, or to take advantage of your kindness.  
So it’s best to never be kind to those that aren’t the same to you. And, of course, always hold a level of distrust toward randomly kind strangers!   
Better to just not trust anyone, I say. You never know what they’re plotting.

I never forgave that Knight, nor that noble. I’ll never forgive my brother.

_And he’ll never forgive me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes this WAS a colored red chapter! :) 
> 
> This is the most truth Zote is told in one chapter, I think!! Yet there's still a lot he's lying about in here, so oof
> 
> Don’t worry this is FAR from the last time Zote is gonna talk about his brother. He’ll come up again!!! He's still very relevant to things later on. As is Zote's father heehoo
> 
> And YES Life-Ender WILL be permanently fixed; don’t worry we’re not going to have a constant cycle of “and life-ender broke again,” dhgkjhkjh
> 
> doot doot hope you guys are having a great day!! The fact that people are legit reading this and are interested in it still confuses me!! Love ya’ll


	16. Spend Geo When You Have It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote experiences the joys of currency!  
> Also, Life-Ender’s permanent fix.
> 
> Alternate summary (for at least the beginning): Zote wants to fight rocks part 2 electric boogaloo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me @ myself: Babe! It’s 2am, time for zote chapter!  
> me: yes honey
> 
> Ayyy! 16 is my lucky number, babiey  
> Anyway, after two chapters of gut punches, here’s another goof chapter to ease the pain!! A chapter where Zote doesn’t cry for therapy, wrow!   
> With this being a Not Pain chapter, I,, did not read over it at all lmao, probably more mistakes here oof
> 
> Zote has appeared in my dreams fyi. I’m losing my mind
> 
> Me, finishing the chapter, realizing geo is supposed to be capitalized: oh F

**_Spend Geo When You Have It_ **

Now, you may find this ludicrously absurd and unbelievable, given that you’ve grown up in a society with an “economy,” but nosks had no use for the concept of _currency._ There were no vendors nor anything of that sort. Those would have a moot point in an environment based solely off hunting and fighting over prey, wouldn’t you think?

So, I’m sure you understand why I was utterly baffled when this foreign idea was proposed to me. I had seen insects carrying around oddly carved stones for some time, but I was completely ignorant toward their purpose! I thought it rather strange, honestly, that the city bugs seemed so fixated on such a thing… that they’d flaunt the amount they had, or make a show of how shiny their specific mineral was, or... any of it. Back then, I’d find myself avoiding the nobility that would carry ridiculous amounts of “geo,” for I thought they were all mad! No nosk had ever lost their sanity to _rocks_! I had so wished for a warning, as – shamefully – I began to wonder if these minerals had some mind-sabotaging quality that inflicted obsession! Granted, the Infection’s first wave had already occurred, so it wasn’t that far-fetched of an idea!

 _Now_ I’m aware of how paranoid that thought seems! It was foolish of me to fret as I had, but I see it in a better light: I was _always_ prepared, and _always_ wary! It’s essential to be critical of those around you, as you never know what they’re scheming! I’m sure we’ve covered this by now.

Either way, you can’t even _begin_ to imagine where my mind ran off to once one of those healers “compensated” me with a handful of those stones before I was freed. I was right to doubt their motives after all! They were just as devious as that Knight, and I was sure to foil their plans, refusing to fall into yet another trap! Once the moment presented itself, I escaped, breaking free of their suffocating grasp and dashing gracefully through the rainy streets! I had little idea as to where I was now, but as long as I was free, it did not matter!  
…However, I hadn’t thought to _drop_ the geo. In fact, it was still plainly in my hands. Upon realizing, I skidded to a stop, and just about tossed those potential threats as far as I could manage.   
Despite my intention to do so, something stopped me. Perhaps it was foresight, or perhaps those blasted stones _did_ have mind-controlling abilities. Whatever the cause, I opted not to throw away the stones, and instead studied them closely. After all, this was the first time those… _things_ were actually in my clutches. This was an opportunity to find a weakness, you see! If they were, indeed, strange devices that could hijack minds, _surely_ there’d be a way to turn that off.  
And no, I did _not_ try anything childish or barbaric, such as bashing them on the ground a few times! I was looking to _tactfully_ disarm them, not just destroy them.

After finding a place to rest out of the rain, followed by countless hours of toiling to figure out the _mechanics of fossilized shells –_ which I now understand geo to _actually_ be composed of – I came to the conclusion that they were not dangerous. As for what they were _for,_ that I was still oblivious to.

Here is a useful tip: Watching what other insects do with an object is a pristine method to realize how to use said object. So, that is what I did.  
I would observe as bugs approached other bugs; some behind stands, some inside of buildings littered with signs, others performing in the streets… and then an exchange would take place. One would hand over a specific quantity of geo, and the other would trade an item for them. Some of these buildings – stores, or shops, I know them to be termed – would deal in certain types of wares. Food, equipment, clothing, or whatever it is you may need; any of it could be acquired with an indiscernible amount of these shells.  
It made very little sense to me at the time, but I still picked up on their use remarkably quickly! My skills in deduction are unmatched!

With this revelation, another thought soon came to mind: With such an array of items now at my fingertips, it would be _much_ simpler to find a remedy for Life-Ender’s feeble state!   
Right?  
 _Wrong!_

 _“But,”_ you start to protest, _“Surely, there must be_ something _in that city that could repair your magnificent blade?”_  
And I respond affirmatively! Yes, there _was,_ but that was not my _dilemma._  
I comprehended the transaction process as a two-way ordeal. Speaking had to take place between two parties: The vendor and the customer. One to signify what they required from the exchange, and the other to confirm it.  
I, at the time, had not yet grown accustomed to… conversing with the city’s insects. I had taken to remaining stealthily silent, uttering barely a word to anyone! Hard to believe now, I presume, what with how confident I am in sharing my stories and precepts!  
I was going to have to face this inevitably. I couldn’t remain mute forever! What purpose would this maw have, then?

Of course, the longer I stalled, the more time to dwell I’d have. Not that I was stalling! I had no reason to be anxious! What a silly notion, to be fearful of interaction. Pah! As if!  
I had to be headstrong! Self-assured! Bold! The more gallantry I presented, the higher chance I’d leave _them_ speechless! Then there’d be no need for words!   
So, I searched the shopping district. Whilst scanning the various shops to find something for Life-Ender – _reading the signs,_ mind you – I had every possible conversation running through my mind on loop. I would be prepared for _anything_ that _any_ vendor threw my way! Should they even declare a fight for their wares, I would be more than willing! That’d be so much simpler, too.

During my search, I came to the unfortunate conclusion that most weaponry insects were more inclined to deal with metals _._ I doubt they’d even give Life-Ender a passing glance, even if its shellwood composition is far superior to _any_ other material! Jokes on them, I say. They missed out on the chance to refine my already perfect nail. Bet they’d be regretting it now, if any are still alive!  
Coming to terms with that, as well as the faults of adhesives, I needed a new option. Something to hold Life-Ender together that couldn’t be washed off, should I find myself submerged in water again for any reason.  
Eventually, I caught the sight of a crafts shop, and I conjured up a brilliant solution! If I wrapped a tight enough cloth around Life-Ender, the pieces could not fall from it! Better yet, cloth is a rather inexpensive material. I hadn’t been looking for anything shiny or fancy, as I didn’t want to tarnish Life-Ender with _crude_ embellishments… it’s a humble weapon! So, cloth it was.  
Now for _action._

After absolutely no hesitation, I pushed the door open and entered the establishment. Without fail, this caught the attention of the shopkeeper. What I _hadn’t_ expected was said shopkeeper to be a towering, menacing creature, hunched over the counter and staring me down with a scowl on her face. She barely fit in the shop, for crying out loud! In fact, the tallest of her three horns grazed the ceiling, which even she didn’t seem too thrilled about.  
Attentively, I had noticed the massive, polished nail that was casually leaning against the wall behind her. I can only assume it was meant to be a warning toward potential thieves, but I wouldn’t let that deter me! Not even her suspicious glare would have me turning out and running! I had to fix Life-Ender, and I was committed to this course of action!

With an aura of fearlessness, I promptly avoided eye contact and began my hunt for the perfect item. I could _feel_ the shopkeeper’s eyes boring into me, but I wasn’t about to break now! The only more unnerving thing was the _dead silence,_ honestly. Not a single sound, aside from the pouring outside.   
Weirdly enough, I think I would’ve been more comfortable if there were more insects in the store.   
Not wanting to dawdle, I hurriedly located a bundle of blue fabric, and brought it up to purchase. I had to toss it up onto the counter, as I otherwise couldn’t quite reach, and, without a single stumble or stutter, asked for the cost.  
Her expression remained disgruntled, and she responded very rudely, saying that there was a label very clearly on it. Well, of course, I _knew_ that, because I _can_ read. She told me the price anyway, and I gave her the exact amount she stated.   
…Even though I hadn’t quite grasped the idea that some pieces were supposedly more valuable than others. The grooves and coloration apparently dictate the worth of each piece of geo, but how was _I_ supposed to know? She didn’t have to come back with such hostility, accusing me of trying to “haggle,” whatever that means.

In exasperation, I chose to put all of the geo I had onto the countertop, not really caring if it was enough or not by that point. Her attitude suddenly switched, and something flashed in her eyes. Recognition, maybe, that I was ultimately clueless in the world of geo.  
At the time. I’m aware of the ins and outs now, thank you! Mainly because she ended up explaining it to me. Which I would’ve appreciated, but it was far too late! As the previous precept, _never forgive!_ Her aggression would _not_ go unnoticed!

In conclusion, I successfully obtained the material, and, without thanking this impolite woman, made my leave. Regrettably, I could not find my way back to the entry building I used to rest at, so I elected to find some overhanging ledge to escape the rain and stay there for some time. Once I had a moment to myself, I masterfully wrapped the fabric around Life-Ender, tying it tightly and beautifully. It’s still there to this day, even if it has gained a tear here and there!

When it comes to the rest of my geo, I was sure to spend the remainder of it over the next few days. Especially once hunger struck again. I must say, it’s awfully convenient to have meals prepared for you! Though… getting used to the taste when the food is no longer _raw_ was… a challenge I overcame.

So, what’s to be gained from this? This precept’s point, of course!  
Spend geo when you have it. Some will cling onto their geo, even taking it into the dirt with them when they die. I fail to see the purpose behind such a thing! For geo is of no use to the dead, as far as I’m aware. It is better to spend it when you can, so you can enjoy various things in life. If it helps, think of it like fresh meat. Over time, it’ll begin to rot and decay, losing its value and ruining it entirely!

So just get rid of it.

 _You never know. They_ could _be mind-controlling…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun facts, while I’m here, and since this wasn’t a serious chapter!  
> \- “Camouflage of Great Renown” was actually a draft title. I was gonna change it, but now it’s kinda stuck. Other title ideas included “Confessions of a Beast Turned Knight,” “(Precept Six) Choose Your Own Fate,” “A Step-By-Step Guide to Becoming a Knight,” and then of course some alternation of “A Nosk’s Precepts” heehoo. Well, actually, there was other title ideas, but:  
> \- This entire story format was a wild last minute decision. Originally, this was gonna be three parts, each being maybe a few chapters long, and in third-person rather than first. First part was “Zote’s Prologue” (backstory), last was “Zote’s Epilogue” (after game), and in-game events would be?? I dunno I didn’t get that far before it changed lmao  
> \- the shopkeeper has accidentally turned into a lowkey oc,,, She’s a retired watcher knight that left long before Lurien became a Dreamer, deciding to settle down with a little crafts shop,,, but she’s just like all of her siblings: Big rolly that can and will destroy you.   
> \- yea zote thanked her, he’s only sayin he didn’t because he refuses to acknowledge that he was socially anxious and genuinely appreciated when someone was kind to him
> 
> Thatse all for now, tune in next time for uh… shenanigans!
> 
> Also also Not sure where all the people suddenly bookmarking this came from, but hello, welcome to hell! May I take your coat?


	17. Learn to Detect Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote, a professional liar, knows exactly how to pick up when someone else is lying.  
> Comes in handy. Especially in shattering his dreams about an idol figure.
> 
> Basically, Zote saw the Pale King once.  
> Once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to sit down and reALLY plan these next few chapters, heck  
> But we’re almost done with the City of Tears arc!! Soon we’ll be outta this place I swear
> 
> Uhhhh hgkhsjh I dunno what else to say here! Here comes,,,,,, this chapter
> 
> oh disclaimer: Zote’s opinion on the Pale King does not reflect my own dhgKJH, I have a lot of mixed feelings on that wyrm boy and I intend to explain that all in somethin’ someday, but for now: zote go grr

**_Learn to Detect Lies_ **

You’d think after living in rain for so long, you’d get used to it. You’d be _wrong!  
_ To this very day, I stand firmly by my distaste for it! Call me biased, as my general opinion toward water is rather negative, but you would agree if you had experienced it _every day_ for _Gods-know how long_! Of course, thanks to my spectacular grace, I never suffered a single slip – but if I _had,_ that would’ve made it even worse! It was at least tolerable when in intervals, paused by the moments I took shelter in the entry building… but forced to sit through the brunt of it, after I could no longer find my way _back?_ _Immense_ grief _._

Egh, I’m getting sidetracked. My point is always suspect surprises. Expect the unexpected!  
And, often times, your expectations are wrong. It’s better not to expect anything at all, honestly! You never know what life could throw at you, so be prepared for everything. Physically and mentally.  
I’ve made this abundantly clear with how my expectations for the City were dampened – pun _not intended –_ upon my very arrival. However, being disappointed by a place is one thing… being disappointed by a person is another.

Nothing eventful took place for quite some time after Life-Ender’s final repairs were made. I braved the neverending downpour for what must’ve been centuries, growing entirely sick of it; though I doubt you’d blame me. Not only was it tiresome, but it was ultimately _boring_ to wander about with little clue as to where to head next. I had expected to see a palace… or something, that would ultimately point towards where the Pale King would be located… Yet another reason never to rely on expectations, as there was nothing of the sort! I had reached an unfortunate dead end in my quest, and I was at a loss of what to do.  
Finally, after days that dragged on for ages, an event took place.  
Well, truthfully, it had been steadily happening over the course of my stay, yet it reached its finish on this particular evening.

A _statue._ Because _of course_ it was.  
In the dead center of the city, a stone monument was erected in honor of four figures. I had seen it occasionally while it had been in the process of construction, but I was never too interested in it. I’m sure you understand why: Statues are meaningless, after all!  
However, at its completion, the entire city went into utter chaos. By that, I mean everyone was called to celebrate, and the streets erupted into cheering as words were engraved at the statue’s base.

If you’re asking how I knew about all this, it was hard not to! I had been taking a moment to rest my eyes when I was harshly awoken by said screeches! I had debated shrugging it off and returning to my slumber, but curiosity took hold of me, and I ventured off to find the source of such noise.  
You can imagine my irritation once I realized what a waste of time that had been. All that for a statue? Bah! In my opinion, it was simply taking up space in the middle of streets that were already hard enough to navigate.

I couldn’t even get close enough to see what exactly had everyone so riled. Not that I was all that intrigued to begin with. The insects were far too bunched together, refusing to let anyone get through.

Much to my surprise – and dismay – it wasn’t even just a statue. Turns out, it was a _fountain._  
The building bugs had taken a moment to hype up the crowd, and once they were satisfied with the exceedingly high energy, water was unleashed. It was absolutely revolting, yet the crowd gave their loudest hollers at this reveal.  
A statue is bad enough as it is, let alone _four_ ; but _four statues_ combined with _flowing water?_ I was disgusted, and I still am! Especially since it still stands! Of all the decay, and of all the things to collapse in that city, the dastardly _fountain_ is what stands among the rubble. This must be a cruel joke on me specifically.

Believing the frivolous event had reached its end, as well as being thoroughly disinterested, I turned around to make my way back from whence I came.  
It was then that I was met with the brightest light I had ever faced.

Yes, I was completely blinded! For a good few seconds, all I saw was pure pale white, and I made to shut my eyes and turn away as fast as I could! Even then, it was burned into my sights, rendering it near impossible to escape. It felt as if a lumafly was trapped in my mask, fluttering about aimlessly and stealing my very ability to see! This couldn’t have been the Infection, as I knew that to be orange in coloration… while this was as pale as could be.  
Of course, I brandished Life-Ender, fully anticipating a battle with the glowing mass itself. When I dared open my eyes, I saw that many of the civilians were shielding themselves from the light as well, yet strangely… not even one expressed fear. A few seemed startled, yes, but once they blinked a few times to let their eyes adjust… they almost seemed delighted. Very much so, in fact.

While I am a superior bug in every way to these simpletons, I am forced to recognize their impeccable tolerance for light. It’s pathetic that they must depend on it, but by the Wyrm, they could somehow stand to gaze upon it for prolonged periods! This light did nothing but sear my eyes, giving me a massive headache as a result. Just thinking about it now is making my head sore!

But I refused to be bested! Using an arm to block what I could manage of the horrible glow, I squinted in the direction of the source. It took far too long to even _begin_ to adjust, but after focusing to the best of my abilities, I could barely make out a shape.  
And what, pray tell, was that shape? What had graced the city with its presence? Who was this bright stranger?

None other than the Pale King himself.

I swear it! Do not doubt me! I know you find it unbelievable, what with your undoubtably incredulous expressions! But He was there, in the city’s streets, flanked by tall guards with glistening armor… which only _reflected_ His light and had it spread _everywhere,_ damned things…  
I had heard rumors of how He shone, but I hadn’t expected it to be this much! See? Expectations having me ill-prepared yet again!  
I so wish I could give you the details on His appearance, but staring much longer likely would’ve blinded me for the rest of my life! I now understand why the depictions of Him are different each time, too, considering what little can be seen of Him when He arrives!  
Adding to that, I heard He rarely was found outside of His Palace. Tended to isolate Himself, for whatever His reasons were. It’s no wonder why the people were left to _guess_ , then!  
  
I suppose I should’ve been ecstatic about this. He was there, in my sights! The whole reason I came to this city! That was my chance to prove myself. To approach Him, to impress Him, and to ultimately win my way into His league of knights! To be recognized for my strength, my honor, my will… to finally have a place.

But I found myself reluctant. It wasn’t out of anything like anxiety or nerves – since I am never nervous – but some inexplainable gut feeling.

Perhaps it was the eye contact.  
It only lasted for a moment, but I swear on my life, two black eyes stared out from the brightness – and were trained directly on _me._  
I’m unsure why. Though His eyes betrayed little emotion… and you could say this was my imagination… I thought I caught His expression grow shocked for a fragment of a second. Barely noticeable. Almost as if it didn’t happen at all.  
But as fast as that gaze was on me, it was off, and He was moving through the crowd… which parted for Him seamlessly. Not toward me, rather toward the fountain, but… it was unnerving, to say the least. That glimpse of… whatever it had been.

I’m sure it was awe, naturally. After all, everyone reacts the same when they lay their eyes upon me! Respect, adoration… all things I’m far used to by now!

Ahem, anyway, once He reached the base of the fountain, there was a tense, silent pause before He began to speak. Everyone was immediately enraptured by His voice, unwavering in their full attention for Him. That, too, was entirely uncomfortable.  
Before that point, I knew vaguely of the tale of the Wyrm. It was one of the many stories the den elder told me of. How a massive, lengthy beast descended on Hallownest, long before it gained that name, and promptly died as the last of its kind. From its corpse arose the Pale King, whom allegedly granted sapience and intelligence to the insects of this place. Supposedly, that is what led to the citizens bending so easily and submitting to His rule.  
Once, I had doubted it. I doubted the idea of a singular being granting a world a mind.

Yet, standing there, surrounded by insects that fell dead silent at His arrival… the way their eyes locked onto His light, not once daring to look away… not a single one of them stirring…  
I believed it then. It was _unnatural._ Their instincts were just… gone. I clearly recall shuffling forward to listen closer, and accidentally stepping on the foot of another bug. They didn’t even glance down. They didn’t move. All awareness of the space around them was gone.  
I loathed it. More so than I ever hated the nosk den. At least in that place, there was always movement. Everyone’s minds were their own. Sure, one could argue their “minds” were almost purely feral, thus bringing into question just how sapient they were… but instincts were never _overridden_ by anything.

Personally, my will is my own, and I did not enjoy the idea of something else trying to sabotage it.

At the time, however, I shrugged it off… and just listened to Him speak.

Now _this_ is where this precept comes into play. Growing up as I had, I was rather learned in picking up the lies of others! I still am, as I’m sure you’d find out, should you ever lie to me! I’m proud of my skills in lie-detecting! The slightest change in voice tone, the body language, the way someone interacts with their environment… it’s all essential to keep track of when one is speaking! That way, you’ll always know when someone is being deceitful!  
I tell you, most of the time, you’re being lied to. Never assume you’re being told the truth! Any and everyone can and _will_ lie to you, at some point or another! That being said, don’t lend your trust to others willy-nilly! You can’t truly trust anyone but yourself, so it’s best to only trust you, and not the people around you. Understood?

I wasn’t about to drop my guard for this King. If anything, a position of power makes it more likely for someone to lie, if the nosk superiors taught me anything!  
While I can’t remember specific details of His speech, I do remember His mannerisms.  
…Scratch that, I remember His _voice_ mannerisms. I couldn’t _see_ Him physically, not well, but I could certainly hear Him. And I was not too thrilled about what I heard.

The way He spoke was eloquent, and loud enough for the entire city to hear Him, I’m sure. Not once did He stumble or falter, leading me to believe He practiced it beforehand… unless He was simply excellent at improvisation, which I suppose could be the case as well.  
Genuinely, said eloquence is what irked me the most. It reminded me far too much of the nosk superiors. Nosks, while brutish, were all rather similar in dialect. We spoke fervently, with a wide range in vocabulary, and all whilst knowing just the right words to spit metaphorical venom alongside our legitimate venom. We were poised between our bouts of aggression, and it’s part of what made nosks respectable… to a certain degree. I’m certain the nosk superiors would’ve been more than capable in negotiating with the Pale King if need-be, what with a way of persuasion… yet they never did. We, as did most of Deepnest, strived to remain independent from this… catastrophe.  
Perhaps that was the smarter choice.  
Either way, _His_ way with words… it was far too similar to theirs. Too articulate, too magniloquent… it had to be a deceptive silver tongue. No other explanation for it.

That, and His vagueness. He was explaining how His plan to preserve Hallownest and stave off the Infection was a wondrous success, and he thanked the “Dreamers” for their contribution, even if they could not give their thanks. Yet very little was spilt regarding said plan.  
This is where I learned what became of the Infection, however. Trapped, sealed away in a “vessel,” much like the one my magnificent disguise was inspired from. It didn’t quite make sense to me, and His way of dancing around the details did not help.

Then, of course, there was a blatant implication of a full-blown lie. And I knew it, for I was walking proof of it.

He didn’t say it outright, but He more than implied that this vessel – the Hollow Knight – was the only one of its kind. It was a miraculous success, according to Him.  
You see the problem, do you not? There _were_ more. There were _others._ If not, how else would I have made this disguise? I’m sure I would’ve made one even better, but – _agh,_ not my point! I based _this_ off _them._ Multiple. We caught plenty in the nosk den!  
So why lie about such a thing? It was preposterous, I say, and it more than made a dent in my viewpoint of Him! He had said it all so smoothly, at that… not the slightest hint of deceit. Bah! Calls into question what else that devious King is hiding, I say!  
Er… was hiding, I suppose. Has He perished with His kingdom? Would be fitting, and it’s no doubt that I would outlive Him!

I refused to listen to the rest! Why, I should’ve stomped my way through that crowd to confront His lies, yet I did not. After all, it wouldn’t be wise to offend the one to inevitably knight me, yes?  
Hmph. Even then, I was bringing that idea into question. Why should I have sought His approval? This _was_ the same bug that built a city beneath a lake and appointed that fiendish “Hegemol” as one of His “Great Knights.” This, paired with everything else, had me reasonably doubting His competence!

I had to think, however, because that was the sensible thing to do. It would do no good to jump to any solid conclusions yet! I had to process it all, and then I would make my call.  
Which I _did._ And I’m _proud_ of my decision.

When others speak, they usually lie. I’ve proved that many times over by now. If given the opportunity, scrutinize and question them relentlessly until they reveal their deceit! Often, they’ll end up revealing it all on their own, but pressuring them can make them nervous. Either be patient and they’ll eventually out themselves, or get to the bottom of it when possible and save some time!

_…You’d think after being lied to so much, you’d get used to it. You’d be wrong._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A good portion of my reasoning on why Zote’s opinion on the Pale King went down real fast is the fact that,, Deepnest residents already didn’t like the Pale King. From what I can tell, though, there’s no established reason for what turned them away from him- so here’s my speculation:  
> Light sucKS oh my god turn the LIGHT OFF  
> Yeah, all of Zote’s bitching about lights has plot relevance! Basically, we know the Pale King glows; bright, shiny, hard to see him well because of it. His light managed to draw in the moth tribe, but I think it repulsed the Deepnest inhabitants,,, considering they lived their lives in darkness. Also also, considering those in Deepnest are seemingly more feral than the rest of Hallownest (despite having proximity to the Pale King), I think they chose to live that way. They didn’t really want the mind he granted, since they believed more in instinct (and the Way of the Hunt, if being self-indulgent and going off of my ‘Hunter was the Deepnest Higher Being’ theory).  
> Basically: Instinct good, taking away instinct and replacing with mind? bad
> 
> The rest of Zote’s reasoning will be explained in the next chapter! With one (1) specific thing that made him a little >:( in regards to law n such  
> And. Oh man. It’s gonna be the start of a specific arc that I’ve been dying to get to. So get ready


	18. Obey No Law But Your Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the Infection’s second wave approaching, Zote decides he doesn’t wanna be in the city anymore.
> 
> He also, unwillingly, makes a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After I finished the last chapter, I got a hella depressing idea for a future one. Like. Very bad, and I’m gonna have to add a new tag for it when it’s written,, If I keep that idea, anyway-  
> might dial back on the overwhelming angst on that one (1) occasion, but knowing me and how much I crave agony for characters,,,,,, just assume there’s always worse things to come
> 
>  **Me, reading other fics with zote:** >:( you’re just havin him here so you can beat him up and make him sad!! I know he’s a bastard but leave him alone!!  
>  **Me, writing my own fic:** Perish, pissbaby. Suffer by my hands.
> 
> Anyway, City of Tears arc end! New very self-indulgent arc start!
> 
> Apologies if this chapter isn't as,, good as others?? I started rambling a loT oof,, and I started writing this chapter like "Yes Sir" and halfway through my motivation went "A'ight I'm boutta head out" and shgkjh,, :(  
> I re-read it a few times tho, and I hope it's still alright for you guys!! Might tweak it a bit later, but aa

**_Obey No Law But Your Own_ **

Following that blasphemous speech of the so-called “King,” I took up a brilliant new hobby; one that consumed most of my waking hours from then on out, and something I find myself still dabbling in to this day:  
Sulking.

Or… perhaps a better term would be “brooding.” Sulking implies that I was entirely distraught and mopey – which I was _not_ – while brooding has far nicer connotations! It’s dark, mysterious, and you can easily picture me cloaked in shadow, glaring out at all those that betrayed me! For example, every citizen in that blasted city… all mindlessly complying to their King’s wishes! The way they basked in His light without question, soaking it all up without a single protest… disgusting! Shameful! Pathetic! For too long they had me similarly captured in their beliefs; that this “King” was perfect and gaining His attention would be the highest possible honor! Pah!

And to think, the only reason I had fallen for this was all thanks to that den elder. You may object that as a stretch, but truly think about it! Without her stories of knights always fiercely protecting their Kings or Queens or whatnot, sacrificing life and limb for the good of those they _foolishly_ worshipped… I would’ve never trekked all the way to that perpetually-raining disappointment of a city!  
_She_ had been the reason I traveled there, to meet _Him,_ to be recognized by _Him,_ to serve _Him._ For what purpose? It seems so imbecilic now! I broke out of a suffocating society of nosks, and for what? To go from one power-driven superior to another?

The time I spent _brooding_ had me realizing how wrong I had been. How naïve and childish my reasoning was. _“For who is a Knight without his King?”_ I remember asking myself, so conflicted over what to do and who I could turn to… I scoff at this mindset today! A knight can serve no one but himself if he so chooses, and frankly, I believe that’s how it should _always_ be! Entrusting your views and faith in anyone but yourself… it’s a road that leads to failure, to disappointment, and to _unmet expectations._ All of which should be avoided at all costs!  
So, as this precept is so fittingly titled: Obey no law but your own! Scorn those who try to take control of you! To whomever decided a knight _must_ serve a monarch, I scowl at your definition and choose my own! I _am_ a knight, regardless of whether those around me recognize me as such or not! I’ll just have to prove myself worthy of that title, which I am more than capable of achieving.

 _Hmph,_ I say that as if I haven’t proved myself already. I certainly have, and I’m sure you know! I am a knight of _great renown,_ after all.

Either way, the process of reaching this ultimate conclusion was an arduous one. I had spent countless days to myself, muttering curses toward the King and His people for making my life so difficult. The unwavering loyalty of His subjects, no doubt forced upon them, was affecting my _own_ thoughts about Him. Surely, if everyone else followed so willingly, why shan’t I?  
_Never_ fall into this state of mind! _Never_ let anyone else influence your decisions!  
For a good while, I also wondered – and honestly still find myself wondering – how I managed to dodge succumbing to the King’s enthrallment. I suppose it’s my heightened intellect that kept me immune, as thus, I wouldn’t have become dependent on any sapience provided by anyone else.  
Granted, I _had_ been holding Him on a pedestal in my mind for so long. Perhaps that too was His doing, to some extent. It’s not far-fetched to say that one who provides a mind would do so in a way that benefits him and him alone, wouldn’t you agree? Therefore, whose to say He didn’t place Himself on that pedestal in my own head?  
Eugh. Actually, I find myself uncomfortable with that concept.

Funny, as I had always thought it was the _Infection’s_ mind-sabotaging symptoms that insects were warned against. As far as I knew, the Infection was known to hijack minds, turning insects dangerously hostile despite whatever desires they might’ve harbored beforehand.  
The notion that something could swipe away my control – or anyone’s control, for that matter – was… unnerving, to say the least. Hence why I was entirely perturbed by the citizens’ sudden obedient switch.  
To reduce an insect to their base instincts, as the Infection does… hm… that’s the complete opposite of the King’s power, isn’t it? I hadn’t noticed that until now. I suppose that leads to the question on which is “better?” Solely base instincts or a total lack thereof?  
…Not sure I like the idea of either.

Well, speaking of the Infection, this was around the time it unexpectantly arose once more.  
Unexpectantly by everyone else’s standards, of course. I knew better than to expect anything by this point! Especially after that speech… why should anyone have trusted any plan of His, if He was so inclined to lie about it? You understand why I’d have my doubts! And why _everyone_ should’ve had those doubts!  
I swear, this was one of those occasions where _not_ hearing rumors was almost worse than hearing too many! Were these bugs too cowardly to speak ill of their King? Yes, most likely, but that doesn’t excuse their inaction!

No matter their faith in His plan, the Infection returned. With a vengeance, it seemed! Reports of infected insects sprung up through the streets, what with some insects fretting for their safety or others worrying for their loved ones. Seeing the rise in panic only solidified my theories. I had _known_ it, I _knew_ the King was hiding something, and this failure was indicative of it!  
If only _He_ had known of my wondrous precepts, then He would’ve thought twice before… doing whatever He did that messed up so tragically. Per Precept Nineteen: _“If You Try, Succeed.”  
_Yet another reason He’d regret His lies… He’d never know of the advice I’d have bestowed upon Him. For I was an independent knight, no longer striving for His acknowledgement.

With the second wave of Infection on the horizon, the people of the city, clearly not learning from their mistakes, cried out for the King’s action to put a stop to this encroaching plague. I scoffed at them all, and I still scoff now! The first plan was a dud, so I was unsure what had them hoping for a superior one from the same poor excuse for a King.  
It turns out, His next course of action was to shut down the city’s gates. His reasoning? Absolutely beyond me. I’m well aware of His incompetence, but _surely_ He’d know that wouldn’t work! The Infection preyed on minds, did it not? So, what use would shutting the city’s gates have? There must be a crucial detail I’m missing to understand this faulty logic!

This decision of His, however, proved problematic to me. I was not too fond of the idea of being trapped in that city, especially with my increasing distaste for it and its ruler. I had been tossing around the possibility of leaving for some time, as… there was no viable reason for me to remain there. My goal was… not completed, but not _failed._  
Abandoned?... No, I don’t like how that sounds. Nullified thanks to a revelation?... Agh, its status doesn’t matter now! I wasn’t pursuing that goal any longer, so there was nothing to keep me in that terrible, awful city. Plus, think of all the hardships I faced there! Think of the suffering! Beastly “knights,” the looming threat of drowning, constant annoying rainfall, and an untrustworthy monarch.  
You’re free to offer up reasons why I should’ve stayed, if you like. It won’t change the decision I made, nor my opinions, and it’s overall pointless to even attempt…  
Perhaps you shouldn’t, then. Keep your thoughts to yourself!

I made my choice. I left that city before they had the opportunity to shut me in forever. Before I was assassinated by that “Great Knight” or whomever he might’ve paid off. Before I would be forced to live through anymore unfortunate experiences.  
Since I _still_ couldn’t locate the entry building that I initially came through, I opted to use a great elevator up into an area known as The Crossroads. It was an impressively massive thing, capable of supporting a large amount of passengers at a time… unlike those claustrophobic smaller ones in _every other building of the city,_ which _could_ supposedly hold five or so citizens at once, but that doesn’t mean they _should._  
As for how I knew of this grand elevator, well, there were _signs._ That I _read.  
_…And word-of-mouth. I was far from the only one choosing to flee this land of misfortune and seek out finer destinations.

All that was left to do was _find_ the damned thing.  
I thought I had grown used to the twisting, complex streets of the city, but navigation did _not_ prove any simpler no matter how long I had been there. Multiple times I found myself wandering down dead ends, leaving me reasonably frustrated! I didn’t have _time_ to be getting lost – which I _wasn’t_. I had to get out of that place before it was too late! How pitiful it would’ve been, to get locked up in that city after such valiant efforts to escape! I would rather perish before I let myself fall into such a fate!  
With this in mind, I marched through puddles, cautiously maneuvered around canals whenever possible, pushed my way through crowds, and eventually, I knew I’d find my ticket out of there. I couldn’t, and I wouldn’t, give up, even as my frustration increased with every wrong way.  
It was the signs, I assure you. The signs I could read. They were pointing me in the wrong directions!

…However, it was going down one of these misguided paths that I found… well, I suppose I _met_ someone that would be accompanying me for quite some time following. Whether I wanted that or not.  
Which, at the time, I _did not._

The first clue that something was amiss was a trail of broken glass. I had branched off from one of the main streets, unknowingly heading down one lesser traveled. There were no other insects around, which in of itself was odd. Even with the Infection scaring bugs into their homes, the streets were bustling still; so, finding a spot where no other bug was present… it was intriguing. That was the only reason I continued down that way, even though I _knew_ it was the incorrect path. Undeniably the only reason.  
The glass shards were scattered about, some stained with traces of hemolymph. None of it was tinted orange, for if it had been, I would’ve had Life-Ender ready to strike at any moment! I was prepared to lash out if need-be, but I had no reason to suspect danger here. Expectations are _bad,_ remember?  
It ended up as the right call, anyway. Carefully stepping down the passageway, I had heard a sound. Soft, nearly silent… I had to strain myself to hear it properly.

It was crying. Hurt whimpers of something at the end of the path. I had assumed it was the source of the hemolymph, and my assumption turned out correct. Something was there, harmed, and it sounded as if it was struggling to contain its whines… as if it was afraid something would find it if it was too loud.  
Stealthily, just in case this was an elaborate lure to prey on an insect’s empathy, I followed the sound. I wasn’t too keen on having a confrontation with _any_ wounded insect, as a nosk’s natural impulse would be to finish off any weakling it encounters… but something urged me forward anyhow.  
And no, before you even _think_ of it, I had eaten just before my journey to the elevator began. Used up the rest of my geo for it. So, it wasn’t anything sinister, thank you! Not that I’d ever have a sinister instinct!

Finally, I neared the end of the passage. It led to a dead end, as expected, but there was a small figure curled up in the shadows. It was pitifully trembling, choking on sobs it refused to let surface. The way it pressed itself into the corner, trying to seem as small as possible… my theory was undoubtably right. It was hiding from something, or someone… potentially whatever hurt it with that broken glass.  
How dishonorable, to go after something so weak and frail! There’s nothing to be gained from picking on something that cannot fight back, as this creature certainly couldn’t!  
…No, _no,_ don’t try to turn that around on me and the Uomas! They _could_ fight back, you see? They were electrical, zappy monsters… a nuisance to their environment! This thing had no defenses, from what I could tell.

Easily seeing through the darkness, as that’s what my flawless eyes are more accustomed to, I could make out what this tiny thing was. It had a dull green color to it, with wide eyes that obviously were unable to adjust to that dim atmosphere. It had no mask, nor arms, yet had plenty of nubby legs. It had a rather chubby body, made notable by how scrunched up it was on itself.  
A meager, weak little _grub._ I was honestly astounded with this discovery. I hadn’t seen a grub like this before this point, but I had heard of them. The people of the city seemed to share a common disdain for the creatures, spitting their name as if it were an insult. Does it have to do with how fragile grubs are, and fragility is seen as negative to city bugs? I didn’t think that was a common thread between creatures of Deepnest and those outside of it, but alas, strength is held above all else in every world, I suppose.  
As it should be! Do not misunderstand that as a negative thing! Strength is _important,_ and it would do you well to remember that.

At any rate, there I was; in an isolated alley with a woeful, wounded grub. It hadn’t yet caught sight of me, so I had the option to silently turn away and return from whence I came… and that was a very promising choice… but something held me there. I wanted nothing more than to leave this feeble thing behind, so to suffer the consequences of weakness… but I didn’t. Perhaps it was knowing that way of thinking to be entirely a nosk’s mentality. We would see something below us, and we’d kill it ourselves or leave it to die. It’s just how it worked.  
I wasn’t eager to put it out of its misery, so I thought leaving it would be the… better alternative? I don’t know. I didn’t know. I hadn’t been faced with that situation before, alright?

With my amazing luck, the moment I forced myself to turn around, desperately pushing myself to desert the helpless grub… _that’s_ when it spotted me.  
Apparently, I was not whatever it feared. Worse yet, it didn’t fear me at all! In fact, with a sudden trill of happiness, it lunged for me! Expecting an attack, I just about battered it with Life-Ender just to drive it away, but I didn’t get the chance! The confounded thing toppled me, forgetting all about the lacerations that covered it and absolutely _bursting_ with joy!  
You must understand, I had never experienced something like that before. I was sure I had been tricked and attacked, and the moment I had an opportunity, I would’ve slain that beast with Life-Ender’s magnificent blade!  
I did realize, though, that the grub showed no intention of harming me. It was simply overjoyed that someone had rescued it; and I, for one, was more than happy to claim that heroic glory!... After I managed to order the grub _off_ me, anyway.

I’m sure you’ve noticed, but the mental battle I was having with myself at the time was _disastrous._ I find it embarrassing even now. I kept jumping between nosk instinct, what’s morally acceptable, my own beliefs, and… it was a _conundrum._  
I would never toil this way in the present! I’ve learned since then that only _my_ beliefs matter. Instinct is important, yes, and it wouldn’t do to abandon it, and knowing what’s morally acceptable is useful; but _your_ desires are all that matter! Again, I will repeat this as much as I need to: Do _not_ let others influence you!

The endeavor I faced then forced me to question all of the above.  
My instincts screamed to tear the grub apart and feast, but I was… already sure that _was not_ what I would be doing.  
What’s morally acceptable would’ve been to take the grub out of there and protect it to the best of my abilities. After all, I was a knight now, as I so proclaimed! A knight, serving a King or not, still worked to aid those that were less fortunate.  
As for my personal beliefs… _Hah,_ Gods only know what those were _…_ Considering how ridiculously I was influenced back then.

I ended up going with the morally acceptable route. Sort of.  
…Okay, admittedly, I initially chose none of them. I recall backing away from the grub, uselessly telling it to stay put, and then… _ugh…_ dashing away as fast as I could. Cowardly.  
This was a fruitless effort, too, as the grub managed to keep after me with a steady pace. No matter my attempts to lose the creature by making sharp turns, it somehow managed to find me every time!  
I believe these creatures often travel through burrowing, so they may just instinctively know how to recognize vibrations in the ground... My _running_ likely just gave away my location, too.

Escape was futile. I was doomed.

Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that my efforts were entirely ineffective. The grub trailed after me as if I were its mother, sticking as close as possible without fail.  
It’s stubbornness in its refusal to be deterred… reminded me a lot of myself. Well, _no,_ I am _not_ comparing myself to a weak grub, that’s _not_ my point. I am far from feeble or dependent on others, as this creature was! Also, I am _not_ stubborn like a _toddler_ is. I’m simply resolute!  
Despite this reluctant acceptance of my new situation, I knew the many issues that came with traveling alongside someone else… hence Precept Eight, _“Travel Alone.”_ I didn’t want this grub to slow me down!  
…And, genuinely, I hadn’t wished to drag it into danger. It couldn’t defend itself at _all,_ and that left _me_ to defend it instead.  
I wasn’t sure how I reached that decision, honestly. Nosk instincts would’ve had me leave the grub as a distraction should we face complications… yet there I was, explaining to a grub that I didn’t _want_ it around, but if it was so determined to pursue me, it would have to fend for itself somehow. Only then would I allow it to stick around.  
I still remember the blank, confused look I got as a response. Not sure why I expected it to understand me. Not sure why I _expected_ in the first place! See, I’m telling you, expectations are _haunting me._

So, at a loss of what to do with my new, unwanted companion, I made my way back to the main streets and continued my search for the elevator… which was, naturally, the very next street.

…I… I’m very sidetracked. What precept is this? Forty-two? Forty-one?... Uhm…

Ah, yes! Forty! _“Obey No Law But Your Own!”_ That still stands! Laws written by others may inconvenience you or be a burden. Let your own desires be the only law! I’m sure I’ve argued this rather well already.

_…I miss that grub._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GRUB ARC START GRUB ARC START GRUB AR-
> 
> Okay hear me out, the Grub Arc is something I came up with quite a while after the finished plan was made, but I just. How could I NOT  
> The idea of Zote, this bastard man, this little shit, this asshat, finding himself in a situation where he has to care for a child that won’t leave him alone? When he doesn’t like fathers so the whole idea of him being a father figure would be wild?? And he has little to no experience with children??? Yes sir
> 
> As for how Grub got there:  
> Thank you Collector, very cool!
> 
> As for why Grubs are disliked:  
> Grubs go through a metamorphosis, right? Ya’ll wonder if they become… moth? Whether they do or not, I’m suRE the bugs of hallownest would think so, and those that’re completely loyal to the Pale King are bound to have some disliking for insects known for worshipping the Radiance beforehand  
> In my own personal headcanon, this is why the Collector has a grub obsession,, since they’re a somewhat taboo, and it’s a funky mixture of “I am void, I am taboo! Taboo solidarity!” and perhaps, with the whole Vitruvian grub nonsense, that evolved into a weird grub worship?? Like “your taboo has religious meaning so now I Am More Interested”  
> I dunno It’s 1am I’m very tired, I hated writing this chapter it’s so lONG why did I DO THIS


	19. Eat Quickly and Drink Slowly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote struggles to care for the grub now in his custody.
> 
> Hijinks ensue with slugs, food, and maybe some water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **my original plot for the “drink slowly” half, which would take a closer look at zote’s drowning trauma while also being some lowkey grub fluff:** [impossible to do with map problems leaving me to redo this chapter entirely]  
>  **me:** fuck
> 
> So, thanks to ^ that, this chapter was entirely rewritten! Great! I mean, honestly, I kinda prefer some’a the interactions in this over that version, but still. Big oof. I apologize if this one’s not as fulfilling as usual, it lost some of the OOMPh it originally had and instead more grub fluff. Really screwed myself on this one shgksjghkljhkljh
> 
> Lord knows what I had planned for this chapter before I added the grub arc,,, and what I would’ve done thanks to those mapping issues then,,, Honestly past self what was your plan here without a grub? Was this destined for grub? I suppose so!!!  
> Anyway this is the chapter where zote says “we’re inclusive here” and says if you drink water (or in general) then maybe you’re ok but he personally doesn’t respect you
> 
> Featuring Salubra! I hadn’t been planning on mentioning her but somehow she showed up! Woo!

**_Eat Quickly and Drink Slowly_ **

I already know what you’re thinking.   
_“But o’ Mighty Zote, with such evolutionary advantages and overall superior nature to all other organic beings, you do not require liquids to survive! For whatever purpose should you write a precept that speaks a great deal toward the consumption of such fluids?”_

Well, that question has a remarkably simple answer! While these fantastic precepts were written as my _own_ code of honor, they are meant to be shared and equally followed by everyone! While I may be an exception in terms of drinking, I know the _majority_ of insects are not! Thus, I was sure to include a section on the benefits of drinking slowly – should you require drinking at all!   
Know this, however… I still pity you, and all other insects, who must rely on the substance. It’s a horrible burden you must bear, but I urge you to think of it this way: Your survival for this long, even with an added problem, shows your strength! You’ve triumphed despite your weakness! While, of course, your honor will never match my own, feel _proud_ of the glory you have now! Take a moment to consider that.

But not too long! Don’t _dwell._ Only _acknowledge_ it, then move on!

Now that I’ve sufficiently explained myself, let’s pick up where we left off, shall we?  
…Actually, let’s skip over the details of the elevator ride. It’s not crucial to the story! It was stuffy and crowded, too many insects on at once, and constant condescending expressions toward myself and the grub alongside me. Said grub seemed unbothered, as any tough bug would’ve been.   
They certainly understood how to stand their ground! Perhaps that was all part of their stubborn nature.  
…Or they just didn’t understand the stares. Nor the muttering and whispering of the other passengers. That’s all very possible, too.

The moment that elevator had come to a halt, I wasted no time getting as far ahead of that crowd as possible. The grub had no issue following me, as the other insects would part for them and let them pass. Some would scoff or spit in disgust, and I promise you, I was just about ready to turn back and raise my nail for their attitudes! For what purpose should they pick on something so frail and innocent? I’d have understood if it had been pity or sympathy that they’d express at the sight of the grub, but it was some personal vendetta that was far outside of my knowledge at the time. Frankly, I don’t understand it now, either!   
Whatever their reasons, I thought their acts childish and petty. This was just a child they all treated so harshly, for Wyrm’s sake! I suppose it had been similar in the nosk den, but surely these insects would’ve been different? Their tendency to sympathize or grow affectionate was what us nosks often took advantage of. Hence why it was something we’d also personally avoid.   
What was their problem with the grub?  
You’re free to explain that to me! That’s genuinely something still baffling, and I know just about everything already!

Regardless, the grub and I ventured onward. With no specific destination in mind, I was wandering aimlessly, hoping for a new quest to surface and a new goal to pursue. Being a knight, I had duties to fulfill, people to protect… yet I wasn’t sure where to start.   
Well, I could argue that I was already protecting that grub… and I was forming a plot to return it to their home, wherever that may be.  
I still recall the multiple times they went trailing after a rouge tiktik, squealing playfully before they would inevitably have their soft shell pricked on the tiktik’s spikier one. A wail would follow, I would heroically cut down the fiendish creature to avenge the pathetic thing, and then the cycle would repeat.   
It was ridiculous! After the fifth time, I sat the grub down and gave them a stern lecture on avoiding danger when not being threatened. It’s foolish to seek out peril when the opponent shows no intention to harm you! The tiktiks were just defending themselves since this little menace kept chasing after them, after all. There was no reason for such behavior! The tiktiks did not understand a concept of play, therefore, the grub’s attempts were useless and only endangering them. So, I _tried_ to make that clear. More than once.

The way the grub had stared back at me, eyes wide and round; I had momentarily believed that I was understood. Fear in their gaze, as they finally realized their mistakes, and how it could only hurt them! Yes, another success for Zote the Mighty, and his absolutely flawless communication skills!  
Flawless or not, the language barrier between us made everything I said entirely null and void… I figured that out at the sixth time.

Yet I was undeterred! I persevered, repeating the concept slowly, through gestures, in simpler language – whatever I possibly could to get the message across. What a hassle it was, and how much worse it could’ve been if they had been fatally wounded! Their grit was no match for my own, though, no matter how impressive!  
At the twelfth stab and cry, they _finally_ understood it, thus choosing to longingly watch the tiktiks from afar instead. I praised their persistence, however, as it was something to behold! Failure after failure, they kept at their goal. They had persisted _despite_ my scolding and warning. They had persisted _despite_ the pain caused.  
Any other circumstance, and I would’ve admired it longer.   
That, on the other hand, had clearly been a useless effort from the beginning. So, I was sure to conclude my praises with that, before they grew too excited and tried for a lucky thirteen.

Our journey eventually had us crossing a bridge with a small row of houses beneath it. It wasn’t large enough to be a village, so I doubted it had been where most evacuating insects were headed. I remember hearing a couple voices while the grub and I passed by, but I had no intention of dropping down and meeting the locals. Not yet, anyway! Once this grub was safe and returned to wherever it had come from, I planned to return to that place, and do what I could to aid the people there. _Those_ were going to be the people I protected! They’d learn my name, share my story, and I would be known as the strongest, bravest knight in Hallownest!   
Sure, it was a quaint little thing, but everyone must start small! Not to say I couldn’t have started more ambitiously, such as being a city knight, but that goal was tossed aside! I would’ve been entirely capable, but the King missed His chance! Next time I came there, I would be taking over the blasted place, I swore it! I, a renowned knight, known for my valance, my heroism, my courage… He would know His place, and everyone would respect _me_ over _Him!_ What a glorious sight that would’ve been!  
Seeing as He’s either dead or dying now with a ruined kingdom, I’d say I won. Not that I particularly want to have rule over these cursed ruins now… nor do I think anyone should.

At the other end of the bridge – which, I feel I must mention, was _crumbling_ as we were crossing… that was _not_ assuring in the slightest – a building and a bench stood alone. Said building resembled a small house or hut, and a strange pink glow came from underneath the door. I clearly remember hearing laughter inside, but I had very little interest in finding the source of it. The grub, on the other hand, was so hopelessly intrigued that they _had_ to find out, even with a word from me to be cautious with curiosity!   
At first, they had bumped their head against the closed door, crying out in frustration when that didn’t work. I unwisely assumed that would be their only attempt. Not wanting to linger – and not wanting to deal with a potential threat, as I’m sure you understand – I kept moving along as I had been, thinking the grub would follow as it always had.  
I was sorely mistaken! Incredibly so! Any other time, they had so faithfully trailed after me; but of course, _then_ is when they decide to go their own way!   
I heard the ground shift, and when I turned back, I saw the tail of the grub disappear into the dirt! I now know the grubs to be burrowers, but back then, I had thought something had snatched them up from beneath our feet!   
Wielding Life-Ender and preparing to descend after them, I was then startled- no… caught off-guard? Egh, that sounds worse! I’m never off-guard!   
My attention was _drawn up,_ as I was alerted to the sound of the hut’s door opening. I drew back and held Life-Ender ready to strike before I was entirely thrown for a loop.   
Standing on the other side of the door was the grub. A stupidly oblivious, _smug_ smile on their face.

I was just about ready to swat the creature upside the head! Not only did they cause worry, but they had just broken into this place! No knight should ever be breaking and entering, and I wasn’t about to be associated with a fiend that did so!   
Before I could begin yet another pointless lecture that would certainly fly over the grub’s head, a voice called from inside the hut… which, apparently, was a shop all along.   
With an obnoxious fragrance that had me _reeling,_ I must say! It hit me like a wave, and it was nearly worse than the fumes of the Fungal Wastes! Fighting past it, as I wasn’t going to let an odor overpower me, I squinted through a thick fuchsia fog to see whom had spoken.

I was greeted by a large slug-like creature, covered in beads and jewelry and joyously introducing herself as a “charm-lover” by the name Salubra. When prompted as to what charms were, she was taken aback by my ignorance to such “wonderful things,” and went on a long explanation as to what a “charm” was. Supposedly, they’re small accessories that grant power to those that adorn themselves with them… this power is allegedly one-of-a-kind and extraordinary, enough to change an insect’s life!  
It all sounded like nonsense to me. A scam, for sure! How could those tiny pins hold such energy? Enough to alter a bug’s strength so drastically? Rubbish!   
Before I could confront her with these questions, she kept blabbering on, changing the subject onto the grub. Strangely, she did not share in the distaste other bugs felt. She insinuated that the grubs were some form of taboo, yet refused to give details on that, instead gushing over that fact and cooing for my companion to come closer. I barely had time to react to anything, as the grub gladly approached and relished in the attention they received.

We shared a brief eye contact in that moment: Me glaring in disapproval, and them giving me a dopey expression in return. Evil thing.

Given a moment to speak, I had explained my unwillingness to enter this store initially, clarifying that the _grub_ was the one so interested in this merchant’s store, for a reason unbeknownst to me. Cheerfully, Salubra theorized it had been the scent of some snacks she had with her, and then set out to prove it. When she turned away, I nearly took the chance to dash out of there, fearing I had entered an inescapable trap what with Salubra’s insistence on chatting. My plan was foiled, however, as she turned back quickly, and held out something small and green in her hand.   
The grub practically lunged for it, devouring the treat in seconds! Salubra laughed about it, speaking dotingly to the grub with a plethora of pet names. I, however, was keen enough to think of every possibility! What if that had been poisoned? What if she now expected payment, or something in return?   
Needing an escape, I hurriedly claimed we had somewhere to be. If she refused to let us leave, I would’ve easily put up a spectacular fight, having her regret ever trapping us here! I bet she lured my companion in, knowing we’d be there! I wasn’t about to let her get away with this!

Likely scared of what I was capable of, she responded with understanding, and fondly waved us away; asking us to return whenever we’d like, and we’d “always be welcome.”  
Hah! As if I’d fall for such trickery! Next time we’d return, she’d do whatever she failed to that time around, I was sure of it! So, with the grub in tow, we tactfully fled.   
_Then_ I chided the creature for their asininity! They didn’t seem like they were having a negative reaction to whatever they ate, but that changed nothing! Accepting something so potentially treacherous from a stranger… a risky maneuver not worth taking!  
They were entirely unphased by my reprimands, as usual, and instead crawled toward some sprouting greenery nearby. Obviously hungry still, they munched away on the plantlife, looking to me with the most inattentive, unconcerned, careless face they could possibly manage. Evil, I say. Absolutely diabolical.

The speed at which they ate was likely unhealthy, but I had long since decided to let them learn their lesson through trial and error. That seemed to be the only method they understood, so! Whose fault was it when they would inevitably grow sick to their stomach? Not _mine,_ anyway!  
Either way, I took their example for this precept… at least half of it. Eat quickly, yet not _too_ quickly! Food must go in as fast as possible, only to be sure you keep moving. I wasn’t about to dawdle there forever! I would not be held up by this insufferable little thing! Not waiting long, I resumed my expedition onward; and _this_ time, they were sure to follow behind. As they _should’ve._

Well, I should say, I thought I would resume onward. Where I had thought there would be a tunnel or passage… there was nothing but a wall. That bridge led to _just_ that shop? It was blasphemous! A waste of time! I thought there’d be more that way, but apparently not!   
A ledge was above us, but it was far out of our reach. How disastrous my luck continued to be! All that for nothing but a dire encounter with a scam artist! Worthless, absolutely awful!  
I think, even then, the grub shared in my disappointment. We both stood there and aggravatedly seethed at the stone wall as if it had wronged us, which it had, before exasperatedly turning away again.

It occurred to me then that this grub, as most insects tended to, likely needed fluids. I was not too thrilled at the idea of being near liquids again – not that I was _afraid,_ as I don’t feel fear! – but I knew the grub would grow thirsty eventually. Hustling past Salubra’s shop, I hopped down from the ledge and landed gracefully in front of the small town below. As I mentioned previously, I hadn’t wanted to stop there yet, but I didn’t plan to stay long. I had hoped another shop would be in that little town, as I had _no_ intentions on entering that “charm-lover’s” hut ever again.  
I was indeed successful at locating a small, hidden away merchant’s store, which fortunately was giving water for free. I had not a single geo left, so that was incredibly lucky! Luckier than anything I had experienced thus far! Perhaps this was the start of a new streak, to end the lengthy unlucky one preceding it.   
The shopkeeper explained that they were closing for good, planning on moving to someplace safer, what with the infection springing up again. It made sense, I suppose, but I had no clue as to where they intended to go. I hadn’t yet known of the town I reside in now!   
Dirtmouth, I believe it to be called? Yes… a village on the surface. Such a thing seemed impossible at the time.

Either way, my efforts to keep this grub hydrated were for naught. Just as with me, grubs do not need to drink to survive! What a wonderful coincidence, and yet another addition to my newly acquired lucky streak!   
This did leave me with an issue, though. A canteen of water that neither of us needed. I suppose I could’ve passed it off to someone else, or dropped it somewhere and abandoned it, but those alternatives both seemed equally wasteful! You never know what supplies you may need and when! Keep a hold on everything you have, as anything could prove useful in the future! I held onto that canteen, leaving that town almost as quickly as I arrived.

…However… despite my own mantra against curiosity… I did find myself wondering. Foolishly, imbecilically! My experience with fluids had already been entirely negative. Nearly fatal! Nothing good could come from it, and genuinely, having it on my person did _not_ make me comfortable!  
Nonetheless, I wondered just _how_ drinking worked. Too much too fast, and one could drown… I learned that the hard way.  
So… did insects drink a bit at a time? Is that how it worked? Surely, there had to be _some_ way, or else all bugs that drink would have been extincted long ago!... Right? You’re not about to tell me bugs that require liquids are immune to drowning, or something of that like? No. No! That can’t be it. Surely not.

Well, even with my doubts and better judgement, I chose to experiment.   
…And I will not go into it! I assure you _this,_ however:  
Not once did I choke, leading to a panic as I fully believed I was suffocating again, thus leading the _grub_ to panic, until I finally coughed it all up. That did not happen.  
If it _did_ happen, then why would I have done it a _second_ time, slower, just to see the difference?... Which ended up working, mind you! I finally understood it! But… I wouldn’t have done it again if I did something so painful the first time! That’d be… unwise! That would imply I have the same trial-and-error mentality as the grub, which I _did not_ and _do not._

At any cost, the experience left me with this precept’s ideology. Eat quickly, but handle fluids at a slower rate… Bah! Now that I think about it, how embarrassing would that be? To perish due to water? What a dishonorable death!   
I say water’s not worth the risk.

_One could argue insects aren’t worth the risk, either…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **zote:** Noo!!! You can’t just keep endangering yourself by playing with the tiktiks!!!!  
>  **grub:** haha spiky tiktiks go brrrrrrr
> 
> ALLRIIGHT updates are gonna be likely less frequent from here on out! I know I’ve been progressively slowing down anyway thanks to things popping up (I volunteer at an animal shelter + I have physical therapy appointments), but school starts for me on Monday. I dunno how much time I’ll have, but I’ll still update whenever I get a chance to! Don’t worry. I’m not giving up on this monstrosity. I wILL NOT ABANDON THIS, I would get so ANGRY with myself if I did
> 
> Anyway! Next chapter might be a bit shorter than usual, but lord knows that’s bound to change between now and then!!!!  
> Hope ya’ll are doing alright!! I’ve adopted a habit of exclaiming “welcome to hell!” whenever I get a new kudo/bookmark/subscriber on this, because how ya’ll are putting up with my bullshit is beyond me but I appreciate every one of you <333!!!! Getting to 100 kudos is wild!! ;;;;;;
> 
> Also ya’ll got name ideas for the grub? I don’t wanna keep referring to it as “the grub” the whole time, though I’m sure whatever name I settle on will end up as zote giving this poor child a nickname instead,,, since the grubs,,, do not speak


	20. Beware the Mysterious Force

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote gets angry at gravity, wishes the grub knew how to speak properly, and may or may not walk into the Black Egg Temple one time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School sucks I hate it, here’s (shorter than usual!) zote chapter
> 
> I realized while reading this precept that he’s talking about gravity and I just. Oh. Oh he legit doesn’t understand why he keeps falling over. Oh no. oh no my son. Please someone explain it to him
> 
> Also grub fluff + I just really wanted zote to go in the black egg temple one (1) time! It wasn't really relevant to the rest of the plot at first but,, I've found a little way to tie it in to other things :)
> 
> Also also I legit just finished this a few seconds ago and I don't really have a chance to read over it right noW HGKJSH, so if things read funky or weird or clunky I apologize, I might edit this tomorrow a bit :,)

**_Beware the Mysterious Force_ **

I often find myself wondering what holds us down to the soil. If you jump, you are destined to fall, and that is nature’s way… but I’ve never understood it. Who says this force should control me or my movement? I control myself, as we’re all well aware! Nothing, not even that mysterious force, could ever hold me down! No matter how much it may try!  
Though it’s done a remarkable job thus far, I will admit. One misstep, and you could be sent plummeting to the ground, all thanks to that… whatever it is! How outrageous!  
Not that I’ve ever accidentally fallen before, of course. No, I’m better than that force! My steps are calculated and perfect, as is the rest of me, thank you very much.

Anyway, whatever this force is, it was incredibly bothersome in this part of my journey. A good portion of the Crossroads had begun to crumble, leaving gaps to jump across and ledges to reach toward. No matter for me, as my unmatched agility made it as easy as just about anything else!  
The grub had taken to _cheating,_ however, as they simply burrowed through the soil and reappeared wherever necessary. This mysterious force had no bearing on the compacted underground, which is _highly_ unfair. You’d think, with a claustrophobic space, that force would be heightened! Crushing, inescapable… barely any room for the grub themselves; so, _surely,_ the force wouldn’t have any room, either… thus strengthening it. That makes sense, so why isn’t that the case?  
Bah, why am I pondering over this? It’s no use to linger on mysteries! We’ve been through this! _Precept Fifty!_ I’m wasting my time!

My point is, I never appreciated the grub getting so far ahead of me! Of course, I could’ve surpassed them at any moment, but it would be dishonorable of me to leave something so pitiful behind! After all, I had taken up the mantle of knight, and it was my duty to protect the weak.  
I’d like to clarify that I did not _care_ for the insufferable creature… if they ended up crunched in the jaws of a beast due to their own hubris, well, it wouldn’t have affected me at all! Aside from that loss being my first and only failure, should it have come to that. Which it did not, as I do not fail!  
Despite this, and despite my shouts for them to stay nearby or behind me, they always jumped ahead. Such reckless behavior was bound to get them injured, and eventually, it did.  
Foolishly, they must’ve overshot where they were burrowing, as they ended on the very edge of the broken pavement. We were on a high point, and I was close behind, just managing to climb up to the same location. Popping up out of the soil, _through_ the pavement, and clueless as to their surroundings; the grub instantly went tumbling off the ledge! I remember their squeal of terror as they plummeted down… leaving me to, heroically, race after them! That force had mercilessly dragged them unto the hard ground below, cruel as it was, having them cry out at the impact.

I wasted no time leaping down after them! No hesitation in the slightest and landing gracefully.  
I did _not_ pause with reluctance, and furthermore, I did _not_ land clumsily nor face-first. Neither of these things happened, and if someone tells you otherwise, it’s _slander!_ And nothing more!  
My _flawless_ landing, exceptional as it was, must’ve shocked the grub so much that they momentarily forgot their injuries; instead gleefully laughing. Er… cheering. Yes, _cheering._ Not laughter. For they had no reason to laugh!  
Their applause – welcomed by myself! – was cut short, as they were obviously harmed by their stumble. They took to going still on the ground, unmoving, yet whimpering in what was undoubtedly shame. This would _not_ do, as we couldn’t just lay around dilly-dallying! For quite some time, I urged them to get back up so we could be on our way, but they ultimately refused with every attempt. I almost began to suspect this as a ploy, so that they could take a moment to rest after all our walking… but if that had been the case, they should’ve just spoken up! I wouldn’t have _gladly_ stopped to rest, but at least then they would not have harmed themselves! In the position they were in, paired with their refusal to even _try_ walking, I couldn’t even gleam an idea of the state of their injuries! _Egh,_ it would have been so much simpler had they just said something.

Granted, their speaking was limited to none. The most I ever got from them were squeaks and unintelligible mumbling, which proved irritating after some time!  
Hmph, they couldn’t even get my name right, now that I think about it! Names are important, as you know, and as I was sure to inform them; but despite my valiant efforts, no matter how much I repeated _“Zote the Mighty,”_ the closest they managed was _“Za.”_ That is _not_ my name, nor my title, and I was sure to protest against this! Yet they must’ve misunderstood my objections, as they were sure to refer to me that way from then on out.  
Insufferable, I say! _Insufferable!_

I bet they expected me to give up. I’m certain they thought I’d let them have their way, and we’d settle there, _out in the open,_ until they felt healthy enough to get a move on.  
They were _wrong!_ I never forfeit, as forfeit is failure, and as I’ve assured you: I never fail!

While I could not coax them up, and they responded to commands with rebellion, I knew what could get them moving.  
 _Curiosity._ Their curiosity was their weakness. I had long since figured that one out, and I was now sure to utilize it! Per precept Twenty-Four, _“Strike the Foe’s Weak Point!”_ Even if this is a more metaphorical sense.  
Acting as if I was intending to leave them behind – which, for all intents and purposes, I very well could have been! Seeing as they were firm in their decision to stay put! – I wandered off down the pathway. I heard them call after me, as if asking where I was headed, but I did not answer their cries! If they were keen on finding out, they would follow.  
…Genuinely, I would not have gone too far without them. If their wounds were so serious that they _were_ unable to move, then… I would’ve needed a different plan.  
But this worked, as expected! What helped was the sight of strange architecture, with jet black walls nearly blending in with the dull surroundings. It was shaped like a gargantuan bug’s husk, left behind in ancient times and since then hollowed out. My _own_ curiosity took hold, and I stepped towards it.

Within seconds, I heard the grub inching after me. As I knew would happen! Victoriously, I triumphantly faced them once they caught up, sure to explain to them how masterfully my plan had worked… and how I expected them to shape up. Whether they understood my words or not, they must have got the gist of it; for they pouted, uselessly, before their attention mirrored my own in turning toward the structure before us.

I now know this place to be titled the _“Black Egg Temple.”_ A fitting name, as what stood inside this structure was a massive egg-shaped… cocoon? I’m ignorant toward what lays inside exactly, but I’m sure it’s not very important. For if it was, I would’ve noticed, and I would’ve done something about it!  
The grub and I entered cautiously, unsure at the time what could’ve been waiting past the entrance. While not another bug could be seen inside, I almost couldn’t help but feel a _presence._ One aside from the grub’s and my own. One that was not visible.  
It was very unnerving. Enemies that aren’t visible is not something I’m accustomed to, but that goes without saying! Who _is_ accustomed to invisible enemies? I should hope it’s not a common occurrence!... Either way, I would’ve been more than prepared to cut them to pieces if need-be!  
Yet nothing stirred. We were not approached nor ambushed… and nothing… made any sound at all, actually. Even the grub fell silent in this place, staring wide-eyed at three mask-like symbols on the egg’s… door? Seal? Whatever it had been. Whatever it _is,_ as last I saw, it still stands… only adding to the eerie nature of it, I would argue.

I didn’t want to stay there long. Something hung in the air, almost as if it were seeping out of the egg itself. It was hard to breathe in and clouded my mind for reasons unknown to me. While the room was spacious, I couldn’t help but feel closed in. Trapped. I completely forgot that I shared this room with the grub, instead… spacing out, in a sense. Losing focus.  
Something _called_ to me, and I know it, even if it seems ridiculous now. It was tempting me with… something. Promises? Promises of… of…  
…I can’t recall. Strange, isn’t it?

Well, whatever it was, I knew far better than to trust promises. Precept Thirty.

Oddly enough, it was the grub that shook me out of it. I could’ve broken free myself, of course, but they seemed unaffected by the… trance-inducing air. They expressed concern, which I just had to laugh in response to! Them, concerned for _me?_ Hah! As if I’d ever need someone to worry after me, especially not a _grub._  
I assured them that I was more than capable of handling myself, but then hastily suggested we leave that… uncomfortable place. Before they could answer, I was already walking out, trying to ignore the brand new headache that had started.  
Which was fantastic, by the way. Splendid. I couldn’t have asked for more.

…Now, shamefully, I ended up giving in to the grub’s demands for rest. But not for their sake! With them moving, I could get a glimpse of their injuries, and aside from a few new scrapes and a sore leg or two, nothing looked serious.  
Nevertheless, we stopped just outside the temple, allowing them to heal as I waited for the headache to dissipate. It was a well-deserved rest for _me,_ not for _them._ To be fair, while the mysterious force took a toll on the grub this once, it had been something I struggled with this whole time! Therefore, _I_ needed a rest far more than they did.  
And while we waited, I was left to my thoughts. In which I, blatantly against my noble precepts, dwelled on the past and lingered on mysteries! Disgraceful. The last thing I needed was unsolvable puzzles of mysterious forces and tainted air, alongside what miserable memories I had already. Too much to think about, and it was better to just abandon the thoughts and stay in the present. The past and the questions I held hurt my head to think about, so I chose to bury them. As I should have.

…Speaking of the mysterious force, that _was_ the point of this precept, was it not? Well, as I’ve explained, it bears down on us from above, pushing us downwards. If you spend too long in the air, the force will crush you against the ground and destroy you. This is what we know for a fact, without spending too long stressing over the impossible-to-explain details. Beware it!

Perhaps one day, we’ll find a way to stop this meddling force.  
Until then, I suppose we must adjust. Not for long, if I have anything to say about it.

Hmm… I wonder if that force and the temple are connected in some way?  
No, no… likely not.

 _Who, then, spoke to me? And why did they mimic_ her _?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> zote: not to be political or anything but what the FUCK is gravity
> 
> Writing about the grub makes me :) every time,, mainly because I have specific imagery in my head of cute scenes (that this bastard won’t mention) and I’m just like hghrhrrhghnh,,, babiey  
> It’s these times I wished I wrote this in 3rd person just so I could have those scenes in here,,,  
> I mean,, if I really want to I can make a “bonus scenes in 3rd person edition,” in which event(s) are actually properly explained from an unbiased perspective lmao- perhaps! We shall see
> 
> Also this chapter being finished was legit fueled by spite and spite alone!! My journeys through the zote tag on here have yielded little, but of that few, mANY are just him dying or otherwise suffering and I will not stand for this  
> and knowing full damn well what I have planned, I have NO ROOM TO SPEAK, but dhkjh SHH


	21. Borrow, But Do Not Lend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Entirely a grub chapter!  
> And sometimes, doing the right thing hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [finishes chapter earlier than expected]  
> it's over readers. I have the high ground
> 
> Aw man. Here it comes
> 
> The chapter in which Zote aggressively must deny having any sort of emotional attachment to the grub. That’s it, that’s all this chapter is gonna be  
> Time for some light pain :(

**_Borrow, But Do Not Lend_ **

Letting the fiendish grub have their way just _once_ proved to be a fatal error. Even if, as I’ve explained, the rest was not for _their_ sake, they chose to take it as such and grew entirely too smug about it! They babbled on and on with an air of boastfulness, even if I had made it abundantly clear that there was a language barrier between us that made them impossible to understand. They were entirely indifferent to this knowledge, likely taunting and teasing through their annoying little chitters! Any retorts from myself were met with mocking chirrups and squeaks, which only irritated me further!

Proving their devilish, terrible nature. Evil little thing. Absolutely diabolical, wicked, foul.   
All reasons why I certainly did not, under any circumstance, gain any sort of attachment to them. Their “cute” appearance was merely a façade! A trick! All to hide their true self: A scheming, malevolent, tiny _beast_ with no regard for their surroundings or the people around them!   
Pah! Wouldn’t you say that sort of behavior is akin to that of a _nosk?_ That’s exactly how I saw it! Therefore, there was no reason to view them in any light other than a negative one. It did not matter that they were but a child! They were malicious, as I’m sure you agree!

I did _not_ care for them. I was _not_ worried about their injuries. I would _not_ have been bothered if they up and died due to their insolence! Not in the slightest!  
As per Precept Eight, for instance: _“Travel Alone.”_ If anything, their constant presence was a burden! Always getting into trouble, subsequently dragging _me_ into their messes, and then daring to act either clueless or cocky about the carnage they caused! Utterly despicable.

So, in conclusion, I was merely outraged when they chose to curl up beside me and fall asleep. We were wasting time! You cannot even _fathom_ the fury I felt toward their defiance! So angry, in fact, I did nothing about it. If I gave them any sort of attention, they’d see that as a success! And I would _not_ allow this conniving little monster to prove any sort of point. I simply seethed about it internally, though enjoyed the new silence that fell over the Crossroads.   
A nice shift in atmosphere. The only sounds to be heard were far in the distance… a rumbling that reminded me of the garpedes of Deepnest, yet I know those creatures to be of a different species.   
What were those called… glimbacks? No… goam? I think that’s it… _agh,_ it doesn’t matter! It’s not relevant! Far too many creatures’ names began with that _‘Guh,’_ and it gets so needlessly confusing!

Silence, while peaceful, gives one far too much time to think. Sleeping would be a horrendous idea, as that would be letting my guard down! I never let my guard down, especially not in a dangerous new location! I knew of the Infection’s resurgence, so I wasn’t too interested in being mauled by an insane insect’s husk whilst I slumbered.   
Mulling over the past was not an option, and even if I _shamefully_ did that very thing anyway, I hastily switched the topic to something else.  
Back to the grub, in fact. My frustration subsided a bit – though still lingered! – and gave me room to ponder their… fate, I suppose.

Well, fate sounds rather morbid. I pondered the grub’s _future_ regarding myself.   
At the time, I had no idea where the grub belonged. As far as I knew, their family could’ve been eons away, or even dead. It’s a solemn thought, but it was possible! After all, that would have put us both in the same boat. Not that I was looking to relate to the grub by any means.  
However, if that were the case, I wasn’t sure what I’d do with them. Would I _truly_ put the weight of protecting them all on myself, and myself alone? Would I _honestly_ feel that much dedication? Was I _really_ planning on letting them trail after me until their inevitable demise?

Would I run the risk of forming a genuine connection with them?... Thus leading to the horrid emotions that would come with losing them?  
No. No! Of course not! No matter what happened, whether they clung to me for the rest of their life or not, I would _never_ fall into that trap. They were nothing but a problem. Something to despise for the stress they caused me.   
Plus, even if I did – which I would _never,_ as I know far better than to gain attachments to bugs – I would never be affected so harshly by _emotions,_ of all things. How pitiful would that be? They would die, and that is how it would be. Nothing to be done about it, so there’d be no reason to be upset over it.  
That is the point of Precept Seven, after all. _“Mourn Not the Dead.”_

Regardless, if they officially ended up stuck with me, I would need something to call them. Names are important! It would not do to refer to them as “grub” from then on, for that would be similar to nicknaming myself as “knight” or “nosk.” The latter of which would be highly offensive, as I would rather not be associated with that brutish species any longer!  
I’m sure they had a name of their own. I thought about asking them but realized I wouldn’t get an answer if I tried. I considered different altercations of “grub,” such as “Grubby” or “Grubbin,” but found myself cringing at the idea of referring to them as either of those.   
If using my earlier analogy… neither “knighty” nor “nosky” sound appealing _at all._

Perhaps a title would’ve sufficed? I almost considered something along the lines of “Apprentice” or “Pupil,” but then had to argue with myself on whether I wanted to be seen as their mentor or not. “The Mighty Knight’s Apprentice” was a close choice, but it was quite the mouthful.  
On the other hand, the temptation to simply call them “Cur” or “Menace” was nigh impossible to ignore. Cruel, maybe, but it’s not as if they’d understand me if I did! Up until that point I had frequently dubbed them “Fiend,” so it came pretty much naturally either way. I think they had even started responding to it after a while.

I spent a good portion of that time tossing around my options, keeping myself busy while I waited for the grub to awaken. After what felt like fifty years of this silent decision-making, they eventually woke up, rubbing the sleep out of their eyes and letting out a _loud_ yawn that initially broke me out of my concentration. Of course, I took the time to scold them, but they only responded with tired, disinterested murmurs. _Evil!_ Pure unadulterated _evil,_ I say.  
Taking my opportunity, I stood to my feet, earning a pathetic whine from them. I told them we had to get a move on, and they surprisingly complied after a series of grumbles. We had started off again, leaving that eerie temple behind and continuing our journey to… Wyrm-knows where, at that point.

I bet you’re asking now, _“What does any of this have to do with the precept at hand?”_  
I demand that you be patient! We’re getting to that, I assure you!  
Honestly, if you’d like to be figurative about it, you could say I was _lending_ my time and effort to this ungrateful grub. And it wasn’t worth it, as I’m about to explain! Lend nothing to no one, not even something untouchable! You gain nothing from it!

So, we ventured onward. I had wandered obliviously past a chain that led up to the surface through a well, and I somehow managed to pass it by on multiple occasions after that. You can’t blame me! It blended in perfectly with the surrounding area! Silence your judgement!  
Past that, however, we reached a dastardly series of platforms. The ground had clearly crumbled over time, leaving what was left to be – literally – hanging on by threads. I found myself wary of the cracked state of the pathways, as, when peering over the edge, I could see the very bottom of this room… far, far below us both. A fall from that height would promise nasty wounds. _Hmph,_ I mean, for the grub, of course. As if I’d let the mysterious force damage me that harshly!  
Flying beasts and tiktiks swarmed the place, their eyes only barely tinted with orange. Coupled with the risk of plummeting down onto nothing but solid rock, I wasn’t too keen on exploring that direction. I wasn’t afraid, mind you, I just didn’t see the point in wasting my time!

Despite this, the grub had other plans. I stepped back to turn around and head back the way we came, but they… well… something must’ve clicked with them. As if this area was familiar to them. Soon after, I would discover why.  
Disregarding my hesitance- no, my _calculated decision_ to not go on that way, the grub just… leapt from the ledge we stood on, right onto the other one beneath us! They couldn’t burrow to it, so I suppose jumping was their only option, but it was ludicrously dangerous for them! I shouted after them to come back – paired with some exasperated questioning as to their _purpose_ for such an action – but they ignored me! Any other time, they’d at _least_ have spared me a glance, but they didn’t turn back at all! They were suddenly incredibly rushed, inching toward an opening on a _different_ ledge on the other side of the room. With no other choice, I gave chase after them.

Much to my disdain, their reckless movements had startled the many creatures surrounding them! The tiktiks didn’t seem bothered, but the flying… uhm… those are gruzzers, I think? Whatever they were! Flying monstrosities! _Those_ locked on to the grub, targeting them and – albeit clumsily and lazily – charged! A foolish decision on their end, as I was not far behind! In the nick of time, I swooped in, slashing them away from the grub and shifting their attention onto me! There had to be thousands of them, all now focused on me and me alone! Ferociously, they began to attack me, but I was prepared for them! With Life-Ender at the ready, I sliced each and every one to slivers, leaving nothing but orange-stained stone in my path! Their afterlives would be filled with sorrow and regret for _ever_ putting the grub in danger!  
…Or me! Their mistake was attacking _me_ above all else.

Battling as if my life depended on it, I _slashed_ and _cut_ until I finally saw an opening in the swarm! And through that gap, I saw the grub latch on to the opposite ledge, successfully making it across. Don’t ask me how, as I was surprised myself, but they managed!  
Not wanting to lose sight of them, I dashed past the remaining feral insects, taking a running leap off that platform and to the other side! I landed _flawlessly_ on my feet, giving a triumphant gaze back at the confused beasts in my wake, before I followed the path the grub had taken.

What a thrilling fight that had been! If only you had been there, for you too would’ve marveled at my excellence! I handled it brilliantly and swiftly, one foe, one blow, just as Precept Fifteen dictates!  
As the adrenaline in me simmered, I finally caught up with the grub, already reprimanding them repeatedly for their continued dangerous antics.

Then I realized why they did it.

The ledge had led to a short tunnel, and when passing through it, a much larger cave could be found on the other side. Spacious, echoey, and most noticeably: Filled with tiny cocoon-like homes. At first glance, they could be mistaken for rocks, but when looking closer… each one had a hole at the top, perfect for something grub-sized to exit and enter through. Tiny homes, almost. Small dens for… grubs.  
And there were, indeed, grubs. Plural.  
I had to double-take initially, but there was no doubt about it. Many, _many_ green little grubs could be seen littering the cave; popping their heads out of their homes, dozing in piles, playing with one another… Some of the homes were empty, and there were clearly more homes than grubs present, but I was never sure why.  
And, eventually, one took notice of my grub.  
This led to a chorus of joyful squeals and cries as they all welcomed their… sibling, I believe… home at last. My companion was already lost in a sea of identical grubs, all embracing and cheering for the return of one of their own.

In a way I didn’t understand, and that I still don’t quite grasp, it troubled me.   
Perhaps it had to do with the positive response toward their arrival. I know full well that, if any were still alive, I would not be welcomed back into the nosk den with as much enthusiasm. Especially not from my family.  
Or perhaps, it was the fact that all my previous contemplating on the grub’s future had been for naught… for now I was going to have to part with them.   
…A waste of time. That’s all it had been.

For a while, I only stood there, unsure of what to do. I couldn’t tell the difference between the grubs, so I couldn’t even tell you which one was my companion. One, however, did turn to me and point, chirping some grub-gibberish. The rest faced me with big eyes, and quite frankly, I was _not_ comfortable with all of them staring at me.  
That’s when they… my companion, I mean… pushed through the group to stand beside me. I’m assuming what they said next was some explanation as to who I was, as I caught the nickname they had bestowed upon me – “Za” – somewhere in the mix. I didn’t even try to correct them.  
In response, the grubs began to cheer again, yet now for me! Of _course,_ I basked in this applause! It was the first time I finally obtained some recognition!

With all this ruckus, it caused the grub in the highest home to poke their head out. When my eyes met with theirs, I realized that one was much older than my companion or their siblings. I later learned that to be the grubs’ collective father… and he was _ecstatic_ to see his child home and safe once more.  
Before he could say anything, I was sure to have him aware of the language I spoke, on the off chance the language barrier proved to be an issue still. Shockingly, he nodded in understanding, and _spoke_ to me! Either my companion refused to listen or respond to me out of _spite,_ or their father simply hadn’t taught them the primary language of Hallownest.  
Truthfully, I find the former more believable. _Vile grub. Vile!  
_ The father expressed his gratitude through _tears,_ before diving into his home and returning with a handful of geo. He tossed it down to me haphazardly, leaving one or two pieces to land smack on my head, and continued to thank me numerous times.

Humbly, I waved off his thanks, collecting the geo reward with little to say.   
For some reason, there felt as if there were a pit in my stomach. It made it hard to talk. Hard to say anything. Hard to respond to the Grubfather’s words. Even with the geo in my hands, my gaze was on my companion. They were not looking back at me, instead glowing in the attention their siblings gave them.   
They were happy reunited with their family. I can’t say I would’ve been the same, but I don’t know if that’s what bothered me. Something nagged at me in my mind, pulled at me and made it hard to move from where I stood. I don’t know what it was.  
But I had to leave. I couldn’t _stay_ there, as I had already planned to protect the other village down below. As their knight. That was… That was the plan. Reuniting the grub with their family, getting them back to where they belong… that was always the plan. This was a good thing, as _they_ were happy, and now _I’d_ be happy, with them… no longer around to bother me.   
A nuisance. That’s all they were. That’s all they had been.

It was foolish of me to lend my time and efforts to them. It wasn’t something I could get back. I _lost_ in this exchange… and losing is the same as failure.  
Lending in general is discouraged… even if you do gain back what you gave. What’s to be earned from that? Nothing. Nothing at all. They, whomever they might’ve been, used you. And that is all.  
So… borrow, I say. Borrow, but do not lend. If you lend and are repaid, you gain nothing. If you borrow but do not repay, you gain everything.   
Give them a taste of their own medicine.

I left their home, without a last word to my former companion. I never got a chance to.  
While I never fully settled on a name, primarily thanks to the lack of time I had to do so, “Fiend” was as close to a name as I ever gave them. Fitting until the very end.   
I… no.

No, I don’t miss them. If I missed them, that would imply I had some sort of attachment to them.  
Which I did not.   
I succeeded in my plan, because I do not fail… despite a loss of time. Despite how worthless it may have seemed.

_…And as I left, and began my journey back the way I came… I swore a shadow zipped past me, giggling manically. I must’ve just imagined it…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grubfather took the fucking kids
> 
> There they go v-v good things must come to an end
> 
> The constant confusion on names is also just lowkey calling myself out, because I suck badly on differentiating between the enemies of this game dhgkDSJGH  
> Also “there had to be thousands!” there were maybe 2
> 
> But uh. The. The next chapter. Here is your fair warning:  
> Next chapter is all hurt no comfort! It’s just pain. I keep thinking about it because I know writing it is going to be a helluva experience. I warned ya’ll earlier about this next chapter, but honestly, it’s,,,,, it’s not fun! The next one is Not A Fun Chapter. I’m tellin you  
> With that said, I might get it done faster than this one, but don't quote me on that!! I just tend to get the Painful Chapters done quicker than others, because writing angst is fun for me heehoo.   
> So prepare for pain! :,)


	22. Eggshells are Brittle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After spending some time in a dying village, something compels Zote to go back to the grubs. A feeling that something is very, very wrong.
> 
> Plus, the revelation of whatever his brother initially did to piss him off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man. Oh no. Here it comes. Eggshells brittle
> 
> I wrote this chapter all in one sitting and it was all thanks to a panic attack!!!! I already knew this chapter was gonna be painful but uhhhh considering the fact that this chapter was wrITTEN to distract me from panic and anxiety??,, It might be. Worse than originally intended  
> With that note, this likely went INCREDIBLY OUT OF CHARACTER SHGKSHGJGH, I mean this is a chapter where I. I kinda HAD to force some emotion out of zote here. Regardless if it was done thanks to my own anxiety sghksjhg
> 
> Also ya’ll thought the grub arc had ended. No, THIS is the end of the grub arc :,)  
> And Zote’s denial goes skyrocketing! Look at it go!!!!!

**_Eggshells are Brittle_ **

Hmph. There’s no need for me to ramble on about this precept, as it’s entirely self-explanatory.   
What else is there to say besides the very title? Eggshells are, in fact, incredibly brittle. It doesn’t take much at all to crush an egg’s shell between one’s claws.   
Honestly, I find it rather morbid. Whether something is alive in that egg or not, all it takes is the slightest amount of pressure for that life to be gone forever. That sort of fragility… well, imagine if it worked the same with insects. People.

Then again, I suppose it does work that way. If you were to fall from a dastardly height, your exoskeleton could shatter on the ground below… much like an eggshell.   
And, with the right amount of pressure, any insect can break. Figuratively or literally.   
Not me, of course! I’ve the toughest shell of any bug! How miserable, to be comparable to an eggshell’s delicate nature. I can’t even begin to imagine the misfortune of being so weak! Not even the mysterious force would be capable of shattering _my_ strong shell!

With this strength and my shining new title of knight – as well as a freedom from any… burdens – I finally returned to that small village beneath the charm-lover’s shop. It was about time I took responsibility for these defenseless, feeble bugs; obviously in _need_ of someone to protect them! As a knight, it is my duty to look after the innocent and unfortunate, and to fight for nothing but justice above all else!   
One could argue that a knight has an obligation to _serve_ , but I detest that statement! “Serve” implies that a knight is beneath those he defends. It suggests that he must bend to the will of those he offers his services to.

Bah! Rubbish! I’ve long abandoned the old definition of “knight” anyhow! I serve myself, and myself alone; per precepts Forty and Fifty-Five! If anything, those inept insects should be grateful for the work I do for them!   
Work I _did_ for them, anyway, before that tiny village fell to ruin. I’ll… I’ll get into the specifics of that later on.

And so, once I arrived in that little hamlet again, I took complete control of the situation and _announced,_ boldly and loudly, that I was there to help. I was starting small, and they were all incredibly lucky to have me, the bravest, most spectacular, and _powerful_ knight in the kingdom here to fend off that nasty Infection for them! After all, the Infection was the main threat! That made it my enemy by default!

As I’m sure you’d guess, what small population remained there all erupted into cheers upon the realization that, _at long last,_ a courageous knight had arrived to save them! Their prayers had been answered!  
I was more than happy to soak in their adoration and thanks, reveling in the obtaining the recognition I so rightfully deserved! It had me forgetting, if only momentarily, all about my lost companion.

That lapse in memory was welcomed for the short while it lasted.   
I remained in that village for a few days time, resting up well before I officially began my duties as a knight. I made no efforts to get to know the people that inhabited the place, as I had no wish to do so! I might’ve been aiding them then, but that did _not_ automatically mean I needed to know each and every one of their names and personal lives. As a matter of fact, I didn’t want to know at all.   
If I were an ordinary bug – which we’re all aware I’m not, as I’m far superior – I would run the risk of becoming friendly with these citizens. How devastating would it be, then, to see them fall to Infection, should I fail? It’s not as if I was planning to fail, as I _do not_ _fail,_ but on the slimmest, offest chance of that ever happening… I wasn’t going to take any chances!

Within a day and a night, the glow of my new life faded, and I began to recall the recent events that had taken place. Rightfully so, I was disgusted with the idea of wasting my time _thinking_ , so that is when I started regular patrols. To keep my mind off it.  
Egh. This is why I warn against dwelling on the past! It was so bothersome to drift off into my own mind and wonder what had become of those I once knew. I’ve never suffered the effects of Infection, but I’m almost certain that’s what it must feel like: To lose yourself in your own head, swirling around in memories whilst repeating pointless _“Should’ve’s, would’ve’s, and could’ve’s!”  
_ There is nothing to be done to change what has already happened. Stop lingering on what you’ve said or done and _move onward!_   
I can assure you, there is nothing to be found in your head. Nothing that you don’t already know about. So, looking back in there and wandering about will get you _nowhere._

Yet there I was! Even on my patrols, in which I remained purely focused on scanning my surroundings for danger, there was a constant nagging in the back of my mind. Begging to be thought about for just a moment.   
I knew what it was about, too. The grub. That fiendish, dastardly, evil little heathen. I had no wish to reflect on their blatant _sabotage_ any longer! I would catch myself wondering about their wellbeing, and I’d have to snap myself back to the present every time, scowling at myself for even giving that menace a passing thought.

Even _worse_ was my own-  
…Hrmph. I was going to say “self-doubts,” but I don’t _have_ doubts! In general! Especially not about myself! I am always completely, one-hundred percent sure of myself at all times. It would not do to be constantly questioning my own decisions! There’s no time for that, no reason! I’ve never once made a mistake, so why should I ever think that streak would stop now? Or then?

So, no. What was worse were thoughts that were not my own! Clearly!  
I knew the perils of attachments. To objects, to places, to people, what have you… they’re not to be trusted! Becoming sentimental is nothing but a danger to you and your mental state. Say that object, or place, or person is destroyed… then you suffer the same consequence! It’s simply not worth the risk! Why should you find yourself spiraling down all because of someone _else?_ You control yourself, and no one controls you for you. I’ve repeated this countless times now!

Yet I was second-guessing, wondering if this thought process was spurred on by my time as a nosk. Of course, nosk reasoning was very different from my own, given that affection being unnecessary just… made sense. We lured our prey based on their relationships to other insects, for the most part. If that poor bug recently lost a sibling, that sibling’s shell we would take.  
Without even considering the impossibility of the situation, that grieving bug is sure to chase after that “sibling,” only to find themselves in the jaws of a beast.  
Now, the last thing a nosk would want is to have their little tricks turned back in their faces. Cannibalism was not a foreign nor frowned upon concept. If you were foolish enough to be deceived by your own hoax, some would argue your fate is deserved.

So, no wonder nosks would often chastise one another for being too “friendly” or “merciful.” It was seen purely as a weakness, and nothing more. Weakness can be exploited… hence Precepts Twenty-Three through Twenty-Five, which all deal with the importance of locating others’ weak points and protecting your own.  
However, my reasoning is far more complex than theirs. While being led astray and paying the price can very well happen if you find yourself trapped in an attachment, that’s not the only con with them! Their entire existence is a fraud!   
If one side of the relationship is erased for any reason, that causes stress on the other side. Needless, gratuitous, avoidable stress. Whether this leads to being killed off by something wearing the other side’s face or not, it’s _inessential stress._ Do you understand?

Well… if you don’t, here. I’ll tell you my own experience with that loathsome truth.

I lingered for far too long on those thoughts. I knew I was fretting a nonsensical amount, but every time something vaguely reminded me of the grub, it troubled me beyond reason.  
For Wyrm’s sake, they were safe with their family! There was nothing to have me worried after them like some distressed mother! I mean- I wasn’t worried, I just-  
Oh, forget it! I was young, naïve and imbecilic! There was no good reason to worry, as one should never plague their _own_ mind with the wellness of someone else, but my patrols were truly just an excuse to pace at that point.

Something just felt _wrong_. I know that’s petty and unfounded! I understand that, thank you!  
Even fully knowing that I was being illogical, knowing _entirely_ that I was growing far too paranoid, it was just some… gut feeling. Something was _awry,_ and it had to do with the grub.   
Perhaps I had myself believing they had perished to Infection. I’m unsure how or why I’d reach that conclusion, yet there I was! Foolishly, stupidly, moronically… If I had only let it go. If only I had just let myself move forward-

No. _No._ No “If only’s!” The past is the past and cannot be changed! I will not contradict myself so casually, not right after I went so in-depth with that explanation!

If anything, this was a learning experience. I should’ve expected the outcome already, seeing as I’d already suffered a plethora of losses of those “close” to me, which did _not_ exist, because I would never let myself get attached, because that’s a sign of weakness, an _d_ _that means I’m worthless, and that’ll get me killed, and that’ll get_ others _killed, and-_

 _AHEM._ Gods, uhm… anyway. Forget that train of thought. It’s… that’s not my point.

Once I began to lose track of time, I realized something needed to change. Perhaps I just had to assure myself that the grub was alright, and that there was nothing to despair over as I had been. Not that I was… _ugh._ I’m growing rather tired of repeating myself. You should already know I wasn’t truly worried.

So, one fateful day, I declared to the people that I would be gone for some time, but I expected myself to be back soon. There was simply a matter I needed to attend to, and that was all.  
They wished me luck on my quest, giving me a burst of confidence, and I began my journey back to the grub homes.

Seeing as I was now heading toward the source of my irritation, my mind was buzzing like mad! Possibilities and “what if’s” kept flying around, nearly sending me straight into a horrid migraine, but I forced it down and scolded myself for acting so childish.   
This was not how a knight acted, so tormented by _thoughts_ of all things!   
…This was not how a nosk should act, either, but that’s not… those aren’t expectations I’m trying to line myself with, you understand? That’s not what I am anymore. I am a _knight._ Not a nosk. That is all.

Regardless, the journey to the grub… den? Nest? Whatever it’s called. The trek there only had me remembering why I grew so… offended, I suppose, the last time I was there.  
At least, this is what I believed caused my agitation then. Whether I believe that same thing now or not, well… I don’t know. Neither possibilities are particularly good reasons to be upset.

Do you recall my brother?  
I suppose that’s a dull question. Yes, yes, I’m sure you remember my mention of him! But do you recall my mention of… something he’d done _specifically_ to spark my disdain for him? Long before his cowardice led him to hound me without end?

Yes… it’s going to sound narrow-minded. Petty, even, that it peeved me for as long as it did. But forgiveness is the first mistake someone makes once they’re wronged, so remember to never forgive, no matter how small the issue might seem to you!

There were originally three of us.   
…I suppose that’s somewhat untrue. There were originally _supposed_ to be three of us. Me, him, and another sibling. Three eggs… my brother’s being the first to hatch. I followed not long after, but the third…  
Nothing. It never broke, it never shook, and it never gave any inclination of doing so.   
At least… it never got the chance. Seeing as nosks are meant to fend for themselves directly after their hatching, and my brother’s newfound hunger had to be satisfied…   
…Eggshells are brittle, you see? They break rather easily… Even a hatchling’s dulled claws, with enough force, can crack an egg open.

I never forgave him for that. Even if I was too small to grasp what he’d done when it happened, it didn’t take long for it to settle in properly.   
Nosks aren’t even supposed to have familial connections. Family means nothing. If your father finds you weak, he’ll slaughter you. If your sister thinks you’ve stolen her prey, she’ll maul you. It doesn’t matter that you’re of the same blood.   
You can argue that blood is thicker than water all you’d like, but I hold an even distaste for both.

So, how ill-fated it was that I found myself always speculating what would’ve been had that sibling hatched. Had my brother not… done what he’d done.  
I doubt anything would’ve been much different. They would’ve grown up as any other nosk. Perhaps even joining my brother’s insufferable clique.

…Don’t let yourself wonder too much. Better yet, don’t wonder at all. Don’t dwell on what would’ve been, or what if’s… Don’t wonder. Don’t expect. Don’t dream.  
Maybe it’d be better to just not _think._

How this connected to the grub and their siblings, well… perhaps it had been a stretch to blame my misery on that. Or, maybe, I longed for a sibling bond like they had.  
…No. What a baseless notion. Pah! Revolting… How repugnant of myself to even tread down that path! For you see, I can strive just as well without _any_ bond! Without _any_ attachment! Having someone else would just slow me down, as that grub always did. I’m the magnificent, the _Mighty_ Zote, after all! My strength would only… It would only intimidate anyone who _tried_ match it! Yes, yes, of course!

So _why?_

Why did the sight of hundreds of empty grub homes strike my heart like a sharpened _nail?_

Every last one was gone. The only sound was the sobbing of the father, who couldn’t even see me through his tears. His crying echoed through the cavern, bouncing off every surface and proving to be the only sign of life in a place where youths once flourished.

I’m not exactly sure what I felt.   
Dread? Devastation? Desolation?

…No. No, none of those could be it, I’m sure.   
Relief. Yes. For I then understood why I had felt so uneasy. A mystery solved, and a bother forever gone.

_If only you saw my tears of joy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now marks the lowkey Turning Point! In which young Zote went from Not As Bad to morphing more into the asshole we know now  
> Trust issues were bad before but now they’re just WoOps
> 
> After a whole reevaluation on the rest of this fic, I wArN that pain is prevalent from here on out! There’s a few more goof chapters here and there, but there’s a lot of! Not fun ones! Especially,, all the rest of the Colored Red chapters  
> Which this one was, by the way!
> 
> Now we'll see how many people signed up for this angst and how many decide "no thank you" KdgdgJKHH  
> Sorry for ruining Zote the Mighty, a knight of great renown with. this horrible angst, it happens to everything I touch hdgkJH


	23. Up is Up, Down is Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote tries to stop talking and realizes he just isn’t capable of that.  
> Anyway, Zote decides to explore, so to forget all about grubs and sadness.  
> Which he doesn’t feel, by the way.
> 
> You’re gonna wanna read carefully on this one. There’s a LOT of embellishing going on. And a LOT of true emotions being entirely glossed over and not talked about.
> 
> Featuring: Aspids. Not primal ones, thankfully. But aspids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> every time I start writing a chapter that’s not,, focused around angst I guESS, my mind just starts,, playing that clip that’s like “Despite his criminal mind, this man is behaving well. His reward is the canoe. This time he can sit in the canoe for up to an hour”
> 
> anYWAY welcome to Zote Tries to End the Fic Early. But I as the writer say no sit down we have a lot more angst to get through, now FALL.   
> Enjoy mild mental breakdown (if you squint really hard): the chapter

**_Up is Up, Down is Down_ **

Well… with that wrapped up nicely, I made my leave without a word. There was no reason to linger there, as… I got what I came for! Answers! Which I then had.   
Now have. What have you.

It’s not as if I’d have much to say to the father, either! Remember, fathers are jealous creatures by nature. I’m sure, beneath all that sorrow, and tears, and grief – he was… he was overjoyed to have those rapscallions gone! I know _I_ was.  
Hence why I left so hastily! I didn’t want to confront the father’s fake mourning, nor did I want to stick around in case those… _tiny_ _menaces_ were still hiding nearby.   
Of course! I was just freed of that burden, why should I run the risk of suffering it once more?

How lucky this was, if anything! Now I wouldn’t have the constant buzzing in my mind! A constant wonder on- on-

You know what? No! _No!_ That part of the story has reached its conclusion. There’s no need to explain it any longer. You got the gist of it, I’m sure! If you have any further questions, save it until the end!   
In fact, abolish those questions from your mind entirely! I won’t be answering them! Not any based on _this_ forsaken topic, anyway! What’s done is done. The past cannot be changed. The past should not be _dwelled_ on for that very reason!

Why am I even talking about all this, then? Here I am, right after saying that, just broadcasting my entire history for anyone to listen!   
What was it I had said? To “get the weight off my shoulders” or some nonsense? Bah! There’s no weight on my shoulders! There’s nothing of the sort! Never has been, never will be. Nothing can hold me down, I tell you!   
This is moronic. Imbecilic. Idiotic! I shouldn’t be saying any of this. A waste of time, mine and yours alike! How dare you enable me by letting me ramble on about this? Forget everything I’ve told you! Forget all of this! I will not utter another word henceforth!

…  
I fell not long after.  
Escaping from the grubs’ cavern, I was hardly paying attention to where I was going. An amateurish mistake, I know! I simply wanted _out,_ so that’s what I did.   
In my rush, all memory of the sheer drop outside had left my mind. All memory of the _gruzzers_ left my mind.   
So, the moment I dashed out of the tunnel, realization dawned on me just a _bit_ too late to stop the impending doom. I skidded to a stop just at the edge, about to let out a breath of relief when one of those _horrid, awful, treacherous, monstrous_ gruzzers bumped into the back of me.  
I was knocked off balance and sent plummeting downward.

How fortunate! How very fortunate. That was exactly what I wanted. That was _really what I needed._

My desperate attempts to latch onto a platform on the way down were for naught, as I somehow managed to get _completely miss_ every time! Even in the perilous situation I was in – though, of _course_ knowing I would survive – I was tempted to laugh at the absurdity of it!   
It just entirely made sense, didn’t it? Right after my celebration over the disappearance of my companion, I would suffer the effects of karma; by yielding to the unwavering strength of the mysterious force, much like they had done whilst in my company.  
Fate must have really had it out for me that day.

I hit the hard ground with a _thud,_ unaware of and truthfully rather indifferent toward wherever I had just landed. It’s not as if my senses were clouded by pain, since that wasn’t the case at all! Nothing can harm this tough shell!   
At that moment, I just didn’t care! Why should I have? It’s not as if inconvenience was anything new to me! So why should I sit around moping about it? That’s right, I shouldn’t have! So, I didn’t!

Steady as ever and not-at-all dazed, I got to my feet, brushed myself off, and assessed my surroundings. I was now at the bottom of that terrible ravine, and when I craned my head back to look up, I could see the great height from which I had descended.   
Hmph! Yet as you see now, I’m still alive! I’m unscathed entirely! Yet another success for me, Zote the Mighty! Not to be bested by falling!   
This was a well-needed reminder for how powerful I was. It’s not as If I was doubting that fact, as that would be ludicrous, but it boosted my spirits ten-fold!

I _wasn’t_ upset, is my point. I wasn’t disappointed by the outcome of that fall. I wouldn’t be _hoping_ for injury, for anything of that sort! That’d be entirely pitiful!  
As well as wishful thinking! As _nothing,_ and I repeat, _nothing_ can damage this shell. It’s a blessing and a curse! Nosk exteriors are incredibly tough, and sometimes I so wish that wasn’t the case.

I mean- No, I- Okay, while it’s a welcome advantage, I don’t wish for any resemblance to nosks! In general! For you see, I’m not a nosk anymore. That’s part of my past, which should be long forgotten by now.   
As previously stated. Multiple times.

 _Aagh!_ Why is it so common for me to become sidetracked? It’s infuriating now!   
In its own humorous way, however, it does tie in with the situation I found myself in. Now off-track, and… forgetting momentarily what my goal even was, I stood idle for a good while, racking my brain for where I was off to.   
I had been going to the grub den for answers, which I had received, and then… where to next, I wondered? Where had I come from before then? Was I meant to be returning there?  
Yes, yes! It came to me eventually: The _village!_ I had been dilly-dallying far too long, thus leaving them alone and defenseless! What kind of knight was I, to abandon them as I had? For such frivolous and petty reasons? Shameful!

Regrettably, my immediate solution wasn’t to just jump back up the way I came. I knew I was capable of it, and I was sure to return later on; but for _some_ unsung reason, I chose to look for a short cut.  
I took a few stable steps forward, and nearly went shooting down yet another gap in the ground. Not about to be fooled twice, I leapt backward, _not_ paying the price for those wild movements by stumbling and hitting the floor again. That didn’t happen!   
Instead, I successfully caught myself, before cautiously peering over the edge of the next drop. I could see another platform just below, and, with very little reason to do so, I opted to jump down.

Perhaps I _had_ lost my sense of direction entirely. That would be a tragedy… hence why this precept exists!   
No matter what anyone may argue, up will always be up, and down will always be down. If you are confused by this concept at any point, it can lead to disaster! Therefore, you must _always_ keep yourself aware of the direction you’re facing. Your eyes could be deceiving you at any point!  
How dreadful would that be? To think that you’re going up, when in reality you’re going down? I’m not sure if that’s the thought process I had adopted at the time, as it makes little sense that I’d be _that_ turned around… but on the off chance!

I find it more likely that I was taking the initiative to explore. I hadn’t been in that area of the Crossroads yet, and it’s always good to be wary of your surroundings! After all, if I was meant to be staying in that nearby village… I should know the layout of the entire Crossroads, yes? You never know when it would come in handy.

Not that I found anything that intriguing. The place was progressively collapsing, with bits of stone consistently crumbling from the ceiling and plant life splitting the roads that once lay there. This didn’t bother the native wildlife at all, as they were slowly succumbing to the Infection, but it bothered _me!_ You couldn’t take a step without a rock tumbling onto your head or piercing the bottom of your feet! The flora’s roots were even worse, running rampant and proving to be an annoying tripping hazard.  
I’m sure it wasn’t always like this, but what does the past matter to the present?   
You know the answer to that by now.

I continued my descent. I hadn’t spotted any particularly deadly critters, as… well… the most common thing down there were the tiktiks. Which now gave me an unreasonable grief when looked upon.  
With that in mind, I was sure to cut down any I came across.

It wasn’t until I started moving _onward_ rather than downward that I was faced with some formidable foes!   
Flying insects, yet not gruzzers. Their abdomens were glowing orange with Infection, and once their beady eyes locked with mine, the damned things _spat_ at me! I didn’t have time to be offended, as once an orange glob of saliva landed in front of me, I took note of how it _sizzled._  
Not looking to be on the receiving end of whatever that was, I heroically leapt up and swatted the little devils out of the air with Life-Ender’s magnificent blade! They never stood a chance against me! No matter how much they flailed and spit, they never _once_ hit me! And I’m sure they felt dense for trying!

In making my way forward, I eventually came across an open room, with _more_ of those dastardly knaves flitting about! Worse yet, once I stepped in fully, I must’ve triggered something – as then a gate shut behind me! Yes, you heard me right! Unbreakable bars shot out from nowhere, blocking off the way I had entered and prohibiting my exit.  
Quite a pickle I found myself in, but not to worry! I wasn’t afraid of those pesky gnats, even with their strange acidic spit!   
I wasn’t trapped in there with them, no. _They_ were trapped in there with _me._

The battle that commenced was one for historians to gawk at for all eternity! Even greater than my previous fight with the gruzzers! These enemies, while still far inferior to myself, were more competent than those dopey, clumsy miscreants above. They were agile, quick, and _made an effort_ to dodge my attacks!   
_This_ was a challenge! This was the sort of action I had craved! A foe that fought, gave me a reason to attack back, and with no one I was busy protecting in the process! Just a legendary battle to the death between two bugs! Spectacular! I truly felt like a _knight_ then! A nail in hand, an enemy to face… yes! That was all I wanted!  
Not to mention what a brilliant distraction it was! From all that had conspired recently and eons past! Not that I needed distracting, since I wasn’t dwelling on it, and even if I _was,_ it wouldn’t be _plaguing_ me like some sort of _disease-_

 _Agh,_ listen up! My _point_ is that it was an astonishing clash through-and-through! They went down in one blow each, even as more appeared to flood our makeshift arena! I was more than thrilled, happy to fight for days on end if need-be!  
…Well, perhaps that’s an overstatement. As much as I enjoyed our skirmish, I had to be on my way soon. I caught sight of a path above, and whilst it was still blocked off by the bars, I knew I would _just_ manage to squeeze through. I slashed and cut my way up and up, reaching the ledge and flawlessly fitting between the bars, leaving the glowing rascals scowling in my wake!  
Haha! They should’ve known better than to face off against _Zote the Mighty!_

Discarding any hesitance, which there _wasn’t any of,_ I hurried off down the path I had chosen only to be faced with a _hot spring._

Because _of course it was._

Fortunately, as I once mentioned… Gods, _long_ ago now… the hot springs are too shallow to drown in. This didn’t make me _pleased_ to see it, as the atrocious _heat_ emitted from it was enough to make me groan, but at least I wouldn’t have to worry if I found myself submerged in the stuff.  
…Plus, I will admit, the warmth was a refreshing contrast to the colder air of the Crossroads.   
Perhaps that was just my imagination, but… I’ve always felt the Crossroads to be horribly frigid, thus very unwelcoming. The last time I was there, however… well… we’ll get there. That was an experience in of itself.

After that arduous battle – a gratifying victory nonetheless! – and a _lot_ of walking, I found myself exhausted. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had slept.  
Granted, I’m still not sure when that was. At least… the last time I slept properly. Undisturbed.

Seeing a bench on the other side of the hot spring, I took the long way around the gleaming pool, and ended up resting upon that oddly comfortable metal.   
I’m not sure if I fell asleep afterward or blacked out, truthfully. All I remember was opening my eyes again, and I was no longer on the bench… at least not fully.

I’ll tell you, _that’s_ a scenario wherein you get confused over which way is up. Especially considering I was… partially upside down, hanging off of the bench, making it so the hot spring seemed as the ceiling and the hanging stalactites made up the floor.  
If you find yourself in a situation like that, whatever you do: _Don’t panic._ Panicking isn’t the solution to _anything,_ but certainly not this! If you, for any reason, end up upside down on a bench and therefore confused as to which way is up and which way is down… don’t _flail,_ because you _will_ fall off the bench, and you _will_ smack your head on the ground.  
This is not me speaking from experience! This is just common sense!

If you fall over in the darkness, or anywhere for that matter, it can be easy to lose your bearing and forget which way is up. Keep this precept in mind! For it might just save you from an unnecessary headache, or from the troubles of getting lost.  
Which I wasn’t, by the way. I don’t get lost!

This was all planned, I can assure you. Forget any of my earlier questioning as to why I went this way! It’s rather clear, I think!  
As a matter of fact, I _purposefully_ fell at the start. Yes, exactly! That’s what I _wanted_ to happen.

_…And I was left disappointed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zote got his ass kicked by those aspids
> 
> What if I ended the fic right at the “henceforth” and just. Changed the max chapter number to 23. Absolutely demolish all of you before the next day adding the rest and fixing the chapter number  
> You have no idea how TEMPTING IT WAS
> 
> Anyway, I feel like I gotta say that I never really went into writing this with the idea of it,,, being plausible as canon lmao  
> In saying that, I also refuse any other possible zote backstory because I have developed this one far too damn much and anytime I think of him it’s all my mind says ghdkjgHSG
> 
> Once we get to in-game events (which we’re getting to!), though, be prepared for me to pull a LOT of excuses for things zote thinks/says in game, because I’m well aware some of it conflicts but Don’t Worry! Both Zote and I are incredible at bullshitting! As evidenced by how we’ve somehow made it this far
> 
> ALSO ALSO TO The person that mentioned this fic in the Hollow Knight discord: I saw you. My eyes were WIDE OPEN. You made me feel SO MUCH FEAR.


	24. Don't Eat Immediately Before Sleeping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ANGRY SIDE-TANGENT: THE CHAPTER
> 
> Zote forgot to mention something! And we will now spend an entire CHAPTER dramatically complaining about that something! You think I’m joking but I’m not!
> 
> An entirely skippable shitpost chapter in which Zote gets angry and rants!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright deadass I had no plans for this chapter. It clashes so badly with the previous and upcoming chapters that all I could do was just. SURPRISE CHAPTER COMING OUT RIGHT AFTER THE LAST, COME GET YA’LLS JUICE!!!
> 
> Oh this is **THE** goof chapter. There is little to nothing to be taken seriously here. It’s gonna be dummy short and stupid and that is all. I’m aware how much it destroys the tone and I’m???????? SoRRY
> 
> I figured if he made an ENTIRE PRECEPT about this, then he must’ve had a HORRIBLE experience with it. So I made him suffer like he’s never suffered before.
> 
> This is the Funny Zote Fic stuff ya’ll initially came for, right  
> If not, and you truly only came here for the Angsty Things Taken Seriously, feel free to skip this chapter pFF

**_Don’t Eat Immediately Before Sleeping_ **

Oh, by the _Wyrm!_ This Precept! This one may seem incredibly out-of-place and overall _pointless,_ as this very concept is _common sense,_ but oh no! No, this is the most important one of all! Words cannot even _begin_ to describe the amount of torment I went through to come to this conclusion! You cannot _fathom_ the sheer _agony_ I felt. And I don’t feel pain! I cannot be injured! We know this, we’re both aware of this, everyone knows this! I’m a _knight of great renown,_ for Root’s sake! You know what’s pointless? Trying to hurt me! Because I can’t be hurt! Not _physically,_ anyway!

Well, no, because that implies that I’m weak _emotionally_ or _mentally._ Both of which couldn’t be farther from the truth! For as you all know, I’m the _strongest_ in _all_ fields-  
Oh, forget it, that’s not the point! I will _not_ be derailed from this one!

Eating before sleeping. Whatever you do, do _not_ do this! Don’t even consider it! No matter the circumstances!  
If you’re ever thinking to yourself, _“Well! I’m rather famished, but I’m off to sleep right soon! What a predicament! Perhaps I shall nibble a mere morsel just before my slumber?”_ Resist this temptation! I don’t care how starved you are, do _not_ eat immediately before sleeping!

How do I know this? Well, I suffered first-hand! I failed to mention this whilst explaining the previous precept, and you must forgive my short-sightedness for that, as I was too busy making excuses for my behav-  
I mean, eck! Pardon me! What I failed to mention was that I had _eaten._ Before I fell asleep on that bench, or passed out, or whatever happened. Yes! How preposterous!

What did I eat? It doesn’t really matter, but it was one of those terrible tiktiks I sliced up earlier! I hadn’t properly eaten in quite some time, so I had to settle the pit in my stomach with something! Even if my appetite was _long_ gone in light of recent events, but _forget I said that because it doesn’t matter!_

So, there I was! Belly full and sleeping soundly. Blissfully ignorant toward what terrors awaited me. Clueless and unaware of the fate I had sealed. What Gods there may be had chosen me as their plaything to vent their unadulterated frustration on and _hell,_ they were about to unleash all their righteous anger upon me, and nothing could be done to stop it.

I only caught mere glimpses of my fate before it struck me full-force, and that was because of the constant awakening! My memory is a bit fuzzy now, but I remember waking up again and again, grumbling and trying desperately to get comfortable so to fall asleep again. Often times it only took a few seconds, others it felt _much_ longer.  
Given that I was half-unconscious each time it happened, I hadn’t given it much thought, but once I _finally_ awoke for the last time? Half-off that bench and upside-down?

Every demon there ever was arose from their respective pits of hell and claimed my soul as their own.

There were but a few seconds of peace before it crashed down on me, and I crashed onto the ground after falling off the bench.  
I mean- I didn’t- _You know what?_ Yes, I fell off the bench! But that was the _least_ of my problems! As a matter of fact, I’m sure I fell _because_ of what followed! There couldn’t possibly be any other reason!

Pain. Horrible, agonizing, soul-crushing _pain._ As if something had socked me straight in the stomach, with a _fiery fist of fatality!_ I was paralyzed on the ground, regretting every life decision that had led to _that very moment_ and frankly wishing I had never been born.  
The aching only mixed with a burning in my chest, which _then_ mixed with the pain of smacking my head on the ground, which _all_ collided into a stew of misery once I felt my _injuries_ from those blasted _ASPITS_ or whatever they’re termed!

If I hadn’t already collapsed, I would’ve done so again, going straight through the stone beneath me and sinking into the soil forever. Perhaps that would’ve been too kind a fate for someone such as me! Perhaps _this_ was karma for all my misdeeds! I’m not truly one to be superstitious, but at _that_ point, I was willing to pray to whatever merciful Gods would listen just to end my suffering!

I would’ve survived just _fine and dandy_ if I hadn’t eaten just before sleeping! Sure, I would’ve had the injuries – which were _minor_ and _irrelevant_ because _I was successful against those monsters, remember?_ – but I wouldn’t have had any other issue! I wouldn’t have woken multiple times, I wouldn’t have fallen, I wouldn’t have had those _pains,_ and I wouldn’t have had that vivid nightmare right beforehand!

 _Ahem_ , ah- I mean… _well,_ it’s not important, but it’s been proven! Eating too much before sleeping can inflict terrible nightmares upon you! I’m clueless as to _why_ that happens, but it does! And it’s yet another relentless element of torture included in the grab-bag of horror that is _eating before sleeping.  
_As for what my nightmare was about, well, forget I even mentioned it! Because… while it’s a common occurrence, uhm… it never happens to me! I’m an unnatural outlier, you see?  
Just trust me on this. I had no nightmare. I don’t have nightmares! _Hatchlings_ have nightmares, and I am no hatchling!

I healed quickly, obviously; but knowing how strong I am, it’s only natural I would recover so fast! _You,_ on the other hand? Or _anyone else?_ Don’t ever risk it! I was remarkably lucky to undergo this peril whilst in a safe area, meanwhile there are hundreds of worse conditions to end up in! What if you were immobilized as such in a cave full of hungry beasts? Or just outside an enemy’s home?  
Never show weakness! That’s how you get killed!

All-in-all, don’t eat immediately before sleeping. This can cause restlessness and indigestion, among other symptoms! It’s just common sense!

_Hence why I definitely never did it more than once._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zote: [indigestion and maybe heartburn]  
> Zote: I’M DYING SQUIRTLE
> 
> Fun Fact!  
> Any precept that “explains itself” – such as Eggshells are Brittle – are ones where Zote is hiding shit! Except maybe one (1) sorta but I dunno I’m still lookin at that one like “what am I gonna do with you”  
> With that in mind, it was always… sort of my plan where “explains itself” would all be pain and then. This ONE chapter, this one where “it’s just common sense” is just zote on his bullshit like usual! I almost did that with You Cannot Breathe Water before I realized I could make that painful
> 
> So yEAH? I mean I struggled to come up with SOMETHING for this one, SOMEthinG that could fit the tone better. But. Nah he just. He’s just a dumbass and now he ranted about it  
> don'T WORRY IF YOU'RE HERE FOR MAINLY ANGST, this should be the only chapter written like this lmao. there's more goof chapters but they're more along the lines of "Statues are Meaningless" type goof, where I still take em somewhat seriously lmao
> 
> I also just wanted zote to go off the rails because DAmMIT he is BOTTLING HIS EMOTIONS and he needs to GET ANGY NOW  
> After Chapter 22 he just kinda went “hhh,” sorta broke down as he tried to normalize things in chapter 23, and then in this one he just? “OH WAIT I JUST REMEMBERED!!!! FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!!” and now he’s here. Seething. Next chapter he’ll be calmer lmao he’s good now, he’s had his rant!
> 
> I didn't want to make ya'll wait a week for,,, thiS CHapter,,, so here it is yummy and early, and now you get to wait a week for the nEXt chapter, a noRmal one pFF


	25. Show the Enemy No Respect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again Zote tries to stop talking! Does it work? No
> 
> He also returns to the village he had sworn to protect!... oh  
> that’s a sudden influx of orange

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A’ight let’s collectively pretend that last chapter didn’t happen, movin along to some WHAMMYs now  
> Okay well,, we’ve got this chapter’s ouchie, next chapter is? Less ouchie,,, maybe, chapter after that is mild goof, and then LARGE PAIN after that  
> Then a new arc begins!
> 
> Yes I DO like to spoil these things in advance to create anticipation thank you  
> Anyway YEET

**_Show the Enemy No Respect_ **

_Ahem,_ well, now that I’ve covered the indisputably most important precept, I see no reason to continue. After all, this is my fourth rundown! You should’ve had these memorized already! It’s no fault of mine if you chose to zone out the first time or rudely ignore me! In fact, if it’s the latter, you don’t _deserve_ to have my brilliant precepts bestowed upon you! The path of ignorance is one _you_ chose, so _you_ get to suffer it!

Besides, what good does it do anyone for me to sit here, rambling on and on about my history? Nothing! It does no one _any_ good, and especially not me! I’m hypocritically betraying my own moral code this way!   
What then, hm? These precepts encapsulate all I stand for! If I destroy the foundations, it’ll all come crashing down on me, leaving me to suffocate beneath the rubble of my hubris. What a pitiful way to go.

Hmph… then again, this _is_ a crucial precept. It’d be a shame to leave off on one almost equally important to the last.

Fine, fine! But this is the _last_ one, you hear me? You managed to coax me into continuing earlier, what with your deceitful pleading, but this is _it!_ I don’t care how… intrigued you are by my tales of heroism and bravery! That wasn’t the _point_ of all this!   
I admitted what I intended to, that being my origins – which isn’t even critical information, so I’m not sure what really compelled to spill it me anyway! – so there is nothing else to share. You know the 57 Precepts by now, and if you don’t, shame on you! I’ve repeated myself enough!

…Truthfully, it baffles me as to why you’re still listening.   
Given that you _did_ , as you should have, listened to every Precept and memorized them thoroughly… what difference does it make to hear them all again? What, are you honestly _that_ interested in the stories I have to share? So much so that you’d endure repetition just to know the truth?  
Well, of course you are! Everyone surely is! I am the most fascinating individual in Hallownest! It makes perfect sense that you’d want to hear all there is to know about me!...

…Right… Hm…. with that in mind, maybe I _shall_ indulge in your truth-yearning a bit longer! How cruel of me would it be to leave you hanging, with so much mystery left uncovered? Yes, yes… I suppose… since you care so much, I will carry on.   
But know this, cur, this isn’t entirely for your sake! It’s my story, after all!   
Though, there’s no “weight” on my shoulders, as I might’ve once claimed... As a matter of fact – and I say this with complete and utter humbleness – speaking so passionately about myself and my endeavors fills me with pride! Yes, a healthy dose of self-assurance!

Not that I need such a thing, for I never doubt myself. A smart tactic! Spend too long with doubts, and you’ll never trust anyone or anything.  
…Which certainly isn’t a bad thing either, as no one can _truly_ be trusted, considering every insect as their own personal agenda-

At any rate! _Ugh, blasted contradictory mess…_

No more mumbling! No more getting off track! Where was I?

Ah, yes. Pain and agony.  
Said unfortunate circumstances led to me being cooped up in that sealed-away cavern for quite some time. For lack of better words, it was _boring._ No action, no _movement;_ I was held in place by a disastrous pain I couldn’t control… egh, what a grim ordeal that was. Just an insufferable heat, judgmental stares from the carved faces amongst the stone, no sound but the trickling of water… and an occasional groan from myself. How dastardly!  
Once I was freed from the clutches of that nightmare, however, I saw no purpose for lingering in those overly-humid hot springs. At that point, the place was just tainted by bad memories.   
Nothing good ever happens at a hot spring! I’m sure it’s just their nature!

Now, I faced a different dilemma. I was sure those acid-spitting nuisances were just lying in wait outside the bars, preparing to ambush me the moment I stepped out. There was no reason to fear, obviously, as I could handle every single one with both arms tied behind my back; I just wasn’t too keen on another battle so soon. I had just healed, for Wyrm’s sake!  
I was _capable,_ I just had no _desire_ to. Understood?

For an ungodly reason, a fundamentally broken idea came to me: What if I, for just a moment, shifted to my nosk self? It would scare away those savages in an instant! Send them wailing back to their mothers! Frightening the very Infection itself right out of their shells!

Asinine. Absurd. Preposterous! Out of the question! I was trying to separate myself from that damned old form, not cheaply use it to escape not-at-all perilous situations! I chastise myself for even considering it back then!  
That’s not what I was. That’s not what I _am_ anymore. Taking that monstrous appearance on again would only reverse all I worked so hard for!

…So, no, no matter what, I wouldn’t do that. I didn’t do that. Anyone that tells you otherwise is misleading you.   
I got out of there eventually. Clearly, as I stand before you today! I survived that conundrum, as I can survive just about anything! The manner in which I did so is just _not_ important, so I will loiter on that thought no longer!

And so began my final trek back to that modest little village… the one I had so sworn to protect. As its knight.  
I hadn’t forgotten about it whilst I remained in those hot springs. It was always on my mind. I left them alone and defenseless! All thanks to some frivolous misery I inflicted upon myself, which in turn left to _more_ unnecessary problems. That whole expedition was just trivial and nugatory… a waste of time.

Regardless, whilst the townspeople had survived without me there before, who knows what could’ve happened in my absence _then_! What with the Infection springing up like wildfire, consuming and destroying everything in its path… they needed a strong, mighty knight more than ever! To cut down any Infected bugs that came stumbling into their homes! To give them hope and a will to continue, so they would never fall victim to that same orange plague!

And wouldn’t you know it, my fruitless, silly side quest _had_ left the people in danger. Yes, my claim that this was my “final” trek there was not a slip of the tongue. Returning after this point would prove ineffective.

I remember that hasty walk back, keeping a sharp eye out for familiar territory. That wasn’t a path I was used to, so I was forced to inspect every landmark… hoping I was heading in the right direction. After what had to have been miles of travel, I caught sight of a familiar, broken establishment held up by cracked columns.   
My heart soared – I recognized that place! It was a tiny little thing, housing a massive slumbering creature with a resemblance to the gruzzers… It wasn’t always there, and it hadn’t presided in that place when I first came through with the… the grub, but once it _did_ mosey on in and promptly collapse from exhaustion… I chose to avoid the area.

Not out of fear! Out of a respectable sense of self-preservation! There was no need to go around disrupting the sleep of such monstrous things, for no purpose but the promise of a grueling battle! The goliath proved no threat to the community below it, as it rarely showed signs of stirring let alone wreaking havoc, so I learned to leave it be.

 _However,_ now I had to get _through_ that giant gruzzer’s den to get to the other side. I had hoped, naively, that it would have moved on by now so I could get by easily… but of course, what Gods there may be are never on my side!   
A never ending stream of misfortune for Zote the Mighty, yet he never lets it bring him down!

So, now I was forced to stealthily slip by. I recall peering into the dim room, not lit by any notoriously bright lanterns… which, I must say, I did wholly appreciate! The last thing I needed was to be blinded as I passed through.  
My eyes fell on the dormant giant, its distended belly rising and falling with the rhythm of its breathing… and, while you may be disgusted by this next detail, as _I_ reasonably was, I feel it necessary to mention should you aim to _precisely_ feel the sensations I felt at the time!

The beast’s stomach was _moving._   
At first, I passed it off as dancing shadows confusing my vision, but once I was down on-level with it… sneaking ever-so-silently on by… there was no doubt about it. Shapes could just barely be made out, rolling along the inside of the monster’s body, as if they were just beneath the skin.  
To my knowledge – which… admittedly, and I have no _shame_ in saying this, is rather low when it comes to this topic – eggs do not _move_ whilst they reside in the mother’s womb. At least not in such a… _visible_ fashion.

It had me physically disgusted, seeing the bulbous masses just… writhing about. My more intrusive thoughts wondered on what would occur should the stomach be punctured, but I was _not_ about to act on such an impulse.  
Instead, I tried to ignore it, successfully sneaking past without a single mishap. I did _not_ trip on one of the legs. This did _not_ cause the beast to suddenly still, making me freeze on the ground whilst I prayed the cursed thing would fall asleep again. This did _not_ ultimately go wrong, and I was _not_ chased out the rest of the way by the massive behemoth.

Because that would be cowardly! If I _did,_ someway, somehow, wake the beast… I would draw my nail and slice it, right down the center, causing those eggs to come tumbling out with a sickening _splat._ It would be a satisfying triumph for Zote the Mighty!

But since I am so excellent at stealth, that never happened. A small price to pay… how solemn.

…Speaking of solemn, the state of that town…  
As I cleared that monster’s den and jumped down to the hamlet below… I was left staring at nothing but devastation.

The few insects that had been there when I left… their eyes were all glowing deadly orange. They lumbered through the town, breathing heavily and muttering indecipherable gibberish. The buildings were a wreck, with the ceiling of one crumbling down on its own interior… Hemolymph stained every surface, some of it fresher than the rest…

I idled there blankly for a long while.   
That was it. That was what I was meant to defend, wasn’t it? I was a _knight._ I was supposed to fend off whatever dared threaten that town, with a cry of victory from myself and adoring cheers from those that I saved…  
And instead… ruin.   
No one cheered for my return.  
No one ran to greet me, or to ask where I’d been.  
No one even looked my way.

Their eyes were so glazed over and… nothing. There was nothing there. Infection had set in whilst I was gone. Their minds sabotaged, destroyed, ground to dust and leaving nothing but wandering dead in their wake.   
I could’ve stopped that. I could’ve done _something,_ if only… if only I’d been there.

No, no… don’t dwell on “what if’s” or “if only’s”…

One did, finally, catch sight of me. Instead of recognition or clarity taking hold of them, it was nothing but rage. Fury for how I failed them, how I let them die due to my own worry over something so… so _ridiculous!_ I abandoned that town, those people, all because of my own sorry insolence! All because of some woe that I let myself drown in; that I foolishly let take hold of me and drive me to find the source to ease my worry.  
And what did _that_ do, hm? What did that journey even achieve?

Nothing. It was all in vain. All of it. _Everything I’ve done,_ all in vain- what have I proved? _Nothing!_ How am I meant to be a great knight for a _kingdom_ if I can’t even watch over a town comprised of… what, five houses? How am I meant to protect _anything_ if I can’t even keep _a grub_ reunited with their father? What am I meant to do?

Well, I didn’t have any time to think on it, since the instant I was spotted… it charged at me.   
Yes, “it.” It wasn’t an insect anymore. It was only a body controlled by a parasite.  
Life-Ender was a magnificent tool to fend off the foe in question. It didn’t matter that this was once someone alive, someone I saw every day, someone I once thought I’d die protecting for the sake of glory. It was an enemy the moment it attacked me.  
And that’s all it ever was.

So, I battered it relentlessly, cut it down mercilessly, and fled.   
Being gallant to your enemies is no virtue. If someone opposes you, they don’t deserve respect or kindness or mercy.

Show the enemy no respect.

_It doesn’t matter what they might’ve been beforehand._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the way I go over my work is just me reading the chapter aloud as dramatically as possible
> 
> Uhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,, yeah!  
> Updates might be kinda wild because shgkjh, I haven’t kept you guys updated but basically I got lowkey kicked out of school for two weeks (long story short: Spiders involved, School screamed COVID, I was banished to the shadow realm) and just got back recently, so nOOW we kick in the School Delay!! Maybe! I dunno we’ll find out! It’s the fun of a surprise!!!!
> 
> H! uh! Yeah! yep! The beginning of this was indeed me looking directly at you. Looking right at the people still reading this and asking “why are you subjecting yourself to this”  
> Not complaininigniGN!!!!!! I LOVE ya’ll for stickin with me, I still cry over every comment I get, I jstustu,,, man I dunno, genuine interest in something I make is something so wild to me so I’m just.ts.t sorry for the ramBLING YA’LL I-
> 
> Okay love ya’ll goodnight/evening/afternoon/morning god who knows timezones are funky, god my last brain cell has been bouncing all over the damn place!!!! I am vibing but Much!
> 
> ,,,also, Lowkey spoiler shrouded in mystery:  
> the things he’s saying at the beginning are going to be much sadder with further context. There’s a reason I’m having him try and stop talking only to continue thanks to someone “pleading” that he does. Yes I did it twice on purpose. Yes it will be brought up again. Yes I am sweating knowing what I know. Sorry very very VERY far in advance


	26. Names Have Power

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote talks about the origins of his name whilst vaguely mentioning that he moped around in the forgotten crossroads for a while on his way to Greenpath.
> 
> He may also have a little happiness, as a treat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrow! An exposition chapter mid-fic??? It’s more likely than you think  
> And damn she dummy short in compared to others. Oof :(  
> Short sweet and to the point, tho :)
> 
> At least we get a mild break from depression to instead talk about more nosk society bullshit!! Woo!! Because I dunno man upon reading this precept I got heavy vibes that names meant SOMETHING more than just,,, “life-ender is a totally original name do not steal I’ll beat u up”  
> Though that’s still covered! Don’t worry!
> 
> So here’s! Nosk lore! Headcanon mode activate

**_Names Have Power_ **

From that point onward, I vowed to never commit my life to another living being ever again.  
Such a hassle it was, and never did it turn out as expected! Always ending in frustration and failure! And I, as I’m sure you know, _do not fail._ What’s the point in risking that perfect streak for the sake of another insect?  
There isn’t one.

I’ll say it now, and I’ll bring it with me to my grave: Never put your life before someone else’s. For weaker bugs, such a thing could lead only to disappointment, heartbreak, or an unshakeable fear of loss. The mere _idea_ of making a mistake could become a terror to you, wrecking your psyche with a constant, paranoid question:  
 _“Have I failed them?”_

And now I say to hell with that! So long as I do not fail _myself,_ which can never and will never take place, I’m more than satisfied. I couldn’t care less on whether someone believes _I_ failed _them_ or not! Nothing I do is for someone else! It’s for _my_ gain, and _my_ gain alone. As it always should’ve been, and as it always will be!

So, again, I’ll make it clear: _You_ before _others._ Don’t bother with “protecting” other insects. It’s not worth it, nor will it ever be.

With this new ideology forming in my mind whilst I aimlessly wandered the Crossroads, it led me to question my title of “Knight.”  
Was a knight’s purpose not, then, to protect? To defend? I had already deemed the duty of “serving” as ridiculous, but what of keeping civilians secure in their homes? What of preventing danger from encroaching upon pitiful, defenseless creatures, whom so desperately needed someone to look after them?  
Well, I had already reworked the definition of knight to my liking, anyhow. What was another “rule” erased? I was a knight if I claimed to be, which I did and still do, and that’s all that matters.

This, however, left me with nothing to… _do,_ I suppose. I remember scrounging around in my own mind, trying to remember all the stories I had been told of knights and their heroic deeds, so to decide what to do next… or just… what to do in a time of tribulation.  
Serving was stricken from my options, and now was preservation. What next? What else does a _knight_ do?

That was up for me to decide! I held the reins, _I_ decided my own path forward. I had complete and total free will to do as a pleased, without having to waste my time fretting over someone or something else.  
So, I indulged in my curiosity and decided to explore. Not more of the Crossroads, as... well... I knew most of it already! Yes, that was the reason. Instead, I had the faintest memory of a path branching westward... later, I learned that location to be termed "Greenpath." I made my way in that direction, choosing to ignore the inevitably of growing near the grubs' den once again.

That didn't matter! I was never the _grub's_ knight, nor the _town's_ knight. I am my own knight... a solitary knight. Lone knight. Forsaken knig-  
No, no, none of those are good titles. I don’t like any of those.  
I mean- I already have a title! Zote the Mighty, a knight of _great renown!_ Sounds far nicer than... I don’t know, Zote the Abandoned, a knight of great desertion? _Eck._

Speaking of, that does tie in well with this precept, does it not? Yes, names are incredibly important! After all, to own a name is to own power. No one can take your name away from you, no matter what they may try! It will cling to you for your entire life, never fading nor falling. Though, I suppose one can change their name if they so choose, especially if they dislike whatever was bestowed upon them at birth by their parents…  
That’s… that’s how it usually goes, correct? From what I understand, most bugs receive their names from their mothers or fathers, not having a say in the matter until they’ve matured enough to decide for themselves. It sounds needlessly complicated, and begs the question: What gives the _caregiver_ the right to choose their child’s name? I say the child in question should choose for themselves, regardless of their parents’ desires! The child knows themselves better than their guardians do, so they should pick a name or title that best suits them!

Perhaps it all ties back to jealousy. A jealousy sprouting from the fact that _they_ never got to choose _their_ names, so they believe it a fitting revenge to place the same predicament upon their offspring.  
I wouldn’t know! Nosks… simply did not function that way.

In fact, most nosks were not gifted names in general.  
As I’ve explained, the very concept of affection was near to nonexistent in the nosk den. It wasn’t meant to happen. Nosks were goring one another every day, so it’d be pointless to grow attached to any of us. Therefore, names were hardly ever used.  
I’m sure you’ve heard something similar, yes? Such as not naming a creature you’ve found, in fears of growing attached to it? Exactly the point.

Instead, if a nosk ever needed summoning or reference to, their appearance, most common disguise, or role was described. To give you an example, my brother was often deemed _“hunter donning hide of tiktik, son of tri-horn,”_ with “tri-horn” being our father.  
You may argue that this made certain tasks more difficult, and I would wholeheartedly agree with you! Wyrm forbid I had taken the same disguise as my brother, for no one would be able to differentiate between us then!... Unless, offensively, they called upon me as _“_ runt _hunter donning hide of tiktik.”_  
Hmph. I wouldn’t have put it past them, the condescending, barbaric-

Oh, yes, that reminds me! The only nosks “worthy” of names were the superiors.  
Why? What an _amazing_ question! If only I had an answer to give you!

The superiors’ names were always so… _ostentatious._ They were rarely titles, such as _“the Cruel”_ or _“The Strong_ ” or what have you… no, more often then not, they were incredibly long, unpronounceable gibberish.  
There must’ve been a secret to it! A sort of “whoever has the longest name is the best” or some nonsense! Gods, let’s see… off the top of my head, I remember Superior Kexadallaferfirin, Superior Kalxaitvoitre, Superior Vorkalazelroth… and no, you were _not_ permitted to shorten these names when speaking of each superior.  
It was just maddening! As if I _needed_ to get tongue-tied as I cursed and spat about _Superior Zsotahztokin,_ or whatever her name had been!

Forget those arbitrary rules, I said! If I so desired a name of my very own, I was going to have one! And it would be short, sweet, and straight to the point! None of that confusing, unsayable drivel! What good would it do if every insect knew my name, but none could _say_ it?

So, once I was confident, I had chosen a name for myself. It was a painstaking process, thinking up every potential name I could take… the possibilities were endless! I wasn’t used to making choices, anyhow, as everything was decided for us by the superiors. Not that I was about to _ask_ them for advice, as that would’ve backfired horrendously.  
 _“Impudent child…”_  
…Hmph. I showed her “impudent.”

And thus, Zote the Mighty! A knight of great renown!  
It was perfect! It _is_ perfect! It’s my entire identity, through and through, and I wear it with utmost pride! Never was I some nosk in a crowd, only distinguishable with knowledge of my stature or father! I donned a name, one all my own, and I intended to let everyone know.

…After my father’s reaction, I chose to keep it to myself for a while longer.

The nosk den had no need to know my name, anyhow! I wouldn’t be renowned among _them,_ obviously. I didn’t care for their opinions of me! The respect of those brutes was nothing to strive for!

So that was that, and I finally broadcasted it for all to hear once I left that dreadful place! Hence why you know it now! Every insect knows my name, and any that don’t are sure to learn it soon! It’s right in the title, after all! _Great renown!_

At any rate, reminding myself of this spectacular accomplishment uplifted my spirits tremendously. Though I had lost the town I once swore to protect, it held no weight in my mind! For Zote the Mighty is a knight for himself, and himself only.

Hmm… oh, yes! Even better!  
You’ll never guess what I brilliantly decided on then. The most wonderful idea came to mind, right then, safely huddled halfway to Greenpath, just after slaughtering countless puny foes. This was a _life-_ changing event, sure to go down in history as one of my greatest, most ingenious convictions… and there’s been thousands, I assure you!

…Did you catch it? That was a hint. _Life-_ changing. Life _._ _Life_ …

Yes, that’s it! _Life-Ender_! What a marvelous name for my trusty weapon! Up until that point, I hadn’t named my magnificent nail! How senseless I was, to leave my weapon unnamed for so long! It deserved a grand, breathtaking moniker, one that no one else would dare think of! One that would strike fear and awe into my enemies, right before it _struck_ them down!

Haha, yes! And before you protest saying that I should’ve let Life-Ender pick their own name, I’m sorry to inform you that shellwood is incapable of speech.  
However! That means nothing! Even without words, it felt as if my nail had named itself and chosen to share that name with me. The unshakeable trust between knight and nail… _you_ could only _pray_ for such a bond!  
Hah! Even then, it’ll never match my connection with Life-Ender! So perhaps you shouldn’t even try!

 _Ahh._ This is much better. Forget the town, forget that grub, forget the City of Tears and forget the Nosk Den!  
None of it mattered anymore! It was me, myself and I, with Life-Ender comfortably strapped on my back, against the world. No one would ever stand in my way ever again! I’ve made sure of it to this very day! Never again would I falter, never would I trip or fall or cry… all of which I’ve never done to begin with, so I’m not really sure why I brought it up, but- _you get the point._

Names have power, I tell you, so to name something is to grant it power. Be sure to name your weapon should you want to channel all of its strength!  
…Do not steal the name I came up with, though! Invent your own!

Despite all we’ve gone through, Life-Ender is yet to leave my side.  
And sometimes I catch myself wishing it wasn’t the only one.

…Wishing and dreaming is synonymous. Do not wish.

_I don’t need anyone else, anyway._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Zote to his father:** my name is zote  
>  **his father:** you Fucking Fool. You utter Buffoon. You absolute Disgrace Upon Nosk Kind. Disgusting. Revolting. I’m going to kill you. Give me $200
> 
> Also Fun Fact! The names mentioned for the nosk superiors are actually names of various characters of mine! Not hollow knight ocs by any means, just!!! I have a lot of characters with complex weird big names so I was like “Yes perfect”
> 
> Wish I could listen to songs without thinkin about zote anymore, because here I was just screaming “I DON’T DO SAAAAAAADNESSSSSSSS” at the top of my lungs whilst writing this chapter smh


	27. Disease Lives Inside of Dirt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote experiences Greenpath.
> 
> He hates it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greenpath arc start!
> 
> mmmMmmild goof  
> I mean! What do you expect to happen when ya get shoved into a whole new environment with funky new plantlife?? You eat the dirt.  
> Also allergies, which are annoying grr angy…
> 
> Wrow! That was also the longest we went without a new chapter! How wild is that??  
> YEahe, school work has just beaten me to death as of recent :( but I’m!! Stilll here! I'm still plannin' on updating, don't worry!

**_Disease Lives Inside of Dirt_ **

Hrmph. What a topical precept! Aside from its relevance to my current whereabouts, it also ties in very nicely with where I was heading toward!

…Then again, considering the entirety of Hallownest remains buried beneath the surface, I suppose just about everywhere you look is made of dirt. Well, save for the stone architecture and fossils, which _do_ make up a considerable amount of the area underneath us…

Irrelevant! We're moving along, now!

I believe I mentioned my…my _thirst for adventure_ taking me to a place deemed “Greenpath.” A very, ahem… _veracious_ name, if you ask me.

I’m… I’m genuinely unsure _why_ I retraced my steps back that way, considering what den lay just above… And the path I had seen there hadn’t been my _only_ option… but I’m almost certain there was a calculated, flawless line of reasoning that led me there.  
Yes! Perhaps a calling, of sorts. A beckoning, luring me into that overgrown mess of shrubbery, roots, and most thematically: _Dirt._  
Why it led me specifically to that disastrous maze of tripping hazards and mossy menaces is _beyond_ me.

Upon reaching that path again, sure to shield my eyes from the blazing, aggravating light of a lumafly, I found a neat stone pathway that I followed until I reached a towering sign. Might I just add, that segment of road was the cleanest, _least_ cracked layer of stone I had seen at that point, until my pleasant surprise was immediately ruined by the _rest_ of the path being split to bits by roots and vines. This should have been a warning, a subtle “turn back!” message that would send me scurrying back from whence I came.  
If I were a _coward._

…Oh, yes, the sign. Well, you already know that I read it, so, I see no reason to dwell on this.  
It’s not that far beneath us! Go find it yourself if you wish to know what it says!

After diligently studying every word on that sign, I thought its contents unimportant, and carried on as I had.  
Now, you listen to me, and you listen well: Guarding the entrance to Greenpath? _Nothing._ Understand? I’m not deceiving you, nor am I jesting! Not a _thing_ stood on guard there.

At least not when I first arrived.  
So, imagine my surprise when I thoughtlessly treaded onto Greenpath’s soil, deemed it unworthy of my time, only to turn around and be faced with a massive, thickly armored _beast_ resting right in the middle of the path I came from. I hadn’t heard even the slightest _shuffle_ , yet there it plainly was, taking up the entire tunnel and refusing to let me back through.  
It just… Honestly, it just figured, didn’t it? Of course, nothing comes easy for a knight.

Effortlessly, I could’ve crushed that monster for daring to defy me! Its incredibly resilient shell was no match for Life-Ender’s blade! Oh, I can just imagine the sound of shellwood striking that sturdy shell, made soft and brittle thanks to my strength!  
…But I chose not to. Why, you ask?

… _Hm_ … Uhm…

A calculated, flawless line of reasoning, I’m sure.

Nevertheless, I was then trapped there. Trapped in a labyrinth of moss and acid.  
Hence why I originally wasn’t so keen on staying, you see! When I had gone in initially, I had almost immediately dropped down onto a small hanging platform, suspended just _barely_ above a large pool of acidic water.  
…By “dropped,” I mean that the mysterious force attempted to end this quest far earlier than I would’ve liked.

Having my try at a tactful escape be thwarted, I had no choice but to linger in that miserable, contemptible pit of weeds and _dirt._

As you may be able to gather, I hold a _justifiable_ distaste for that poor excuse of a “path.” Everywhere you turned, every time you so much as took a _step,_ you were promised a face full of leaves.  
And dirt.

I’m sure others would argue for the “natural beauty” of such a region, but I beg to differ! “Beautiful” or not, that place was _swarming_ with squits, _teeming_ with infected mosskin, and the lakes of _acid_ served to only bubble threateningly at your feet! It reminded me quite a bit of Fog Canyon, just unfortunately lacking in delectable uomas.

I- Uh- _Ahem,_ excuse me, _dreadful_ uomas. I must’ve misspoken.

Speaking of eating, of which I never did to an uoma core, the food sources in that place were few and far between… and when I did stumble across something potentially edible, none seemed too appetizing.  
The squits were far too small and thin to be filling, the maskflies kept darting away… the obbles would’ve been palatable, I’m sure, but they were always tantalizingly out of reach.  
_And_ spitting an egregious amount of that deplorable, orange-tainted venom.  
…That sounds an awful lot like I’m saying I couldn’t handle it. Say not a word! I easily could’ve swatted them from the air, triumphantly feasting without a care in the world! I _did_ do just that to a few squits, after the little vermin thought they could strike me down themselves!

I merely opted _not_ to after the first – or second… or third?... – squit, as it turns out eating Infected insects does _not_ lead to a preferable outcome.  
It’s not as if I’m dull-witted! I knew very well the potential risks of consuming something Infected, but I simply did not care! I knew my strength, and I knew I was far tougher than any plague. If I was meant to be Infected, I would’ve been long ago! But, as you can obviously tell, I have staved off that orange disease, and persevered just fine!  
In fact, any that fall to Infection are _weak._ It preys on thoughts, or dreams, or minds or what have you. And what was the first precept we covered?

Exactly. _“Do Not Dream.”_

…Those village bugs deserved their fate.

In any case, my food situation needed to be sorted. While I already began to dislike the notion of remaining in Greenpath for too long, I had nowhere else to be! Yes, it had nothing to do at all with that entrance beast. I figured I may as well find _some_ place to settle for a while, and if this place was meaning to be a challenge for me, then I was more than prepared to take it on!  
Ha, “challenge.” As if anything truly challenges me!

So, before I wandered too far after entering Greenpath, I ended up at a small bench… where I… stayed... for a bit…  
…Forgive me, but have you noticed something reoccurring? Benches… Why _are_ there so many of these iron rest stops, some in the most obscure locations? It never registered with me until now! It made some semblance of sense while in the City of Tears, and I suppose I can give the Hot Springs a pass… but this was some tiny, insignificant alcove at the entrance of Greenpath.  
Alright, granted, it was in quite a… scenic spot. To any ordinary bug. What with the plentiful greenery, the way the cavern opened into a gigantic space, which revealed multiple waterfalls cascading down into a fast-flowing river… I, _egh,_ I understand the appeal, but I also _refuse_ it! There’s nothing beautiful about running water! Or water in general!  
Furthermore, you’ll never guess what stood proud and tall just above that bench.  
A _lamppost,_ with _two_ lumafly lanterns. I couldn’t think of something more disgraceful.

Scratch that, I could! I was soon to learn of it, anyway!

Tiny, floating yellow particles. At first, I thought them related to the Infection in some form, so I fruitlessly tried to keep my distance.  
They were just about _everywhere,_ though, and once I sat on that bench, I was practically covered in it. Now able to inspect them closer, I realized they couldn’t be Infectious, as they were not orange. I felt some relief at that, but it was wiped away in an instant when those tiny specs grew too near to my face.

I’m clueless as to how these specs caused it, but I began to sneeze. Relentlessly. Throughout my entire stay in Greenpath. It wasn’t solely a bench-related issue.  
Worse yet, my eyes began to itch and water, which drove me progressively more insane.  
Clearly, while these… things… had nothing to do with the Infection, they still caused illness. Some horrible, insufferable illness, completely inescapable until I was out of that green nightmare! I wouldn’t call it comparable to eating before sleeping, however, as it was more of an annoyance than pure, unadulterated agony.

And… there were _some_ places in that region that were free of that sneeze-inducing particle, but they proved a hassle to get to.  
Sometimes that was worth it. Sometimes the more difficult paths are the ones you’ll want to take.  
Remember that.

At any rate, I’ve gotten entirely off track! Once _again!_  
The subject was food. I had to _eat._ That’s something _necessary_ for _survival.  
_The mosskin were not an option. Aside from the fact that they were infected, something just felt morally wrong about eating them. They’re akin to the civilians of the City, I suppose. They seemed as if they had… _some_ sapience before the Infection struck, so I chose to leave them be unless one made an enemy of me.  
The mosscreeps would be easy enough to skewer, as they made little effort to run when approached; but they, too, were infected. 

I was running low on options. I hadn’t been hungry right _then,_ but I knew I would be, eventually.  
…I knew my nosk form would be able to handle the effects of digesting Infection easier, but I was _not_ about to switch. No. That was behind me, that’s not who I am anymore, that’s not _me._ It disgusted me to even consider. Which I did not.

Instead, I began to think of alternatives to meat. Every bug or mosskin was Infected, so everything would have the same consequence if devoured… but what of the plants? Could flora fall to Infection, too?  
What nonsense! Plants have no minds, that I know of, so of course they couldn’t. You may argue for the mushroom creatures of the Wastes, but those are _fungi,_ not plants. This is indisputable proof that fungi possess minds, while plants do not. It just makes sense.

While it mildly repulsed me to consider eating plantlife, it was that or suffer nausea from consuming Infected beasts.  
Or return to being a nosk. Which was never an option on the table.

Remember, you’ll be faced with tough decisions in life! It is inevitable! Make sure you weigh all your options before running and gunning for one!  
I so _wish_ I had that knowledge then, because deciding to switch to a plant-based diet was a horrific, terrible choice, and I don’t recommend it for anyone!

I held out for as long as I could _without_ using that last resort, but it eventually came time for it.  
I hadn’t been able to explore much of Greenpath as of that point, as I was _very_ cautious around acid; I made _sure_ never to miss a jump or even _slightly_ slip. One misplaced foot, and I would be sent plummeting to my untimely, burning death. _No,_ thank you.

The constant stress – of which… I was not under, for I do not feel stress! – and the arduous amount of climbing and leaping I had done forced me into hunger. It couldn’t be helped. What good would it do to eat an Infected insect, vomit it back up, and be left with an even emptier stomach?  
I had one option left.  
And I felt horrible for it, for this was the very reason I chose _not_ to eat the uoma cores! They usually fell straight into soil, dirtying them and sullying whatever good taste they might’ve had. What a hypocrite I then was, turning right around and eating something grown _from_ dirt.

For my hypocrisy and betrayal, I was doomed with karma. A cruel mistress she is.  
The taste was entirely unpleasant, too. It tasted as it smelled, and while it was… bearable, it certainly wasn’t any _good._ And any dirt that lingered had to be spat out, as otherwise it would stay _stuck_ in my maw, and that was…  
For lack of better words, disgusting.

All was fine, for a while. There were no instantaneous negative effects, so I foolishly thought myself safe. Recall my warning on expectations! Never let yourself believe in them!  
In very little time at all, I found myself still starved, as if I hadn’t eaten at all. I ate more, hoping to satisfy my hunger, but again… within an hour, I was still famished.  
Honestly, that should’ve been a huge red flag that flora was not the way to go. It wasn’t helping. It wasn’t harming, either, but there was no reason to go through the condemnable taste any longer.

 _Optimistically_ , I thought it wasn’t harming me.  
I was wrong.

Recall precept Thirty-Four: _“Don’t Eat Immediately Before Sleeping.”  
_While I hadn’t followed this excursion with rest, I felt very similar effects. Almost _exactly_ the same, but… in time… somehow _worse._  
This was _disastrous._ Agonizing doesn’t even _begin_ to describe it. I had to hurry _back_ to the bench and fall right back into the routine I had before in the hot springs. This time with _worse_ pain, _sneezing,_ itchy eyes, and _hunger._ Even if that hunger merged with nausea, causing a mixing bowl of misery until every green in my system came back up and out again.

 _Don’t_ fall into this same trap. This is what consuming plantlife, or anything related to dirt, can do to you! It destroys your body with sickness, forcing you into a state of vulnerability and rendering you useless until every bit of it has left your body. It was absolutely atrocious!  
I’ve learned now not to trust the scheming, vile ways of dirt. It somehow manages to find its way into every nook and cranny, too, creating a mess of your living quarters _and_ your wellbeing. Don’t allow this to happen! It means to harm you, and harm you it shall, if you let it!

You’ll get sick if you spend too much time in filthy places. If you are staying in someone else’s home, demand the highest level of cleanliness from your host. Not just for your sake, but for theirs! For you can _both_ suffer the consequences if the dirt persists! Rid your area of it while you can, and whatever you do, do _not_ ingest it.

_Why must everything be out to harm me? When will I get my moment of solace?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Zote, obligate carnivorous:** [eats plantlife]  
>  **his digestive system:** [rejects it]  
>  **zote:** ah! I am Dying. What a horrible Illness. Curse the Dirt for wreaking this Havoc upon Me!
> 
> Next chapter. Next chapter. Next chapter  
> Wasn’t entirely interested in writing this one since it’s just goof, but the nexxTttt I want to write it now!! It’sssssssss things I’ve developed too damn much that I need to let LOOSE, I wanna spill some BEANS, we’re spilling BEANS NEXT CHAPTER, YA’LL
> 
> I know the last few chapters haven’t been as?? Wild, I guess, and honestly I even felt myself slacking with them... but!! Next chapter! The next one. I have juice! Not as juicy as Eggshells, since that was a YIKES in of itself, but still! One of the juicier ones! BEANS!!!!!
> 
> Also I gotta stOP almost spilling beans in the comments instead, because I went back and reread over some comments/replies and I’m just sweeeating  
> I don’t think anything important is said outright anywhere but!! @ myself I know you’re hyped about future angst but calm down!!! Don’t spill beans early!!!
> 
> Anyway goodnight ya’ll
> 
> ((extra)) lines that were deleted from this chapter:  
> [in reference to fungus] “you cannot kill them in a way that matters.”  
> “I began my new vegan diet routine”  
> “I go outside, I touch the grass, I eat the dirt”


	28. Never Accept a Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote enters the stone sanctuary and is mildly disturbed by No Eyes’s tomb.
> 
> He also reveals basically the entire backstory of the nosk den elder that he keeps bringing up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmMmMm Den elder chapter, bean time. beans with ANGST. Beans with annggssttt. Slurmp.
> 
> Not ALL the Den Elder related beans, but still! Beans!   
> I’ve honestly developed the Den Elder way too damn much, and thinking about what Zote would know about so he can talk about it here was such a damn hassle smh  
> As for why he decided to bring this up while in No Eyes’s place………………… uh huh! Yep! Don’t worry it’s relevant but I can’t. tell you why! though I'm sure you can figure it out heehoo
> 
> Anyway uh! Yeahg! Spoooky time!  
> Colored red chapter? Colored red chapter

**_Never Accept a Promise_ **

Heh! Well, then:   
I _promise_ you that plantlife cannot hurt you in any way if not ingested. It’s all completely harmless! What’s this nonsense about “poison” or “thorns?” Those simply do not exist, or they’re so insignificant in comparison to your strength that you haven’t a need to notice them.

Right?  
 _Wrong!_ Absolutely, incredibly _wrong!_   
Aside from my strength rendering those Gods-forsaken plants’ attempts on my life futile. That’s all true, of course.   
I cannot speak for you, however! You know your strength better than anyone, so you can be the judge of how threatening vegetation is on your life.

Regardless - were you not paying attention? I said I _“promise.”_   
What’s this precept about?   
Correct! Never accepting a promise! Behind every promise is a secret, and that secret is a promise in of itself: A promise of _betrayal!_ Yes, that’s right! No promises should ever be trusted, as they’re blatant lies coated in whatever sweet nothings the promiser chooses to lure you in with.

For example, my earlier assertion on plantlife. While they’re all dangerous when ingested, especially when in the closest proximity to dirt possible, they can harm you in plenty other ways! Thorns and poison are just two possibilities!  
Perhaps it was just the native flora of Greenpath, but I was met with numerous other plant-creatures with full intention to harm me while on my travels! The most insulting being sentient _traps,_ of all things, lying in wait for some oblivious nitwit to go trotting across it; only for them to be _snap_ ped up in its leafy jaws! They were camouflaged perfectly in with the greenery around it, so it was only natural I would stumble into one once or twice! It is no fault of mine! Silence your judgement!

I found their name, “Fool Eater,” to be fitting – but only when _other_ insects fell prey to them! How offensive it was, to mistakenly set foot in the maw of a _plant,_ nearly get swallowed by that monster, only to come out alive and be deemed a Fool!   
I am no Fool, I am a _Knight,_ and I believe it ghastly that a plant’s hunting strategy, if successful, can earn their prey the label of “Fool.”  
Then again, is that not the title that is fought over in that wretched Colosseum? Hrmph… despicable bugs, choosing to make foolery something to aspire toward… Never follow the path of a Fool! It’ll land you only in disrespect or death, at _least._

Thorns, poison, sentient traps… I have this Greenpath sounding like a den of horrors, but I assure you, it’s an _earned_ reputation.  
For those were not the only plants I faced off against! No, no! And I argue that _these_ monstrosities were _worse._

I was descending through Greenpath, choosing a lower route before I would journey forth. I believe some part of me may have subconsciously been pulling towards Deepnest, but that was definitely not my goal. The last place I wanted to be was that horrid mess of webs and tunnels, crawling with nasty vermin... and with the chance of running into any living Nosks?   
Death would’ve been preferable.

It was during that descent that I made a new green nemesis. The names of these beasts escape me, but I choose to call them _the_ _bane of my existence.  
_ They were flowery creatures, taking the shape of a green bud surrounded by docile-looking leaves. When I first glimpsed one, I hadn’t even realized it was alive, as all I could make out was a covering of leaves. But then, as I grew near, the leaves suddenly parted, revealing the irritant in question.   
I was given approximately three seconds to wonder what it was before the damned thing spat at me! And no, not in the same vein as the Infected globs that the obbles or a _spits_ sent hurling at their enemies; these projectiles were _spiked balls of pain and misery._

I’m not sure which is better, honestly! On one hand, burning acid. On the other, sphere the size of my head, littered with spikes, launched straight at me at full speed.  
I could take the brunt of either and keep going strong, without question – but that doesn’t mean either are particularly _enjoyable_ to be struck by.

Worse yet, when I charged at the pests to cut through their fragile, useless little leaves, they would close in on themselves! Cowardly retreating into their foliage, somehow nullifying every strike of Life-Ender! It was ludicrous, I say! Absolutely maddening!

Left with no other option, I was reduced to clumsily – _ahem,_ gracefully – dodging every missile as I made my way downward. It made movement so needlessly complicated, and paired with acidic waters under every step – _agh,_ it frustrates me just thinking about it!   
Some “path” it was, being such a hazardous area! Blast it, blast that _whole_ region!

Speaking of acidic waters, I was just about to cross a large expanse of it when I noticed a branching stone pathway behind me. I had traveled down quite a ways from where I had begun, and passed yet another interestingly placed bench on the way… that had been _before_ I was faced with the notorious spike-ball-terrors, but I felt it worth mentioning. These benches and their strange reoccurrences… it’s a mystery that’ll plague me, I swear it.  
I- Uh, _ahem,_ well, that is if I let mysteries linger. Remember Precept Fifty, _“Don’t Linger on Mysteries!”_ Furthermore, I swear nothing! Swearing… in that sense, counts as a promise, does it not? I don’t- I’m not-  
 _Augh,_ we’ll just move on! It’s not important anyhow!

The stone path! It turned my attention away from the bubbling liquid and more into darkness, as the tunnel it led down grew incredibly dim; which, may I just add, is something I highly appreciated! Away from blinding lumaflies, away from glowing scenery! Darkness! Nice, cozy darkness. Far kinder on the eyes.  
Heading onward down that shaded path, and nearly impaling myself on stalagmites, I took notice of odd… statues? I say that with uncertainty, as these were not… traditional statues, by any means. It filled me with disgust to see them, nonetheless.

They were almost more like… pillars? With intricate spiraling details, starting at the top – a face? – and swirling down and around until it met the base. The “face” was only recognizable as such from the blotted-out eyes, which seemed to have tears trickling down from them. It was admittedly a disturbing sight, as it almost came across as though the eyes were _removed_ , which left far too much grotesque imagery in my mind.

A few husks were meandering about in there, too. Eyes flickering with orange, mumbling a bunch of drivel to themselves and mindlessly colliding with one another. I effortlessly slew each of them, putting them out of their misery and allowing their Infection-tainted blood to add to the unsettling atmosphere.

Finally, I halted at the entrance of a shrine.   
At least… I think it was a shrine. It wouldn’t be the only place of worship in Greenpath, given the Temple of Unn at the opposite end.   
Unlike the Temple of Unn, however, it was nowhere near serene. The opening almost resembled a gaping mouth, with those same blackened, crying eyes laying above it. The same interwoven tendril-like designs covered the sides, almost appearing like hair or fur. While my eyes adjusted comfortably to the shadowy place, I can only imagine how eerie it’d seem to someone dependent on light.   
I, on the other hand, would never be spooked by some abandoned shrine! And so, without a moment’s hesitance, I stepped inside.

The first thing of note were the bodies.

Even with a significantly darker ambience than before, it was hard _not_ to notice the dead bugs covering the stone ground.   
With Infection encroaching on Hallownest, seeing corpses about was not entirely something foreign… and given my birthplace, something like this wouldn’t _frighten_ me as it would some weak-hearted insects.  
What stuck out, though, were their eyes. Or lack thereof.

As I wandered deeper in, scaling up the platforms and expertly avoiding deadly spikes, more and more eyeless bodies surrounded me. The strangest thing was the lack of orange to be seen in the dried hemolymph… at least from the bugs further in.   
These hadn’t been Infected bugs when they died. At least, not all of them had been.

These were _old_ husks, made all the easier to realize from the _smell._ The odor of rot was impossible to ignore, almost dizzyingly so, but…  
By the Root, I’ll regret admitting this, won’t I?  
Being a nosk, a creature that would feast upon any insect, living or dead… and having gone a while without proper nutrition… _ehm…_  
… _I’m sure you understand._

Once I fell to the center of that place – which was the riskiest thing I had ever done, given the disastrous number of stalagmites at the shrine’s floor! – I was faced with… well, a face.  
It was the same one that appeared on the statues, and the same that the building was carved to resemble. Flowing hair and empty, sunken eyes, teeming with tears.  
It was clearly meant as the focal point of the place, as nothing else of interest was found in there. Only a large, stone-carved face; the eyes alone being twice my size!

…And this may sound as though I’m exaggerating for the purpose of scaring you, but I assure you… while not a single sound could be heard, as not an insect stirred in that place… I could almost make out the faint, _faint_ sound of singing.  
At the time, I was sure I was going mad. The silence in that shrine was deafening, almost _suffocating,_ and yet… I could hear it. It was soft enough to be passed for wind, but you’re _free_ to explain to me how a breeze would manage to come by _there._ Under _ground,_ in a _building_.

I… I lingered there far longer than I originally intended to. Sat at the very bottom of the shrine was that _face,_ those _empty eyes,_ and I simply… stared back. It reminded me far too much of- of _eyes,_ her eyes were- they were _Empty,_ they were _empty and gone…_

 _Ah,_ a-ahem!

Her… yes, alright. I stayed there because I was dwelling on the past. Now shun me, chastise me for my hypocrisy! As if I haven’t done so enough myself!

Specifically, I was thinking of the den elder. I’m sure you remember my mention of her, yes? She influenced my decision to become a knight, aided in the craft of Life-Ender…   
Without her, I… I-I’m sure I would’ve figured it out myself! For I needed no old… old _hag_ to inspire me, of course.

Nevertheless, it’s no wonder she was the one to encourage me. Now, my _full_ knowledge on her… _situation,_ is littered with gaps and holes that she danced around explaining. No matter how much I’d urge her to continue, or to answer whatever questions my hatchling self might’ve badgered her with – she refused to elaborate in most cases. Cruel of her.

I’ll relay to you what I do know, however.

She was one of the first to disguise as a weaver – originally earning the title _“hunter donning six-eyed mask,”_ until it changed to _“donning mask of weaver”_ once nosks learned the species name – and she was, according to herself, one of the best hunters there ever was.  
Not in the usual manner, however… instead of preying on those she stole the face of, which was her intent to start with, she grew interested in their culture. She stayed among them as a weaver, rarely speaking; for any word she spoke could’ve ruined it all. She learned of a faraway land – Farloon? Far… oh, Gods, it’s been years since she repeated those stories to me! Forgive my lacking memory! – and how to sew, which she often applied to her disguise’s cloak… covering it with swirling designs, patches of color unfounded in the nosk den, and the strangest material.

Whilst living amongst them, she became aware of matters outside of Deepnest. The Pale King’s new rule, a moth tribe’s steady decline, the rise of Infection… With all this new access to information, in a better, calmer life – she never wanted to return to the nosk den.  
I wouldn’t have blamed her, if she hadn’t.

But… something happened. Something severed her connection to the weavers. She never told me what. All I managed to have her spill was, _“a promise shattered and a life I did take; a life ended before its time and a colony’s hatred I did face.”_

She returned to the nosk den when I was but a small hatchling, and she was clearly slowing with age by then. She was feeble and malnourished, having spent her days eating irregularly for a nosk though not entirely poorly… From what I understand, the diets between weaver and nosk were not too different! It was just… there seemed to be a mutual understanding _not_ to feast upon the King’s subjects, which was… not the case in the nosk den.

Either way, there she remained for the rest of her days. What drew me to her initially is beyond me, as any other nosk knew to avoid the elderly; for they were weak. Frail and useless. A burden to the den, soon to be disposed of.  
And yet…

Perhaps it was her stories. She brought with her hundreds of tales from outside the den. Of knights and Kings, distant kingdoms and undiscovered lands! Fables created by the weavers, or myths passed down through the generations. Stories of betrayal, bravery, heartbreak, sorrow and heroism… all were told to me, as I was the only one to listen.

She told me to keep it all a secret, just between me and her. For if I told a soul of what she’d learned, I may never see her again.  
At the time, I didn’t understand. I was a naïve child with a mind filled to the brim with fantasy. While I was oft silent before her passing, it only took one careless mishap for my father to take notice. One sight he saw, one exchange between her and I, and all fell to ruin.

She must’ve known, too. She must’ve known.  
For the last time I saw her alive, she made a promise to me, and she made me promise to her.

 _“A knight must take an oath before he is granted his title, youngling. Promise me, swear to me – vow on this day that you’ll flee this place. Soon, immediately,_ now. _Do not turn back, do not hesitate, and do not wonder the state of what you’ve left behind.”_

In return, I had her promise to me that she would… that she would be alright.   
I was… such a foolish child. Not only do I think so now, but any nosk at the time would’ve mauled me for that alone. I know better now.

…I should have known by her reluctance to answer.

I should’ve known.

When both sides break their promises, it leaves no good memory to look upon. Think of it the same as you would an apology.  
Never forgive, never accept a promise.  
Nothing good comes from either.

Spurn the promises of others, as they are always broken. Promises of love or betrothal are to be avoided especially.

_…I’m sorry for hesitating._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zote’s anger at gulkas is my anger at gulkas. I hate gulkas
> 
> Can’t believe this! Zote? Growing emotionally attached to someone? Disgusting. Despicable.   
> I mean he obviously Doesn’t Do It Ever Again™ after the Den Elder, so I mean! There :) trust me :) we don’t do emotions here :) grub? don't know 'em :) 
> 
> Anyway WHY did I decide that individual nosks don’t have NAMES, it’s such a pain to keep referring to the Den Elder as,,,,,, that, since I’m sure she wasn’t the oNlY Den Elder, but hgrh I didn’t wanna type out her whole title every time (and I doubt zote would wanna say it over and over again) so I didn’t, but >:(
> 
> Alright goodnightthh! Love ya’ll! Man I swear I had more to say here but lord knows my memory is pebble


	29. Develop Your Sense of Direction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The self-aware chapter.
> 
> Also, congratulations! You’ve made it to the halfway point of the fic! I admire your willingness to continue down this path of pain and questionable decisions!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, basically, this chapter ended up between two really angsty ones!!! We had the last chapter, and then uh…… the…. Next, which is such a leap in things that I’m gonna have to add a new tag once I write it, because damn we got Depressing
> 
> But before that we’re here! And damn we got depressing anyway. Original plan was not gonna be this sad right off the bat but there I went anyway….. because my grubby little hands just taint everything with angst 
> 
> this one was weird to write. i dunno why. just felt odd as i was writing it  
> perhaps it's due to zote being self aware in this one,,, which in of itself is kinda cursed  
> Though I'm gonna defend myself real fast and say any jankyness in this chapter is (at least somewhat) intentional! As Zote struggles between "am I keeping up this I Am The Best To Ever Exist shtick or am I just being depressed now"

**_Develop Your Sense of Direction_ **

…How did I get here? How is _this_ where I ended up?   
“Destined for greatness,” she told me, yet here I sit; blathering on and on, repeating the same mantra again and again, achieving _nothing_ but a shortage of breath from _aimlessly talking._

Not a word of her advice have I followed. She _told_ me, countless times, the ways of chivalry. She spoke of knights and their duties, the cheers that showered their victories, the highest honor being recognition from their respective king or queen… all she told me, and all for naught.

Stories were meant to be told of _me,_ of _my_ journeys and quests. How _I_ grew far superior than my brutish denmates, ascending higher than they ever would! Ignoring my brother’s taunts, my father’s threats, or the superiors’ condescension!   
Instead, I sit here ranting. I _talk_ and _talk_ and that’s _all I do._ I’m dwelling in what I’ve lost and refusing to move forward, like some whiney, mopey coward. I have the potential! I have the strength, the willpower, the capabilities - I am a fearless, invincible knight! Everyone knows it!  
Yet I’m here. Not battling bravely against my foes, not avenging possible allies that could’ve fallen before me… I’m _here._   
And I haven’t _moved_ in _ages._

_What_ led me here? Who caused this? Who, I demand to know, has wronged me so – to keep me trapped in this Wyrm forsaken town with barely a soul alive to defend? I no longer wish to defend, anyway, as anyone proving a burden to myself is nothing but useless – but that in of itself goes against _everything_ she told me!   
_“Knights are selfless,”_ she’d say, _“Knights are not of nosk behaviors. A knight forfeits his limbs, his land, his life for those he serves, and he asks for nothing in return.”_

Bah! I argue that it’s not wrong of me to ask for respect! For honor! I have long discarded my nosk “behaviors!” That’s no longer what I am, nor was it something I ever was… yet here I remain! In this _same_ damned kingdom, surrounded by this _same_ despicable soil, and haunted by the _same_ insufferable demons.

With no one even left to listen!

…Ah, yes… there’s _you,_ I suppose. Hrmph. Slipped my mind that… _you_ were even here.

Forget that nonsense. Forget all I’ve said! Abolish it from your memory! For I speak as though I’ve lost myself, and that’s far from the case! It’s never been the case, nor shall it ever be!   
My time here is a short period of rest, and then I’ll be on my way again. Far from this terrible kingdom, far from Deepnest, far from these ruins stocked full of corpses! Such an unkempt place… it’s not _worthy_ of my time, anyhow.

Her words mean nothing. They _meant_ nothing. The death she faced for her ideals was- it was-

_…Deserved._ She _deserved_ the fate she brought upon herself. Yes, that’s right! Why, she practically asked for it. Her ideology was _broken._ Wishful thinking dreamt up in fantasy, or myth; all told to her by those silk-weaving, six-eyed _pests._ And I?

I do not dream.  
I did not – _will_ not – fall to the same mistakes as her.

She may have laid the foundations for my inevitable escape from that wretched place, but- _No!_   
No, I revoke that statement! As I just explained, it was inevitable. It was meant to be from the very start. With or without her help, I would’ve left that place far behind me. I would’ve crafted Life-Ender, I would’ve granted myself a name, and I would’ve abandoned the nest without a moment’s hesitation!

Yes, in fact, I blame _her_ for my hesitation. Which there wasn’t any of, now that I think about it! I did not linger for longer than necessary!   
And not because she told me to run, mind you! As if I’d fall to such gutlessness! As if I’d _flee,_ just from her word and her word alone!  
No! It was _my_ choice, and there wasn’t a _moment_ of reluctance. Furthermore, I did not _flee,_ nor did I _hide!_

I escaped. I broke free. I obtained my freedom. I evaded a doomed future.  
 _…Tactfully clandestine._

In a metaphorical sense, this fits in perfectly with this precept, wouldn’t you agree?  
One could argue that a “sense of direction” applies to one’s goals. As stated, I never “lost” myself, for my sense of direction has always been heightened! I’ve always known what I’ve wanted, since my very hatching!  
I will be a knight. I _became_ a knight. I _am_ a knight.

Not once have I strayed from that path! Not _once_ has _anything_ I’ve done – whether that be pointlessly rescuing worthless grubs or committing naively towards impressing a deceitful King – been for anything _but_ my goal. It’s all connected, you see? All part of my plan!

Of which I’ve had from the very beginning!

Which I’ve _always_ had, and you’d be foolish to doubt me!  
Don’t you remember? The very first precepts we covered here, I told you of my plan! My plan, my promise to myself – which can be accepted, unlike promises from others, because I would never deceive myself! – to be a _knight.  
_ Not a _beast,_ not a _Fool,_ and not another dead body to add to the pile of nosk brethren.   
I am a _knight,_ you hear me? Not a nosk! _Never a nosk!_

And fine, fine! Perhaps you won’t take a metaphorical reasoning. Then, in continuing where I left off – which I know you’re just _eager_ to hear – I hastily made my way out of that unnerving shrine and proceeded my descent down Greenpath.

Now, I bet you’re wondering how I managed to stay on track whilst navigating that treacherous mess of tangled vines and shrubbery. After all, I had no map! Nor did I have the supplies required to make one!  
This was not a problem at all, I assure you. I, as you know, cannot get lost! I can create a perfect map in my mind, detailing all the places I’ve been and exactly how to return to them! It’s a skill I’ve honed flawlessly throughout the years, and you should consider following suit.

Regardless, I effortlessly made my way down, and in very little time at all, I came across some familiar scenery.  
I dropped down one layer too many, and it was then I was faced with an old foe. Yes… an enemy I’m sure I’ve mentioned before. Ghastly things, little hellions… ones I had hoped never to come eye-to… uhm… jelly exterior with ever again!   
Never, never in my lifetime would I have thought to lay my gaze upon that savory core once more.

S- _Uh,_ ahah, no, _not_ savory. Ss… ssseriously _rotten_! Yes, that’s… that was my intended phrase.

_Uoma._ Er… Ouma. What have you! Jelly creatures! _Abhorrent devils!_  
Yes, I swear it! The same pink hues and floaty, frothy bubbles that I encountered on my first run-through surrounded me, too! I was somehow, despite not entering through the Fungal Wastes, _back_ in Fog Canyon!

And, as I can attest, that was one of the last locations I wished to be in.   
Absolute last being Deepnest.   
Absolute last _still_ being Deepnest.

But of course, the moment I turned so to hop back up, one of those loathsome tiny ones snuck up behind me! It mindlessly brushed against my cloak, and a harrowing _shock_ of electricity zapped through me! I had never experienced such a thing, and it was _awful,_ I tell you! Your whole body tenses, and it feels as though your very hemolymph fries! I’m certain their electrocutions are only meant to affect where they’ve touched, yet I remember feeling it through my entire being!

Perhaps it was due to myself being only slightly bigger than they were… seeing as I was not a nosk this time around. Nor was I ever.

My immediate reaction was to whip around and slice that flimsy exterior, which I _did,_ and I cursed at the core as it flopped into the dirt. It was _glowing_ orange now, promising sickly Infection seeping through it… so I couldn’t even treat my injured pride with the taste of an uoma core!

… _Not that I would,_ because… what then of my dignity?

The indisputably worst part, however? Electricity _lingers!_   
I hadn’t known this, either, but I know it now! Avoid ever being electrocuted! Not just to steer clear of the stinging sensation that accompanies it, but to save yourself of the hassle that follows! Gods, after that point, I could barely turn my head without the hem of my cloak zapping my neck!

Thankfully, it hadn’t persisted much longer than a few minutes – but that’s beside the point!

Be careful with electricity. It will plague and torment you when toyed with, and even lead to the shocking of those around you! That could prove it to be a useful weapon, but I argue that it isn’t worth the risk.

_…And neither is-_

Ah- wait. That… That wasn’t the precept! I don’t have a precept on the dangers of electricity! Which one are we on?

Oh. Yes, how ironic. _“Develop Your Sense of Direction.”_   
Agh… honestly, I do not intend to get sidetracked! It’s not as if I do so to bother you! It just keeps _happening.  
_ Then again, say I _had_ been doing so to bother you – then it’d be your own fault for listening! _I_ did not force you to endure this harangue, full of repetition and contradictions…

…Which there are none of!   
Ah, forget it, let me finish this precept off! Save your drivel for a later time!

It’s easy to get lost when travelling through winding, twisting caverns. I wouldn’t know, as I… I never get lost. I’m just… so far above doing so… or what nonsense.   
At any rate, should you find yourself off your path, it could lead you to danger or harm! Always stay on your trail!  
Having a good sense of direction is like having a magical map inside of your head, even. Very useful.

_…_

_Why do I try? What purpose does this façade hold? I thought I abandoned my ways of pretending when I shed my nosk hide…  
Yet here I remain._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have ya’ll seen that video where the chihuahua with the Italian flag tries to jump up onto a stair and immediately tumbles backward? [Y'know the one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLKSb7f6BUc)?  
> because that it’s that’s zote
> 
> ALsoooo, may as well say this now: If I’ve responded to you with a “:)” that means  
> 1) “Perhaps!”  
> 2) I cannot answer nor confirm your question/claim because Spoilers, so instead I will be ominous and vague  
> 3) Pain. Pain is coming. Pain is on the horizon
> 
> Also dear GOD okay okay hear me out sorry, I just realized that what I did with the last chapter has promised something HORRIBLE for a future one. Like BAD. I came to the realization of what some uhh,,, some THINGS entail, and oh fu,,,, oh god that chapter is going to be painful, hot damn, but it sure does explain some things!
> 
> also wheezziiing because hint. hint hint. hint hint i dunno if anyone catches on but god hopefully hiNT HINT. hiNT IS HERE, answer to a thing is hiiiinted. ;)


	30. Don't Peer Into the Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote visits the Lake of Unn.
> 
> Honestly, this chapter is one big “oh no” from start to finish, and uh… well:  
>  **!!T/W FOR (IMPLIED) SELF HARM!!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys alright I’m serious with that warning! Even if he’s not about to deadass say blatantly what he was doing here, it’s still,,, heavily implied, so if something like this will trigger or upset you PLEASE DON’T READ, _PLEASE BE SAFE I’M BEGGING_  
>  This is entirely skippable chapter, so if you want to keep reading but would be uncomfortable with this topic, that’s completely understandable; other than some Zote Emotion Breakdown with like,, one tidbit of nosk lore which I’ll explain elsewhere too, nothing too important spoiler-wise is covered in this chapter. It’s just pain and that’s all  
> So you’re _FREE TO SKIP_ this one if the topic makes you uncomfortable!!!!
> 
> That was your warning,,,, and now here we go… chapter dummy long, too

**_Don’t Peer Into the Darkness_ **

As I’ve explained, I had no wish nor reason to loll in Fog Canyon, so I immediately returned to Greenpath. Not that the detestable disaster of a so-called “path” was particularly _enjoyable,_ but it was _better_ in comparison to the alternative. By the smallest, insignificant margin, but a margin nonetheless!

Seeing as the entire first portion of that region already felt tainted with unsavory memories, I wasn’t too keen on exploring further. Originally, I had no intention of exploring past the entrance, if you recall! Yet there I was, surrounded by acid and squits… and dirt. _Revolting._

Fruitlessly, I chose to check up on that armored beast at said entrance. If it had left, I would be free to leave without confrontation!  
Wouldn’t that have been delightful? I would have hastily sped away, leaving that nightmare behind me, never to face the dangers that awaited me.  
Oh, yes! That piqued your interest, didn’t it? It’s true, and how terrible it was! A nasty creature awaited me in that place, one with sharp mandibles and atrocious manners… not that any Infected bug could be expected to be polite, but regardless –

…Far too ahead of myself, yet again. Focus, _focus!_

We’ll get to the details of _that_ great battle in time, I assure you.

Before that, however, was the awful misfortune I faced! One that I should have expected, but I was learning quickly; Expectations are never to be trusted.  
I hiked _all_ the way _back_ up from whence I came, sure to rightfully complain about the situation during the climb. Descending had been so much simpler! Why must the mysterious force forsake me so? As if I wasn’t aching enough from the trip _down…_ which I wasn’t, of course.

Either way, _all_ that effort… and I’m sure you can guess what faced me when I tried to exit. When I reached the tunnel I once foolishly entered Greenpath through, back towards the sign that I definitely read, where a monstrous mongrel _hadn’t_ been guarding beforehand… there it was.  
Its back to me, curled up in a ball as if it were a coward! The nerve of that scoundrel… enough spine to be a thorn in my side, but not enough courage to face me head-on! In my frustration, I battered the beast with Life-Ender’s blade, knowing how useless the attempt was… Perhaps I would manage to agitate it beyond what it would handle, driving it to finally expose what weakness must lay underneath that armor! Even if I wasn’t lucky enough for that to occur, the possibility of just ticking the creature off would’ve satisfied me! It would pay for its insolence!

This absolutely did not backfire, nor would it have under any circumstances.  
Much like the situation with the gruzz mother in the Crossroads, all went spectacularly! The beast did _not_ turn to face me with fury, nor did it… send me _flying_ back with a clawed limb… thankfully not into any acid, as _that would’ve been unfortunate…_

No, of course not! And if you choose not to believe me, that is your own folly! Not a single wound remains on my shell, nor would I have gained one from being swatted aside as if I were an irritating crawlid to be knocked over.   
Not a single one! No bruises, no scars, no gashes nor cuts.

And that’s just the worst part, isn’t it? Were I a normal bug, my shell could’ve shattered from that impact. If not from the beast’s great claws, then at least with the ground when I collided with it.  
But this cursed shell! Too tough to break, I tell you! And while that sounds like a fantastical blessing, _hah,_ I promise you…

…Forget that. Never accept a promise! Not even from me!

At any rate, I survived, and I clearly _wasn’t_ leaving Greenpath any time soon. All of Hallownest’s terrors were out for me, I tell you, but they were fools if they believed they could best me! This was but a minor setback! If what Gods of fate there may be were so determined to keep me trapped there, then I was willing to prove myself as Greenpath’s most intolerable nuisance until it was _forced_ to free me!  
_That_ was my new plan. My next goal! The idea of a destination fueled my desire to continue, pushing me away from any temptation to just collapse into the soil and let it consume me.

_Ah-_ Ahem, well, that sounded rather… _Anyway,_ moving on!

With this new purpose, I began to head onward! Rather than descending once more, as that would be counterproductive, I chose to head deeper into the core of Greenpath. My travels inward were incredibly uneventful in comparison to my journey to the shrine and Fog Canyon, so I will not dawdle on the subject for too long!  
Aside from the usual environmental hazards, such as sentient plants and bubbling, sizzling acid, and the enemies I triumphantly fended off… there wasn’t much of note. As if any and everything of interest was only found early in Greenpath, and nothing could be said of the rest of it!

I suppose I can give some acknowledgement to the moss chargers, which are named so _perfectly_ for their dastardly way of living. I hesitate to admit it, but my first encounter with one – that being a large mass of moss springing up from the ground and lunging for me at rapid speeds – startled me horribly! They reminded me of dirtcarvers, just… _far_ larger.  
Initially, that almost came across as a threat. Massive dirtcarvers did _not_ sound appealing in any way, shape nor form! Though, I’m sure any nosk would disagree, finding it worthy and filling prey… _It doesn’t matter what a nosk would think!  
_That possible, _inkling_ of a threat, which could not apply to me as I do not feel threatened by anything, vanished the moment I slashed the creature. Almost instantly, the moss would fall apart, revealing a far tinier creature that had been _using_ the greenery as a disguise!

Scratch dirtcarvers, those things were more akin to poor nosk imitations! Pah! Could you imagine a nosk covering itself in leaves, trying to blend in with plantlife? Perhaps one could mimic one of the sentient plants… That would be a _difficult_ morph to hone.

Not for me, obviously, as I-

Wait, I mean… no! It _would_ be difficult for me, as I’m not a nosk! One cannot shift their appearance if one is not born as a species that can contort itself in that fashion! I’m- I was never- I’m _not_ a nosk. Stop questioning! Silence your doubting! Precept Forty-Five, _“One Thing Is Not Another!”_  
I am a _knight,_ therefore, it is incredibly easy for me to perform any task a knight should be able to do. This does not apply to nosk abilities, as that’s… _not_ what I am. Anymore.  
No! Never have been! _Agh,_ damn it all!

My species is not relevant! Curse this tendency to sidetrack! Was that _not_ what the last precept was about? To develop a sense of direction, literally and figuratively?  
Well, I had little to no _literal_ sense of direction, anyhow. I was just wandering, aimlessly, unsure _how_ to go about breaking free of this overgrown prison… Hah! Picture that! I betray my own precept both literally and figuratively, all in one breath!  
Curse this tendency to sidetrack, and curse hypocrisy! Never should you take these traits upon yourself! They’re shameful, understood? Shameful!

I, on the other hand? Shameless! Certainly, you’ve noticed, with how flagrantly I turn my back on my own moral code! Blast it, anyhow! For what purpose does one feel shame? Shame is but a useless concept conceived by the fear of one’s peers’ perception of them! You shall never succumb to it if you are ignorant toward beliefs besides your own!

That’s what she told me, and while I disregard her influence entirely, as all of her “advice” led to her demise – That was the one and only point she made that I can hold now! And now I pass it to you. Feel no shame, for it serves as nothing but a burden!  
Not that I’m advocating for the betrayal of the Precepts, but sometimes- just- Sometimes rules must be broken! Per Precept Fifty-Five, _“Obey No Law but Your Own!”  
_Even if… that in of itself wouldn’t make much sense, as… the precepts _are_ my own law, and I’m disobeying them…

Forget it! Forget this tangent entirely! Wipe it from your memory and never utter a word of it! Vow your silence _now!_

…Shameless, I call myself. Hah.

As mentioned, the delving into Greenpath was rather dull. The only point of interest was when I reached a sudden sharp fall after ascending upwards for some time. I had passed through an area reminiscent of the Crossroads, which foolishly sparked hoped in me for a moment’s time… that hope was suffocated at no discernable branching path out. Paired with the unnerving sense that I was being watched, and by more than one set of eyes…  
I was sure to escape that area as quickly as possible. I would return, however, in time… and… well, we’ll get to it!

The sharp decline, however, _should’ve_ been noticed long before I was sent plummeting off the edge… but I digress. I landed in a strangely serene area, with no pests about and not a single drop of acid. I’d call it a nice breath of fresh air, but I was still surrounded by moss and dirt – neither of which I’m very fond of!  
There were odd, towering pillars, engraved with intricate spirals and symbols. I’m still ignorant as to what they were meant for, as they didn’t bear any similarity to the eyeless “statues” in the shrine… but I _did_ find a temple in the next opening, so I suppose they must be relevant, somehow.

At the base of one of those pillars – the one I had easiest access to, as it was the closest to the path – a lone husk was laid against it. I recognized it as a vessel easily, but it left a _plethora_ of questions in my mind! Surely, you don’t blame me? A vessel, all the way up there? They were scarce in Deepnest as it was, and according to the deceptive King, there was only meant to be _one._  
Yet there it was, in plain view. Its mask was deeply cracked, and what appeared to be its own nail was buried in its shell. It was long past dead, its eye sockets morbidly _empty,_ but there was no sign of Infection…  
…I’m, of course, clueless as to what its reasoning might’ve been, but seeing as its own nail was plunged into its own chest… I’m left with solemn conclusions as to what might’ve happened to them.

Not that it would bother me. I had no relation to this _thing,_ and even if I had, this sight wouldn’t have shaken me at all! It was likely years gone, with its eyes… _empty_ as they were…  
I’m sensing a theme in Greenpath, and it’s not one I’m too thrilled about!

Not wanting to remain in what was essentially a grave site, I continued onward, _expecting_ the tunnel to lead forward. I was laughably wrong, as I fell yet again.

That was not an invitation for you to laugh! Do not even consider it!

Either way, I was left in a narrow passage, which I had no choice but to head through. The light that had often filtered through into Greenpath faded here, leaving it darker than most other areas. This should’ve been my first sign of warning, as it finally gets us into this precept’s purpose.

There I was met with a pool of acid, and though with reasonable irritation, I leapt over it with ease.  
This ended with me descending _again,_ and this time onto a terribly small platform suspended above grander ponds of the bubbling waters.  
Were I someone with other plans, or a bug not plagued by curiosity, I would have gone _right_ back up to where I’d been previously! The gaps between the land in that segment were unreasonable, I tell you! I had to take a running leap just to make it over them, and that was with me _fully_ aware that I could perish should I fail.

The only reason I persevered was the sight of a lumafly in a lamppost.  
Before you begin yammering all matter-of-factly, as I know you’re wanting to, _no,_ I was not heading that way _for_ the lumafly! It pained me to willingly move toward blinding light, but I was – and am! – an intelligent bug! Where there are trapped lumaflies, there is civilization! I doubted the people would still be alive, but there was still the slightest smidge of hope!

Don’t rely on hope, by any means. I gave it a chance, and perhaps that was a bad choice. As with the last needed jump, I successfully caught the edge, but…

…I expected more damage, honestly.  
One slip, and one of my limbs fell victim to the acid. It was _agonizing,_ seething, burning.  
Overtaken by… well, not _panic,_ as I’m known to be extremely level-headed in all circumstances… I frantically scrabbled up onto the stone ground, gaining clawfulls of moss and dirt as I dragged myself out.  
My leg survived, obviously, as I still possess it, and all I suffered were burns; but that wouldn’t take away how excruciating it was! I remained in that spot for quite some time, leaning against the dreaded lamppost that brought me there.

…Genuinely, and this may sound bizarre or ungrateful, but the _lack_ of general damage upset me. It’s not as if I would be ecstatic to lose a limb to acid, or to lose a limb in general, but… _This cursed shell,_ too tough for its own good. It’s not normal. It’s not as any other insect would fare.  
It’s how a _nosk_ would fare, however.  
And that disheartened me.

This’ll sound as though I’m hyperbolizing or exaggerating, as I’m sure you believe I do anyway, but nosk shells are ludicrously resilient. It’s a sturdy plating that’s nigh impossible to crack with average weapons, and it’s built to contain a broiling poison. This general vigor translates to morphs, so nosks are not weakened while in their disguises.  
Well, the shell _slightly_ softens, so to give enough believability should the prey come in physical contact with the nosk before they reveal their true nature… but it’s still stalwart.

It bothered me. _Immensely._  
I wanted my strength to be earned, not cheaply acquired by… just being as my species was. Especially considering that I no longer identify myself _with_ that species! I’m not a nosk, I tell you!  
So curse this shell. A constant reminder… hmph.

Once I believed I could walk again, I kept up my harrowing journey. I began criticizing myself for my idiocy, hoping that whatever lie at the end of that path was worth it.

After trudging through more mossy passages, this time wonderfully clear of any enemies… I stumbled upon a clearing.  
Far more open than most caverns below us, it was a grand expanse, with great mossy boulders far into the distance and green-covered walls just barely in view. A _massive_ lake conquered the space ahead, glowing a vibrant verdant color that nullified any light that tried to beam in. One dock stretched out over it, with the rising steam of the lake dancing around the edge of it and through the cracks.

I noticed a temple, too; not nearly as impressive as the Black Egg Temple, nor as eerie as the eyeless one… And once I grew near, I heard something _grumbling_ inside, so I chose to steer clear of it. There was no need for any confrontations, especially not with the state I was in.  
…Not that I couldn’t have handled anything that was thrown at me. Or what have you.

Instead, my gaze landed on the iron dock, and I cautiously stepped out onto it. Seeing as though it didn’t collapse underneath me, nor did it show any signs of doing so, I felt it safe to walk across.  
I carefully made my way down the dock, sure to be slow so not to trip – as… _that would be unfortunate,_ again – and reached the edge within a few seconds.

I found myself peering over the side, staring down at the acidic waters just out of reach. It was as though I was tempting fate after I had already been warned of the consequences.  
I felt no fear, however, as the acid had no method of reaching me from there. Were I to lose my footing… that would’ve been a different story. And… likely a far more gruesome tale.

At that point, I was wholly exhausted. I had been traveling for ages, with barely a moment to rest. When I was younger, I chastised the idea of stopping for any reason. Rest was pointless and unnecessary, only existing to waste time.  
The creation of Precept Three, _“Always Be Rested,”_ goes to show how much I’ve matured since then. Out of tiredness, and admittedly a bit of arrogance, I sat myself down on that dock, right on the edge.

…That was until the billowing steam bombarding my face proved bothersome, leaving me to shift backwards a tad.

This was the first time in a while that I was given an opportunity to relax. No _known_ beasts were lumbering about, no _true_ goal laid heavy on my shoulders… Nothing beckoned me anywhere. Nothing was forcing me to move.  
So, I didn’t. I only listened to the sounds of the bubbles popping, the quietest sizzle, the shifts in the leaves around me. In the distance, some strange creatures were seen gliding above the acid… some alongside each other, others by their lonesome. I’m sure they’re still there, with nothing to disturb them. I let myself believe they were unaffected by Infection, too.  
Uncharacteristically optimistic of me, I know. I’m also aware of what a foolish assumption that was. I just have no reason to care.

Hm. I suppose I should get to the point of this precept, then?  
It’s not a particularly joyous one. I often avoid explaining the true meaning of this precept for that reason. Cowardly, yes, I’m sure to tell myself that enough, thank you!

Don’t peer into the darkness… Specifically, of your own mind.  
The more I speak here, the more I’m seeing how _“Do Not_ Think” should’ve been Precept Fifty-Six’s title. One should not dream, one should not dwell on the past, and one should not peer into darkness. I could’ve reduced the Precepts by two! How much simpler that would’ve been to memorize!

Sitting at the lake resurfaced many thoughts in me. Memories to rashly linger on, questions for the future, and what purpose I served then.  
I knew the answer to the last. I was a knight, and that was my purpose! Even if I wasn’t protecting, nor was I obedient to any King… I was… I _am_ a knight, and that is all.

Not a nosk.

And that was it. That one notion, that one nagging principle… It seized my mind. Given the recent… _event_ with acid, it’s fair that my mind would be on my wounds. I focused on it, berating myself for getting upset over trivial things… The fact I was _harmed_ should’ve upset me, not the idea of not being harmed “ _enough.”_ What a pitiful way of thinking! As if I truly wished for more pain, which couldn’t be farther from the truth!

No, it’s not pain I wanted. It was proof. Proof that I _wasn’t_ a nosk.  
And, at the time, my shell was proving the opposite.

…So, giving in to these dark thoughts… I decided to… _test_ my strength.

Yes… that’s how I’ll put it.  
Not with Life-Ender, mind you. I wouldn’t dare abuse my loyal nail for such things!

Instead, I scoured for anything sharp. Glass, a stone, perhaps a loose piece of the iron dock. Anything that could… you know. “Test” me. Prove I wasn’t a nosk, as it would… successfully… leave a mark. Of any kind.

My thinking then was clouded! I see the issue with that line of reasoning now! I _know,_ I’m _aware,_ I _understand!_ Do not feel the need to coddle me like a hatchling now! This is why you never peer into that darkness, do you hear me? It’s vile, horrible; thoughts that aren’t your own! Much like dreams, or promises, or apologies!

And yes, if you’re so inclined to ask, I did find what I was looking for. I cannot remember exactly what it was, but that’s beside the point.  
Then I toiled, and I struggled, and I _uselessly tried_ to… Agh, gods, I don’t want to talk about this anymore! It was a weak state of mind, weak! And I… I’m never weak! I’m _strong,_ and it’s all thanks to my own power! Nothing to do with being a nosk, nothing to do with tough shells! All my own hard work, my dedication! My knightlihood!

And I never fail. Here –

The scar on my hand to prove it.

…If you peer into the darkness and can't see anything for too long, your mind will start to linger over old memories. Memories are to be avoided, as per Precept Four.  
If you sink into that darkness, you may find it inescapable. Never let yourself be trapped in darkness. Seek truth in it, if need be, but do not remain there. It’s dangerous to even the strongest of knights.

_… “Such as myself.” Hah…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy day-late birthday, me, who started and finished writing this during a spiral. I’m projecting, squirtle
> 
> Guys, guys okay, after this we get a nice big break from the heavy(er) angst and shift back into the lighter stuff  
> …..okay, well, next chapter is a LITTLE bit oof if you squint buT IN COMPARISON TO THIS AND THE PREVIOUS ONES IT’S noT THAT BAD SO GUYS I PROMISE I-
> 
> Anyway uhhhgms…… as for this chapter……yeah  
> I got the idea for this initially while writing chapter 18 (and I alluded to it in the notes of that chapter) and even though I said “might dial back on the overwhelming angst” guess what clearly didn’t happen!  
> Oof. I’m treading as lightLY as possible here, since I know I’m taking…. Fuckiffngin zote the mighty, a knight of great renown, and I’m projecting horrible pain and suffering and angst onto him,,,, but I justs,t,,, man I don’t know anymore, we’re so off the rails I can’t even think straight. Brain got one thought and it’s zote, and sometimes that’s an issue when brain also goes “Hhgnnr. Pain” and then THINGS happen. Like THIS chapter
> 
> To think this thought originally surfaced when I was asking myself the questions:  
> “1) what does my man think about at the lake of unn, because I have a chapter where he does that but what horrible thing is he thinking about and  
> 2) how do I explain Tough Nosk Shell without it sounding like zote’s doing his normal lying bullshit?”
> 
> as for why I’m explaining Tough Nosk Shell: Zote is tanky! This man can take a LOT of hits while in the colosseum, and he doesn’t even die at the end of it! Nor does he even have cracks or visible wounds! So I needed a method of explaining that, and we ended up here  
> So my mans sucks ass at fighting, but his defense is stupid good
> 
> a’ight thatse all bye, sorry for rambling


	31. Eat as Much as You Can

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Denial: The chapter in Denial: The fic
> 
> Zote starves to death in Greenpath but no he didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has the same energy as “if I eated soap, I dont eat it bc I did. No I didnt ❤️” 
> 
> So this took me 50 years to write because of reasons such as  
> \- Mmm school/homework really be cronching on my toes  
> \- had little to no idea what I was even gonna do with this chapter hdgkJHDSKLGH OOP, so she’s shorter than usual :(  
> \- instead of writing my brain has just been imagining things with this man to various different songs and goin “hghgh” (watch me finally snap and make a super edgy nosk!zote playlist haha just kidding unless?)  
> \- every time I opened the word document and scrolled to the bottom the only thing I saw was just “I am absolutely lost in the sauce rn” and didn’t have the heart to delete it to actually start the chapter
> 
> in which zote says “remember when I was depressed? Because I don’t hahaha sweep that under a rug, let’s be overly dramatic instead to forget all that nonsense happened” because instead of handling his emotions in a healthy manner he mentally resets himself so to put his Unbreakable Ego charm back on

**_Eat as Much as You Can_ **

Hah! Figures! How humorously topical.

Forgive me as I needlessly wander down a spiraling tangent, yet again, but I’m left to wonder if there is a God of Misfortune. One that I’ve so enraptured with my charm that it spends every waking moment cursing the very ground I walk upon.  
That, or a God of Luck, who feels the complete opposite. Filled with a seething hatred towards me, thus never granting me with so much as a passing glance.

Well, be it a deity’s curse or a different one’s negligence, it’s as though the City of Tears’ rain had been following me throughout my entire journey… in the form of a figurative raincloud permanently above my horns; sure to pummel me with unrelenting sleet soon to form hail.

What? Do you think that pessimistic of me? You’re free to suggest why I should’ve felt otherwise, then!

Why do I express this now, however? Hmph, it’s quite simple, really. Aside from this precept and what it entails – which I’ll get to, be patient! – the _real_ dilemma was what followed my… my…  
 _Hrm..._ what’s a good descriptor for that?...  
“Outburst” sounds childish. I suppose you could argue I _was,_ but-  
“Bout of poor reasoning.” We’ll say that. Even if it stings to admit!... Not that it should, given how I’ve so nonchalantly rattled on about my past already, but regardless! I still retain _some_ dignity!

What followed my _bout of poor reasoning_ at the Lake of Unn was less than ideal! I thought I’d been through the worst of it, what with killer vegetation and ominous shrines, but oh, by the Root, of _course_ not!  
Just a few moments ago, do you recall my mention of _sounds_ emerging from the temple beside the lake? Yes, yes… I had avoided confrontation for as long as I could, and I had foolishly hoped that whatever resided inside would _stay_ there until my departure, but…

Well, I wouldn’t be mentioning it if all went fine and dandy.  
Just as I felt satisfied with my… “test of strength,” I finally got up to leave. While the place had an admittedly tranquil atmosphere despite its location, it was _also_ swarmed with those obnoxious yellow particles! They littered my cloak, frustratingly sticking around just to prove a worse nuisance later down the line!  
That, and you could say my experiences there so far had been... not particularly pleasant ones.  
With this in mind, along with the resurfacing of my primary goal – that being escaping Greenpath – I had no reason to dawdle! I turned away from the lake, blinked a few of those small yellow flecks from my eyes, and was immediately faced with a terrible thing.

Standing there at the start of the dock… just a few steps away from the temple’s entrance… a looming, mossy _menace,_ staring me down with the intent to _exterminate.  
_ Reasonably, I was in quite a shock! I had no prior knowledge to mosskin wearing _armor,_ and wielding _weaponry,_ yet there one clearly was! It held a sharp nail in one hand and a plated shield in the other, and though its eyes seemed primarily unaltered by Infection… if one were to lean in close and squint, the tiniest, most insignificant spark of orange could be glimpsed there.  
And apparently, that was enough for a mosskin’s mind to be sabotaged. I’d call that pathetic and weak, but… those adjectives would _not_ fit well with the foe ahead of me.

I tell you, being cornered on an old, rusty dock suspended above acid, with a fresh wound in the hand you use to wield your nail in… it’s not a situation I would recommend falling into. Avoid this fate if possible!  
How hopeless it seemed! How forlorn, how tragic! To meet my untimely end at the tip of a mossy knight’s nail or submerged in the acid below. All things considered, perhaps those would’ve been preferable outcomes.

But… oh, as if I’d fall now! As _if_ I’d let it all be for naught! I had just proven my strength! I had braved the wilderness thus far, so why should I have let it be the death of me then? I still had something to accomplish, too! Freeing myself of that green hell! Albeit a pointless goal with surely nothing of interest to follow… It was a goal nonetheless!  
Plus, it would’ve only been a mercy to fail. I won’t accept pity from what gods of fortune there may be!

Not that fate would ever be so kind as to let me, seeing as how long I’ve survived.

…I was _strong._ I was _indestructible,_ in fact! I could never be bested, ever! I was capable, tenacious, courageous, resilient – all and more, I swear it! Why, that’s what I’ve been this whole time, is it not? The fearless, the powerful! Zote the Mighty, a knight of great renown! And _nothing else!_ That’s how it’s always been, and that’s how it’ll always be! Your doubts are unfounded! You have no reason to question me!

I wasn’t afraid! I wasn’t going to cower away from this _cur!_ Forget my circumstances, for they meant nothing!   
In fact, I was eager to finally have a fair battle against me! No sentient plants, no moss-wearing welps! Nothing!

Not even _food,_ as I was _half-starved_ during this time, but that’s _only partially relevant._

So, with the great elegance I’ve always had, I absolutely _blighted_ that hellion! Devastated, ravaged, ruined, what have you!   
Forget my wounded hand, for it changed nothing! Forget my uneven footing, forget me reacting poorly to the horrible yellow specks amuck, forget the agility and abilities of my adversary! Nothing can stop me, as nothing ever has! I _cut_ and I _slashed_ , _ducked_ and _dodged_ every clumsy lunge from that mosskin! It was a brilliant reawakening!

Hmph! I revoke my earlier statement! All _did_ go fine and dandy. It was far superior to that, even! Curse the God of Misfortune, and curse the God of Luck, for they gave me no blessing!   
This was _my_ doing, and _mine alone._

No matter what, I never ran, for that would’ve been _cowardly.  
_ And me? You should know this by now. I’m no coward. I’m not useless, nor childish, nor _weak,_ nor _powerless,_ nor _vulnerable,_ nor-

 _Aaagh,_ blast it! What does repeating all this even serve, hm? A sore throat at the end of the day? Flimsy, unneeded self-assurance?   
“Unneeded” in the sense of me _knowing_ and _embracing_ my wondrous competence, of _course_.  
It’s been the same as always, and I’m sure to prove myself every time! I’ve never failed! I’ve never faltered! I’ve no reason to lie, either; which I’ve never done, nor will I ever do!   
Who would I even lie for? Or to?  
That’s right. No one.   
Not even myself.  
Precept Twenty, after all: _“Speak Only the Truth.”_

Denial wouldn’t get me anywhere. _Hah!_

… _So,_ of course, that left me to finally recognize my strength! To no longer doubt it!  
Which I never did.

I left nothing but orange stains behind on that dock. And while it would’ve been a shame that I couldn’t feast upon the remains, seeing as the body was Infected – it _wasn’t_ , in fact, “a shame.”  
As, well… eating a _corpse?_ What a noskly behavior! Haven’t I made it clear what I’m _not?_

Right. Exactly. Yes, good, of course…   
_Gods, why must I kid myself?_

In any case, I retraced my steps back from whence I’d came, with a sub-goal of locating _anything_ to eat.  
Now, then, is this precept’s premise! I know I’ve rambled on and on about my difficulties finding food already, but fear not! For as it turned out, there _was_ a food supply! Yes, yes, of course. There always had been, right under my nose!

And it wasn’t one I had already used, no, of course not! For what had I eaten there thus far?   
There had been that experiment with plantlife, yes, but I was… _not_ keen on trying that a second time. The Infected mosskin were not an option, either, in respect to my _morals_ – alongside the fact that Infection was nigh impossible to digest properly.

And… well, I… I never ate anything else in Greenpath. No. I never tried to.   
The plants were a failed attempt, the squits and mosskin were all Infected, and… that was all. That’s all I ever tried to devour while there. That was _it._ There was no other “food source” that I returned to, after a long trek, desperate for _something_ to fill my stomach.   
No. You don’t remember my implications of one, either. Because there wasn’t.

…I didn’t want to go back to that eerie spot, anyway. That place had been so off-putting the first time, what with its _statues,_ which aren’t to be trusted, as they’re entirely meaningless… and what was there to eat in that dreary, unsettling shrine anyhow?  
 _Shri-_ No, no! There was nothing, is my point. There was nothing I left behind, there was nothing I would go back for, and there was nothing I ever ate there.

If I had –   
No, let’s… let’s not even entertain the notion! For how beastly it would’ve been… How reprehensible, how contemptible, how unruly and lowly!

All of which… things I am _not._ For those adjectives better describe a nosk, I’d say.

 _As I was saying_ before I so lost my train of thought, I found something marvelous!   
If you’d believe it, there was something worthwhile in Greenpath. There was something _good_ to be found, like a sparkling gem surrounded by burning, lashing flames. For even if you got past the flames, you’d still burn your claws trying to pick up the gem.  
There was, indeed, food to be found. And once I found it again- no, _no.  
_ Once I found it for _the first time_ , it wasn’t even at the eyeless shrine. I’m not even sure why I’m mentioning it, as it’s entirely irrelevant, but I digress.

They were strewn about Greenpath, tucked away in the most hidden of places… you’d have to scour for them! Bypassing horrible thorn labyrinths, clearing pools of acid, battling hardy enemies… just to find something to consume.   
It was beyond me on how the insects I found had died, as many lacked any signs of Infection, but that’s what made them edible to begin with – so it would’ve been ungrateful of me to complain.

Not that- I wouldn’t-  
Ahem, no, not… they were not insects I found! Not bodies, not corpses, not _what a nosk would eat, no…_

It was food, and that’s all you need to know! That’s it! Silence yourself!  
And every time I successfully found something, anything, even the smallest morsel – I was sure to eat what I could. That’s the point of this precept, you see? You _must_ eat as much as you can, whenever you can; for you never know when the next meal will be.   
Especially just after a stunning, flawless victory. Battle always leaves one hungry.

When having a meal, eat as much as you possibly can. This gives you extra energy and means you can eat less frequently.

No, this was not a common nosk ideology. I’m not sure why you’d even insinuate that. In fact, I’m rather insulted.

This is a knight’s ideology. Mine, to be exact! For I am a knight! The mightiest, toughest, fiercest knight alive! You may argue that a small feat, as most knights of this kingdom have long fallen, but I disagree! The fact I remain standing among their cadavers speaks wonders of me and wonders alone! I have succeeded where they’ve failed, as I will always!

As I! Do not! _Fail!_

_…There’s no point in this. When has this spiel ever truly lifted my spirits? If anything, it only seems as though I’ve gone mad…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s me, I’m the god of misfortune 
> 
> “Denial?” Zote asks, incredulously, taking a long sip of his pain flavored apple juice. “I haven’t the faintest idea what you speak of.”
> 
> ((also cough cough, if you’re confused by what he’s talking about in regards to a “food source,” it’s referencing an earlier chapter :)! He also just flat out says it but u kno))
> 
> A’IGHT NOW THAT PAIN IS OUTTA THE WAY FOR A WHILE, we’ll get back to our regularly scheduled programming with the next couple’a chapters! Don’t worry guys I am capable of writing things other than angst I Swear I Promise You Have To Just Trust Me Okay  
> I mean, things aren’t really gonna be,,, normal, after this Mental Breakdown™, but we’re going to pROgress the PLOT and MOVE ON and noT drown ourselves in PAIN for a while I SWEAR GUYS TRUST ME I PROMISE I-
> 
> Also yeah this entire chapter was lies because we are Doubling Down but you knew that already  
> Actually, this chapter could easily read as zote being extremely sarcastic the whole time. honestly either way works lmao


	32. Don't Trust Your Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having eaten, Zote wanders around aimlessly in Greenpath some more before coming face-to-face with something he would’ve preferred not to come face-to-face with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case ya’ll don’t read the bottom notes, check back here in a day because I’m gonna be postin a few chapters one right after the other because god I’m tired of greenpath and I want to get it over with!!!!
> 
> But UH, yeah! originally writing this chapter I was like “hhhhh” because I had,, the general conceptions for it, but like,,, no idea the manner it would happen  
> then I realized I finally had an excuse for why this man is still in greenpath and I TOOK IT
> 
> Also how dare there be any form of interest in a zote playlist??? Guys?????? Guys you DON’t understand, it’d be so edgy and bad and I’d be really out here exposing my edgy music tastes

**_Don’t Trust Your Reflection_ **

Gods, thinking now, how long was I in Greenpath for?   
I’m not exaggerating when I say I might have wandered there for _days._ Time is a puzzling conundrum, so I oft try to avoid keeping track of it, but… that makes it needlessly difficult to pinpoint just how long I remained trapped there! I know I began walking in circles at some point, ending up at the same path over and over again without a _hint_ of progress…

But what did it matter, anyhow? Days, months, years – what’s the difference? There isn’t one! At least, not one _important._   
I wandered- No, I _explored_ that area for a ridiculous span of time, I’ll admit; but it only made me all the more knowledgeable! I grew familiar with every rock and patch of moss, every frequent enemy and every hidden hole in the path! With this time, I grew stronger, better; navigating became easier! No longer would I trip over roots, which I never did, nor would I be ambushed by pesky creatures wearing moss hides! I now had plenty of practice in slaying those Infected foes, assuring they each went down in one blow! As they always had, of course, but it was _satisfying_ then.

Satisfying in an annoying way, I suppose, but satisfying nonetheless!  
…What? Do you argue that as an oxymoron? Well, you certainly aren’t _wrong,_ but I tell you to silence yourself regardless! It was satisfying how _quickly they fell_ , as it became second nature to swat them away, but just as with any frivolous task – it was _annoying.  
_ I never had a break! Very few spots in that wretched place were free of pests, and even then, you could never be sure! Considering the camouflage of those beasts! They could’ve been anywhere, hiding under any stone, taking the shape of _any_ plant… once the shrubbery began walking with high chirrups, I thought I’d truly lost my sanity.

With this looming threat in every corner, I was hyper aware of _everything_. Seeing as though I also began unintentionally looping around the same spot, I would notice _any_ slight difference. A shift in the grass, a new pair of eyes peeking out from the darkness, a pebble now knocked askew… my senses were _piqued!_ And not thanks to hunger this time around, as I had eaten well!... From the… miracle food supply. Right. Yes. Of course.

Either way, I desperately needed a way out of that rut. While it was a wonderful way to put Life-Ender to use, as many Infected insects seemingly reappeared each time I returned, it was _tiring._ Frustrating, even! Turning up in the same dastardly location repetitively, even if taking pride in how I would notice any minor changes in the environment… it showed a lack of progress! Which aggravated me to no end!  
I wasn’t _doing_ anything! That cycle hadn’t been aiding my goal – _escaping Greenpath_ – nor had it been… aiding anything, really! I wasn’t ridding the place of any problems, as I had with Uoma in Fog Canyon, since these creatures just… kept coming back! I’m clueless as to _how_ that kept happening, but my running theory is that the corpses would reanimate every time I cut them down. No matter how many times I’d slash and beat them, no matter how many times they’d fall limp to the ground… they’d always be up and lively again when I returned! So, in truth, I was only wasting my energy! Blasphemy! Infuriating blasphemy!

Eventually, I gave up on that endeavor.  
 _Eck,_ I despise how that sounds! “Gave up.” It implies weakness! As if the challenge frightened me or wore me down! Neither of these are the case, and it would do you good to remember that!  
It simply seemed… pointless. Surely, you’d do the same if in that predicament! If your foe is unable to be permanently finished off and continues reviving again and again… perhaps it’s time to call it quits.  
Oh, Gods! That sounds even worse! Disregard that, disregard it entirely!

_Moving along…_ well, I suppose that’s incorrect, as I wasn’t moving anywhere…  
 _At any rate,_ I finally grew frustrated enough with my circling that I halted in place and let myself think through the situation. That wasn’t getting me anywhere, nor would it ever.   
What was it I said my plan was? Being enough of a nuisance until Greenpath itself rid me of it? Clearly, that “plan” wasn’t working! Pah, what did I expect? The very ground to collapse, allowing me to fall _straight_ through the soil, hopefully right through Fog Canyon, and back down where I started in Deepnest? What wishful thinking!  
…No. Arriving in Deepnest would’ve been _worse,_ actually. So… not wishful thinking, but a foolish belief no matter how you spin it.

I had checked the beast at the entrance a multitude of times – all from a safe distance away, as being launched through the air again was… not ideal! – but there it remained. Still as ever. I was left to wonder if the damned thing ever _ate._  
The worst possibility was that it was hibernating or something to that effect. If that was the case, it’d be there for a _season’s_ time, and what horrible luck that would’ve been! Not that misfortune is anything particularly _new_ to me.

Even if it was in a deep enough sleep for me to sneak by, there wasn’t any _room_ to do so! The cursed beast took up the entire exit, ruining any chance of salvation from this hellscape.

I was running low on options. It was either starve to death eventually, as… miracle food source or not, it would run low at some point… or grin and bear going through Fog Canyon again.  
The only reason I _hadn’t_ up until then? I didn’t want to, simple as that, and surely you don’t blame me! It was swarmed with those zapping creatures, some with explosive cores, and I’d be more lost traversing through there than I was in Greenpath! At least I was now _familiar_ with the Verdant Trail of Doom, even if I would’ve preferred not to be.  
Plus, given they were Infected, I couldn’t even eat the cores anymore!

Not that I… oh, should I even?... Is there a point? _  
…Yes,_ I still have my pride! It’s not so damaged that I’ll let it shatter now! I never ate an Uoma core, thank you very much! For I have _dignity._

At that point, Fog Canyon was my only possible escape. Even if I detested the idea of swapping from one disaster realm to another, at least I knew there was a branching path out toward the Fungal Wastes through there. Then I’d have to deal with a raging headache spurred on by spores, but what other choice did I have?  
Furthermore, I had just proven my strength, hadn’t I? And having perfected my nailsmanship tenfold thanks to all the recent practice, I shouldn’t be frightened of anything!  
And I wasn’t! Fear was never an element in this! Only irritation, only _scorn._ Fog Canyon was the coward’s way out! I should’ve listened to what fate was clearly telling me, which was to just- just-

_No, don’t say that._

_…_ To just slay the monster that caused this! Precept Thirty-Three, after all: _“Show the Enemy No Respect!”_

Yet that’s not what I did. Cowardly of me… _hmph._

So, I retraced my steps, descending down and down again… dreading the inevitable. A baseless dread, as I knew I was more than capable of handling it. Those things were _weak_ , what with their flimsy little gelatin shells… I had nothing to fret over! Nothing at all!  
I certainly wasn’t thinking of the fire I encountered the first time, either. I knew now to be careful with it, as no matter how tough your shell is, fire can and will find a way to singe it. Beware that luring orange glow!

…In fact, I believe that’s a rule of thumb at this point. Beware orange in general, it’s a color that cannot be trusted!

Hm. Is it even worth stringing you along on this one? Building your anticipation? Leading up to the terrible truth I faced, the horrible sight I saw, just before I could enter Fog Canyon? How my hopes of exiting through that place were crushed, decimated, completely and utterly destroyed within seconds?   
Yes! I think it is worth it.

So, there I was. Passing by the entrance to the eyeless shrine, swiftly dodging the spike balls thrown by the banes of my existence, and… choosing to ignore the walking, chirping moss balls.   
I know I’ve neglected to mention them thus far, but those… little things… were _everywhere._ Mosscreeps, I think they’re named. Despite being Infected, they never showed signs of aggression. They trotted along without a care in the world; along the walls, the stone ceilings… Oddly peaceful creatures, they were. Granted, they chose to pop up in random spaces with very little warning beforehand, thus startling me once or twice – but no effort was made to attack me. So, seeing as they made no attempts on my life, I made none on theirs.  
Wouldn’t be worth trying to eat them. Even if unafflicted, I believe _most_ of them is comprised of moss. Not a very filling meal.

…Tangent. _Focus,_ you fool, _focus!_

I was nearly there. Just near the exit. I could taste freedom, just within my reach… and it tasted like static. Unpleasant, but not dirt or shrubbery, so I was more than willing to take it.  
The last drop down. I only had to fall once more, and then I’d be gone. I would take off running through those bubbly tunnels, avoiding every Uoma and Ooma, dashing as fast as I could all the way back to the Queen’s Station. Perhaps I’d see that crumbled statue again, and it’d remind me of the wonderful victories I once had.  
As a… _hm._ Maybe not. Maybe that place, too, is tainted with bad memories. Seems most of Hallownest is… how solemn.

But, of course… why would it be that easy? Why, I ask you, would you be so foolish – so imbecilic – to think that would work? Honestly, imagine it had! How embarrassing it would’ve been! I would’ve slapped myself for my incompetence!   
The way out, just beneath me, that _whole_ time? So much stress, so much agony, so much turmoil – with the answer right under my nose? No, no. I argue it would’ve been _worse_ if that path worked.

Instead, no. No, what Gods of fortune there may be only laughed at me that day.  
There, at the entryway to Fog Canyon, just illuminated by the pinkish glow of the room below… was myself.

Why the perplexion? Are you confused?  
There’s nothing to be confused about. There, staring back at me, was my reflection. Myself. Standing there and keeping dead eye contact, eyes unblinking and body unmoving. Every detail was the exact same – from the cloth around Life-Ender, to the scorch marks and tatters at the bottom of the cloak.   
It was a perfect copy.  
And I was petrified.

I knew what it was. There was no question about it. There wasn’t two of me – th-there can only be _one_ knight as spectacular as me, and that is myself!... – there was me, there, and _them_ …  
A nosk.

_How_ and _why_ had it traveled so far to hunt? That’s what still puzzles me to this day! Nosk hunting grounds never reached to Greenpath, as food was plentiful enough between Deepnest and the nearby city’s basin. If food was ever scarce, _maybe_ a nosk would try the Waterways or the top of the Fungal Wastes, but never so far as Greenpath!  
It left a question burning in my mind: _What’s happened to Deepnest?  
_ Something _must_ have, for a nosk to be hunting so far away. Were they starved out because of Infection? Had it reached Deepnest already? Was anything left healthy enough to eat?

Buzzing questions or not, I was face-to-face with something I never wanted to see – and that was something stealing my disguise. That something even _potentially_ being one of my former denmates was enough to turn my hemolymph cold.

After I managed to tear my gaze away and snap to my senses, I-   
I _ran._ I scurried away as fast as I could, knowing it was unlikely for a nosk to give chase… especially in an environment they weren’t adapted in. I fully entered a state of tunnel vision, blocking out any objective other than _flee._ Of course, this led to me getting smacked head-on by a spiked ball of cursed terror, but it hardly deterred me. Adrenaline forced me on. I had to _run. If they caught me, I’d be killed, they’d tear me to shreds, the moment they realized what I was it would only get worse, I had to get out, I had to get away, I had to run I had to or I’d die I-_

It took four projectiles to finally knock me off balance and land me face first in the dirt. The pain of it wasn’t settling in, as panic still blinded me, but-

Pani- _Panic?_ Wait, no, I’m- I-… Where-?

I… I don’t panic! I’m… level-headed in all situations! We’ve been through this! I could handle it, I could, I was capable, I could’ve easily…  
…But it wasn’t even pursuing me, anyway. All that was for naught. My intuition was right, as… as it always is. A nosk wouldn’t subject itself to that… vegetative nightmare. Not for one piece of prey.

Gods, _ahem…_ even the memory of it has me shaken up again. In an energized sort of way, obviously… Thrilling. Not terrifying. Of course.

For extra precaution, I crawled into a small gap in the plantlife, shielded from any outside eyes. There I remained for…  
…Time is a conundrum. I’m not sure how long I was there for. No matter.

Well, you understand this precept then, yes? Must I explain it still? I find it pretty straight-forward. And… genuinely, I don’t wish to stay on this subject much longer. It’s… not important. Not crucial to know.

When peering at certain shining surfaces, you may see a copy of your own face. The face will mimic your movements and seems similar to your own, but I don't think it can be trusted.   
This is just another reason why I dislike liquids… you see yourself in them, and you can never tell if it’s _truly_ you that you’re seeing.

Avoid any and all reflections of yourself. It will mimic you, it will seem perfectly harmless… but more often then not, it isn’t. Never get too close. Even if it _is_ just water that takes your appearance… grow too close, and you could fall in.

_To drown while chasing yourself… there’s irony in that, somewhere._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Zote:** I found you, faker  
>  **the nosk:** faker? I think you’re the fake zote around here. You’re comparing yourself to me? Ha. You’re not even good enough to be my fake  
>  **Zote:** I’LL MAKE YOU EAT THOSE WORDS
> 
> As for how that nosk got there: they do be wanderin as Infection has tainted most of their food supply
> 
> Alright so hot DAMN I just realized how stupidly long the greenpath arc is. Like I was writing this and thinking to myself “damn I sure can’t wait to write about any place other than greenpath,” but there’s still mORE GREENPATH CHAPTERS TO COME SO I’M JUST LIKE >:( whY DID I PLAN IT LIKE THIS  
> like there’s a future chapter that I accidentally ended up cramming a LOT into, and that chapter is gonna be LONG as hell, probably the longest chapter of the fic,,,,, but then we got the greenpath arc which spans over so many chapters hhhhhhhhh
> 
> For perspective there’s about 3 more greenpath chapters?? Like 3 and a half. Or maybe four. But like. One’a the chapters is a Colored Red and it’s nothing to do with Greenpath, while the other I’m thinkin of is the Getting Out Of Greenpath chapter hsdkgjhdh  
> so gods I swear we’re getting out of green nightmare soon, eventually, I promise
> 
> Anyway to rectify my mistakes what if I wrote the next few chapters one right after the other dummy quick. They’ll probably be shorter than usual (kinda like the first few chapters, and yes, this is intentional, I’m tryna make a connection here as zote tries to “return to normal” and not be Emotionally Vulnerable,, like he was in the first few chapters (and he FAILS bad but yknow)) but like. Fuck waiting a week for the same greenpath as always. You get all of this nonsense right quick right fast real quick! Let’s get OUT of Greenpath oh my goD  
> so yEAH I’m gonna try and Zoom through writing these next few chapters because god I want to move on shdgkjhdgkjh!!!!!! See u soon hopefully god


	33. Protect Your Own Weak Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nosk anatomy lesson! Sort of. Kinda
> 
> In which Zote hides in a bush and completely glosses over the mental breakdown he was having by instead thinking about what he’s gonna go shopping for when this is over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EHehEHehahhah I had this chapter written when I finished the last one >:) told ya I was gettin’ em out right quick real fast now
> 
> OOF originally I was like “damn no wonder the greenpath arc is so long, there’s so much random bs like this” but after writing the chapter I’m like ahaha no! this is still,, mildly essential stuff so
> 
> But yEAH this is a REALLY short one, I just needed to get it outta the way. We really are goin’ back to how the first couple’a chapters were huh?  
> I did warn ya’ll about inconsistent chapter lengths I guess pff
> 
> However I did of course manage to shove some angst (and foreshadowing if you squint really damn hard!) at the end :)

_**Protect Your Own Weak Point** _

Ahem, well, as you know, I have no weak point! I’ve made this abundantly clear by now, what with my incredibly sturdy shell and inability to be hit regardless. No part of me is weak, nor will any part of me ever be!   
Hence why I found it so incredibly bothersome that I had _ran_ from that nosk, rather than face it head-on.

It’s not as if… as if I were _afraid,_ no! It may have… seemed that way, for I just had quite the outburst over it, but… no! No, no, you’re just misunderstanding me. You’re misinterpreting my words, and that is all! It’s a common occurrence. My reasoning is far too complex for most insects to understand, so feel no shame in your mishap!

So… why was a hiding in a bush, if I was so unafraid and tough? Fantastic question…  
 _…Well,_ I wasn’t hiding, first off! Tactfully clandestine as always, this time for my own good rather than that of others! As keeping my ambitions a secret wasn’t to keep my _own_ shell protected, of course, rather-  
Agh, no! That’s not relevant! I wasn’t hiding! I was making adjustments to my appearance!

 _That_ was my second point. See, now look what you’ve done – you’ve botched my order.

For you see, when I had come in contact with… myself, it gave me a clear view of my disguise. Even if done by another nosk’s amateurish imitation – disregard my mention of every detail being present, as… uhm… I’m sure _something_ was awry! There had to be! – it gave me a pretty solid idea of how I looked. I didn’t often see my own reflection, as staring into acid wasn’t… a hobby of mine, so getting a glimpse had me realizing a _glaring_ problem!

Yes, how shocking! There was something off in my disguise! At first, I passed it off as that nosk doing a poor job of hiding theirs, but when I reached up to check while in that bush… yes, mine, too, was in clear view. And it mutilated my spirits.  
…What am I blathering on about, you ask? Well, I’m getting there, be patient!

When a nosk takes on a disguise, they need a place to hold their venom. Somewhere near to their maw, as that’s where it’s most utilized, but hopefully out of sight from those they stalk. The usual choice is on the neck or beneath their mask, if their target uses one.  
An undisguised nosk carries their venom in a large glowing mass, held protected by external “ribs” that protrude from their arched spines. This allows the venom to be used if the maw is preoccupied.   
That mass needs to _go_ somewhere when the nosk takes a new form. So, it shrinks, and moves to wherever the nosk desires… as said, usually around the neck. This also stands in as a way to prohibit one nosk from hunting another mistakenly, as simply revealing their venom would… _usually_ spark understanding in the other, and the two nosks would part ways.

...Given mine was so… _conspicuous,_ to the point where the other nosk mimicked it… they knew I was a nosk yet were hunting me anyway.   
_Why?_ How _desperate_ have they gotten? As once mentioned, cannibalism wasn’t a _foreign_ activity for nosks, but… still, going the extra mile to imitate a fellow nosk’s disguise in order to lure them? Not only is that a strange idea, but it’s an incredibly dull one! Nosks know other nosks’ tricks! How moronic would one be to fall for another taking their shape? It doesn’t make any sense.

…I do know the reasons now, actually, and their desperation is… understandable. But that’s something I’ll… get to later.

Nevertheless, my own venom… which I say with reasonable disdain, as any connection to those beasts… _disgusts_ me, but… it is placed on my neck, now covered by my cloak.

I haven’t… used my venom in ages. And that will remain the case. I wish for no relation to nosks! None!  
In fact, that one couldn’t have recognized me as one of their own, since… it’s not what I am! And I do a _wonderful_ job at hiding that fact!...  
Wait- hiding… that I’m not one of them? That… _agh,_ no, there were no contradictions in that! You’ve only imagined them! I do not identify as a nosk!

…So, imagine my crushing chagrin once I found my venom to be _extremely_ visible. It’s likely that my cloak just shifted over time, as I _know_ I kept it well protected while making this wonderful appearance, but lo and behold! There it was, and I despised it! If given the option to tear it from my throat and subsequently survive, I would’ve taken it without hesitation.

…However… you could… _claim_ it as a weak point, I suppose.  
A nosk without their venom… well, they’ll die. The use of venom is how a nosk immobilizes and kills their prey. They’d starve to death without it, no questions asked.  
So… I _suppose_ if someone were to pierce through the venom pouch and drain it, that… would be considered a weak point. It wouldn’t kill the nosk instantaneously, and you’d die shortly after as they tear you to bits with their claws, but… in time, they would perish.  
Plus, the pain would be excruciating… _egh…_

 _But,_ of course, I’m… not a nosk. We’ve been down that road and back countless times now! I no longer am, nor was I ever! You have no record of me saying otherwise, so pipe down and let me continue!

With that _fact_ in mind, I had nothing to worry about! I did, of course, have noticeable venom… and I still do… but it’s _invincible_! Just as all of me is! It wouldn’t be wise to try striking it, for that… would just backfire horrendously!

So… so don’t try! Understood?

I readjusted my cloak’s collar to cover it again as I calmed down, planning ahead for what I’d do should it begin to fall again. Perhaps, with what geo I had, I could purchase a pin or button to hold my cloak in place. After all, I hadn’t yet had a chance yet to spend the geo I received from… from the grubfather.  
It weighed heavy. I wanted it gone anyway.  
With that, I made a new, sub-goal to my already existing goal of _escape Greenpath,_ which… was currently at a stump:

Buy pin or button when possible.

…Would it ever be possible?  
I won’t deny that the thought crossed my mind. Once my adrenaline simmered from my escape, it left me… rather defeated. I was incredibly sore as the effects of being pelted with spike balls set in, and my only route out of Greenpath was…  
Not an option anymore.  
I had no options left _at all._ Realization of this sunk in like a stone plunging down into a lake’s darkest depths, never to resurface again.

So, what was I meant to do?   
Sit around and wait for the frigid claws of death to claim me? Grow ever famished until my body could no longer function? Weep in sorrow like a pitiful hatchling?  
While all three of those were tempting, _ahem,_ uh, I wasn’t about to go out that way! Pathetically, cowardly, lamentably! I’d… I’d find a way out eventually, I was positive.

Just… not right that second. Or for quite some time.  
…Maybe I enjoyed the fleeting safety of a tucked away space. Stifle your judgements of me!

I did withdraw from the greenery in time – as I stand plainly before you today – and once I had, I felt… splendid.  
No, I’m not being sarcastic! I know it contradicts with my previous assertion, but just… just _trust_ me when I say that’s how I felt.  
Yes… confident. I grew confident, having seen how perfect my disguise looked, even if on a contemptible, vile monstrosity…   
Even with my ruined plan, even with my doubts, even with the lingering sense of helplessness… all of which didn’t exist… I was proud of myself.

 _Why is this hard to say? I’ve never had this problem before. Why now?_  
…With my newfound confidence, and with nothing better to spend my time on, as escape seemed… Not impossible, just…   
I wasn’t giving up. That’s all you need to understand.  
I took Life-Ender in hand, and I went through Greenpath on a mission. A mission to eradicate any threat in the area. If I was going to be staying there, it needed to be clear of danger.

I knew it was pointless. I knew they’d come back every time. I know that’s not why I really did it.

But you don’t.  
Think of it like the Uoma in Fog Canyon. I was eliminating a problem in a location. This time, however, was different – as I used Life-Ender, and not…  
…

…Be aware that your foe will try to identify your weak point, so you must protect it. The best protection?   
Never having a weak point in the first place.

_Why would I tell anyone otherwise? Hah. Killed due to running my mouth… How unsurprising would that be?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zote: [reveals his weakness] WAIT HOLD ON I’M JOKING [nervous laughter] HAHAHAH I HAVE NO WEAKNESS DON’T KILL ME HAHAHHA,,,,,
> 
> I’ve been thinkin about that poison/venom/whatever pouch since I started writing this because to me it’s funny. Man in search of button so to put his cloak tighter around his neck so no funky purple poison is visible. Man in search of button. That man is zote. Please give him a button. Wait what if he had a button collection because he saw ghost’s charms and thought they were just like pins or something so he’s just like “ah yes I too will collect things”  
> not that he would because WE don’t gET SENTIMENTAL or COLLECT OBJECTS because we only like ONE thing and it’s LIFE-ENDER
> 
> Anyway that’s how I make headcanons, yeah, now you know how this fic was written
> 
> Mmmmm foreshadowing. Mmm i tossed some original plan for the next chapter out the window because foreshadowing opportunity. Mmm and it won’t even make sense until that way way in the future chapter comes out. Delicious. Scrumptious. Devouring 
> 
> Also searched up if spiders/tarantulas (even though I’ve more than implied that’s not what a nosk is since they’re vertebrae,, spine,, but u kno shshshhs) can be devenomed and the answer is NO, they will DIE  
> however god I,, while searching this I got multiple results for “Milking” spiders of their venom and god i. hate that terminology. Can we call it anything else please I beg of you


	34. Strike the Foe's Weak Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lying through his teeth about how he actually felt during this time, Zote uselessly tries to kill all life in Greenpath.
> 
> Then the end of this chapter happens!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully the end of the dummy short chapters but no promises
> 
> Thought to myself for a long time last night about a potentially far worse ending for this fic, like,,,, I’ve thought through many alternative endings for this and I want ya’ll to be happy I didn’t settle on the most painful ones lmao
> 
> Anyway my notes for this chapter describes zote as feeling “cocky” and   
> Yeah that’s. how he’s pretending to feel, anyway
> 
> In the process of writing this chapter something has poked me in the foot and now I am bleeding. I like to believe it’s zote himself telling me to shut the fuck up as I reveal his backstory  
> suck it, pissbaby

**_Strike the Foe’s Weak Point_ **

Tell me, is there any better way for one to blow off steam than to vanquish one’s enemies? I think not!

So, with my reinvigorated confidence, and with ultimately nothing better to do, I worked my way back up through Greenpath; slashing through every insect that dared cross my path. I hadn’t a care in the world _what_ got impaled at the end of Life-Ender; if it proved even the slightest issue… well, it wouldn’t remain that way for very long.

I didn’t even care to check behind me to be sure they were finished. I knew it to be pointless, as I was fully aware that they were never down forever. Everything I did in that wretched place meant nothing, after all, so what was a few more beatings to the rotting corpses?  
Inconsequential. Just as with everything I’ve ever done! So why go out of my way to end that streak now? Or then, I suppose.

Every mosskin. Every bane of my existence. Every plant, bug, or hybrid – _dead._ Again and again. The same exact bodies, over and over.

Through the _nonexistent_ helplessness, I found strength! Meaning!   
That voyage, that journey – inconsequential or not – well, I’d say it was a powerful success! For I hadn’t _failed_ my previous goal, it had simply been altered; a brand new purpose was granted to me! A new start! A fresh beginning!   
Nothing could stand in my way there, as I’d already established myself at the top! All that practice… yes, it hadn’t been for naught! I’d defeat every cur in that region! None could stand against me!

So what if that “new beginning” assured my inevitable starvation?   
So what if there was nowhere left to go?  
So what if I’d _never_ truly taste victory?  
What did it matter? Nothing! Nothing at all! Even a fleeting satisfaction was enough for me, as a _knight-_

…A knight never asks for more. A knight is _“selfless…”  
_ Hmph.   
What’s the use of morals when you’re staring down death itself? Abandon it all, I say.

No one’s left to be your judge in an empty world.

…Alright, yes, I know, and I shamefully agree with you: What a _disastrous_ thought process.   
Understand, I was so overtaken by hysteri- _ahem,_ by… _intrepidity_ that it was difficult to think rationally. In realizing the… implications of my situation, alongside my _undoubtable vigor that can never be bested,_ the one thought in my mind that triumphed above all else was “prove your strength.” As if I was challenging myself, daring my own shell to move.

Nothing else crossed my mind.

There was no “Plan C.” There was no “decision on food.” There was no “button or pin.”   
There was no questioning myself on “what does my future hold now?”  
There was “prove your strength,” and that’s all there ever was.

That self-made challenge shut down any and everything else, but, certainly, all was… was in my control. I knew exactly what I was doing the entire time. I was… clearing the area of enemies. Eradicating the danger. As said, if meant to be there for the foreseeable future, I would’ve liked to do so without any looming threats.  
Not that anything is truly a threat to _me,_ obviously. And I knew that.

I was proving it.

To whom? Genuinely, Wyrm only knows. I’d suggest _myself_ , but… without question, I already knew my boundless capabilities. I never doubt myself. Never had, never will. Of course. Obviously.

Agh, forget my reasoning! Why must I dawdle so long on… well, “why’s?” Why this, why that! What irrelevant nonsense… It doesn’t matter the intentions I had! It doesn’t matter what spurred on my actions! I never had to explain myself earlier, so what obligates me to now?  
That’s it! No more! What’s done is done, the past is the past. I owe you no explanations for my actions! It’s not as if _you’re_ even asking, so what purpose is there in pressuring myself to answer a silent inquiry? None! None whatsoever!

So, there. All that’s essential to know is that I annihilated every last bug in that horrid, damned, cursed, atrocious, abominable, _hideously hellish verdant nightmare!  
_ And there they still stand, I’m sure, refusing to act as evidence of it. There’s _no_ reason for you not to take my word for it, though.

…It was so much easier then, too, with how familiar I’d grown with those cretins. I’d figured out every weakness, every mishap they’d make, every slight advantage I could gain over them.  
For example? One of the mosskin had a left-leaning limp. Those that burst into orange clouds could only do it so frequently. The squits were easily tricked into diving past me. The fool eaters became vulnerable once sprung. The tiktiks’ underbellies were soft and fragile. And the vengeflies-

…Well, they were one of the rarer creatures to find in Greenpath. Figuring them out took more effort than I’d like to admit.

I eventually reached the very peak of Greenpath again, and momentarily fell prey to hope – once more – at the sight of blue stone in contrast to green leaves.  
I hadn’t been up there in some time, and it always slipped my mind how much that place resembled the Crossroads. It would spark the tiniest smidge of hope before that naivety was rightfully crushed.  
Every time I passed through, though, I’d scan the area, silently pleading for _any_ possible tunnels out… yet I never glimpsed one.

Even with the consistent disappointment, the dull, cooler section of land there was… much appreciated. It did not share the rest of Greenpath’s humidity, and the yellow specs were nowhere to be found. Very little dirt littered that segment… not a single sentient plant in sight, and no bubbling acid! It was the most peaceful spot in Greenpath, as far as I was concerned.   
That tranquility was not long-lasting.

The vengeflies were _pests_. What with their sharp mandibles and atrocious manners… the squits would at _least_ give pause between their lunges, while the vengeflies? Jaws-snapping, always! The ugliest noises came from them, too.   
And worst of all… they reminded me too much of her. That face was the last thing I needed to see.

So, as I was indebted to do so, per my newest mission… I gutted each and every one of them.   
What?... “Gutted” is too morbid in comparison to the rest of my descriptors? Odd, it’s almost as if that were intentional. Now be silent.

For the worst-case scenario, the worst possible outcome, the absolute lowest – in a humorously ironic sense – metaphorical _pit_ I’d ever fall into… occurred _just_ then.  
Or… I suppose, if it had been uninterrupted in its task… perhaps a welcome end to it all?   
_No._

In fact… disregard my complaints toward the event! It… while unfortunate, as that’s a given, gave just the right amount of mind-jostling required to break me out of the stupor I had fallen into.  
Even if my plans to handle the situation were rudely _hindered_ , but I shan’t get too ahead of myself!

I stepped out from underneath a raised platform, mind too clouded to recall the presence I once felt in that place… and in a great flash, accompanied by great wingbeats –

Suddenly, I was no longer on the ground.

Suddenly, I was in the maw of a beast.

And suddenly… it felt as if Greenpath had been opened.   
Of course, at the most inopportune, most unfortunate moment of my life.

Yes… we’ve made it. To my greatest battle, my most thrilling comeback; something to finally shake me back into my senses, to jog my mind back into reality, to give me the flawless, perfect success I deserved:

My encounter with the horrible _Vengefly King._

But of course – and I hate to cut it so abruptly – I must wrap up this precept first!  
Once you’re sure your own weak point is protected, be sure to strike that of your foe’s! Once you have identified your foe's weak point as per the proceeding Precept, strike it. This will instantly destroy them.

As I did with the millions of undead in Greenpath.

As I would do with the beast that captured me.

_And as I once did to my-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CANON START!! IN-GAME BEGIN!!!!! MILESTONE REACH!!
> 
> Oh yeah! Here we go guys! Time for everything to Fall Apart! Time for my bullshitting to reach its peak as I’m desperately trying to give excuses for everything this man says/does in canon! Get ready!
> 
> Also this is Foreshadowing: The Chapter but only if you squint really hard! All I’m saying is that you guys might want to remember how zote handles stress/hopelessness (with a mix of anger), because it’s. uhm. Gonna come up again later.  
> :)
> 
> ANYway writing three chapters like this one-right-after the other (I had these all done like,, at the same time sghksjgh, I just waited a while to post this one a) was a horrible idea! Back to once-a-week updates for you, evil writing spirit  
> That said, I’m reALLY sorry if these last few chapters have been,,, iffy- the pacing has been disastrous thanks to so much being shoved into Greenpath (thanks past clam, that was a cool thing you did for present clam) and Brain,, well, straight up, I have Stupid Anxiety Attacks every time I post a chapter, and having like two-three consecutive ones??? Not Good! Is not a vibe I recommend   
> So I jusstst,,,,,,, yeah, I’m sure these past three haven’t been Up to Standard (whatever that may be), and I apologize for that,,, I’lll hopefully be back to Relaxation State by the next chapter!! 
> 
> Regardless, I appreciate you all for sticking around despite all that ;;;;;; I love you guys,, the dopamine your comments give me is really helpin me out through some tough shit rn :,) Thank you thank you ;;; <33


	35. Identify the Foe’s Weak Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote spends an entire chapter embellishing his battle with the Vengefly King. 
> 
> All was going well until some LITTLE BRAT CAME ALONG AND--
> 
> ((NOT ME FORGETTING TO NAME THE CHAPTER SDHGKJHDSGH SHSHSHSH))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! School was canceled today for me due to Hurricane/Tropical storm Eta! heehehAA
> 
> I didn’t realize how hyped ya’ll were gonna get for canon to start, wowie wowie  
> Guess I shoulda put uhhhh,, “(technically) CANON START” ‘cause we got,, this chapter, which actUALLY brings in Ghost at the end, but then the next. Well. Even zote realizes the odd placement of the next precept but don’t worry! I have a plan  
> n then the one after it has the Ghost Content that I know ya’ll crave
> 
> also also also I didn't have a chance to reread this more than once so lemme knoW if there's any issues anywhere!! i'm sure there's a typo or somethin clunky somewhere lmao,,, this was an odd chapter of Zote getting way too happy over a battle that Definitely Went Like This and Wasn't Just Him Flailing Around For Ten Minutes I Swear.......
> 
> Enough gibber-gabber, enjoy Zote getting back into his lying groove, having a wonderful time

**_Identify the Foe’s Weak Point_ **

_My-_ Uhm, n-nevermind that! Disregard it! Erase it from your mind! Never speak of it again, understood? Never!  
Where was I, even? _Ugh,_ look, now you’ve distracted me! What a bother… just give me a moment, will you?

…Peak of Greenpath, momentary tranquility, vengeflies… Ah, yes! The Vengefly King! My greatest nemesis!  
Oh, what a spectacular battle that was! Bloodshed, _action,_ my triumphant cries and expert nailsmanship! Everything fell so wonderfully into place, so _perfectly,_ so I could make the comeback I had so desperately longed for! Oh, I tell you, it’s just as any legend should go; as the knight falls into his deepest despair, he finally finds a way to break _free_ of his chains! Battling his way to victory and claiming what’s rightfully his!  
Recognition! Respect! Honor! All incredibly necessary in a heroic knight of great renown.

Alas, and what a pity this was… Would you believe me if I told you all that possible joy, that breakthrough, that sparkling success that would finally clear my troubled mind forever… was _ripped_ from my claws at the very last second?  
Yes, yes, it’s all true, and it pains me to say! Words cannot _describe_ the rage I felt at the time, but… before I get to that, I _must_ tell you just how that battle played out! How cruel of me would it be? To merely explain how fantastical it was, yet deny you the details I know _you_ so yearn to know?

Now, then! Since I’m in no way cruel – I am _entirely_ benevolent, I’m sure you agree – I will bestow upon you in _excruciating detail_ every little part of that magnificent battle. A sight to behold… if only you’d been there! No description from me could ever truly do it justice.  
Fret not, however, for I will certainly try my best!

…So, there I was.  
No longer were my feet planted to the ground. No longer could I easily tell which way was up or down. No longer could I move my arms, as, strangely, something kept them pinned to my sides.  
I was admittedly frazzled at first; everything had happened so quickly, in such a blur, that I wasn’t quite sure what was going on. All I knew for sure was that… well, I could _see_ the stone floor, but I certainly wasn’t standing on it. And my arms were clearly _intact,_ I simply could not move them.  
I was trapped in something, that much was obvious, and it held me dangling far above the ground. Even above the highest platform, which, up until that point, I had avoided climbing up towards. I hadn’t seen a reason to, and given the sounds I heard there once before… I saw no reason in taking chances.

So… wherefore had I been there? What led me into that unfortunate position?  
Had I sprung a trap of some kind? Surely not, as I knew to be aware of my surroundings – per the Precept after the next – and would never make such a foolish mistake!  
What had befallen me? Had I convinced Greenpath to finally rid of me itself? Had the Gods themselves grown so fearful of my strength that they felt a need to off me then and there?

No, no! It was none of those things. It took a good few moments to process it, but once I had, I came to the most shocking revelation!

A great beast had me locked between its jaws and was trying to _chew me alive_!  
What horror! What peril I was in! Never had a creature tried to make a meal of me before, so the _audacity_ of such a beast to even try? Hah! It had no idea what was in store for it!  
…Hrm. Well, I suppose the sentiment of nothing _ever_ seeing me as prey before that moment isn’t… _entirely_ true, but no matter! I was astounded all the same!  
The nerve of that beady-eyed monstrosity… The orange tint in said eyes almost felt a mockery. Had Infection made it lost its reason? Most likely, seeing as it was dull enough to target _me!_ Zote the Mighty!

Perhaps it hadn’t noticed how I’d already massacred its kind. All vengefly young in the area had been struck down by my blade, and now their supposed “King” was soon to follow!  
I hadn’t known then the large vengefly’s status… “King.” Truthfully, it was news to me that vengeflies even _had_ a monarchal system… but regardless, some part of it seems ironic to me. This was the second time a King had wronged me! Pah! And to think I once thought myself unfit to be a knight if I didn’t serve one! Fool me once, shame on you, but I wasn’t about to be fooled twice!

Once I fully realized the situation, a plethora of conflicting thoughts and emotions flooded my mind. None of which were fear, doubt, panic, uncertainty, or… _any_ of those weak things.  
No, instead, I focused on means of struggle. While tempting to just go limp and accept fate, which was not tempting in the slightest, so I’m not sure why I used that adjective – I had to _escape_ this situation! Something deep within me told me that Greenpath’s exit was then opened, and I could finally flee that wretched place! All it took was freeing myself from that monster’s grasp, and I’d be home free.

Alongside _that_ notion was a rising feeling of excitement, of all things! After all, this was a chance to prove myself once and for all! Slaughtering such pitiful creatures such as squits or mosskin meant _nothing,_ as any hatchling could manage that, but bringing down such a massive foe? The respect I’d receive! The cheers!  
And most importantly, the overwhelming _catharsis_ I’d experience! A true show of power, an assurance of my strength, _and_ a wonderful way to release all the stress I’d been through? Oh, what luck I had!  
I could see it then… standing above the beast’s corpse, yelling in triumph as I rightfully gloat over my prolonged survival! Something finally going _right_ for me! My streak of misfortunate would meet its end once and for all! _Nothing_ could _possibly_ go wrong.

 _However,_ as any learned knight should, I needed a backup plan in case all _did_ fall to pieces. Should I somehow fail in killing that oversized gnat, what was I meant to do?  
For your information, I had plenty of time to mull over this. The Vengefly King’s mandibles, while severely sharp and deadly, hardly made dents in my shell. I’ll give it credit for its attempts, however, as it gave its best efforts to wear me down!  
I hope my constant wriggling made it all the more infuriating for the damned thing.

Worst case scenario, I’d have to utilize my nosk form. This was hardly an option, however, as not a single part of me wished to do so. In fact, I was vehemently against the very idea. Harshly berated myself for even considering it.  
Worst _worst_ case scenario… say who or whomever opened Greenpath _saw_ me. Given that they _knew their place_ and _chose not to intervene,_ that would leave me in a pickle. Surely, they’d doubt my ability to survive, so seeing me again – completely unharmed – later down the line… it would raise a lot of questions I had no intention of answering.

So… if _that_ were to occur, I suppose all that would be left to do would be… to shed this disguise forever. In a literal sense.  
When a nosk is through with a disguise, they must go through a full body shed so to discard of it and create a new one. Some nosks, in the most desperate of times, were known to conjure up disguise after disguise, shed after shed, as a means of not starving… as, well, eating one’s own shed was not uncommon.  
This often backfired, however, as limbs would get caught in the shed until they would inevitably rot off.  
A disabled nosk was considered weak.  
I’ve… made it rather clear what was done to weak nosks, I believe.

I did _not_ want to take the risk of losing any limbs, nor did I want to forfeit this appearance! I spent so _long_ sculpting it to be perfect, what a waste it would be to tear it away.  
And what then of my reputation? Zote the Mighty, a knight of great renown, wholly devoured by a behemoth vengefly? How _sad._

At any rate, with these two “backups” in mind, which I knew I would never find myself falling back on, I got to work with Plan A:  
Make the creature wish it was never born.

I’m sure my struggling had already peeved it off, and the fact it still hadn’t managed to pierce through my shell likely contributed… but it was a persistent thing, I tell you! Almost admirably perseverant! Its jaws would not budge as I tried pushing them apart, and the only response I received was a hiss of warning.  
As if I’d be intimidated by such a thing! Why, if I was capable of getting my hands on Life-Ender, it would be _sorry_ for threatening me in such a manner!

That… that was the main problem, however. Given how firmly it held me, I could not reach behind me to unsheathe my nail! How bothersome, that it had snatched me up while Life-Ender wasn’t in my clutches!  
Then again, if it had, the likelihood of me _dropping_ Life-Ender out of surprise would’ve been _significantly higher._ I felt far more comfortable knowing my trusty weapon was safe on my back rather than on the cavern floor.

What to do, what to do? All seemed hopeless! I had made the fatal error of creating Plan A with the idea that I’d be able to swat the face of the beast with Life-Ender! What a terrible oversight on my part.

Using my quick-thinking, I began to look for a weak point.  
Ah, yes! Have you noticed? That _is_ this Precept’s message! Whenever you find yourself in a dangerous plight with a foe, locate their weakness as soon as possible! As per the previous precept, striking it will instantly destroy them.

Seeing as though I was in the maw of this beast, I felt as though I had easy access to _some_ internal weakness. From what little I knew about vengeflies – which… honestly, might I add, is far too much – I knew the males had far larger mandibles than the females, but the latter had a bite that was ten times worse. I could’ve easily taken down either, of course, I’m simply expressing gratitude that I wasn’t facing off against a Vengefly _Queen,_ if that exists.  
I’m… I’m more than positive one of those would’ve been capable of splitting my shell in half.  
In truth, a male vengefly’s longer mandibles are… _useless_ in biting. It was a second, smaller pair nearer to their eyes that were actually used for chewing and eating.

If I had some way to pierce through those mandibles… or even stab through the eyes just above them… how miraculous would that have been?  
Well, that’s just what I planned on doing, I’ll have you know! Plan B was put into action!

…Plan B _still_ included Life-Ender, however, so I ended up right back in square one.  
Or that’s what I’d _have_ you believe! Haha, yes! The most wonderful thing happened just then! Incredibly convenient, truly sensational!  
The beast, tired and frustrated, loosened its grip _ever_ so slightly. This tiny, insignificant change… meant everything for my survival.

Taking advantage of this, I thrashed about with all of my might, successfully managing to free one of my arms! The Vengefly King, enraged, shrieked and tried _crunch_ ing down on my stalwart shell yet again! The sickening _snap_ that echoed off the walls would have you thinking something broke, but you’d be wrong! Though I was sure to shout in surpr- in _victory,_ as I knew, prematurely, that I had won this great battle!

The brute snarled and flailed me about, like any feral creature would, in an attempt to stun me… but it was no match for me! I was no stranger to being relentlessly battered by towering savages in their worthless attempts to weaken me enough so to fin _ally have a reason to kill me off so I’d no longer be a burden to the den,_ ahem, _ugh,_ so its efforts were for naught!  
No, no! It had nothing left! Life-Ender was in my reach, and I’d located its weakness! It was ultimately done for! The final blow was there, awaiting me, tantalizingly staring me down…

Literally. As my objective was to gouge its eyes.

But just as I could feel the wood of my nail in my hand, _just_ as I was about to plunge it through the monster’s shell, relishing in the way the orange-tainted hemolymph gushed from the newly opened wound…

Something _else_ struck the beast.

 _Someone_ else struck the beast.

The Vengefly King’s mouth opened with a scream, and I went plummeting down to the ground below, hardly glimpsing a flash of white before I collided with the stone and fell unconscious.

Never in my life had I felt so betrayed. The Gods, fate, whatever there might be… put me in harm’s way only to seize my glory and refuse me any ounce of happiness.

The _one_ chance I had to prove myself. To prove my undeniable strength. To leave that place with a grin and puffed chest.  
 _Gone._  
All thanks to that insignificant, vile, terrible, wretched little _knave._

And I’ll get to them soon enough. The horrors they caused, all the multitudes of ways they wronged me! All will be revealed in time.

As for now…

Every foe you encounter has a weak point, such as a crack in their shell or even being asleep. You must constantly be alert and scrutinizing your enemy to detect their weakness! Even if the majesty of your success is taken from you at the last moment.  
…Hmph. Wouldn’t have been an honorable win, anyway.

_Hah. I just realized… I would’ve scarred its eye. Oh, how fitting would that have been? Perhaps it’s better I lost my chance._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I headcanon Vengeflies as Dobsonflies, by the way!! In case you’re wondering where all my sudden vengefly anatomy bs came from lmao
> 
> Reminder that present-day Zote and past-Zote do noT share the same emotions lmao, present-day zote is out here like “TRIUMPHANT BATTLE, I WAS SO HAPPY THIS” meanwhile past-Zote, actually in the situation, was yknow like [[yelling and panicking]]
> 
> Well okay to be fair there were LOT of conflicting emotions going on, including the usual Normal Thought Process™ of “oh man if I were to kill this thing that’d really be ‘proving myself’ huh? I sure do have my priorities in order”  
> but this is Zote; his mind is an enigma and I’m desperately trying to convey how I somehow fleshed it out in mine own head
> 
> Next chapter might be disappointing for ya’ll that are hyped for ghost interaction, but I mean!,,, it’s colored red, so that’s exciting :)!


	36. Abandon the Nest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ““Dream sequence”” chapter  
> Yes there’s a reason it’s in quotes
> 
> In which even Zote realizes how oddly this precept is placed but ends up taking advantage of it to confess-yet-also-not-confess just how he fled the nosk den.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While planning this out, I was just like “okay how do I incorporate Abandon the Nest in with,,, vengefly shenanigans??” 
> 
> I suppose I coulda had it where he uhh,,, connects abandoning the nosk den with escaping Greenpath, buuuut I decided to save it for the next chapter so that one could have some more Ghost content  
> ‘cause with the other plan, Ghost probably only would’ve been vaguely mentioned as Zote would be more focused on getting out of Greenpath than yelling at Baby Trying Their Best, so
> 
> Also I can’t imagine any other way to get zote to just casually say “I ran away from the nosk den like a little bitch” so hERE, pass it off as something else

**_Abandon the Nest_ **

Abandon the- “ _Abandon the Nest?”_ _That_ is the next precept?   
It’s not as if I doubt myself – as what sacrilege it would be if I muddled the order of my own precepts! – but… Hm, perhaps I should consider rearranging them. This one, while undoubtably crucial, would’ve been better placed… earlier on, wouldn’t you agree?

Or… I suppose _later_ on, since we are working backwards.

Either way, I feel as though I’ve already covered this concept quite well! After all, the very first act I made as _Zote the Mighty_ was… well, breaking free of the confining nosk den.   
With _nothing_ to spur it on other than my _own_ wills and goals. A meticulously planned escape plotted secretly over many years… all leading up to that pivotal moment. The moment I slowly, steadily, and inconspicuously slipped away from all I’d known… Creeping past the den guards, blending in perfectly with the dark surroundings... As silent as one could possibly be.  
Exactly. That’s exactly how it happened.  
No one knew I left. No one even suspected it. I’m sure they grieved my disappearance, though, once they began to question my whereabouts! Realizing _then_ my wondrous potential! Realizing _just_ what they’d lost! Mourning the lost chances, weeping as all the knowledge I could have bestowed upon them was torn from their grasp!

That said – and I’m almost positive I’ve drawled on about this before – I see no reason to dally on this precept. To remain in one’s nest for too long is nothing but a waste of time, as little is to be gained from it. You fend for yourself once you hatch! You are born with all that’s required for survival! The moment your eyes open, you should have already fled.   
Those that are responsible for your birth likely do not care for you, so you should not care for them. Fathers are jealous creatures, and… and…  
 _…_

 _Ahem,_ so… So, that’s it! Abandon the nest. We’re moving on! Precept Twenty-One, “ _Be Aware of Your Surroundings…”_

  
…Oh, quit your whining; surely you prefer it this way? No lollygagging, no side-tangents, no rambling nor ranting… Straight to the point, over and done with. Perhaps all precepts should have been explained this way from the beginning! It would’ve certainly saved me the sore throat, which I’m sure I’ll suffer from once I stop my yammering.

That’s not to say my words have been meaningless, of course! Every point I’ve made is entirely valid and necessary to understand! Maintain all I’ve told you in whatever brain resides in that head of yours, should you want to become as great as me!  
Not that you will. No one could ever match my might!

… _Stalling?_ Pah! Whatever would I stall for? How ridiculous! Next, you’ll accuse me of hiding something! You dare attempt slander on my name? Tell me, what purpose would any further explanation of this precept serve? What more is there to add? It’s all in the title, is it not? _“Abandon the Nest.”  
_ Vacate your birth site. Flee the place you deem “home.” Desert your kin and begin life anew.   
_There,_ is that _clearer_ for you? Must I spoon feed you everything like a pitiful hatchling?

And _furthermore,_ see how this has interrupted the flow of the _story?_ We went from a spectacular battle that any historian left alive would be awestruck by, to the shattering of my hopes by the hands of a frightening new villain – then somehow, without any plausible explanation, we got _here._ “Abandon the Nest.”

There’s nothing left to be covered about my time in the nosk den, as I’d prefer to leave the memory of it rotting, and my escape has been elucidated! What, do you accuse me of deception? A baseless notion! I’ve no reason to lie, especially about such a trivial thing.  
I left the den. A long, _long_ time ago. Point blank. That’s _all._

_This is an opportunity, just be out with it and move on._

_It’s not like they’re listening._

…Hm. Hold that thought.   
I believe, uh… _how would I put this?_ \- Ah, yes! A memory has resurfaced!... Just now! How delightful, how perfect for _you.  
_ However! Do not get the wrong idea! Whilst it _further_ justifies the premise of this precept, which is apparently what you so desire, what I’m about to explain is based solely around a _vision._

Mysterious, mystical... yes, an ominous thing it was! It all came to me whilst I lied unconscious on the stone, blissfully unaware of what devilish being was stealing my prey.  
A confusing sight, and one that should be taken lightly. For it puzzled me as I witnessed it, and it unnerves me to this day. What could it have meant?... I remain unsure, as I refuse to linger upon mysteries… per Precept Fifty.  
Keep that in mind as I relay to you what unfolded before my eyes! As it’s _not_ what truly happened on that fateful day, eons and eons ago. It’s merely a strange sequence of images conjured up by my mind. Dreams make little sense in general, whether that term pertains to goals or… dazzling brain-pictures. My point is that this is only to prove the precept’s purpose! It is not fact, nor is it meant to be taken as such.

It's also entirely irrelevant to Vengefly Kings and thieving menaces, thus _greatly irritating me_ to even mention, but I digress.

Get comfortable, for this vision was horrendously long. You’ve no reason to complain, _you_ were the one who demanded a lengthier explanation! And _I_ was the one who had to live through it, regardless of whether it happened in reality or not, so, if anything, _I_ should be complaining.

Which I _am._

Alright, alright! Yes, stop glaring! Let us begin.

The first thing I can remember is the sight of my own claws.

They were not of my disguise, as they were a nosk’s deadly limbs. Jagged and serrated, perfect for slicing and dicing… and coated with an unknown substance.  
I would tell you what dripped down my claws, but I… I can’t remember. Even the color it might’ve been is lost to time. It wasn’t hemolymph, though, that much is certain!

…With that in mind… Whilst my _claws_ were not stained with hemolymph, my _shell_ was. Worse yet, I was actively bleeding. Something had managed to tear through my shell, in multiple areas, leaving plenty of scars and gashes.   
_What_ had managed to carve into a _nosk_ shell? They’re nigh unbreakable, as I’ve mentioned, so the sight of one so battered and ruined – _especially_ that one being my own! – was one shocking to behold.

The _pain_ was so much worse than the sight. Every scratch stung and burned, a searing, terrible agony that nearly had me feel faint. My legs were wobbling and unsteady, and it felt as though something were welling up in my throat. A wail, maybe, almost clawing its way out into the air and betraying my overwhelming emotions.  
Which… in of itself is unfathomable. How odd I felt such pain in a _dream,_ and even stranger how I felt complete and utter _despair._ I do not feel such things, as I’ve made clear! As for why the feeling then seized me in a _dream,_ I can never be sure.

I… I also never caught a glimpse of what had shaken me so harshly. A… A great beast, surely! Something massive and brutal… Strong enough to cause blood to flow from me! Something I inevitably dealt a final blow upon, causing it to fall… shrieking to the ground beneath us, and…

But, ahem, who knows? The vision granted me no answers, so I have none to grant you.

Voices echoed around me. Scathing words, hushed whispers… all conflicting with one another. Most surprisingly, I thought I heard a congratulatory tone mixed in with the others. As for what I accomplished to earn such praise…  
…It could have been anything, with how I master any and every skill.

My gaze lifted and was immediately caught in the eyes of another. I could barely make out their shape, as they were partially blocked by many other bodies… but their stare held me frozen. They spoke not a word.   
They only stared… until they blinked once, looked to something beneath me, and then flashed me with a smile.

…For an unsung reason, that expression struck nothing but _dread_ in me.

Once I freed myself of the paralysis I had fallen into, I wasted not another second. I suddenly turned tail and took off running. Stumbling and seeing hardly anything through blurry, clouded vision. I had to forget those eyes, I had to block out that face entirely.  
I now realize that it was the nosk den I was speeding through. Branching tunnels in every direction, old bug husks littering the cavern floor, the sight of hanging corpses strung up on stalactites. The stench of rot and death. The sound of other nosks… Snarling, hissing, shouting expletives as I barreled past them… One even swiped at my limbs in an attempt to trip me up, but I, of course, expertly dodged their claws.

One thought sabotaged my psyche, suffocating all else and refusing any alternatives: _Escape.  
_ According to this… unbelievable vision, _this_ was my grand liberation from the nosk den. No longer did I hesitate, though I never did. No longer would I act obedient to those who ruled above me, though I never would. No longer would I remain trapped there.  
I had to _get out._ To vanish, to disappear, to forever slip away from the place I had grown in. Nothing was left for me there, nothing had ever been for me there; _Get out, get out, get out of here_ now. _Do not look back, do not hesitate, and do not wonder the state of what I left behind._

So, I didn’t. I dashed through the exiting tunnel, ignoring any and all calls I heard from behind me. Nothing could halt my movements; nothing could drag me back. The plan was already in motion.  
…Just, of course, this isn’t how it went. My plan was… Stealthy. Perfect. No one even knew I left. This… this is an example of how _not_ to abandon the nest. This was chaotic, disorganized, and… panicked – all of which I am _not_ , nor will I ever be.

I was just about to cross the final barrier, inches away from freedom; a new beginning right in my grasp…  
…Hah, this seems familiar, doesn’t it?  
I suddenly crashed, head-first, clumsily and moronically right into one of the den’s guards.

This put a full stop on my escape, knocking me to the ground and desecrating my focus. Still wrapped up in a rush of adrenaline, I tried scrambling to my feet and continuing my hasty exit, but the den guard I collided with kept me pinned with a piercing claw… the edges of which digging into the back of my neck.

Oh, what nonsense did that brute spit at me? I hardly recall, as my thoughts were a whirlwind of fear, devastation, and inexplicably… _grief._ What preposterous absurdity…  
I was chastised, berated and threatened all at once, with the most colorful of warnings:

_“To decorate my nest with your limbs would be a mercy on you and an insult to me. Take gratitude in the sparing I grant you, as were it any other time, I would make an ornament of your husk.”_

He then released me, thankfully yet oddly enough – further proving the unlikelihood of this ever happening – and the rest of my escape went off without a hitch. The sights of Deepnest whipped past me, including the glowing plantlife and stampeding garpedes… Not once did I glance back, nor did I ever come to a halt…

Until I ended up at a tram. A tram I could not board, as I lacked a tram pass, and with a window that was… broken _before_ I got there.  
Then a hot spring. With faces on the stone that mocked me, that shunned what stained my claws…   
In retaliation, I used the glowing liquid to wash off the tainted lavender substance, hoping it cursed those waters forever.

…What? No. I said not a word on colors. I don’t… I don’t remember what color the substance was! I’ve made that clear! You must have misheard me.

That’s when I settled and shed my old disguise… Beginning work on… a new one.   
…No, ahah _,_ that part didn’t happen in the vision! The vision ended at the sight of the hot spring! Nothing more _could_ happen, as that’s when I awoke from it. Yes, yes, of course.

So, _that_ is all. Even in that vision, once I took my first _free_ steps outside of the den, I was reinvigorated! No longer was I held down under the oppressive claws of my superiors, telling me where I go and how I get there! No, it was all _my_ idea. _I_ decided where I went, and how I got there.  
…Now I know for certain that I am repeating myself. Blast it.

Leave your nest behind once the chance reveals itself! That’s what’s to be gathered here, understood?

At any rate, that vision isn’t to be regarded as truthful. It’s all drivel, all rubbish! It’s exactly why one should not dream. Thoughts not your own, weaving their way into your mind… Absolutely disgraceful.

As soon as I could, I left my birthplace and made my way out into the world. Do not linger in the nest.  
There is nothing for you there.

_Nor was there anyone left… but those eyes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me? Still refusing to mention some other details? Such as why he was so panicked while running away? It’s more likely than you think
> 
> Either way I feeL as though I’ve foreshadowed,,,, [[event]] enough that most of you know what happened, buT I’m still not gonna say anything! Just in case!! :)  
> Huge big thing I didn’t initially plan on mentioning is. Also mentioned here. Vaguely. Sorta. A little. But you have to REALLY squint at it! :,))
> 
> Also yeah obviously this is what actually happened when he ran away but he still tryna hide that shit somehow,,,,, in this house we are sorta telling the truth but through the lens of a sorta lie  
> I mean it’s very possible that he did have this flashback dream sequence while knocked out but,,, thatse not really the point ahhsdkjghjh
> 
> Anyway tune in next time for Angry Depressed Man yells at “Emotionless” Child That Just Thought They Were Being Helpful


	37. Be Aware of Your Surroundings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote wakes up, yells at a child, and then finally gets out of Greenpath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AFTER T E N ENTIRE CHAPTERS OF GREENPATH WE’RE FINALLY LEAVING OH MY GOD  
> I’m so so tired of thinking about greenpath I am so happy I never have to write about it again in this fic thank god
> 
> wrote this in one sitting after a week of stress and pain, i wonder how obvious it'll be! :0
> 
> anyway MMm. Ghost content. Come get ya’lls juice

**_Be Aware of Your Surroundings_ **

After such a tedious side tangent, hopefully we can resume without further issues, yes? Or is there something _else_ you’re going to start whining about?

No? Good! Enough nonsense! Onto yet another precept that needs no lengthy explanation, yet it is important all the same! Especially in moving along my story!

For you see, being face down in the dirt is one sure fire way to _not_ be aware of your surroundings. In fact, you can’t see much of anything in that state! Nor can you see with your eyes closed!  
If my intention was to be blind and vulnerable, I was doing quite well. However, that was _not_ my goal, and to remedy the sorry state I was in, the first thing I had to do was wake up.

Freeing myself from the clutches of that vision, I was initially met with the unfortunately familiar taste of dirt. A horrid thing it was, always around during my worst moments! Which there are few of, of course, but _still._   
Haven’t you noticed? Every time something terrible has befallen me, dirt has been nearby, if not the leading cause.  
It’s all connected, I tell you. The dirt is up to something malicious.

Once I woke up properly, clearing my mind of the cloudiness of unconsciousness, I spat out the dirt and wasted no time hoisting myself to my feet. For a moment, I found myself questioning whereabouts I’d been, and what exactly happened before my collision with the ground. My memory was ludicrously foggy!  
Recollection eventually struck me – the slaughter of Greenpath’s many creatures, my glorious battle with the Vengefly King, and someone snatching victory from my grasp at the last minute – and my instinctual response was to dart my eyes about, trying to locate my stolen prey.

Oddly enough, I couldn’t see it anywhere. Nor did I hear its great wingbeats, or the sound of its screeches echoing off the cavern walls. It was if it had completely vanished, and that was an admittedly unnerving thought.  
No matter! If the problem was taken care of, surely that would be a wonderous thing? Nothing left to hold me up, no more foes to take care of, no _massive beast to_ _take glory in slaying?_

Wrong! This was devastating news!  
Something had robbed me of my honor! My success! My chance at recognition and respect! I was reasonably infuriated, as something I’d worked so hard to achieve was just… _gone._ Just like that. Ripped away, swiped out of my claws… What anguish I felt! Something had taken off with my prey, leaving me and my pride in shambles!

…Hm. Perhaps I shouldn’t use the word “prey.” That has… certain implications attached to it.

But alas! What’s this? My assertion that the thief had “taken off with” my prey was but a falsehood! For that suggests they had fled the scene afterward, cowardly avoiding any confrontation with who they had stolen from!

No! The audacity of this menace! Not only do they sabotage my battle, but they _remained_ there afterward, having been standing above me whilst I had been unconscious!   
It took me a moment to notice them, as my first response once awaking was to search for my missing foe, but once my eyes made contact with theirs – their empty, terrible eyes – I was absolutely seething.

Oh, it gets better! Entertain me for a moment – take a stab at what species this creature was. Go on, guess!

Whatever your guess was, it was likely wrong! For this terror, this bandit, this _cursed hellion…_ was a _vessel._

Incredulous! Unbelievable, I know! You’re shocked, I presume, as was I at the time! This clearly wasn’t the same one that had been at the base of those pillars earlier on, so where had they come from? One would think I would’ve crossed paths with them at least _once_ before, should they have been in Greenpath for any amount of time!  
Yet there they stood, right before my eyes, thus giving me another reason to detest that Pale King for wronging me so.

There was only one possibility: _This_ eejit was what had startled the Vengefly King into releasing me. Therefore, _they_ purloined my triumph! I was outraged, utterly exasperated at this _new_ misfortune, and I was going to let them _know._

For a second, no one spoke. Having just met this cur, I was unaware of the fact they didn’t speak, but I grew to realize this in time… as, regrettably, I would go on to have more than one encounter with them. Not by choice, mind you! If that had been the only time I’d be disgraced with their presence, that would’ve been a blessing.  
Seeing as they chose to just gawk at me with those hollow eyes, I took initiative! After years of silence, rarely ever speaking up… I figured it was time to change. This knave could be as mute as they so desired, for that was _their_ loss; on my end, however… I had been quiet for too long!  
How else could those around me know of my stories, or how I felt? My disdain for communication had to be cast aside forever!

So, calmly, civilly, and without raising my voice in the slightest:

_“Just what do you think you're doing?! You dare to come between me and my prey? Is it a habit of yours to scurry about, getting in the way and causing bother?”_

Despite my demands for an explanation, they refused to answer! They only met my shouts – _calm_ – with silence! Clearly, this showed how intimidated they were by me. Too scared to even speak! Hah! What cowardice!

Seeing as there was nothing to gain from my beratement of them, and I wasn’t about to let their taunting gaze trick me into battling against them, I turned away in a huff and waited for them to leave. If _I_ was the first to part, they could misinterpret that as me running away! We couldn’t have _that._

Yet they still just _stood_ there. Still as a statue.  
Which should tell you just about how much they’re worth, too, as we all know the meaningless nature of statues.

_“What are you still bothering me for? I'm a Knight. I'm not interested in your childish games. I need my rest.”_

Nothing.

I threatened to draw my nail should they dawdle much longer, but they didn’t even flinch! Their head only slightly tilted to the side, as if having to _wonder_ whether my threat held any merit! I wanted nothing more than to crack open their mask with Life Ender’s magnificent blade, but I was _wholly_ exhausted, _and_ it would be just giving them what they wanted!  
They were doing this on purpose, I’m certain. Trying to egg me on! I wouldn’t fall for such trickery!

_“Know this, cur. I am Zote the Mighty, a knight of great renown. Cross me again, and you'll find out why they call my weapon 'Life Ender.’”_

They held that unwavering stare. Unblinking. Even without a trace of emotion on their face, I could tell: They were scheming against me. From that day onward, they would be my worst enemy. My rival, you could say.  
Then, _finally,_ they suddenly turned away, hopping down from the platform and taking off. Perhaps they were familiar with my title! Word must’ve gone around that a brave knight was scavenging in Greenpath. One not to be trifled with, for his blade is sharp and deadly!

I was satisfied with that, but still boiling with hatred for what had just occurred. An opportunity to prove my strength, my worth, and gone it was… lost to some silent cretin whose goal was to make a fool of me.  
They were successful that _once,_ but never again! For I do not fail, and especially not at the hands of some thief!  
Though they will be mentioned again, I assure you. That insignificant, nefarious little…

Either way, with their leave, I was left alone once more. Left beside myself, angered and honor-less. I let out my frustration by doing as any dignified bug would do: Stomping back and forth and shouting about it until my anger was spent.  
What? You call that childish? Pah! Well, my _previous_ method of releasing stress hadn’t worked – it only _led_ to this event occurring! – so I needed a new strategy. I must say, it worked far better than its predecessor, so you have no reason to judge me.

It was only after that spat with myself that something resurfaced in my mind. Something that momentarily wiped away all irritation and replaced it with a shining, sparkling hope.  
Do you remember my mention of Greenpath suddenly feeling _open_ again? It was merely a gut reaction! Perhaps, in my perilous situation, I had only conjured up the idea of Greenpath opening _just then,_ knowing just how irritating that would be if it were the case.  
…Then I started believing that to be reality, I suppose? Egh, that has me sounding delusional! No, no, I was simply…

 _…Aware of my surroundings!_ Aha, yes, how perfectly it all ties back!  
How does that make even the slightest lick of sense, considering where I stood was still quite far from Greenpath’s entrance, thus having it be so that I couldn’t possibly know whether or not the beast was gone?  
 _Hush._ Be silent. Worry not. I’m just that perceptive.

With my incredible clairvoyance, I hastily made my way out of that deceptive segment of Greenpath – what with how much it resembles the Crossroads – and wasted not another second as I ran toward the entrance.   
What joy! At last, freedom was in my reach! After what _must_ have been centuries in that hellpit, my senses would no longer be badgered by the scent of plantlife, the sound of squit wings, or the looming feeling of hopelessness! I could _escape!_ It almost made up for the disappointment that came before!

 _Almost._ I’m still agitated about it to this very day!

However! You can only imagine how elated I was to see that my suspicions were correct! I reached the tunnel I once entered through… and lo and behold, the beast was there, but as a mere corpse!   
Before I went sprinting out into the crossroads hollering with glee, I stopped to inspect the monster’s… wounds? Honestly, I’m not quite sure what to call them. I circled the great cobalt giant in search of lacerations or bites, but I saw nothing of the sort. Instead, it looked as though it had been blasted repeatedly, leaving scorched markings along the softer underbelly.

What could have possibly caused that? It nearly seemed like an Ooma core had exploded against it, but surely none of those floaty jelly creatures had made it all the way up there! Not without having their outer shell punctured _long_ before they could reach that place.  
I was left baffled. No answers made sense, and eventually, I chose to forget about it. Once again, per Precept Fifty: _“Don’t Linger on Mysteries.”_

Honestly, I think I prefer not knowing. Whatever – or whoever – could leave such catastrophic damage in its wake… would likely be a formidable foe.  
Not that I wouldn’t be able to handle it, of course.

I left the carcass behind and went running into the Crossroads, coming face-to-face with that once-dreaded drop and the buzz of gruzzers.  
Never had I been happier to hear that sound. Even with the memory of falling through there, and the… knowledge of what resided just above me, I was simply thrilled not to be faced with _green_ anymore. That dull blue… such a welcome change, then!

Now the place is glowing sickening orange, and the gruzzers are twice as deadly, but… I’m getting far too ahead of myself.

I took a running leap onto one of the hanging platforms, landing gracefully and parting forever from that loathsome region of Hallownest. Farewell, Greenpath, and may your shrubbery meet its demise at the unrelenting claws of flame!

What a pleasant shift in tune, wouldn’t you agree? All was looking up for me, then! Sure, my chance for glory was unjustly stolen away, but that was the end of it! No more hardships, no more difficulties, no more obstacles. Everything was getting brighter for me.

…At least I wish that had been the case. Wyrm knows I cannot get more than a few moments of relaxation or prosperity. Simply unheard of.

I had my minute of contentment, though! I had _that_ going for me _._

Something that delighted me above all else in leaving Greenpath behind? Aside from the obvious?   
Well. Greenpath’s “empty eyes” motif had been getting discomforting. First that temple, then the vessel beneath that pillar, then the one that killed the Vengefly King… Ghastly sights, all of them. The sight of vacant eye sockets is one that a bug should not find themselves growing accustomed to. It’s distressing. _I don’t need anymore reminders._

Ahem, the precept at hand! “Be Aware of Your Surroundings!” Most insects are familiar with such a premise by now, I’d assume, but I cannot speak on the behalf of the visually impaired. Then, I suppose, you’d have to rely on more than just your eyes to fully take in your environment. It requires all of your senses!

Scent, feel, sound, and even taste! All crucial in understanding the world around you, and how to properly conquer it without hassle.   
Imagine if I hadn’t lifted my head from the stone at the beginning! My sight would be dark, all I’d taste would be soil, I’d only feel the ground beneath me… and hearing? The awful vessel uttered not a word, so all there’d be is silence.  
Take charge in knowing your whereabouts! It could be a matter of life and death! Anything could be lurking outside your view!

And don't just walk along staring at the ground! You need to look up every so often, to make sure nothing takes you by surprise.

Not that anything could successfully ambush me, of course.

_…I wonder how tiresome that is to hear now. Certainly tiresome to keep repeating._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zote did not hate Ghost then as much as he does now!! First time they met it was more of a,, spur-of-the-moment anger, ‘cause “oh my GOD are you KIDDING ME” sorta attitude zote has going lmao  
> but uh. He has. rEAson to despise Ghost later, and all will be revealed!!   
> …oh you thought he just dislikes ghost because of the colosseum? Oh sweet summer child you should know by now I have more up my sleeve
> 
> also wow the atrocious pacing of these past few chapters is about to become REALLY obvious with how the next few are gonna play out lmao,,,,,, oop  
> tune in next time, in which zote will commit arson by setting greenpath on fire
> 
> SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAS OCCURRED. I went to check on my stats yesterday and. We have lost a valuable member of this family  
> karamenschikov’s account has been deleted :(( I loved their comments so much,,, such detailed analysis in each of them,, and even then, I loved their works too!! I’m just a pissbaby when it comes to commenting so I never said anything,, I gasped so LOUDLY seeing “account deleted” you have no idea, I am so distraught now I’m :(…. I hope they’re doing alright wherever they’ve gone to,,  
> Trust me guys if you become a frequent commenter on this I REMEMBER your name!! Seeing new commenters always make me “!!!!!” but seeing someone come back more than once makes me just so happy,,, I love ya’ll,,, hope you guys are doing okay!!


	38. Speak Only the Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hypocrisy chapter.
> 
> Also, Zote’s first introduction to Dirtmouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy! Strap in everybody, this is a long ass chapter.  
> Remember when I said the pacing is so VERY CLEARLY terrible now that we’re out of Greenpath? Yea it’s cause I shoved all this into one chapter, along with another equally terrible mistake later on!! So now we’re moving into Stupidly Long Chapter territory, where I try to make the pacing seem LESS garbage by just making the chapters longer.
> 
> At least for this one, ‘cause the next arc also got kinda dummy stretched so I mean. Man I just don’t know how to write  
> IT’S NOT AS LONG AS GREENPATH THOUGH I PROMISE I SWEAR GREENPATH WAS THE LONGEST ARC AND IT’S OVER WE WON’T BE ANYWHERE FOR THAT LONG AGAIN GUYS TRUST ME I—
> 
> I wonder how obvious it’ll be that I’ve been restudying zote’s dialogue again to see how he talks  
> Anyway fun fact: In the unconfirmed edgy zote playlist, [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWTi4d56JRE) (WARNING for explicit lyrics, and by that I mean there's one (1) F-bomb) would 100% be in it, have fun with that
> 
> Also Disclaimer I do not share zote’s opinions on elderbug, elderbug is a cool dude zote is just an asshole

**_Speak Only the Truth_ **

What? Have you got something to say?  
I know _exactly_ what you’re thinking! You hear this title’s precept, and you scoff at me! Does something about it amuse you?  
No, no! You merely _doubt_ me! How incredulous. As if I’ve any reason to lie about anything. Deception is a wicked thing, one easy to fall for if you’re gullible enough. Lies could easily be used as a weapon, but I argue such a practice as wretched! _Weak,_ even!  
To take advantage of someone with falsities… such villainous behavior! One I would not stand for!  
You cannot best someone in combat, so you resort to petty fabrications? Or, worse yet, you are dishonest about your own capabilities?

 _Weak._ Prove your strength. Do not make a fraud of yourself.  
It won’t get you anywhere.

As I’ve made clear, I’m incredible at detecting lies. All it takes is awareness, you see! Watch how an insect moves, listen closely to how they talk. An uncomfortable shift, darting eyes, a crack in their voice or a nervous tone… all clear indicators of a liar! Confront them at once and expose them of their treachery!

Yourself, on the other hand? The answer is simple, and it is this very precept: Speak only the truth.  
Deceit is dishonorable! For what happens if your lie is uncovered? You are made an utter fool of! You mustn’t fall into such a terrible trap. The only way to prevent such a fate is, of course, to never lie in the first place.

…I suppose an alternative is to _master_ fraudulence and slander, as then the chances of being caught are significantly lowered, but… what of your conscience? Or your sense of self-worth and honor? A legacy built on lies is hardly a legacy at all.

… _Ahem,_ now, then…

Now released from the confines of Greenpath, I hopped my way out of the gruzzer-infested cave so to occupy solider ground. Once I reached familiar blue stone at the top of the Crossroads, I practically collapsed there, basking in the relaxing serenity of… a place _other_ than that aforementioned labyrinth of moss and acid.

Stone beneath my feet! How wonderful it was to not trip over roots and shrubbery anymore! Not that I ever had, but the risk of doing so proved that place to be far too precarious for my liking!  
No longer did it constantly smell of wettened grass and boiling acidic liquids. No longer was I surrounded by those frustrating yellow particles!  
The air was calm, _breathable;_ even if that aspect has been lost to time _._ Sure, a reanimated insect’s husk wandered about beneath my feet, and the sound of its pacing was mildly annoying, but at _least_ it wasn’t the battlecry of mosskin or the buzz of squits.

Better yet, the lack of humidity! Never had I previously considered the frigid air of the Crossroads to be welcoming, but at that point, I relished in the chilly atmosphere. Imagine the relief you’d feel if you were locked in, say, a hot spring, for months on end at _least._ Then, finally, you are released into the coldest of caverns! No mugginess! No stifling heats! No _liquid!_  
Pure, crisp air and stone. How perfect it was.

If only it _remained_ that way… Blasted Infection.

Either way, while I certainly wasn’t complaining about the breeze, I was left wondering where it came from.  
I had little goals in mind at this point, so letting curiosity take hold of me was one of the few things I _could_ do. I had already explored the Crossroads in their entirety! I knew the whole maze like the back of my hand! There were many places there I did _not_ want to visit again, too!

So, despite the comfort I felt there, I had to get a move on regardless.  
I began to search for the source of the coldness, and you’ll never guess what I found just nearby. Something I had apparently passed by _multiple_ times, without noticing it _once._

A chain. Casually hanging down from somewhere above the Crossroads.

How peculiar! It blended in so perfectly with the surrounding walls, it’s no wonder I hadn’t glimpsed it before!  
…No, I’m not making excuses! It’s a perfectly reasonable assumption as to why I missed it. Twice. Or more. _Hush._ Be silent.

I grabbed hold of the chain and gave an experimental tug. It held firm, hardly rattling at all. A plethora of questions entered my mind, wondering just where the chain could lead to.  
What mystical secrets did it hold? What lied at the very end? Treasures? A great beast, locked away for eternity? The possibilities were endless!

So, with little other options, and an abundance of queries, I made sure Life-Ender was held well on my back before I began my ascent.  
Mind you, I had never climbed using a chain before. I had mastered jumping, running, and crawling since I was but a hatchling, and climbing _walls_ was just as easy to accomplish… but a chain? Those were not prevalent in Deepnest. I had no experience in… chain-climbing, or whatever the terminology may be.  
I suppose I could’ve just scaled the side of the well – as it turned out to be – but I decided to challenge myself! I would not shy away from something foreign! I would not opt out and take the easy route! I would not be _bested_ by a _chain._

And I wasn’t! Without copious amounts of failure that resulted in me plummeting to the ground on various occasions, I rose from the Crossroads and _elegantly_ hoisted myself out of the well, landing gracefully on higher ground. One, _single_ attempt is all it took! Anyone that tells you otherwise is only a blatant traitor to the precepts, as they would be _lying._

Irritatingly enough, I had to squint my eyes near the top, as three horrendously blinding lights were suspended just above the well! Honestly, it baffles and infuriates me – whose moronic thought pattern led to _that?_ Harsh lights greeting you just as you exit a dimly lit, if lit at all, grand expanse of caves and darkness? Madness, I say! Even if you _are_ a bug that depends on light, surely the stark contrast would send _anyone_ reeling.

I emerged from the well and planted my feet onto stone, but it was far more organized than the ground of the caves. In a well-set pattern, though still cluttered with cracks and splits from plantlife sneaking through, it was clearly a pathway… Paired with the lights above and now before me in the distance, I was struck with enthusiasm!  
A town! As my eyes adjusted to the suddenly brighter surroundings, I could even make out the silhouettes of buildings through the dusty fog that conquered the air. Homes, houses, merchant’s shops – mostly long abandoned, I was soon to realize – and just behind me, a solemn graveyard.

Does my description sound at all familiar? It should, as it’s where we reside now! The fading town of Dirtmouth.

I was ecstatic! Not only was Greenpath long behind me, but I immediately stumble across civilization? Protecting a town was a duty I no longer claimed to own, as I’ve stated… However, with nothing better to occupy my time with, perhaps this would finally be my chance! A place outside the reaches of Infection, if thinking optimistically, which I naively was… It would be just perfect!

Furthermore, I had a just obtained victory in a legendary battle!... Even if said victory was stolen from me at the last second, I had done _most_ of the work, so that success obviously belonged to me.  
I could use that story to gain respect here, should the people doubt me!

Ah, yes, what a wonderful plan I had coming to formation – if only there had been a reason to enact it.

Still retaining my caution, as is necessary, I made my way into the small hamlet. Of course, it only continued to get brighter, as more and more lumafly lanterns dominated the damned place… I’m sure the natives here all believe I’ve a permanent squint! Gods know I might as well have developed one by now.

My high hopes – which I shouldn’t have let myself acquire in the first place – were dampened the moment I realized the aforementioned desertion of the town. Stepping into the center, passing by one, _lone_ shop and barely glimpsing another ahead of me, I was met with one of the few remaining insects left to tell the tale of this dreary place.  
…As well as another suspicious bench. That one _is_ just as comfortable as the others, too. I swear it, there’s something strange about those benches…

I scanned the area from there, my eyes passing over every former home… A sorrowful sight it was, one that crushed my spirits in an instant. Most of the buildings, seemingly carved from old fossils and shells, were starting to erode or crumble in on themselves. No one had lived here in years, that much was obvious.

Aside from that single, ancient insect left to greet me as I approached. He’s still standing out there to this very day! I’m left to wonder if he ever leaves his position beside the bench.  
It’s likely the daft old bug’s gone senile, what with how he spoke!

At first, he mistook me for someone else! Claiming he hadn’t thought I would survive those ruins, and how seeing me “again” was a pleasant surprise.  
How insulted I was, as I was sure to correct him! The first offense was his confusion over my identity, and the second was simply the implication that I, Zote the Mighty, would not have survived in Hallownest! What disrespect!

It matters not that he spoke of some other weak bug. He thought that was _me,_ and that assumption was unacceptable.  
He was sure to apologize for his mistake at once, expressing embarrassment in his mishap, but I cared not for his shame! Per Precept Forty-Three: _“Never Forgive.”_

…Something about it irks me, however. If he had mistaken me as someone else, that suggested another traveler had an appearance akin to mine… unless the elderly fool’s eyesight is poor. If the former, that leaves only a vessel to be the other bug he’d seen, right?  
But that made little sense. Vessels originated from someplace in Hallownest, did they not? How would one meander on through this town before descending down below, if they were _from_ Hallownest?

This is why we are not to linger on mysteries. Some things just do not have answers.

He then introduced himself as the village elder, refusing to supply a name beyond that. I supposed I could begrudgingly deal with that, as it was similar to the “naming” laws of nosks, but I wouldn’t be too pleased about it.  
Then, curiously, he asked me of from whence I’d came, as he had never seen me pass by to hop down the well. He explained that many travelers came to plunder the ruins for treasures or discover the fallen kingdom’s history… And frankly, the way he spoke of the place beneath our feet was… unnerving to me. As if it was long destroyed, with not a soul left alive to wander it besides the plagued husks.

It hadn’t been _that_ long ago that the City was still bustling with life, was it? What state was that place in now, after its lockdown? Where had all those that originally left the City with me gone off to?  
I didn’t like how… _dead_ he made it seem. I passed it off as him exaggerating, as he surely must’ve been, seeing as he’s clearly never left the town in his life.

Either way, it left me with a question to answer.  
_“Whereabouts did you come from?”_

Not a single part of me wished to respond to that truthfully. I was unsure of how much this old coot knew, but if he was aware of Deepnest, the last thing I wanted was for him to associate me with that terrible place.  
…Which, now that I think about it, was sharing more comparability to Dirtmouth than I would’ve liked. Such a dreary place this is.

I was not about to lie, however! I would never do such a vile thing.  
Instead, I responded with vagueness, claiming that I came from faraway lands seeking to fulfill a promise here. He merely must not have seen me come through town before.  
I never spoke anything but the truth! Deepnest is a _ways_ away from the surface, and I _had_ left the place so to fulfill a promise to myself! To become a knight! Which I’ve always been, as I was never a nosk.

So, speak nothing of lies. I have never, nor will I ever, do such a thing.

He took my explanation without objection, as I’m spectacular at persuasion, and from that point I was unwillingly wrapped into conversation with this elder.  
Loneliness was evidently getting to him, as he had much to share and he mourned his inability to enjoy such chit-chat with other bugs, but I had _no_ wish to sit and listen to him prattle on about what stories he’d heard from other travelers.  
I had no wish to hear stories from an elder again in general. Yet there I was.

All nonsense it was, anyway! With how he detailed the place, I wouldn’t be surprised if the decrepit insect was intimidated by a tiktik.

Most insultingly, he spoke of _dreams!_ What a repulsive thing! I was sure to protest, proclaiming the importance of Precept Fifty-Six, _“Do Not Dream.”_ I managed to have him at _least_ half-agree with me, but I was not at all satisfied with that. He moved the topic along before I could debate further, upsettingly.

I let the elder drone on out of pity, and only once was given an opportunity to interject with my own story – telling him of my great battle with the Vengefly King! As expected, he was left in awe, and spoke a great deal of his newfound respect for me! I gladly basked in his praise, and nearly spoke of my great loss at the hands of the thief… until I chose not to.  
It’s not _lying_ to leave out a detail or two! Quit those judgmental stares!

That is when the conversation shifted, and the elder shared another traveler-told “myth” with me. At first, I was entirely disinterested in what he had to bestow upon me now, but that changed the moment the word “nosk” escaped his maw. He had my _full_ attention then.  
Not because I desired to know the state of the nosk den since my departure! No, not at all. Plus, how would he even know? Or how would this alleged “traveler” know, considering how few survived the pits of Deepnest?

I was only intrigued in how inevitably inaccurate the description of nosk-kind would be. I thought I’d find great amusement in hyperbolic “fables” of nosks, as if they were hulking beasts that could swallow a town whole!  
I’m sure many would boast that sort of thing, however.

What I got was… not that. Exactly.  
What I heard instead was… Well, not _concerning,_ as I… I couldn’t care less for the wellbeing of any nosk, let alone the entire species, but…

The elder relayed to me how these ghastly monstrosities, capable of the most impressive contortions and mimicries, were nothing but an old wives’ tale by now.  
Supposedly, whatever vagabond had told the tales of nosks had described them as long gone. Extinct. Left questioning whether they had ever existed in the first place, despite what few “sightings” there might’ve been from miraculously surviving victims.  
Perhaps they roamed Deepnest once, amongst the other terrors now infested with Infection, but they didn’t anymore.

I’m sure the elder was puzzled by the way I initially laughed at this concept.  
Certainly, that wasn’t possible! As delighted as I would be to hear that sort of news, I couldn’t help but impugn the very _idea_ of it coming to fruition. They were a tenacious bunch of brutes, as I’m sure I’ve made clear, so to think of them ever dying out, well…

… _Impossible._ Improbable. Implausible. They couldn’t _all_ be dead… After all, I had just seen one in Greenpath not too long ago, had I not?  
Though, by this point, I’ll admit… My perception of time was awfully skewed. How long ago _had_ been that encounter? Surely, not long enough for that nosk to be dead by now, and for some other explorer to find their remains…

It didn’t add up at all. The notion was… Absurd. Preposterous! _Deceptive,_ is all it was, _surely._  
Even if it wasn’t… Even if every nosk _were_ dead, and I was the only one left alive, which I’m _not_ as I’m _not a nosk…_ I should have been overjoyed. What wonderful news that was!...

For an unknown reason, it didn’t seem that way. It left a feeling of unease and uncertainty, and I _loathe_ those sorts of feelings. I only waved off the story at that moment, passing my reaction off as disbelief toward the tale as a whole, before excusing myself and parting from the old bug.

Suddenly, the town did not seem as welcoming as it once did. The emptied homes filled my mind with the imagery of vacant nosk nests, and while the dull blue was more reminiscent of the Crossroads, such cool coloration reminded me of the nosk den.  
Which it shouldn’t of. I felt nothing for that tainted place but disgust.

I walked to the edge of town and paused there, staring at the well back into the ruins.  
Then came a tidal wave of possible explanations, self-reassurance, and aggressive debates with myself on what to make of what I’d learned.

Of course, it was all rubbish. The elder’s idea of reality was built solely on what lies other bugs had told him! His portrayal of the ruins blew them far out of proportion, and that alone should have dispelled all suspicions I might have had. The nosks were not extinct, and even if they were, I shouldn’t be affected by it at all!  
And I _wasn’t._

Balderdash. That’s all it was. That’s all it could be. I hadn’t a need to see for myself and be sure. Bah! As If I’d even consider returning to Deepnest.  
That’s definitely not what I stood there doing for a solid hour or so. That I can assure you of.

I didn’t need to “be sure.” I didn’t need to know at all. They were prospering just fine.  
But why would I want to tell myself such a thing? I thought it with bitterness, after all. Nothing but hatred for nosks and the nosk den. Why would I want them to “prosper?”  
I- I _didn’t!_ Let’s make that clear! Even if I already have! The idea of a barren, desolate den, devoid of life and littered with nosk corpses was _not_ , nor is it, haunting my mind.

I only knew I was _right._ The elder – or whatever “traveler” he heard from – was _wrong._ That’s all that mattered.

My conflicting thoughts were then rudely interrupted by the sound of the well’s chain. For a split moment, I thought I had truly lost myself, and started my way back down before my mind had even caught up – but _no,_ I wasn’t _that_ off the deep end yet!  
Augh, no, there is no “yet!” I have not lost my sanity, thank you very much.

_Pff, oh, what a thing to say. How ironic…_

Ahem, at any rate, I was still standing far from the well, firmly in one spot. My body was not moving on its own accord anywhere.  
Instead, an unfortunately familiar foe came leaping out of the well.

 _Them._ That horrid, awful little vessel. Right back in the picture. Once was annoying, twice was suspicious, and by the third time – which was miserably soon to come – it was no coincidence. I now know that this menace was _following_ me. There is no other explanation!

They oh-so-nonchalantly sauntered their way into town, hopping up the steps and nearly brushing right past me. The nerve! An appreciated distraction from my troubled mind, I called out to them, demanding their attention since they _obviously_ sought out mine.

_“You there! Why are you skulking about in the shadows?”_

They paused, faced me with those hollowed eyes, and made not a sound. At the time, I was yet to realize their _stalking_ nature, and misunderstood their stare as one of shock. One that greatly offended me, I’ll have you know!

_“Yes, your eyes do not deceive you. I am Zote the Mighty, a knight of great renown. Tremble before me!”_

They did not, in fact, tremble before me. Whilst that in of itself would’ve only offended me _more,_ I chose to look at it from a different angle: They were too _intimidated_ to even _tremble._  
Scared stiff! Frozen on the spot! They knew they were done for, as I saw through their mask and glimpsed the darkness of their very soul! Nothing but a thieving ruffian... I’d bet they would be an exceptional liar, too, should they ever choose to speak.

_“While you were hiding here in your dingy little village, I ventured into the dark pit below us and slew a great beast. It had sharp mandibles and atrocious manners.”_

We both knew what truly happened there. _They_ stole _my_ victory, and seeing as though that was the case, they did not _deserve_ the opportunity to gloat their supposed “win.” As stated, I handled most of that battle on my own! They may as well have been cowering in that squalid village, wasting away like the subpar architecture!

_“Yes, yes. All glory to me. But I don't have time for your adulation! I must rest and prepare for my next journey down.”_

I hadn’t yet decided whether I would be descending through the well again or not, but they couldn’t know of such a thing! I hadn’t a second to spare for their trickery and games, and I wasn’t about to come across as though I did!  
…Now that I had asserted that claim, however, I suppose that left me little choice as to what I’d be doing next. Perhaps I should have thought that through a bit more.

Nevertheless! It all turned out fine in the end, so what does it matter?  
…Depending on one’s definition of “fine.”

The cretin held their eye contact, so I couldn’t just leave it at that. I glanced back at the elder, who was watching us from afar, and foolishly decided to share a snippet of advice with the vessel. I was still ignorant toward the full magnitude of their intentions, so I cannot be to blame!

_“That daft old fellow over there... He keeps talking absolute drivel. Seems to think the very air is deadly down in the caverns. Perhaps he should consider not breathing.”_

For a moment, I thought I sensed a hint of anger toward that last comment. Difficult to make out through such a blank mask, but something about the way they snapped to attention… Almost as if the imbecile was glaring at me.  
They said not a word, however, so I carried on.

_“He keeps talking about dreams, too. Pfah! Dreams are for those too feeble to truly live.”_

Perhaps it was my imagination, but the atmosphere felt _incredibly_ tense. Was this cur about to strike at me with their nail? It _felt_ that way.  
Were they angered on behalf of the elder? Hah! Wouldn’t that be a laugh? That, or they were the first to understand our stance as rivals. I already held distaste for them, and one that was sure to grow in strength over time… But then, I was sure: It was _mutual._

Neither of us spoke or moved for a few moments, only maintaining a deathly stare off, until they were finally the first to back down. Either they realized a battle with me, that they would undoubtably lose, wasn’t worth the embarrassment, or they were utterly terrified.  
I’m willing to argue both.

_“Hmph. What a squalid little hamlet this is. The air is foul and the townsfolk have beady eyes. I'll be heading back down below as soon as possible.”_

That is when they made their leave, not even risking what could happen should they stay around me. I felt a surge in pride at that, watching them enter a nearby shop as they scurried off. A coward, they were, though a wicked one.

Not long after, they exited the shop and took off again down the well. Every part of my shell wished for their demise at the hands of something as feeble as a crawlid. Wistfully, I imagined finding their splintered and shattered mask outside a great beast’s cave, only for me to finish what they couldn’t.

Once I returned to Hallownest’s ruins myself.

And _not_ toward Deepnest.

Ah – Oh, Gods, the precept! How far off on a tangent have I wandered this time? Why must focusing be so _difficult_ for me?

Ahem, Speak Only the Truth! When speaking to someone, it is courteous and efficient to speak truthfully. Beware though that speaking truthfully may make you enemies. This is something you'll have to bear.

_…Lying to oneself is generally not recommended, either, but… who’s to say it’s “lying” when no one knows you better than yourself?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How the hell would elderbug know about the nosks??  
> So I ended up explaining this in the actual chapter BUT:  
> While he’s never been down the well himself, Elderbug apparently has been told a whole bunch of nonsense from whoever comes bAck up the well or used to live down there. So it makes at least SOME sense that an old Deepnest resident/someone that miraculously survived through Deepnest would come up and tell the stories of it to Elderbug. Someone just came up and told him at some point that all the nosks are dead, as far as they know  
> Whether or not that’s true, I mean. :) u kno.  
> Just know that,,, it’s hard to tell how much time has passed, since I/Zote jump all over the place in time skips, but!! Zote has been away from the nosk den for a LONG time. like a HOT minute. Plus we got Infection + Nosk’s already evident tendency to kill each other + food issues,,,  
> I mean. :)
> 
> oh BOY I went and rewrote part of my plan. There was an oopsie in regards to canon that had been bothering me. I was planning on just going “heck sorry I know this is wrong but :(“ but NO!!! I can FIX it, I can make it NOT oops!! So if the next couple’a chapters seem a bit? Off? It’s because I ditched a part of my plan and remade it differently heheheeh
> 
> ALRIGHT ENOUGH OF ME EXPLAINING MYSELF goodnight hopefully my bullshitting suffices for now aaa I’m doins my best,,,,,,,,,,,, everything falls apart from here folks. Fuck this chapter was long.


	39. If You Try, Succeed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote leaves Dirtmouth, yells at himself for even acknowledging that Deepnest exists, and decides to check up on the City of Tears.
> 
> It’s been a while! Surely everyone’s fine. It can’t be any worse than it once was, amiright?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Catch me mumbling the lyrics to “say so” (yes, doja cat) under my breath while I wrote this chapter  
> for no particular reason it was just in my head
> 
> alriiIGHT remember the notes on the last one, folks! We’re in territory that wasn’t planned until the chapter before this one. Original plan for this segment (and quite a bit following) was scrapped and changed. So I’m going in a little tiny bit blind here!  
> Not horribly tho. It’s only a chapter or two and then it readjusts back to plan heehee
> 
> Watch in real time as I realize problems with this plan and haphazardly make things up as I go. Going hogwild. Probably a disaster chapter since this was just me spitballing around to get things working oop!! 
> 
> I tried. Did I succeed? Ya’ll are the judge of that not me, beat me up in the comments if I screwed up somewhere which I'm sure I did hsdkgjhskldghslkjdghslkj

**_If You Try, Succeed_ **

Before we continue, I would like to discuss what _should_ have happened in this scenario, yet did _not_ due to insufferable and infuriating reasons.  
…Which, I feel, is so delightfully relevant to the precept at hand! In an irritatingly contradictory way, seeing as the attempts I made – which I will detail now – were thwarted irrationally quickly.

Now, then…  
I _should_ have stayed right here in Dirtmouth. Taking up residence in one of the abandoned homes, as I’ve done now, and never venturing underground ever again. Sure, this would inevitably confuse the elder, whom I had just told that I had traveled here to fulfill some promise down below, but I could argue that I _had_ fulfilled that promise already!   
That wouldn’t necessarily be a lie, as… the initial promises were all vague anyhow! I could have debated on whether I stuck true to my promises or not if need be! Magnificently, even!

Or, and perhaps this would’ve been a better idea, I could act as though I’d had an epiphany: One is never to accept a promise! Even from oneself!   
Ah, yes, the creation of Precept Thirty, right at that moment! It’s not as if the elder would suspect otherwise, as he remains clueless toward what my precepts state. That plan would have worked without a hitch!

 _Or_ , on _another_ hand, I merely refuse him any clarification. I’ve no need to explain my actions! I’ve no need for reason at all! All that would have mattered was my presence there; never leaving, never moving… Perhaps even proclaiming myself as _this_ town’s knight, choosing to ignore what a drastic and horrifying failure the first had been!

Not that- I mean, I don’t fail, of course, but… _Aghh,_ no! Forget it. You and I both know that what happened to those townspeople in the Crossroads had nothing to do with me! Infection plagued them! Whether I had been there to witness it firsthand or not would not have made a difference.  
 _It wasn’t my fault._

Regardless, as you may have been able to guess, what _should_ have happened did _not_ happen.   
At least not at that moment.

I still spent quite some time in Dirtmouth, proudly introducing myself to what locals remained here. There were hardly any at the time, and the number of bugs here has scarcely increased since then. I could count the number of residing bugs on one hand, and I probably still can!  
Aside from the elder, there were two shopkeeps: One who greeted me with an exhausted sigh and unreasonable aggravation, and another that responded _very_ rudely toward my proclamation of knighthood. Upon showing him Life-Ender, the vile gnat _laughed_ at me! Had I been any less dignified, I would have slain him for his disrespect! He was _fortunate_ to catch me whilst my mind was troubled with other matters!

Much to my surprise, the stag station was up and running. It still is, as far as I know! I was under the impression that all of them had shut down permanently with the Infection’s rise, yet there one was, complete with a stag inside. Likely older than all of us, by the way he spoke.  
Might I add, nothing about riding one of those beasts sounds appealing at _all._ How unfortunate it would be if you were galloping down the stagways, only to go flying off should your grip fail you? Even without that potential fate, the motions you would have to endure sound absolutely nauseating. All that jostling and shakiness! I _highly_ detest the idea of being so unsteady for any length of time!  
And to put my life in the hands of a transit beast? Wyrm forbid.

Luckily, not once have I been in a situation where riding one of those monsters was mandatory. I am fully capable of walking, thank you!  
Honestly, it’s only _weak_ for a bug to depend on another to take them somewhere! Go there yourself if you’ve got functioning legs!

Anyway… where was I?  
Oh, yes! A terrible, terrible sense of déjà vu.

Do you recall what happened the last time I meandered about in a town? Little to do, no interest in speaking with others? Nothing intriguing nor exciting ever taking place?  
Yes, that’s sadly correct: I was pestered by my own thoughts. _Constantly._

You would think I’d be grateful to achieve some peace and quiet! A calm atmosphere! No enemies in sight!   
But _no,_ of _course_ not. When am I ever satisfied by anything?

Instead, the elder’s words stirred and festered in my head. Questions bombarded me, and no matter how much I fought to silence them, they would always arise again. Badgering. Deafening. A cycle of the same inquiries over and over again.  
 _“What happened to Deepnest?”  
“Were they all infected?”  
“What has become of the den?”_

I didn’t care! I _don’t_ care! The elder _had_ to be mistaken! Whomever he had heard that tale from was nothing but a liar! And even if they weren’t, even if it _was_ true, it didn’t bother me one bit.

So what if my entire species went extinct?  
So what if they all perished, with only me to carry on a tainted legacy?  
If anything, I could use that to my advantage! If I was the only one left alive, I could mold their history however I saw fit. I could claim nosks as deities, and you would all be none the wiser!

What chances I had! What power I could have held!  
But _no._ No, no, _no,_ I just _had_ to be sure! I just _had_ to know! The uncertainty would never leave if I didn’t! I could have lived in ignorance should I have so chosen, but I knew it would have been far from blissful. Not that proving my suspicions would help anything at all!

And what if the elder was simply _wrong?_ What was to happen if I strode casually into the nosk den, only to be faced with a horde of nosks that were very much alive? What would happen _then?_

But for some reason, that didn’t even cross my mind.

One moment, I stood in the center of the town, trying desperately to focus on the ambiance of wind and the flutter of lumafly wings.  
The next, I was right back in the Crossroads, sure to mutter endless curses and berate myself every second I was in those winding tunnels again.

I knew the path I needed to take. Down, down through the Crossroads, navigate into the Fungal Wastes, continue downward until I came across the entrance to Deepnest again. Perhaps I’d even storm the Mantis Village in my frustration! Bring down hell upon them for my own shortcomings!

The entire trek, I scowled at myself. The whirlwind of thoughts in my mind only angered me. Multiple times, I caught myself shouting; damning myself for curiosity, foolishness… whatever it had been that forced me into those hellpits again. I racked my brain for who else to blame, but it always fell unto myself, most upsettingly.  
I suppose I could have accused the town elder of inflicting this curse upon me, but what would that have accomplished? I return to Dirtmouth and chide the old fool for telling me what he believed as a myth? No, that would only make a fool of myself.

Subjecting myself to the acrid scent of the Fungal Wastes was just another brilliant addition to my eternal suffering.  
Unsurprisingly, a wave of orange had overtaken the yellow glows of that place. The fungal creatures had never shown much intelligence beforehand, but now their movements – at least those that kept to the ground – were more sporadic and unpredictable. I swatted them away with ease, as always, but their existence only ticked me off more.   
Now, take my judgement here with a grain of salt, considering my mentality at the time… but the acid in that place almost seemed harsher than in Greenpath. More steam billowed about, the bubbling was faster and… more threatening… Paired with the looming danger of being knocked down by a floating balloon creatures’ spewing gas? Nothing about it was enjoyable.

Memories of my first run through that place began to resurface, having me inwardly cringe at the idea of bumping into the mossy vagabonds again. I handled them the first time, so I’d manage a second time, but… That does not mean I looked _forward_ to another confrontation.  
However, that’s when an idea sparked in me.

If I wasn’t mistaken… I had entered the City of Tears through the Fungal Wastes, had I not? Had that place ever opened again? If you recall, I had fled the place just before it closed its doors… what had become of the citizens, then? Had they survived? Did the King’s plan work?  
…Well, clearly it hadn’t worked in its _entirety,_ as Infection still dominates this blasted place, but… perhaps he had succeeded in keeping his subjects alive, at least?

This gave me something different to home in on! About halfway through the Wastes, I stopped dead in my tracks, digging through my memories so to remember the path to the City. Half of me internally screeched out in anguish as I put off the inevitable, which was my return to Deepnest, but I hastily silenced that part of me! There was nothing “inevitable” about that! I had toiled long and hard to forget the terrors of Deepnest, to put that place forever in my past, never to be dwelled on again… and by the Root, I planned on succeeding at that task! If you try, succeed, after all!  
Shame on me for even _remembering_ Deepnest. Just as with anything else, the more one chooses to brood over a person, place, or object, the more power that thing will have over them. I abandoned that nest, I abolished those thoughts, I refused any connection to nosks at all!   
Was I going to give up on all that so lightly? So blindly and naively? After how diligently I fought to keep my mind in order?

 _No!_ Absolutely not!

I would not be driven to enraged insanity by some elder’s fables! What a child I was, to believe such things. Still seething with distaste for my own manic choices, I turned around and _marched_ my way toward the City of Tears.   
Gods only knew whether I’d be capable of _entering_ the City or not, given that it slammed down its doors eons ago, but I didn’t care anymore! At that time, I was proving a point to myself. What exactly that point was, _hah_ , I couldn’t tell you now! For it’s been lost to time!   
I swear, I best begin doubting myself and my actions soon. Without doubt, can a rational decision even be made? I have my _doubts_ about that, haha!

It was remarkably uncomplicated finding the path to the City again, but once I did, well… You can imagine how uncanny it felt.  
There I was again, standing in front of the towering plaque just before the City’s gates. Hallownest’s seal resting at the top, the carved details of buildings… It forced me to remember the last time I was in that same position.  
In a crowd.  
Happier than ever to not have any attention on me.

Now, not a single bug was in sight.   
…I suppose that’s not true. There was one, lone civilian left, wandering about aimlessly. I approached them without thinking, moronically, only believing them to be a survivor – until they turned and attacked me, eyes engulfed with orange.  
I fought them off and quickly sprinted down the familiar passageway, feeling an intentionally laid pathway beneath my feet and surrounded once more by iron. Soon enough, I reached the infamous bridge… suspended above furiously bubbling acid with thorns protruding perilously from hanging stone.

I couldn’t even focus on those dangers. All I saw was the emptiness.  
The bridge wasn’t crowded as it once had been. There were no taller bugs to take the brunt of a lumafly’s blinding shine. There wasn’t the pitter-patter of various feet walking across the bridge.  
It created a pit in my stomach. There wasn’t any life left here _at all._  
This was hopeless. Continuing onward would only make it worse, and I was fully aware.

Yet I crossed the bridge alone, holding onto the tiniest glimmer of possibility that the city still bustled with life. After all, as I began to reason with myself, what purpose did that bridge have now? If no one exited nor entered the city anymore, it made perfect sense for it to be so barren.

Soon enough, I was face-to-face with the statue of the Great Knight Hegemol again, leaving me to huff about my past foul experience with him. Yes, I still hold that grudge! I still firmly believe he was conspiring against me!   
I’m yet to relocate him and challenge him for his title, but once I do, you’re sure to hear all about it!

Much to my disappointment, however, the front gate to the City was shut tight. A huge door blocked the path, almost like a wall built into the foundation around it. As if the path through had never existed.  
So, that at least confirmed that the King had stayed true to His word. Whatever that’s worth now.  
I slashed at that wall a few times to check its sturdiness, but as I suspected, it wouldn’t budge at all. Doing as I had only chipped the tip off Life-Ender, gaining a positively _mortified_ reaction from myself. I was sure to re-carve it later, I assure you! As if I’d explore without Life-Ender as deadly as it can be!

Oh, woe was me. What was I meant to do then? As far as I knew, there was no other entry into the City. The intelligent thing would have been to leave it all behind and convince myself that everything had remained the same as when I’d departed long ago. All the insects that had been there before? _Hmph,_ I’m sure they’re fine! Why should I check? I’ve no reason to do so.

Yet I refused to give up so easily. I, of course, give myself applause for my perseverance, but I do so wish I had kept my ignorance.  
Not that there’s a purpose in wishing for anything from the past. History cannot be changed, no matter how much we may condemn ourselves for our actions! Hence why one should never dwell on it.

Now, I won’t delve into every detail of my taxing journey all around the Fungal Wastes and _back_ up into the Crossroads so to find another way in. I haven’t the time for that sort of rambling. I do that enough without the extra intricacies.  
Skipping all that nonsense, I’ll cut to the chase. Have you retained the knowledge of how I escaped the City, all that time ago? I won’t blame you if you haven’t, as I’ve progressed through _many_ precepts since mentioning that… but I expect you to remember everything else! I will be _highly_ upset if you’ve forgotten any important elements of my story!

…If you’re even paying attention, that is. _Why would anyone?_

Ahem, at any rate, the _elevator._ Does that ring any bells for you?  
Yes, precisely! Long ago, I had tactfully used that enormous elevator to flee the City, and most regrettably… with someone else in tow. But any mention of them now is pointless, so I won’t dawdle on such things. Forget I even brought it up.  
After my use of it, I had heard of its closure as the city locked down. Not a soul used it for ages afterward.   
I knew very well that it was sealed shut, as during my explorations of the Crossroads, I had stumbled across it again once or twice. But… due to some ridiculous sense of hope, I chose to check again then.

If you’ve noticed, there’s a theme here. Don’t go about double-checking every little thing! You don’t _need_ to be one-hundred percent sure of _anything!_ Trust your intuition, listen to your gut. It will save you a lot of hassle.

…I say, when I was shocked to find the elevator doors open and used. Recently boarded. Against all odds.

Triumphantly, seeing as I was wholly successful in my endeavor, I embarked on that elevator, thoroughly overjoyed to see the doors automatically close. As if I was being dragged through the soil toward my nostalgia, I was slowly brought down, down, down… My anticipation ever-growing, leaving me restless and hopping from foot to foot.   
Would the City be in one piece? Was anyone alive? And if they were, what then? Would I disregard my previous assertions against that place and choose to stay there, seeing as it was impervious to Infection?

No.   
No, that wasn’t the case.

The elevator came to a shaky stop, the doors opened, and I sprinted out toward the once-busy streets… Rain pelted me as it always had, the dull blue environment sparked an avalanche of memories, and the people… The insects, the bugs, the civilians –

They were dead.

Every last one.

I was forced to skid to a stop as I made it to an open area, nearly plummeting straight down into a flooded gutter… With no guards left to fish me out, which never happened, the last thing I wanted was to have another drowning incident. Egh.  
I shielded my eyes with Life-Ender, and just… stared. Half the roads had collapsed, the architecture was crumbling, and the only life was… those that had been reanimated by Infection. Guards with eyes conquered by the affliction flew about, paced endlessly back and forth, or hung petrified off of building walls.   
As if in an eternal watch over the city.

They no longer held autonomy. One could argue they had little to begin with, given they were under the King’s rule, but… this was something else. They were held in fervent loyalty to their kingdom, even after it had long fallen. Even after _they_ had long fallen.  
In the distance, I’d catch a glimpse of a citizen… I’d watch as they wordlessly and mindlessly stumbled about, until one made eye contact with me, and…  
They were across a gap, they wouldn’t have reached me… but they _tried._

Their body went plunging down into the water below us, and all I could do was watch in horror as they sank down, not even trying to swim back up.   
Their glowing orange eyes still held contact with mine until that light faded in darkness.

I took a step back and immediately slipped in hemolymph that hadn’t yet been washed off the stone, left utterly paralyzed as rain pummeled my mask and reality set in.  
They were all dead.  
The King’s efforts were for naught.  
Would _anything_ stop the spread of Infection?  
 _Are we all destined to die from it?  
How long until I am completely isolated and alone?  
What makes me think I’ll be the last one standing?  
Narcissism? Ignorance?   
Or is it just foolishness?_

…And… If this had happened to the City of Tears, locked down and secure… what was the state of Deepnest?  
…They were all dead, too, weren’t they?

…Th-These creatures were weaker than nosks, surely. Their minds were broken down without a fight. They… They had no fighting chance to begin with!  
Nosks did. They weren’t dependent on a “King” to own their minds for them. That must have been what led to the City’s fall.

Certainly. Beyond a shadow of a doubt. Inexorably.

Deepnest was fine.  
Not that I cared.

_I wasn’t meant to wonder the state of what I left behind._

…Well, as so exemplified by what could happen should your attempts toward a goal be in vain… if you try, you are meant to succeed. I, unlike the braindead fool that charged me, was… victorious in every effort I made.  
If you're going to attempt something, make sure you achieve it. If you do not succeed, then you have actually failed.

…Avoid this at all costs.

_No matter what the outcome may be._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imagining interactions between sly and zote is just really funny to me  
>  **zote:** I am a Knight, fear me and show me respect!!!! Life-ender is the most powerful weapon of all time!!!!  
>  **sly:** _you are like little baby. Watch this_ (eviscerates zote with his oversized nail)
> 
> I was gonna include the CoT Ghost interaction in this chapter too but then decided “three of ghost’s interactions with zote in a row? Maybe not” so Ghost will be back next chapter instead!
> 
> There’s still a chapter or two(??) until the next colored red chapter but every time I see that chapter in my notes I just start sweating  
> it may or may not be the aforementioned “Uh oh something I did in Chapter 28 has sparked something horrible for a future chapter” chapter
> 
> Also hot DAMN that was 11 chapters ago???? I just checked to make sure what chapter I said what in and. 28?? And this is chapter 39?? God June me would be quaking at the sight of December me, out here writing frequently after not writing anything for like a year or two
> 
> Anyway goodnight my loves, now I must rescue my millipede as he dangles helplessly off the top of his enclosure because he somehow found a way up there and now can’t get down


	40. Seek Truth in the Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote wanders around what remains of the City of Tears, having a hardcore existential crisis.  
> Also, Ghost is here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No this isn’t posted late guys see it’s Saturday see look I promise guys forget that it says Sunday or the 13th, shshshsh it’s Saturday I’m on time
> 
> Oof. It’s the other chapter that “explains itself”  
> but this is uh. The one I was looking at like “what am I going to do with you” so I mean! We’ll see if I conjured up anything painful for this one!  
> More painful than this chapter already is, anyway
> 
> But right off the bat: is it Red Chapter™? Nah, not that painful yet heehehehe
> 
> Oh and also!! Out of impulse I remade [the zote ref](https://www.instagram.com/p/CIlnjxCHOLG/) for this fic oop  
> Anyway GO ON, GET

**_Seek Truth in the Darkness_ **

Of all the emotions I felt at that moment, I can promise you this: Absolute devastation was not one of them.

Not that you should go accepting promises now, but- _Regardless,_ just trust me on this! It’s not as if anyone has evidence to the contrary, so you’ve no reason to be doubting me anyway.  
Wandering the deserted city streets, narrowly avoiding conflict with afflicted husks, finding myself soaked by the downpour within minutes, thus making my steps feel _far_ heavier than they already had – No, none of that had me feeling in any way _melancholy._ What rubbish!

If you recall, my history in the City of Tears was nothing but negative. Not a single good thing came of that place, and being one of the few bugs to stand alive amongst the rubble, well… Of course, it left me wholly _satisfied.  
_Why look to me with such disbelief? What, did you expect me to cave then and there? Weep with the skies and crumble like the architecture?

No! As if I’d be such a fool, to grow sentimental over a place like that! What with looming threat of drowning in a gutter, the heinous monarch that owned it, and the so-called “knights” and “nobles” that _used_ to thrive there! It matters not how long I once resided in that dreary place! If anything, the cloth I had received there for Life-Ender was nothing but an agitating reminder of its faults.  
If I had never fallen into that water, Life-Ender would have fared better. I wouldn’t have _needed_ a cloth in the first place!

All I said earlier? On the way the emptiness affected me? Abolish it all from your memory!  
This would _not_ inflict any troubling thoughts on me, it would _not_ ultimately be what drove me back to Deepnest, and I did _not_ mourn the dead of that blasted city! Precept Seven would never allow such a thing!  
And as you know, I would _never_ turn my back on my precepts.

…What point does this have?

Why do I insist on denying it all? I’m no longer surrounded by nosks that would shun me, and even if I was, I _still_ wouldn’t hide away my thoughts like this! I’m no coward!  
Once she died, I abandoned all the tomfoolery of my silence, as I realized its pitifulness! What purpose did remaining mute have, other than suggesting something shameful to hide? What, was I afraid of those around me? Did I fear the consequences for my differing view on life?  
_No!_ I refused to be quiet anymore! I spoke out about my goals, my aspirations! I cared not for the cruel words spat back in my face! I cared not for the possible repercussions! I cared _not_ for my brother’s attacks that followed!  
That old den elder may have paid dearly for her secrets, but they’re no longer secrets once everyone knows, wouldn’t you agree? With enough projected confidence, no one would dare harm you!  
That was her mistake. Cowering away, keeping her ambitions to herself. Once the truth was brought to light, she was killed, as… as...

…As was _deserved._

…But what then? Am I advocating for vulnerability? Gods, no, what a poor excuse for advice that would be! _  
“Oh, young fools, simply reveal all your darkest fears, your sorrows, and your truths! That’ll show your enemies not to mess with the likes of you!”  
_Hah! Imagine if that were the case! _“No, great beast, do not raise your claws! For you see, I fear whatever death may entail for the likes of me,”_ and voila! You are shown mercy! Spared and free to live another day.

What _optimism._

This is a predicament I’ve been arguing over for ages. It’s a paradoxical mess with no escape, I tell you!  
Stick true to your goals, fight for them, strive for them! Argue against those that chastise you! Be true to yourself!  
But at the same time? Refuse weakness! Never allow yourself to fall vulnerable! Should you break – mentally, physically, or otherwise – then you are predetermined for death. Never let this happen!  
And above all else, _never let anyone know of these weaknesses._

What is one meant to do?

In such a no-win situation, some are left to wonder if the only viable option is death.  
After all, if you’re not strong enough, you’ll die anyway. That is the law of nature and society alike. The strongest survive, and the weak fall prey to those that stand above them. So why go through the trouble, if getting to the top means you find yourself standing upon corpses?

Infection was steadily killing us all either way, was it not? Was it worth fighting for anything when that was inevitable?

It was hard not to think of this while I stood there in the rain, inside a long dead city. You could call it an epiphany, a revelation, what have you.  
I only saw it as a terrible nuisance, seeing as it made a chaotic disaster of my otherwise completely organized and well-functioning mind.

… _Ahem,_ well, erm… That was… a lot.  
Forget all that. It’s not important to my story, anyhow.  
I wasn’t… I wasn’t about to _give up,_ of course. Why would I, even? Why would the sight of a desolate city bring me any sort of anguish, let alone enough to have me forfeit all I’d worked for? It wouldn’t. It didn’t. I carried on as always, hardly batting an eye.  
I was tough! I _am_ tough! I’ve seen plenty of dead bodies in my time! It hardly phases me anymore.

Honestly, at a certain point, I only found the reanimated city as irritating.  
Once I was past the initial surprise, I began to explore the ruined place, taking in the sight of the cracked streets and falling towers. More than once did I catch the attention of a flying guard, whom, with a loud battle cry, would launch spears _directly_ at me without a blink of hesitation! I had no method of reaching them, so the only alternative to _letting myself get impaled with a spear_ was to flee.  
Not the most honorable thing, sure, but you’re free to explain what _else_ I was meant to do! I don’t have wings! I cannot hover as they do!

At some point, I found myself in an area very similar to one in the Crossroads… many hanging platforms, all loosely held up by thin ropes… _Incredibly_ unsteady when jumped on.  
Made all the worse by _more_ of those infected guards! Fluttering about, grouping together to chase me around on those shakey, terrible suspensions! Seeing as Life-Ender was in _no_ state to be slashing them away, and I _still_ could not fly, I chose the riskiest and… potentially most imbecilic route I had ever chosen:  
Letting myself fall all the way to the bottom. This would be the one and only time the mysterious force would aid me! Once I hit the stone ground, oblivious to the state of the city in that spot, I hastily dashed into a… a hallway, of sorts.

I hadn’t meant to go that direction in the first place, as I _had_ been heading toward an old stag station – seeing as the one in Dirtmouth was up and running, I thought perhaps the one there may have been as well – but I somehow dropped down there anyway. I’m left to assume it was due to so much of the old foundations having fallen apart over time… Thus… _greatly_ confusing me as to where I was. All memory of those winding roads failed me here, thanks to most of those streets being… long gone.

Now, in this long pathway of windows and… old carts, I let myself breathe, scolding myself for having broken Life-Ender. If I hadn’t been so childish in _smacking_ a _wall_ with it, it wouldn’t have broken! I wouldn’t have to _flee_ from those guards!  
At _least_ I was somewhere dry, then. No rain managed to get into that hall, aside from a few puddles, so I relished in the moment of peace I was given.

Not that I needed more time to think. To dwell. _Hmph._

After I calmed from my run-in with those Infected insects, I _then_ realized the state of the place.  
Sure, I could have expected the shattered windows, the tattered tapestries, and the awful accumulation of _dust…_ But what I hadn’t expected was the overgrowth of fungus.  
No, genuinely! If you were to go there now, you’d witness something entirely strange: It was as if the fungus of the Wastes had spread their spores into the City, and their kind had begun infesting the place. Their glows were not nearly as prominent, in fact they were rather dim, but there was no mistaking it.  
How odd, wouldn’t you agree? The extermination of all life there had made way for something new to take root.  
Hm.

If all of Deepnest died, what would take root in its place?  
No, no. Best not to think of that.  
Likely something just as vile as the creatures that had already been there.

Then, of course, and this was not as surprising: The abundance of lumaflies trapped in glass. Awful. Terrible. What a wretched glow.  
With no one around to stop me now, I took great pride in shattering those lanterns and freeing the tiny butterflies. Not for the sake of the lumaflies, but just to save my eyes!  
One thing I will give the City of Tears is its dimness. If it weren’t for the lumaflies, it would be far more pleasant than the _brightness_ of Greenpath or Fog Canyon. Eugh.

At any rate, I chose that moment as one to settle. My mind was a raging river of nonsense and emotions, and I _had_ to sort it out. As much as I detested the idea of doing so.  
First off, death was never a viable option for anything! What a horrifying sentiment! Only a bug too feeble to survive would allow themselves to fall into death’s clutches! I disregarded that notion without a second thought.  
Secondly, yes, I _would_ express myself as much as I so chose to! Be that all the time or very little, it mattered not; all I cared for was what _I_ wanted to do. Should I choose to spew out everything in a lengthy, sore throat inducing ramble, as I am doing now… then that was what I was going to do!  
…And should I choose to stay silent, then that was _fine._ I would not be forced to share anything with anyone if I didn’t feel like doing so!

Thirdly, I would not be returning to Deepnest for any reason.  
Yes, unfortunately, this _still_ was a debate I argued with myself over. Not a single part of me _wanted_ to go to Deepnest, yet there was still that tiny, insignificant voice in my head… One telling me to _be sure._ _I have to check, I have to know. Is everyone alright? Is the den still solid? Has it crumbled just the same as the City?_

I’m still unsure as to why I cared, for it made little sense… yet there I was, forced to hammer in the same mantra to myself over and over:  
_“I will not go back to Deepnest.  
I will not go back to Deepnest.  
You’ve seen the state of the City, that should be enough for you. They’re all dead. Get over it.  
I will not go back to Deepnest.  
Everyone dies. Hence why you travel alone.  
I will not go back to Deepnest.  
They’re probably all alive, anyway. The elder was wrong. These bugs are weak.  
I will not go back to Deepnest.  
Stop thinking about it!_

_…I wonder, why does the air weep? Is the kingdom trying to mock me?  
I shed my last tear long ago...”_

This was rudely interrupted by the sound of footsteps.  
I had been so lost in my own mental repetitions that I hadn’t noticed my company. Looking up, I realized the most inconvenient yet somehow fitting thing had occurred:

Not only had someone strode right into my comfortable secluded hallway, that someone was none other than the diabolical _vessel.  
_Ghastly, I know! Appalling in every meaning of the word! I had hoped they had met a gruesome end in these ruins, seeing as they cannot _possibly_ be as resilient as I, yet there they were! Ever so casually passing by, acting as if they didn’t even see me.  
It infuriated me! This was undeniable proof that the _cur_ had to be stalking me. They somehow appeared everywhere I was! _Thrice_ , now, we crossed paths, and every time was during a period of mental disarray for me!

 _Granted,_ “mental disarray” could be my state of mind at just about any time of day, but-  
_Agh,_ no, by the Wyrm, ignore _that._

Once close enough, the little menace was _apparently_ unaware of how much their steps splashed water everywhere, as I suffered said scattering of droplets once they walked straight through a puddle near me.  
As anyone would react, I responded civilly and calmly.

_“Hoy! Watch where you're going, you soggy vagabond! I don't want you splashing me. I've had a miserable time trying to keep dry.”_

They halted, turned slowly to face me, and I could just _feel_ their regret! They knew they had wronged me one too many times, I’m sure of it. They feared for their life, as they knew I could cut them down without hesitation.  
However, I felt uncharacteristically merciful, given my mental state. So, instead, I simply reminded them of who I was.  
In case they forgot.

_“I am Zote the Mighty, a knight of great renown. If I decide that I'm going to stay dry, then that's what's going to happen!”_

Nothing. Not a word, not a blink, not the slightest movement.  
If _they_ weren’t going to talk, _I_ would. I had already decided I would no longer wait for my opportunity to speak! I would express myself as I so chose!

_“Curse this wretched city! Water and monsters constantly fall from above! It's no wonder this blasted kingdom fell to ruin..._

_Have you seen them? The guards who still patrol this city, even after dying?  
Hmph. Being overly devoted to one's duties is no virtue._

_I suppose you're impressed by how tall the towers are here. Hmph. I've seen much taller towers in my travels. Much nicer, too.”_

That last bit wasn’t necessarily a lie! The towers of the City were once much taller, and far grander than they are now.  
I’ll admit, there was something cathartic about speaking my thoughts aloud, whether the other bug in the room cared to listen to what I was drawling on about. It was a strategy I kept in mind, as… as you can probably tell, seeing as we’re… here. Now.

Eventually, however, they grew tired of what I had to say. They turned their back on me and run off, leaving me to mutter curses toward them under my breath. I would triumphantly beat them in battle soon, I assure you.  
And that, too, is a story I’ll tell.  
When we get there.

However, I heard a small _clink_ as they left, and of course the sound caught my attention. They had already exited the tunnel, hopping up onto a platform, but what they hadn’t realized was…  
They had _dropped_ something.  
Upon picking up the object in question and inspecting it, I deduced it to be a pin. It was a dull blue color, reflecting light off the remaining lumaflies, and… honestly, holding a very similar hue to the walls around me. It had a rather simple carve to it, almost resembling the shell of a scarab.

Initially, I found myself following after the vessel so to return the pin, but I stopped myself.  
Why should I do such a thing for them? They’ve been nothing but a problem this whole time and made no move to make up for it! What was to stop me from holding onto the pin? A moral obligation? _Balderdash.  
_So, instead, I found a new use for it. I readjusted my cloak to cover my venom and made sure it was held secure by the new pin. _Excellent._ Now _nothing_ could point to me being a nosk!

…Nosks…  
_I will not go back to Deepnest._

…Pardon me, what precept even is this? I don’t think I’ve… touched on it _at all._  
Uhm… Precept Eighteen, right? That’s…

… “Seek Truth in the Darkness.”

…Hmph. I can’t help but feel I’ve been arguing _against_ that very idea this whole time, if we’re connecting “darkness” to Deepnest.  
One has no _need_ to seek truth in anything. As long as you convince yourself, and there’s nothing to prove it any other way, what point does seeking the truth have?

…I suppose I’m not meant to… _denounce_ my own precepts like that, am I?

Well.  
The precept explains itself, anyway. I’ve no need to dwell on it.

“Seek Truth in the Darkness…”  
Hah. No.

_I will not go back to Deepnest._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So okay, originally, Zote’s cloak pin was gonna be bought from Iselda during the earlier Dirtmouth chapters.  
> Why didn’t that happen? I uh. I forgot :,)  
> So, instead, he steals one of Ghost’s map markers. I doubt they were using ‘em all anyway
> 
> OOF can you see with this chapter that I was struggling? This is what happens when you don’t follow your original plan, kids! You flail all over the place! Heck!  
> This one is like. The LEAST connected to the precept it’s based off of. Oops.  
> I PROMISE I HAD IT IN MIND WHILE I WAS WRITING THE CHAPTER, I Justus,,, couldn’t think of a way for him to tie it in well until the end. So heckck,,  
> BUT next chapter we! SHOULD be back on track. Plan is how it should be. hopefully :,)
> 
> Anyway how’s ya’lls week been? I’ve  
> 1) been stupid sick with unfortunate covid-like symptoms  
> 2) accidentally ripped a good portion of my fingernail off while writing this and it made everything so much wORSE and  
> 3) been thinking about a self-indulgent addition to this fic in which zote is reunited with the grub and gets emotional about it but ghost is also there so he’s just like “hhrnNGnRhHGRH I FEEL NOTHING ABOUT THIS” while he’s crying
> 
> Goodnight!!!! this chapter isn't late you're wrong


	41. Believe in Your Strength

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote goes to Deepnest.
> 
> It immediately goes wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yknow that thing zote has been vehemently against doing for a while? He’s doing the thing. Fool
> 
> Return to Deepnest arc start! Time for pain.
> 
> It goes about as well as you’d expect, honestly! Who left all this web hanging around  
> I dunno what else to say man I’m tired
> 
> this is a shorter chapter than the last few have been, but that’s because I shoved a whole lot into the next few instead! On PURPOSE this time guys have a little faith in me please I’m begging, I swear I’m not 100% incompetent only 85%

**_Believe in your Strength_ **

_…Why am I going back to Deepnest?_

That was the one, absolutely flabbergasted thought that rang in my mind whilst I rode the elevator back into the Crossroads.

Much to my disdain, it happened again! One moment, I had been standing in that drab hallway, trying desperately to focus on any sound – any _thought_ – that could distract me from the insufferable _pull_ back to my birthplace.  
The next, there I was; on a familiar path through the Crossroads, down into the Fungal Wastes.

Yet again.

What a tedious trek it was, too! It _figured_ that the only access to Deepnest in reach was eons away, didn’t it? How frustrating.  
There had even been a _door._ Right on the opposite side of the elevator, before I pushed the lever to begin my ascension, I caught a glimpse of large door blocking off the entrance to… someplace. I couldn’t tell you where, exactly, but seeing as the damned thing was infested with mushrooms, I can only _assume_ it would have been a _convenient_ shortcut!  
But alas! Chained and locked shut. What cursed luck.

Or perhaps it was an omen. A warning, even, that I was not meant to return that way. Should I continue that arduous, unfulfilling journey, I would face nothing but travesty. And I knew it. I knew too well.  
That _was_ a sign, wasn’t it? I should have let the past stayed buried, chained away, never to be glanced back on again. I should’ve turn back. I should have returned to Dirtmouth above.   
…Or I could have stayed in the city. Wither away like the husks. Tumble into a gutter again…

… _Ahem,_ so, up and around I traveled, _despite_ the potential warning, and even more enraged than before. Not only was I going back on my word _to myself,_ I was doing it a _second_ time, and _after_ a pointless side quest to nowhere and for nothing.  
What’s that look for? The City of Tears amounts to nothing, now! It’s just a fancy graveyard, I tell you, swamped with history and relics that no one cares to study. There is no value left in those ruins! None at all!  
The city streets are empty, the citizens long dead, and there was nothing to be done about it.  
If anything, curse the King and His failed attempts at sanctity and safety! With His failure, He sentenced His subjects to death. Disgrace! Ignominy! What scorn!

Why, I’d bet this entire catastrophe was His doing, somehow. After all, a King is meant to do _anything_ for his kingdom, is he not? He’s meant to risk life and limb for the civilization He built! Yet the last I’d seen of Him, what little that was through His glow, not a _scratch_ scarred His chitin. His robes were not tattered, His light never flickered!  
Had He even suffered as His kingdom fell? Did He know of strife? Hah! I would say the Wyrm had never battled in His lifetime! I’d wager even _I_ would be capable of slaying that dastardly “king!”

Perhaps the destruction was earned. With such manipulation, He deserved to have His walls crumble around Him.

Even the superiors of the nosk den knew of hardship! They were a privileged lot, and I retain not an ounce of respect for them, but I recognize their… _ugh,_ their _struggles_ I suppose. Aside from the few born into their roles, which was a rare occurrence anyhow, those of the superior rank had to fight tooth and claw to get into that position!  
Then they had to _maintain_ that power! Any nosk could challenge them for their position! To decline said challenges was seen as cowardice! The superiors held their ground with their _strength,_ not with deception! Not with blind followers!

By the Root, I think it means _something_ that I’m more willing to defend the brutish _nosk superiors_ over the King of Hallownest. Not that I care to defend their titles, honor, what have you! It’s not as if they didn’t lie, steal and mercilessly slaughter those that defied them.   
My point is that they _fought_. Should something have encroached on and threatened the nosk den, the superiors would have done _anything_ to protect it.

What did the King do? Create whatever a “vessel” really is? Bah! We see how _that_ went, do we not? Look around! The dead still march, the establishments are decrepit and deteriorating, and even _Deepnest –_

…Even Deepnest fell prey to that sickly orange affliction.

I’m not sure why, nor how, I convinced myself that the monsters of Deepnest would be stronger than Infection. After all, their minds were hardly sapient to begin with. They hissed away the King’s promised “sentience” for that reason… I think. Instinct held a higher meaning than intelligence.  
Honestly, I’m shocked they lasted unafflicted for as long as they had. When I had left Deepnest, ages ago, orange did not plague the area. The eyes of weaverlings glowed shades of yellow and red, but never a mixture of the two. 

Yet now…

Well, allow me to backtrack a moment.

After toiling through the Wastes, bravely leaping across pools of acid, tracing my steps back from whence I’d came… Hmph. I almost forgot to mention…  
…The chapel was still intact. It seemed so much taller, then, seeing as I now looked to it from a lower stature.  
Inside, the shrieks and chanting of the prophet still echoed, but they weren’t laced with fury anymore. Looking for any reason to put off dropping just below into Deepnest’s vicious heart, I repeated the same mistake I made years past:  
Sneaking into the chapel.

However! I’m no fool! I took advantage of my short height, blending in much easier with the shadows than I had previously. No longer was I a towering, gangly mess of limbs. Hiding was _much_ simpler.

Not hiding!... Tactfully clandestine.

Now, you see, the _last_ time I had seen the mossy preacher, bulbous masses of _Infection_ _itself_ were not conquering their body. This time, I was admittedly disgusted to see… said masses, alongside their harshly glowing eyes shining with _glee_ as they rambled on and on to their followers. Speaking purely in praises toward “the light” and “radiance.”  
It was… strange. My understanding of the Infection was that it sabotaged the mind, rendering insects – or mosskin, in this case – as lifeless, aggressive monsters. The preacher, however… They were _speaking,_ for one, and it was relatively coherent.

That’s not to say they were sane, mind you. They were not. By any means.  
…But they were… almost the _same_ as they had been before. Just… Infected, and apparently overjoyed with that fact.  
  
It gave me the slightest, most horrible, ludicrous spark of _hope._   
If the prophet was the same as before, just… afflicted, then… would Deepnest be the same? If there were nosks alive, would they be… as they were?

Better question, _why did I care?_ What would that change? Nothing! Infected or not, a nosk was a nosk. They were borderline feral as they _had_ been.  
I was going down to prove that they were alive! Not that they were or were not Infected! _Gods,_ why did I care so much? I don’t! Nosks, extinct? Fantastic! _Why_ did I _have_ to prove otherwise?

What fatal flaws I had in my plan, too! What was I meant to do once I “proved” that nosks were surviving? Just turn around and humbly saunter back out of the _nosk den?_ Was I going in hopes of coming out in one piece? Who knows!

…Not that I wouldn’t be able to… handle it, or what rubbish. Yes, I’m strong, I could… Damn it all, what am I trying to prove? Nothing important, at any rate.

And so I turned away, naïve and foolish, even snapping a twig beneath my feet on the way out. I heard the familiar shouts and oncoming barrage of mosskin, and…  
Yes, I fought them all off heroically. I wasn’t chased out, forcing me to go _hopping_ down into Deepnest, knowing I wouldn’t be followed. Sure. We’ll go with that.

I dropped, I ran, and immediately fell into darkness. The darkness I inevitably sought truth in, I suppose.  
Of course, upon falling into that dim, claustrophobic maze of tunnels, it took a measly two seconds before I was ambushed by two dirtcarvers.

Their eyes were glowing.  
…Well, dirtcarvers were… the bottom of the food chain in Deepnest. It makes sense that they would… that they would…

Regardless, I had no means to defend myself. Life-Ender was still broken. I was cornered while two skittery devils hissed and lunged at me, chattering their mandibles and clearly desperate for prey.  
Well, I suppose that partially proved my theory. Dirtcarvers hadn’t changed a bit.

It was… _difficult_ for me to even focus. My long-suppressed instincts regarding dirtcarvers had me hissing _back_ at them and trying to slash at them with claws I no longer had. Fighting was no use here, and I knew it. Without Life-Ender, without my loyal blade, I was nothing.  
My… My only option there would have been to let instinct take ahold of me, and just… shift back into being a nosk. That would send them scattering.   
I knew it. I knew that would work.

But I didn’t. I couldn’t. My senses were flooded with recognizable sounds, sights, and scents. I could hear the thunderous movement of garpedes, the lightless tunnels were all too _familiar…_ It was suffocating. I remembered what made me escape in the first place. I couldn’t face it. I couldn’t go back.  
Every thought that had told me to come here immediately switched gears and demanded I _run._ I wasn’t meant to be here. I left years ago, I shouldn’t be back, _I shouldn’t be here._  
So, I fled… anywhere but _up,_ of course!  
I took off running down the tunnels, the entirety of Deepnest already mapped out in my head. I knew where to go, I knew every turn, every shimmering plant, every abominable creature.  
I was… this was…

…This was home.   
And I couldn’t leave this time.

More and more dirtcarvers sprung up everywhere. I couldn’t escape them, no matter what I tried. They burrowed and dug underneath me, popping up and snapping at my cloak whenever they had a chance.

Why was I _running?_ Why was I such a coward? Turn around, _face_ them! I still had Life-Ender, it just wasn’t sharp! I could batter them away easily! I could do anything! I was strong, I could fend them off, I wasn’t weak, I would not be taken down by _dirtcarvers_! What a shame I’d be to the den, then; they’ll kill me off for being weak, they’ll tear away my limbs, I’ll disgrace my father, I’ll –

 _I’m not a nosk anymore!_ _Stop thinking like one!_

Eventually, I skid to a stop, just nearly falling to my demise at the mouth of a dark, dark drop. I knew where I was. If I fell, I would be falling for a while. That was not ideal.  
Neither was the horde of dirtcarvers on my tail, but I digress.

At that moment, it was be mauled or descend. I saw another ledge quite a ways from where I stood, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to reach it without a running start.   
Whatever hectic thoughts that stormed in my head were incomprehensible. I couldn’t come up with a plan. I didn’t know what to do.

 _Something_ broke in me, eventually. Something _screamed_ in me, actually.  
Turn around. Fight. Use the blunt Life-Ender to the best of your ability.  
You’re strong. You are capable.   
You’re not _weak._

And I believed that. As I should have.  
Hence this precept, _“Believe in Your Strength.”_

Fall to my death or go out fighting. Those were my options.   
What a pitiful way to die, at the hands of _dirtcarvers,_ but at least… I’d never see the state of what I’d left behind. I wouldn’t be going back on my promise to her. Again.  
I had nothing better to do, anyway.

So, I brandished Life-Ender, turned toward a mob of death, and _fought.  
_ I _tried,_ and I ultimately _succeeded._ A marvelous battle it was. _  
_…Even if everything went black at some point, and I can’t entirely remember what happened… The point remains! If I had perished then, at least I would have a chance at a legacy… If only someone else knew of me to tell my tale.

Not that I need anyone else! I’m here! I lived! I can share my stories _myself._ Without a trace of embellishment, as I’m sure _others_ would do upon witnessing my _glory._ Of course.

Others may doubt you, but there's someone you can always trust: Yourself.   
_Hah! What a bold assertion…_  
…Make sure to believe in your own strength, and you will never falter.

After all, I’m alive, aren’t I?

_…Not that anyone would notice either way._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dramatic ass…… drama queen
> 
> So yknow how in the last chapter’s notes I said I was suffering “covid-like” symptoms? Well it turns out I had covid, so that explains it! Mystery solved!  
> Yeah uh. It’s. been! It’s been a wild ride. My doctor told me “haha no you don’t have covid, go back to school silly bean” only for the department of health to be like “no!!!! you have covid!!!! What are you doing get out of school!!!”  
> So it’s been wacky. The past week has been a shitshow and I’m. here! I guess
> 
> Anyway, zote is dead. Everybody go home. Fic’s over.
> 
> [[insert that vine of the guy falling over with spaghetti tumbling out of his pockets while he sobs]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKWMrSGO6RQ)  
> that’s your teaser for the next chapter. Buh bye


	42. Don't Hesitate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Zote isn’t dead! He’s just caught in a web. How unfortunate.  
> Someone has to come around and save his sorry ass.
> 
> Then he starts having… some doubts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late Christmas present: Zote chapter and it’s colored a little Rosy Red :)  
> The tone of this chapter flips on a DIME I tell you
> 
> Legit anytime this man is given a moment to think about anything, he has a mental breakdown  
> And with events of recent, in which I had a few consecutive panic attacks about thiNGS, it’s a huge mood
> 
> Also, ghost’s growing list of negative adjectives is the only reference to GPZ that will happen in this fic, you’re welcome
> 
> So join me in a. very painful. Not happy chapter.
> 
> Uh. Which is reminding me, I should probably add this warning?:  
>  **!!WARNING FOR UH,,, SOME GOREY IMAGERY!!**  
>  I don’t know yet how explicit I’ll/Zote’ll get in describing in but uh. We’ll see!
> 
> REGARDLESS THIS IS A PAINFUL CHAPTER, and I know with it being holiday season, sometimes we don’t!!! Like really painful depression hours!! So please don’t! Read! If the last thing you need is! Sadness!  
> I’m warning you :,)

**_Don’t Hesitate_ **

When my eyes finally opened, I was faced with darkness.

My vision soon adjusted, as dimness is not a problem for my spectacular eyesight, and it took but a few moments for the memories to rush back to me.  
Yes, a wondrous battle, a heroic final stand against hundreds – if not _thousands!_ – of dirtcarvers…   
The remembrance of which had me cursing once I felt the brunt of my injuries.

Every part of my chitin was sore, scuffed, and bruised… but there was not a single cut! No gashes, not a trace of hemolymph. I expected as much, knowing how resilient my shell is _,_ but it did not stop the smallest ounce of disappointment fogging my mind.  
 _…Not_ disappointment. Why would I be disappointed?

Either way, I had little time to complain about my pain, as realization soon struck me:

I’m… not on the ground.

It took a few confused blinks before I realized that I was staring _at_ the ground while suspended _above_ it, but once I did, questions raced through my head! What knave had me captured this time? What beast held me in its maw _now?_

I went into action immediately! I thrashed about, trying to reach for Life-Ender, but to no avail. I couldn’t _hear_ any insect nearby, aside from the distant rushing of garpedes, nor did I see any glowing eyes… but _something_ held me there! It was my run-in with the Vengefly King all over again, but this time, inevitably worse! The creatures of Deepnest were vile, torturous! They were not as feeble as some Greenpath bug! This was _true_ peril!  
Once I stopped to actually look at what had me in its grasp, I noticed it wasn’t a beast at all.  
It was a web.

…That wasn’t _better,_ by any means, but at least I was not actively being chewed alive.  
It did, however, imply that something was _intending_ to sink its mandibles into me at some point or another.  
That wasn’t ideal.

What a fine predicament I was in this time! My struggling resumed, and I tried uselessly to loosen the web around me… All whilst I pondered over what exactly had me strung up like that.  
Dirtcarvers were not one to create webs, so it made little sense. Perhaps those menaces gave up once they realized their jaws could not puncture my shell? Thus leaving some other creature to come across me, and drag me away to their web? What, then? Had it been a Weaver? Some other spider-esque monster?  
…Or had it been a nosk?

Nosks, while not often dwelling in webs themselves, chose to keep their prey preserved in silk for later consumption all the time. That, or their corpses were hung up around the den as decoration… Threatening, ominous, and unsettling decoration, but decoration nonetheless.  
Could a nosk have done that to me, then? Was one still alive?  
I should have banished all hope for such a thing, as we know hope hasn’t gotten me anywhere good, but alas…

…Why would I hope for that, you ask? What a fantastic question. I ask myself the same.

Regardless! It mattered not _whom_ had captured me! What mattered was my escape! I could track down my captor later; strike them down once I was free and Life-Ender was sharp again!

Wriggling around wasn’t doing much of anything, but with little other options, that’s the strategy I kept trying. I couldn’t move my arms to grab Life-Ender, which was miraculously secure on my back, and there was nothing sharp nearby to cut the web with.   
Soon, I’d loosen it! In time! Surely! I refused to give up!  
The alternative was likely death at the hands of an atrocious Deepnest monster, so…

…Hm. No, no, I take back that notion! If whatever trapped me there returned, I’d fare perfectly well! As a matter of fact, I’m sure I would have been able to trick the beast into freeing me – thus giving me every advantage! Haha, yes! It was a plan, and definitely one I came up with _then_ , and not now, when I’m not-at-all panicked.  
Not that I was then. Of course.

Even with this plan, however, I kept up my endeavor. If I managed to break free before the owner of the web arrived, then the plan wouldn’t ever need to be put into action!  
…Though, I will admit, the fact that the webs were not budging _at all_ was… Slowly crushing my spirits. No matter what I did, not a strand fell loose. What if the nosk – o-or, whatever created that web – returned, and I couldn’t bait them into freeing me? What then? Accept my fate, then and there, _that_ close to the den? To my apparent newfound goal?

_No!_ I could not let that happen! I would not! I had to get out of there, and I had to do it _myself._ Even if I successfully duped the monster, that would still… _leave the monster_ to get past _._ And if they _were_ a nosk…   
No, _no,_ I couldn’t let myself think of possibilities! Just get _out. Are you so useless that you can’t tear your way out of silk? What use are your claws and teeth, then? Utilize those natural weapons, you worthless child-_

Then, of course, just as I felt the _slightest_ shift in the web…  
Footsteps.

_No,_ no, I was almost freed! I would not go down that easily! What a horrid fate that would be, to come so close, yet fall just before you can succeed! I refused what fate had in store for me! I would _not_ be dying that day! I had survived that horde of dirtcarvers! I had fought too hard to give up then!

What awaited me? What approached? I would finally get an answer, at least… _Was_ it a nosk? Would my questions be answered before my demise?  
My- I would _not_ die! Obviously, as I’m _right here!_ I still breathe today! I’m fine! I’m _more_ than fine, of course, always, naturally…

It was growing closer… Its steps sounded too light to be a nosk’s. There were too few footsteps to be a nosk, anyway… There would have to be a scuttling of four or six legs, not two.  
It couldn’t be a weaver, then, either… Nor… anything that resided in Deepnest. Nothing native traveled on two limbs, from what I remembered.

What was this creature? What could it have been? Had something else made a home here?  
…No. No. When it came close enough for me to catch a glimpse, I realized… This wasn’t what captured me. It couldn’t have been. This… _thing…_ wasn’t capable of weaving a web.  
…At least, I don’t believe so.

It was the dratted, despicable, _sordid, detestable, loathsome, diabolical, horrid, awful little vessel._

I just about wanted to scream, I tell you. Out of _frustration.  
Every_ turn! Everywhere I had been, they were sure to follow! How had they gotten here? How had they survived that long in Deepnest? _How_ did they get there so _quickly_ from the City?   
They purloin my victories, they disgrace the town above and the City with their presence, and now they made to humiliate me. I couldn’t believe it! This _villain!_ This _cur!_

Before I could list my grievances about their mere existence aloud, the fool looked up to me, took out their nail, and _swiped_ at me! The web was sliced through with ease, and the mysterious force dragged me to the ground. Without another second, I pushed myself to my feet – paying dearly for that, as a terrible dizziness took hold of me – and turned, _seething,_ to the hellion that nearly nicked my shell.

They wield their nail with such reckless abandon! Had they even cared if they had struck me? They were _fortunate_ to have missed, for I would have repaid their “kindness” with a dose of my own!

_“Hoy! What are you doing, you clumsy little oaf? Swinging your rusty little nail around in the darkness?_

_You almost struck me! And if you had, it would have been the end of you. Trust me!_

_I am Zote the Mighty, a knight of great renown. My weapon, 'Life Ender' has struck down hundreds of foes. Begone, or you'll be next!”_

They stared back at me with nothing but bewilderment. Not a sign of remorse or guilt on that otherwise blank expression! Gods, how lucky they are that I have a sense of self-control, or they would be skewered just for their insolence!

Seemingly satisfied with the havoc they wrought, they turned to leave, taking out a map from inside their cloak. I couldn’t help but scoff! Ruthless as they were, they still relied on a piece of parchment to find their way around. How pitiful.

_“Hmm? Are you lost in these dark tunnels? I don't care.”_

Their gaze lifted for a moment, and I couldn’t quite decipher what they meant to convey. Perhaps it was a mutual irritation, but I took it as a subtle plead! They were asking for my _help,_ I bet, and it astonished me that they would even attempt. Hah! As _if_ I would aid them, after their continued show of disrespect!

_“No, I won't lead you out. I know the way, due to my powerful memory, but I only travel alone. Begone.”_

_And furthermore, I would rather be torn limb from limb before I set aside my own ventures to help the likes of you with_ anything.  
I so wish I had ended with that, but they had already taken off. Cowardly. I took a moment to pray for their death in the winding tunnels before shaking my head, reevaluating why I had come to Deepnest in the first place.

You see, your memory gets a bit muddled when in a perilous situation, and…

Oh. That’s right.  
The nosk den.

I… I had to see if the nosks were alive or not. For some unsung reason.  
I had to return to that dreaded place. I guess.

…  
No, I didn’t _have_ to go back. I didn’t have to be there at all. After that devastating experience, I should have just… turned around. Scowl to myself about my unfortunate meeting with the awful vessel.  
Run far away from there, and never look back.  
Just like I had done eons ago.

Just like she had told me to.  
 _Why_ was I going against her wishes _again?_ She _told_ me to flee from that place, and she made it very clear to… to not wonder the state of what I’d left behind.   
Why was I blatantly breaking the promise I made to her? _Again?  
_ What did it prove? Nothing, nothing at all… At least nothing of _worth._

I already made the mistake of not listening to her the first time, and…

And…

…

…I still remember the shriek.  
I stood just at the edge of the nosk den. It had been mere minutes after she… after the den elder had told me to run.   
Something felt _wrong._ Something wasn’t sitting right with me at all. Why had her demeanor changed so suddenly? One moment, she was fine, and the next… Desperation in her tone, a _warning,_ a _demand_ for my safety…

She knew what was going to happen. She knew she wasn’t going to live.  
I should have _understood_ that. I should have heeded her warning, I should have _run,_ I was _right there._ If I just hadn’t hesitated, I would have been long gone… I wouldn’t have known; I wouldn’t have _seen_ it.

But I had hatched there. I was raised there, albeit poorly. I suffered, I toiled, I was tormented, but… I couldn’t just _leave._ This was… this was _home.  
_ Foolish. Stupid, moronic, imbecilic… I could have left. I should have.

For then I wouldn’t have heard it.

Screams weren’t unusual in the den. The final shouts of prey, the ear-splitting cries nosks would spill as they fought one another… I hardly flinched when I heard it.  
However… In just a few seconds, I recognized this one. Something clicked in me, and my heart dropped.

Instead of _running,_ as I was told… Instead of doing as I was _supposed_ to…  
… _Gods, if I had done that from the beginning, she wouldn’t be dead. It’s my fault, that was_ my _fault-_

I turned back into the den, and I raced toward the sound of the screams. I tripped over limbs and corpses, but I didn’t care. Only _one_ goal sabotaged my mind, and I… I had to see. I had to know.

I barged past other nosks, twisting and turning down the dim tunnels, and soon enough… I approached a hidden away opening… the way to her cave. To her nest.  
There wasn’t any doubts. That is there the shrieks had arisen from.  
I didn’t want to be sure. I didn’t have to check. I could have convinced myself that she was fine, I could just _leave,_ she _promised she would be okay, I don’t have to check, she’s fine, she’ll be fine-_

…I crawled down into the cave, against all better judgement, and…

I’m not sure what I expected.  
There she was. The den elder. The one who carved Life-Ender for me, told me the stories of knights and kings…

Mangled. Torn to pieces.   
Her wings were ripped from her body, her legs and claws were strewn about the cave, her hemolymph pooled around her… and her eyes…  
Her eyes were no longer in their sockets. _Her eyes were empty…_

I couldn’t move. Something welled up in my throat, but I couldn’t make a sound.  
Alas, even if I could, I was not alone. More nosks were in the room, crowded around the body, spitting and hissing… Continuing their plight in shredding the remains.  
If I ran then, at least I could have grieved properly. My eyes were scarred, of course, but at least… I could leave then. I could have left then. I didn’t have to stay for what _more_ horrors awaited me.

Then…In the crowd, one pair of eyes looked up and made contact with mine.  
I knew those eyes, too, but I couldn’t bring forth the energy to feel disbelief. I only felt fear strike my heart, as I knew there was no escaping now.

My father’s claws were stained. His shell was littered with scars.   
His eyes glittered with some sort of sick satisfaction, and he beckoned me forward. I had no choice but to do as I was told. If I ran _then_ , that would be disobedient of me, and… it would show weakness. If the body in front of me meant anything, it was that weakness… would not be tolerated.

So… In I went, stepping over carnage and gore, forcing my gaze away from the scene below us.

My father spoke of… something. Spoke of how she had been nothing but a burden on the den. Feeble, useless; her fragility would have gotten us killed. Her philosophy was inept and poor, and with her attempts to draw the youth into her ideology, she proved too dangerous for the den.  
For what would a generation of weaklings prove but another batch of burdens?

I could barely hear him. My mind was buzzing, but I focused on repeating the same words to myself, over and over:  
 _“Do not cry. Do not cry. Do not cry.  
If you cry, he will kill you.  
This is your fault.  
Do not cry…”_

…

He was right.

She was wrong.

I… I should not have hesitated in leaving the den, knowing what tragedies followed… but what good would it have be to hesitate now? Or then, rather, standing below the silk that once confined me?

_You don’t need to make sure._

Don’t hesitate. Hesitating is… a show of weakness.

_You know only disappointment awaits you._

If you try, succeed, after all. These two precepts go hand in hand.

_Don’t make the same mistake again._

Worry not.

I will never hesitate again.

Once I gathered my courage, I hastily left that room.  
I had to leave that place, soon, but…  
…First… I had to know.

And I wouldn’t be giving up so easily.

Once you've made a decision, carry it out and don't look back.

You'll achieve much more this way.

_Even if it’s not worth it in the long run._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I did something in chapter 28 that promised something horrible in a future chapter!”  
> Heehoo. Nosk grandma gets sent to the dead realm for her crimes.
> 
> BuT UHM. Yeah! Oops, I spilled more of Zote’s trauma all over the floor. That’s what the vine in the last chapter was teasing. Me. I’m the one crying. The spaghetti is zote’s trauma. Do you understand? Kuzco’s poison
> 
> I, uh,,, honestly, this got,, more painful than originally planned? LIKE I MEAN everything that he details out here was always the plan, but. The. Way I went about describing it. Just uh. Oops.  
> I’m so sorry. Ya’ll i. I am angst incarnate. Ya’ll didn’t come for this,
> 
> Annnyway, _will the next chapter be as painful?_ No, god no, not nearly as painful  
>  _Is there an upcoming chapter that’s painful?_ Yes sir, still probably not as bad as this one though.  
>  _More secrets to be revealed?_ :)  
>  _Do I, the reader, wish to see this angst?_ You’ve made it this far! You chose this path! you knew what was coming when chapter 23 happened!! But uh. Honestly I will not be surprised if anyone dips after this one lmao
> 
> WAIT BEFORE YOU GO do ya’ll think with uhh. With this chapter, that some new tags should be added to the fic? I don’t. I don’t know. I mean. This. Is a doozey. Ughsghm. What do ya’ll think? Please lemme know  
> I get so stupid anxious posting the angsty chapters like this ya’ll have no idea. I am just posting this and running. Don’t eviscerate me too hard I’m begging you


	43. One Foe, One Blow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote continues through Deepnest, but…
> 
> …Drastic times call for drastic measures.  
> Even if we jump through elaborate hoops to deny they ever happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What if we were traveling through deepnest… and we were weak as shit with no way to defend ourselves… But we could morph into a nosk… Haha jk… Unless?
> 
> After Zote’s catastrophic breakdown last chapter, now we have a more lowkey breakdown as he makes some hasty life decisions! Life is hard for the angry little man.

**_One Foe, One Blow_ **

Ah, yes. A wondrous precept! A flawless philosophy that I’ve carried with me for years!

As you know, I loathe the very idea of wasting my time. Or anyone’s time, for that matter! With what little of it we have in our meager lives, it’s pointless to spend it on dilly-dallying or any other such dawdling.  
So, I ask, why spend hours on end fighting one pitiful creature? Why waste your breath, your energy, your effort, your _patience?_ Pah! You _could_ land blow after blow on _one_ enemy, far overexerting yourself for something so miniscule, _or_ you could channel all of your strength into _one_ good slash… _per_ enemy!

Just think of how much simpler that is! Why, I argue it should be common sense. How satisfying it is, too, to watch your opposition fall… one-by-one, blow-by-blow.  
…And if you’re too weak to manage such a task? If you’re _incapable_ of handling yourself in such an efficient fashion?

Well… Find an alternative.  
Or, smarter yet, _never let that happen._

Be strong enough to face anything! Never be caught off guard! And never, I repeat, _never_ foolishly charge into an environment where you are not able to defend yourself.  
…What an _imbecilic_ idea that would be, wouldn’t you agree? _Hah._

Regardless, say the unimaginable occurs, and you are unable to finish your opponent in one fell swoop _…  
_What, will you keel over and die when one good cut does not bring a monster to its grave? No! It would be infuriating, sure, but you can’t just _give up._  
Realize your mistakes, give the beast a _second_ slash, and berate yourself for it later.

And, if for whatever unconventional reason, your foe is not finished after _two_ blows… Perhaps it would be a good time to start thinking about those aforementioned alternatives.

What sort of alternatives, you ask? Uhm…  
…You know what? How’s this:  
I admit now, shamefully, that this was a scenario I found myself in whilst in Deepnest. I know, I know. How unspeakable! You can hardly begin to imagine my _own_ surprise at the realization.  
Granted, Life-Ender was… in a rather pathetic state then. I should have _figured,_ once I exited the small cavern I was held hostage in, that I would be underprepared to deal with the creatures of Deepnest… seeing as though I held no _working weapon…_ And yet-

 _No_ , no! That’s enough “should’ve’s” from me! The past cannot be changed, hence why it should never be dwelled upon! Disregard any previous use of “should have” or “could have!” It’s meaningless to wish for what cannot be helped.  
It’s meaningless to _dream._

Either way, it landed me in quite the predicament. I had no means of sharpening Life-Ender, and with the uncertain surroundings, I wouldn’t want to remain in one spot for too long, anyway. I had to keep my steps light and careful whilst I hyper focused on _any_ suspicious sounds. Should I hear the chattering of jaws, or feel the slightest corrosion of soil beneath my feet… I would stop dead, clutch my blunt nail as tight as possible, and merely _pray_ for safety.  
How miserable it sounds, but what other choices did I have? If I went stomping my way through the tunnels, or sprinting around in the dark, I would only alert the monstrosities that lurked around me. I knew how those creatures worked! I lived amongst them for years! For Wyrm’s sake, I _hunted_ them for years!

All it took were some cautious, slow movements. Never making too much noise, hardly letting a single vibration carry through the dirt. For if a dirtcarver were nesting below me, and I so much as _shifted_ the soil too much… _Snap-snap!_

I hadn’t a single worry about the garpedes, as they were preoccupied with stampeding through their set-tunnels; nor did I fret over running into carver _hatchers_ – which resided far above me – or the various instars of weaverling offspring. Deeplings were easy enough to avoid even if I _was_ on their side of Deepnest.  
I had no need to venture that way, however! Once I came to realize my exact whereabouts… which came to me naturally, as if I’d been there multiple times in the past… Ahem, I knew exactly where to head next!  
_Not_ westward, toward the old Weavers’ Village, is my point.

Rather, I was meant to descend further.  
That’s never pleasant.

On my list of primary concerns resided dirtcarvers, corpse creepers, and… the Beast’s devouts, which… I hadn’t a clue toward how I would get past.  
The Beast was known for her frenzied worshippers, many of which were comparable to nosks in their barbaric nature. We— _Agh,_ nosks would often avoid them, as their bulkier cloaked forms could overpower our – _their –_ ganglier bodies.  
Now, I was _far_ smaller than I once had been. Nosks at _least_ had the potential to frighten away those hulking devouts through size and air-splitting shrieks, but… in this disguise, I have neither.  
…I suppose I _could_ still shriek, but how _undignified_ would that be? Furthermore, I… fail to see how that would be… particularly threatening to them, if I… looked like this.

Not that I am _not_ terrifying! My enemies quiver before me!  
…My physical appearance is _meant_ to look approachable. That’s the whole point! It doesn’t frighten away those that intend no harm, which are little to none anyhow, and it leaves my foes underestimating me! That gives me the element of surprise when I reveal my _true_ strength!

Being underestimated in a situation like _that,_ though… would probably turn sour in no time.

Life-Ender was _still_ broken, too. I’m… I have no claws in this form, at least not nearly as sharp, and it’s… _Difficult_ to utilize venom whilst disguised. That would require I _bite_ the devouts.  
…Which, in case you were unaware, would be nearly impossible. The front end of devouts are heavily plated with impenetrable shells. This plating splits apart to become massive, fast-swiping foreclaws. It would be impressive if I’d manage to get _close_ to those beasts, let alone find an accessible place to _bite_ one.

…Plus, just imagine the scuffle that would unfold… All that noise, all that _movement,_ from myself _and_ the devout… Dirtcarvers would spring up left and right! That would be a disaster through-and-through.

Something _worse,_ I realized, was that… I had to _descend,_ meaning I had to _fall._ I could have tried scaling the walls, I suppose, but with the garpedes shaking the whole place… No, that would not have worked.  
If I were to fall and hit the ground, that’s… That would have been _horrid._ There’s no silent way to land! The mysterious force does not allow such a thing!  
Even if I were to be the epitome of grace, the impact would send vibrations all through the ground either way.  
Cue dirtcarvers. _Not good._

I was at a loss of what to do! It’s not as if I wasn’t courageous enough to face off hundreds of dirtcarvers again, but… Going through the chances of coming out of that alive a _second_ time…  
Sure, they wouldn’t get through my shell, but it’s not as if the experience is _enjoyable!_ It still _pains_ me! What, was I meant to trudge through Deepnest, covered horn to toe in vicious dirtcarvers trying their damnedest to tear me apart?

Because I _could_ have.  
…But we’re not meant to focus on “could’ve’s!” So, it’s pointless.

Even if I did, that left the devouts to worry about. Their… _Their_ claws _might_ be able to get through nosk shells. I wasn’t very willing to test it.  
I’m sure the chittering and hisses of the dirtcarvers would wake them up instantly, anyway.

So, there I stood, as silent as possible and thinking up every potential solution to this conundrum.  
As much as I would have preferred to, I could not stay tactfully clandestine the whole time. A creature sensing or spotting me was inevitable. There was no optimistic way of looking at it.  
And if there _were_ still nosks roaming around… with such a shortage of food…  
The longer I idled there, the more danger I was in.

Life-Ender was… useless. I still kick myself for ever letting it come to harm! What a fool I was! What an utter, disgraceful fool, to let such craftsmanship suffer damages! Smashed to bits, haphazardly held together with fungus, then a _cloth…_ I hardly deserve to carry this nail. I forsake its name just by speaking of it!  
But I couldn’t leave it behind. I would _never._ The moment I leave behind Life-Ender is the moment I lay down my life.

…

There was… _one_ option.  
I had to… Appear more threatening, didn’t I? Gods above, it would have been convenient to have deadly claws…

 _No,_ no, no, _no_! I would _not._ I could _never._

…It would help an _awful_ lot. Dirtcarvers would skitter away, I could slice through a parasite-ridden corpse with ease… and perhaps, even, intimidate the devouts?

 _No,_ _no, you’re not doing this. I won’t do this._

Should I come across live nosks… They wouldn’t recognize me instinctively, would they? They would only see me as one of their own…

 _I fought too long! I’ve fought too_ hard _to do this now!_

I wouldn’t have to necessarily _bite,_ either… I could _spit_ in the faces of my enemies.

_No! No! That’s not what I am anymore!_

…but what else am I meant to do?

I can remember looking down at the scar on my hand… and then cursing under my breath as I let myself morph.

…Into a stronger, better version of myself, of course!  
I banished my fears! I cast aside my doubts! What blasphemy, what preposterous nonsense!...  
As if I would be so feeble! So spineless! So easily wavered! How could I give up on all I’d strived for? As if I would forget all I’d done! All I’d said! All I had believed!  
I was no longer a nosk! I would never be one again! Never, _never, never!_

No. I was a _knight!_ The mightiest knight there ever was! I was _not_ a brutish creature like the rest of the scoundrels that infested the place! I scowled at their animalistic nature! I refused to stoop to that level!  
By some miracle, and through my incredible _strength_ , I braved the rest of those tunnels without another moment of hesitation! I would not tip-toe my way through, either – as if I was just _trembling_ with fear every moment!  
Do I come across as a pitiful hatchling? No!

I slashed through any leaping dirtcarvers, I gave fierce battle cries in the face of devouts; I would not stop for anyone! I wasted no more than a second on each knave that dared cross my path! One foe, one blow, as this precept states! They were fools to cross me! Fools, all of them!

I am Zote the Mighty, a knight of great renown! I am _not a nosk!_

I would never resort to that.

I would never. _Never!_ Do you understand?

It’s not as if there were any witnesses. No one can make a liar of me! No one can say they saw my hemolymph-stained claws, or four spindly legs, or an arched spine covered in spikes! No one but _I_ can speak of how I scuttled through Deepnest, and I promise you, I would rather perish here than ever return to that form!

N-not that… Agh, forget it! Forget the technicalities! I _assure_ you, what have you, confound it all!

I made my merry way through Deepnest without a single problem. Nothing of note happened. They all scurried away, squealing in fear!  
It’s about confidence. Not… Not anything else.

Soon enough, the layout became… too familiar.

There were secret walls the nosks would construct so to hide away their den. They would build up rocks, stone, sometimes half-eaten husks… And pack it all together with soil. It was meant to keep the den secure. Guards would keep watch toward the inner circles of the den, but the outside walls were good enough to prohibit any outsiders from entering.  
They were meant to be safe with those walls. Surely, nothing could tear them down.  
They were sturdy. Stable.

…

I found where the first one used to stand… and was devastated at the sight of rubble.

…Well, nosks brought down the walls all the time. Sometimes… Sometimes they would lure prey toward the den. With more nosks around, hah, they… The prey would have less of a chance to escape.  
They were fine.

Not that I cared.

…Hm… Let’s… Let’s finish up this precept first, shall we? Then I’ll… I’ll detail the state of the den, when I made it inside.  
It wasn’t a pretty sight.

 _Hah,_ as if they den was ever “pretty” by any means…

…You should only use a single blow to defeat an enemy. Any more is a waste. Sometimes, you may have to muster up your courage before this is possible… But you will never be “too weak” to manage. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise!

…Also, by counting your blows as you fight, you'll know how many foes you've defeated.

…

_…Two, three… Eight… Twelve… My claws struck that one twice… Eighteen… Twenty-four…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (never accept a promise)
> 
> Might I add I saw someone mention this fic (at least, I don’t know of many other nosk!zote fics so I’m,,, just assuming a,) elsewhere and I just sat there like I AM LOOKING FEARFULLY.
> 
> AnYway, next chapter might be kinda short, might not, I dunno, it’s a heavier chapter but I don’t. entirely know what to. saY during it so I mean OOP we’ll find out!!!
> 
> But the next colored red chapter… uh… it’s…  
> Yeah. it sure is! Is soon? Perhaps. Is next? No sir. 
> 
> My speech capabilities are falling APART, Squirtle  
> What am I gonna DO with my life when this fic is done? Will I finally snap and write Zote’s Epilogue? Will I get off my ass and continue Weeping Cliffsides? Will I ascend to a greater plane of existence in realizing that I spent more than half a year of my life writing a Zote fanfic?  
> the possibilities are endless!
> 
> Goodnight tri-state area, have a lovely evening  
> p.s. guess who snapped and is making the nosk!zote playlist :) coming soon in a stupid zote chapter near you
> 
>  **edit:** Hey ya'll! I don't know how often (if ever) people check into this, so I dunno if this'll even be seen, but the next chapter might be a bit delayed! I have midterms coming up and they're stressing me out pretty bad. I haven't gotten much work on chapter 44 done at all aaa. hope ya'll understand ;;;;;


	44. Respect Your Superiors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Can’t Believe It’s Not Colored Red! 
> 
> Honestly considering the contents of this one, it probably? Shoulda been colored red? But it’s not in my notes, so, it doesn’t count :(
> 
> ANYway, here’s this chapter! I’ve been thinking about this since day one, baby! Every possible animatic I’ve planned of this fic (all of which I’ll never make due to time and ability both,,,, lacking) include THIS scene specifically, so I’m gonna go hogwild now
> 
> Also sorry for the delay!!! If you didn’t catch the edit on the last chapter, it’s midterms for me this week and I’veeee been havin’ a helluva time… oof.  
> also something last chapter notes was like “might be shorter” and then I just went and wrote one’a the longest chapters so far, smfh

**_Respect Your Superiors_ **

Hoy! Turn away your scrutinizing gaze! I am _not_ speaking of the old nosk superiors in any favorable light! I realize the placement of this precept in conjunction with my story is _most_ unfortunate, but I can assure you: _Never_ would I speak highly of those wretched monsters!

The term “superior” is not solely in reference to those… dastardly things! Simply, it just… that word could be used to describe anyone with more power than you! Or intellect! Or wisdom! It has _nothing_ to do with societal status.  
…Well, it does, but not in the context of my precept!

Agh, you know what? Forget the precept for now! We’ll haphazardly tie it in at the end, as is required by whatever arbitrary rules I’ve so set up for myself.

I can only imagine how you’re dying from suspense, anyhow. I’ve been speaking of this nosk den and my journey back towards it for ages now! Yes, and despite all my grievances about that place… and despite the tainted memories that it carried… Right back I wandered.  
What a mistake that was. What a despicable lapse in judgement.

…What? You expect me to counter my own words, as per usual? _“Not that I ever make mistakes,”_ yadda yadda, there. Are you happy?  
I tire of this pattern! You already know of my strength, intellect, superiority over all, and the like. I shouldn’t have to keep repeating it, so I won’t! In fact, never shall I needlessly repeat myself ever again. It wastes precious time and breath!

… _Any_ way, there I was, faced with the discarded rubble of an old protective wall. One of the walls that used to stand in the entranceway of a tunnel… toward the inner circles of the nosk den.  
I was practically shaking with fe- _ahem,_ anticipation, struggling to halt the quivering of my claws- my… my _hands._ My _fist_ enclosed around Life-Ender in a vice grip. I was prepared to face my old home, to potentially stand off against those terrifying, transforming beasts…  
At least _one_ must still be alive, surely… and once it spotted me, I would be _ready_ to strike it down.

Hastily, I abolished the thought of deeming this place “home.” That’s _not_ what this dreary place was. “Home” carries some form of sentimentality with it. Some sort of… comfort, I guess, or even a sense of identity. None of which could be gained from the den.  
I was not sentimental over it, I certainly wasn’t comforted by it, and it has _nothing_ to do with my identity. Not anymore, not ever.

I went to step into the dim corridor but was faced with the awful remembrance of how damn _narrow_ that tunnel was. Most nosks were transformed when traversing through it, from what I can recall, as otherwise… they’d never fit through the tunnels. Nosks were towering beasts, I tell you!  
So, I… Uhm, well, I’d say this created a predicament for me, but why would it have? In my brilliant and handsome disguise, I was just small enough to stride through without a problem. My horns wouldn’t even graze the top! If I had been in my nosk form, _haha,_ that would have been incredibly embarrassing. As if I would subject myself to such a shameful thing, squeezing through those claustrophobic halls in a hulking, many-limbed form. How moronic would that have been? Hah!...

…Regardless, I hated the familiarity of it. Even the old corpses that littered the place were still strewn about… Likely the exact same ones as when I’d left. Granted, they were hardly recognizable by that point. Some, even, no longer resembled husks.  
They were covered in bite marks, torn to bits; their dried hemolymph staining their bodies and the soil around them. I promptly ignored every instinct that shrieked at me to take advantage of the… egh, the _“food source,”_ seeing as they were decaying and likely infested with parasites.  
… _A-Also,_ that would have been _indecent_ and _disgusting._

Much to my foolish delight, some – of which often were more intact than others – had bled orange. That meant they had been hunted… at least somewhat recently, correct? Sure, the Infection sprung up more than once, the first time being… uh… _ages_ ago, but _still!  
_The mere chance of someone still being alive was enough to keep pushing me forward. Even if I dreaded every second of it.

Nothing good would come of this, no matter what the outcome was. If the nosks were all dead, I’d be left standing there in isolation, unsatisfied and troubled.  
If the nosks were _alive…_ I would immediately suffer the consequences of showing my face in that place again.

Why was I _doing_ this? Was I hoping for the latter? Not the… Not the consequences, but the idea of the nosks being alive? Why did I _care?_ Not a single good nosk had ever existed! Not _one!_ Not even that- that _hag,_ with her childish stories!  
If anything, coming across one still roaming around would be a curse. A bad omen! Instantaneous _death!_

Whatever my reasoning was, I kept moving forward.  
I kept trying to rationalize to myself why I was doing that, why I was _there,_ what _good_ could possibly come of it… but I came up with nothing.  
Neither answer would make me particularly happy. I was wasting my _time._ This was all for naught!  
_“Why am I here? I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t have come back. They’ll kill me, they’ll all kill me, my husk will fall upon the pile of corpses they’ve likely gathered in my absence. They’ll decorate the den with my limbs, as they had threatened. Even if there’s only one left, I’m doomed the second I rear my head. Why am I here?_ Why _am I_ here _? Turn back. Get out. Get out!”_

Yet I didn’t. As if it were some _pull,_ dragging me forward. Dragging me back to where I’d started.  
Bringing me home again.

I didn’t even notice the next broken wall. I breezed right past it, only realizing afterward that it was missing. Which… Which wasn’t a great sign, but… still! I-If there’s only one nosk left, they… They must not have had the time to rebuild all the walls. They’ll get to it later.  
Or- Or they’ve given up on it entirely! With the scarcity of prey, they’ll… They’d take what they can get! Why bother putting up those rocky walls? Any intruder would be a perfect meal, after all.  
And a fool, for stumbling into a nest of starving beasts known for their lack of mercy.

I continued onward, growing unnerved by the ever-deafening silence. No longer could I hear the rumbling of the garpedes… Nor the scampering of dirtcarvers or weaverlings. Dead quiet. The only sound was that of my footsteps, and I was fighting to keep those as inaudible as possible.  
Every little sound seemed _too loud._ Too _much._ I strained to hear anything at all, _hoping_ for the speedy skittering of a long-legged nosk… but there was no such luck.

The further in I trekked, the less light there was, too. Throughout Deepnest, there’s this oddly luminescent plantlife; often scattered around in obscure locations. It doesn’t do much to brighten the place, but at least it was _something._ In those winding caves, however… Not a single glow. My eyes naturally adjusted, all too used to that sort of darkness, but…  
…I found myself missing the comfort of lumafly wings. Bothersome as they may be, at least their fluttering proved that life still existed.  
The air was too stagnant. Too still, too quiet, too dark. All of these qualities would have been wonderful if applied anywhere else! Tranquil, even! But there?...  
I hated it. I wanted to leave as soon as possible. I wanted _out._

More broken walls. There was even one that used to be propped up with shellwood, and the sight of it destroyed admittedly shocked me. That wall was sturdier than the others. One wasn’t meant to enter the den through that way… it was a shortcut out. Almost like an emergency exit.  
Given that it was down, I ultimately took advantage of the shorter route, but that didn’t ease my discomfort.  
…Perhaps they all had to evacuate? No, no, that’s imbecilic. Where would they even go to? Infection is inescapable. You cannot _run_ from it, as far as I’m aware. You just have to be strong enough to withstand it!  
I scoured my mind for any sort of reasoning, but alas, I hadn’t a clue. Why was I trying to _reassure myself?_ I didn’t care! I didn’t _care._ If they were all dead, good riddance! _I shouldn’t be here._

Gods, my mind is all run amuck. Cluttered, disorganized… _Pah,_ what nonsense…

I made it to the entry tunnel. I remember pausing, staring directly at the final stretch. I just had to _move forward,_ yet I was hesitant, if you can believe it! I idled there practically petrified, fidgeting and shifting my weight as if I were _afraid.  
Cowardly hatchling,_ I thought to myself, condescendingly; _face an inevitably empty chamber with pride and grace. Why shy away? Seek truth in darkness, you idiotic fool. Go on, then. You don’t have anything better to do._

I forced my legs to move. It was _frigid._ I could feel myself _shivering._ I cursed and berated myself repeatedly, chastising what reluctance I dared to show and pushed myself to keep going. I was _right there,_ right on the precipice of something grand, yet again. Nothing was here to _stop_ me this time!

Yes. _Yes!_ That’s what I needed to keep telling myself! This is a victory. Making it this far is an accomplishment! Something you can rightfully boast about later on, something you can wear with dignity and shamelessness! And if you’re _right,_ and the nosks are still alive – well, how fantastic! Given I made it out of there alive, I could march right back to that decrepit bug on the surface and chew him out for spreading his _lies._

Even if, under any normal circumstances, I would have been ambushed and killed the moment I got into the outer rings of the den.  
I knew they weren’t alive. I knew it already.

Something slammed shut behind me, causing me to just about hop a foot in the air. The first sound I’d heard in a _while_ was a swift _shing._ That’s never promising!  
I knew what it was without even looking back, though. Any other bug would have panicked, whipping around to face their attacker, drawing their nail and prepping for battle… but I had no need.  
I was never certain what those solid web-like structures were that the nosks had constructed, but I was all too familiar with them. The closer one got to the den, the more likely those… _sheets_ were to fall into place behind them, enclosing them inside. The only thing that could slice them was the claws of a nosk, as they were otherwise a material that rivaled the strength of _steel._

I took a deep breath and kept going, choosing to ignore how more and more of those sheets fell shut at my tail, or sprung up from the ground. I _knew_ with each one how close I was to the den, and it built up my anticipation ever more.

_Shing… shing… shing… shing._

And there it was.

I took one step into the large opening of the den, and my heart plummeted.  
It was empty.

Various corpses of bugs and vessels were hung by blackened silk from the stalactites. The stench of death filled the room, nearly causing me to gag. What’s worse, the smell was _recent.  
_Something had just died in there.  
Two clashing sides of my mind fought over what that meant, torn between _“a nosk has died in here”_ or _“a nosk has just killed its prey in here.”_

I’d get my answer soon enough, but… My gaze was transfixed on the state of the place.  
In the distance, I could see the open tunnels that used to lead toward various nosk homes. Most were collapsed, caved in… or absolutely covered in hemolymph. Ancient fossils and shells, once also nosk homes, akin to the ones carved in Dirtmouth, were also barren. Once I dared to look down at the ground below me, I realized what I should have known ages ago:  
They’re all dead.

Nosk bodies were _everywhere._ Some were clearly ripped to pieces, spending their final moments fighting for survival… likely against other hungry nosks… While others were obviously starved, their bodies frail and pathetic.  
Each and every body had bites taken from them, however… I can only assume that many resorted to cannibalism with their limited options…

It was a sickening display. Even for a species I loathed to be a part of, I found myself devastated by the sight of the den, outright _panicking_ once I noticed that I was standing _in_ the corpse of a nosk.  
All I could think of was how it had once been full of life. Sure, it was monstrous life. Atrocious, abominable creatures, all of them; tearing into flesh with their mandibles, hissing, clawing, biting at anything that moved, including their own kin…  
But they were _alive._ The den was always moving, there was always sound. The scuttling of legs, the snarls of angered nosks, the orders barked by the superiors…

…yet there was nothing. Just _silence._

I stepped all the way into the den, reeling as reality sunk in and I came to terms with the magnitude of the situation… when something caught my eye.  
On a somewhat raised platform – which, as I recall, was once used for the superiors as a pedestal of sorts – I found, uhm… well… it was a body, obviously. That of a nosk. Clearly and undoubtably killed.

But… it was still warm. Their venom was still faintly glowing, if orange instead of purple…  
…Which, to my dismay, proved they _were_ susceptible to Infection…  
…That hadn’t been what killed them, however. Their husk was gashed and slashed through. They were deeply and heavily wounded, their hemolymph spilling out over the stone and congealing with their leaking venom. Something _slaughtered_ this nosk, and _recently._

For just a moment – the tiniest, most insignificant second of time – I let myself believe another nosk had done this. Seeing as it hadn’t happened long before my arrival, that meant that the other, potential nosk was still alive somewhere, did it not?  
And… nearby? Thus insinuating that I should be _escaping_ as quickly as possible, before I am spotted?

That “hope” was crushed almost instantly, only to be replaced with a mortified shock.  
And _anger._

In scanning the body, I noticed the disguise it had most recently taken before death. The head had been severed clean off, so for that moment, all I saw was a blue cloak draped over the neck of the nosk.  
_Perhaps this was the nosk that had disguised itself as me in Greenpath? Was it attacked on its way back to the den, thus left to bleed out here?  
_Then I lifted my gaze and made eye contact with a mask.

_No._

It wasn’t possible. No way in hell.

Yet there I stared, and it stared back at me.

The vessel’s mask, battered and cracked.  
Surely, this was some other vessel it had been mimicking. Not the one I had multiple run-ins with thus far. _Or_ this mask had simply fallen off one of the vessels that had been preyed upon.

…No.

You won’t believe this. I can tell, with how incredulous you look.  
It was _their_ mask.  
The horns were perfectly symmetrical, and curved the very same.

That murderous, heinous, monstrous, dratted, despicable, _sordid, detestable, loathsome, diabolical, horrid, awful little vessel.  
_There was no question about it. And the _nerve_ of that fien- that _coward!_ To pass me by so nonchalantly, to trail after me, to _stalk_ me in the shadows; just to turn around and eradicate the last of my kind!

Oh, they _had_ to know. Someway, somehow, that cur knows exactly what I am, and they thought that this would be some way to wound me!  
I grew positively _enraged_ at the thought of it. Surely, you can’t blame me? I had just discovered their disturbed plan! Some personal vendetta against _me_ had led them to _this!_ I was sure they were laughing to themselves, watching from afar, hoping to see me sob and wail like some lost hatchling!

Oh, I tell you, the truest fury coursed through me! Life-Ender just about snapped in my grip! Paired with my newfound hysteria when faced with the truth about the nosks… _Hah!_ Haha! What a disaster that was! My nerves were _fried,_ and I was already plotting a complex and frightening revenge!  
… _After_ I found a way to blow off steam. How indecent would it be, to go tracking them down, blinded by rage? Seeing only red, and abandoning all methods of tact and strategy?

Seeing as this nosk had died upon the pedestal, I was only left to speculate what their role must’ve been before their demise. The final nosk deeming themselves a superior and fighting diligently for their den… Refusing to go down without a deadly battle, even whilst Infection conquered their mind. Despite everything, their loyalty remained true to their _home._  
They fought amongst their brethren’s corpses, and… _agh,_ whilst I would never praise a nosk in any other situation, _this_ one has earned my respect. As degrading as this is to say.

…They likely would have considered me nothing but a filthy traitor, anyhow. I doubt they would have sought out my approval.

With a final farewell to the den and to those whose bodies now would rot there for eternity, I turned around and left it behind me for the last time. Nothing but a boiling hatred sabotaging my rational mind, whatever was left of that to begin with.

…I _probably_ should have morphed back to normal first, but… uh-  
A- _Ahem!_ I was never morphed to begin with! I was nothing but _me_ for the entire endeavor! Any claims otherwise are slander! _Yadda yadda…_

Pah. I’m sure if that were true, my presence in that den would have only been a _worse_ disgrace.

Hmph.

If someone is your superior – not necessarily in societal standards, but in strength or intellect or both – you need to show them your respect. Don't ignore them or laugh at them.

It would help to recognize when someone is superior to you, too. So not to make an utter fool of yourself.

_…_

_How hastily I moved along… Such a clean switch from one troubling thing to another. Is that just what I’m used to?  
Shambles. It’s all in shambles. It’s always been in shambles._

_Blast it all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> True fear was one of my irl friends messaging me “I found your zote fic”  
> like. If you find my zote fic and you know me irl, no you don’t :,)
> 
> said friend of mine also made a zote figure out of clay and I love it dearly, he now watches over me from my dresser and I want to punch him in the face. Angery little man
> 
> ANYway uhh this chapter, amiright? Crab dance….. all the nosks are dead  
> also a further revelation on why zote cannot stand ghost in any way, shape or form!! I’d be kinda peeved if some random person killed off the last of my species, too
> 
> Thanks for comin’, I hope you guys like pain because. It’s….. ahahha, yeah, I’mmmmmmmmm panicking? I been having a bad week. This was a lot of projecting, here. It’s probably not a good thing that zote has become a vessel (haHAHAHAHA) for my anger and sadness but here he is! And here he was. And there he goes  
> Speaking of projecting,,,,,,,,,, [edgy nosk!zote playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLUlTcTuPjGcOBY6r9yAFYmjEBlPraNZ-f), anyone?
> 
> Please don’t bully me, goodnight, have a wonderful evening, I am running


	45. Never Be Afraid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leaving the desolate nosk den behind, Zote mulls over what his next plan of action is whilst he eliminates all life in Deepnest.
> 
> Also, did you guys miss the existential crises? Because they’re back, and in full force.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey remember the last time zote was stressed/angry/feeling hopeless? Uhh he might’ve yknow uhhhh taken out his frustration on all of Greenpath or something?
> 
> Wanna see him do it again?
> 
> (Alsooo, posting this without having much of a chance to check it over! If there’s clunky wording/some typos somewhere, let me know aaaa!!!)

**_Never Be Afraid_ **

_Hah!_ Hahaha!

Forgive me, every time I speak of this precept, it only makes me laugh! As if _I_ would ever be afraid of _anything._ What a blasphemous notion! Such absurdity will not be tolerated!

I must admit, though, speaking of such an outlandish thing does brighten my spirits. That was a much-needed laugh, after the… horrid disaster I’ve detailed thus far.  
Egh! Gods, how have I been acting for the past hour or so? Wallowing about in self-pity and egregious memories that shouldn’t be dwelled on… How disgraceful! This- This isn’t like me at _all,_ I’ll have you know! I’m not usually- I don’t-

I’m never this _weak,_ I promise it.  
Not that you should be accepting promises!... Just- _Agh,_ just _trust_ me, alright?

…  
Why would anyone trust me?  
I haven’t exactly made myself out to be the most trustworthy person, have I? I fail to follow my own moral code, for Wyrm’s sake! “Speak Only The Truth,” I tell myself, yet _look at me!_ If my precepts are what one needs to follow in order to be a successful knight, _well,_ then I hardly deserve such a prestigious title!   
Not too long ago, I wholeheartedly advocated _against_ one of my precepts, did I not? “Seek Truth in the Darkness?” Sure, one could argue that I _did_ do that very thing once I gave in and returned to Deepnest, but what’s worse – that means I’m going against “Abandon the Nest!”  
  
“Don’t Hesitate,” I say, yet I’m left questioning every action I plan to take!

“If You Try, Succeed,” I say, yet I _fail,_ again and again, due to my own incompetence!

“Spend Geo When You Have It,” I say, yet, to _this day,_ I am clutching onto the geo that the grubs’ father had given me!

Hell, “Obey All Precepts?” “Forget Your Past?” This very precept, “Never Be Afraid?”

_Hah!_

What a sorry excuse for a knight I am.

I must have come to a similar conclusion whilst I fled the nosk den for a second time.  
All rational thinking was long gone, if I had any to begin with. The fact that I had a disguise to return to must have slipped my mind entirely, as I retained a nosk appearance all throughout my escape from Deepnest.   
I mean- I- I would never- _What’s the point? No one’s listening._

Contrasting and conflicting emotions drowned out any form of logic or reasoning, having me in a similar state of mind as I had once been in Greenpath… Where I chose to release my anger on the creatures around me, mercilessly tearing each and every one of them apart.  
I wasn’t so dense as to attack the devouts, as that very well could have been the death of me, but… When I left, I let myself believe I had successfully wiped out the entirety of the dirtcarver population.  
Scratch that, I let myself believe that one survived, somewhere. Far away from Deepnest. Later to return on a whim, only to find their species eradicated.  
I’m not bitter! Silence yourself!

I must clarify, I do not look upon these actions of mine as _good._ In fact, _Gods,_ it _pains_ me to admit any of this! I loathe any connection to nosks for their brutish, animalistic nature… and _yet…  
_ Hypocritical! That’s what this all is! Shamefully and dishonorably hypocritical! Instead of thinking anything through, like a bug with _intelligence,_ I went on a rampage.   
How _perfect._ Yes, I never do anything wrong! All glory to me. See how I’m clearly someone you should aspire to be? Fantastic, marvelous, wonderful.

Eventually, after the most deplorable display of unnecessary carnage, I managed to shake myself out of it. I muttered endless curses for my childishness, doing my utmost best to wipe away the hemolymph on my claws, and set a course for…  
…Anywhere but Deepnest.

If I stayed there any longer, I feared that I might _actually_ lose my sanity.

So, I steadied myself, took a few deep breaths, and evaluated my surroundings.   
Judging by my environment, I wasn’t too far from the exit. All I had to do was ascend, back toward whence I came. The gate by the mantis tribe may have opened by then, but… Well, one, it was pointless to check, and two, I wasn’t keen on running into a ferocious tribe of deadly warriors after my most recent upsetting experience. A closer escape, of course, but not one worth risking.

After some time idling in mournful silence, I finally forced myself to move.   
“Mournful.” Hmph. There was nothing to mourn over, I felt nothing of grief! At least, not regarding the nosks. The one thing that stirred in my brain the most was the foul act of that _knave,_ the _vessel.  
_ The very thought of them reignited my fury, leading to the unfortunate slaughter of another dirtcarver.   
What _insolence!_ The nerve of that coward, to target some place they’d deem sentimental to me, but not face me themselves! What, were they too scared to face me head-on? They could steal my prey with ease, but could they win a fair fight? Had they _any_ sense of honor?

Perhaps I’m asking too much of a known thief.

Either way, my increased contempt for them was one of my primary motivating factors. Petty, I know, but I had little else to work towards! I would gladly take whatever little satisfaction I could when besting that fool in combat! That would give me _something_ to feel happy about!  
Alas, as I’m sure to detail to you soon… When the time came to bring down justice upon them, I… Uh…

… _No._ No, I didn’t fail. I refuse that.   
We’ll… We’ll get to that, later. It was a supreme victory for _me._ Trust… _Trust_ me.

I hadn’t the faintest idea where they could be, however, once I began plotting my revenge. Hallownest was – _is_ – a massive kingdom! That tiny bug could have been anywhere!  
They could’ve still been trailing me, seeing as they had a tendency to stalk me, but I couldn’t find any evidence of that. Once or twice, I called out as a test, demanding that they put their cowardice aside and _face_ me one-on-one.  
Never did I receive an answer.  
Nor did I catch any glimpses of white, or the sound of their footsteps.

It’d leave me huffing and puffing in disappointment, but then again, on the off chance that they _weren’t_ aware of my species…   
It would be _rather_ upsetting if they caught me, presently a nosk, stomping around and shouting. Even if I managed to block their view of my disguise, they’d be able to recognize my voice. That would not be ideal.

If they weren’t following me, that meant they were… literally anywhere else. I wouldn’t be able to find them by just fruitlessly searching around the entire kingdom, poking and prodding through every pile of rubble! What a waste of time!  
Once I hoisted myself out of Deepnest, experiencing an aggressive amount of déjà vu as I fell in front of the mossy chapel again, I took a moment to pause and sort out my options. Something I hadn’t done in a while, given the state I left Deepnest in.

On one hand, I could spend the rest of my life wandering the ruined kingdom, tracking down a vessel – who may very well already be dead somewhere, if luck was on my side – so to enact my picayune revenge.   
On another hand, I could do my best to put it all behind me and focus on _any other thing._ Perhaps explore the rest of the kingdom, sure to keep an eye out for the little menace as I went along. Maybe I could return to Dirtmouth and allow myself to _settle_ somewhere.

I argued with myself for a good few minutes, weighing each alternative whilst the gleeful cries of the moss prophet…  
…Were nonexistent?  
I remember blinking out of my thoughts the moment I realized. My attention turned to the chapel, and I strained to hear the grating sounds of their chanting. When I was faced with silence, I was utterly baffled! Every other time I had passed this place, the priest’s incessant hymn would _echo_ throughout that segment of the Fungal Wastes. I had grown so accustomed to hearing their voice in that area… and suddenly, it was gone.

With a quick glance around, I cautiously stepped into the chapel, squinting my eyes as I was faced with a bright barrage of orange shines.  
And, of course, as I cannot go five feet without witnessing another travesty…

The mosskin of that odd church… had perished. Every last one.  
Infection pulsed on the prophet’s body in those same bulbous masses, but… It had spread, _grown._ Infected vines, akin to veins, conquered the mossy floors, drawing my eyes toward the vagabonds reduced to nothing but shrubbery.

It was so _quiet._ The only sound I could hear was that of the Infection itself. Its pulses were… like a heartbeat. Muffled, murmuring and subtle, but there was no mistaking it. As if… As if the prophet _were_ still alive, but just barely… Only clinging to what “life” the affliction gave to it.

It mortified me. I doubt you can blame me.

Slowly, I backed away from the mosskin’s final resting place, reeling at the sights I was forced to see. How _much_ of this kingdom is dead now? What will be left when the Infection is destroyed? _If_ it will be destroyed?  
Are we all meant to die in this place, regardless of how much we fight against it? The city, the nosk den, now the moss chapel… Even the small town in the Crossroads. The one I once swore to protect.

It… It didn’t leave me with optimism, that’s for sure.

In any case, I had seen… far too much death for one day. I was used to the sight of corpses before, seeing as that was commonly _food_ for us, but…  
… “Us.” _Hm._

I quickly turned around and fled, leaving that former place of worship far behind me. I was once again faced with great expanses of acid, the familiar bubbling of which I grimaced at, but I could cross them with ease; seeing as I was… not in my disguise…  
…  
It was then that I realized this very pertinent fact.

A wave of horror _crashed_ on me, as if I only _then_ noticed that my form had shifted. As if I hadn’t done it consciously not long before that. Once I reached a safe space, I wasted no time changing back, doing whatever I could to slow the racing of my heart. I knew very well that I had _chose_ to do that, but for some reason… it still terrified me to face the reality of it.

Comfortable in my disguise once more, I let out a long sigh of relief, clutching Life-Ender close to my chest as I let the panic simmer down.

…  
Panic, yes, that is the term I used. Spit it out, then, if you’ve got something to say!   
No? As I thought.

…Speaking of Life-Ender, my gaze was drawn toward the pathetic end to it, and I was left to grow frustrated with myself again.  
Even if I did get around to re-sharpening Life-Ender, which, I’ll have you know, I _did,_ what have I done to gain the right to wield its magnificent blade? After all, _she_ aided in its construction, and Wyrm knows I’ve trampled all over the promise I made to her… Along with the one I made to myself.  
A nail is a _knight’s_ weapon, not that of a monster.

It was an insult to my nail to carry it with such pride! I hadn’t earned it. I didn’t _deserve_ such luxury!

In my disgust with myself, I tossed Life-Ender to the ground, turned my back to my faithful weapon, and began marching away from it.

…It took approximately a minute before I whipped back around and tripped over myself as I ran back for it. I scrambled to pick it up, checking it over for any further damages, and repeatedly apologized for my idiocy.  
I then swore a great oath. One where I _refused_ to leave Life-Ender behind, _ever,_ for _any_ reason. Even if I was not worthy of it then, I could prove myself. I could _become_ worthy.

After all, it’s all I have left. It’s all I can trust.

How, then, did I plan to prove my worth? Aside from the obvious, which was swearing to use Life-Ender to deal the killing blow on the heinous vessel?

I racked my brain for ideas. Whatever I chose would be my next goal. Besides, how was I meant to get revenge when I was yet to validate my title as Life-Ender’s wielder? How scandalous it would be! Imagine! Using a nail you have yet to fully attune to as your weapon of vengeance!   
How _dishonorable._ This is a sacred matter! It is not to be messed around with, I tell you!

Then, a memory resurfaced.

Once, long, long ago, back when the City of Tears was bustling with life… I had overheard a passing conversation.  
This was not unusual, as eavesdropping was one of my few methods of entertainment, but this… This was _important.  
_ I hadn’t known it at the time, but I knew _later._ The knowledge I gained here would be crucial! Not only in my journey to prove myself, but… in other matters, too!

The bugs spoke of a colosseum.

Somewhere insects would gather for a chance at riches, recognition, and glory.

A chance for rightfully earned _triumph._

… _Oh,_ yes, that…  
…was _exactly_ what I needed.

And so, without a moment’s more of hesitation, I made my way back toward the City. For a third time.

I felt not a trace of anxiety or fear. All I felt was determination.  
I _would_ prove myself, I _would_ get my revenge…

…And, genuinely, it just sounded like a nice distraction… from the devastating events of recent.

Fear can only hold you back. Facing your fears can be a tremendous effort.

Therefore, you should just not be afraid in the first place.

As… Hm.  
 _…Haha!_

_As if I would ever be afraid of anything._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was thinking of Zote finding out about the colosseum from a sign or something but then I remembered he can’t read
> 
> Instead, you’re just gonna have to trust me when I say he overheard a conversation about it at some point okay please I beg of you don’t hurt me I’m just a humble zotefic writer I---
> 
> OKAY next chapter is a goof chapter! We haven’t had one’a those in a long time! I’m sure we could all use a break from this angst for a while! Yeah :)!  
> I SAY this but watch my angsty ass ruin everything once I start writing the chapter
> 
> Anyway goodnight I love you
> 
> Wait actually p.s. I realized this RIGHT before I published the chapter  
> You know that scene in lilo and stitch? Where lilo tosses her doll, walks away, before immediately running back and picking it up again? [THIS one](https://youtu.be/oZH0GfgHe4U?t=31)  
> yeah. zote and life-ender, colorized


	46. Keep Your Cloak Dry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote returns to the City of Tears once again, properly traveling through it as he seeks out the colosseum.  
> …He may or may not also get over his fear of water, due to his intense need for revenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me struggling for a week trying to figure out how the absolute fuck zote got to kingdom’s edge
> 
> Like. Uh…. Mans has no tram pass, so tram isn’t an option  
> He’s wouldn’t find the secret entrance through the abandoned stag station (on his own) because 1) he’s afraid of water and 2) even if he wasn’t I’m not sure what would compel him to jump in and swim through,,  
> There’s the way through the old elevator shaft but I’m pretty sure you have to break the wall there first? Which I guess Ghost COULD have done but that would mean they had likely been to the colosseum already, so… zote gotta be there first  
> And I KNOW there’s a way through the Royal Waterways, but 1) no way in hell zote would do that 2) I have. Little memory on how exactly to get there, and 3) it’s in isma’s grove. Zote’s relationship with acid isn’t that positive alrEADY, the last thing he needs is another accident
> 
> So, uh, I brainstormed for a while and came up with an idea that,,, works? I suppose?? I could have just gone “uh well jokes on you guys there’s aNOther secret passage to Kingdom’s edge somewhere!” but nah,,,, I’m jus,, doing my best here aaa :(
> 
> Anyway this wasn’t supposed to be the longest chapter but. Hey! Makes up for how late it is, hopefully eheheh

**_Keep Your Cloak Dry_ **

What _were_ those odd contraptions called?  
Not… No, uh… Oh, by the Wyrm, what was the blasted name of those things? It’ll come to me, I swear it.

What exactly am I on about now? Well, I wish I could tell you _by name,_ but those weird… you know! Insects all over the City used to carry them around, holding them high above their heads. They had these long, curved handles to hold onto, and a sprawled-out fan-like shape at the top. It would shield them of the unrelenting rain! Protect them from the harshest of downpours!   
Granted, whatever cloak they wore would still drag behind them in the horrible puddles, but _most_ of their carapace would be safe of water!

What was that damned thing _called?_ They had such a strange moniker; one I’ll never understand. “Geo” makes some form of sense for the currency, I suppose, but… _Oh,_ for the love of-   
I’ll remember it in time! Just… Let’s move on! It’s not crucial to the story at all. It’s just something I often found myself wishing for during this time.

Whilst in the Fungal Wastes, I wasted not a second on checking the main gate to the City again. I highly doubted that the massive door had been lifted, and I wasn’t entirely keen on potentially further damaging Life-Ender.  
 _Not_ that I’d be moronic enough to try hitting the door again! What kind of fool do you take me for?

Moreover, I didn’t…I didn’t exactly _want_ to be faced with that silence again. That _emptiness,_ that _vacancy._ It was unnerving enough the first time.

Honestly, returning to the City at all felt like I would be trespassing on sacred land. Committing an act of sacrilege just by walking the streets. To curse at the rain was to berate the souls that had lived their entire lives there in contentment, unbothered by such trivial things.  
…So many bugs had met their fate in that place. Infection, starvation, _drowning…_   
It was more an elaborate tomb than a city, I would argue. Whatever greatness the former King had intended for that city to garner had fallen ages ago… if it ever existed in the first place.

Disregarding what respect I might have had for the city’s dead – whom, I’d like to clarify, I was not _mourning,_ as one should never mourn the dead – I had little choice but to return there. I hadn’t a clue how to find the colosseum, but seeing as I had heard of it whilst in the city, eons ago, I had hoped to find a hint toward where to locate it there.

If luck was on my side, which we’re well aware that it never is, perhaps it’d even be _in_ the City! Oh, better yet, since we’re feeling optimistic, what if it was in _walking distance_ from whatever clue I found? Actually, let’s imagine a perfect world, where it was the _very_ first thing I saw once I went shuttling down that enormous elevator again.  
Let’s convince ourselves that I wouldn’t be face-to-face with bodies of _water_! Rain? _Bah,_ fine! I’m no weakling, I can persevere through _droplets!_ But… say I were to _unfortunately_ fall into the city’s sewer system again, that would be _very upsetting._

It’s not as if I wouldn’t be able to handle it. And I mean that genuinely! Even without a crowd to call for help, or a guard to dive in after me, I would manage just _fine._ After all, when put in a perilous situation, you don’t have much of a choice, do you?  
What, will you just fall limp, and allow yourself to descend into death’s cold embrace? No! You fight for your survival! You struggle, you thrash about, you desperately flail toward whatever you can grab to haul yourself out with!

Whether you want to or _not,_ is my point. Instinct demands you _live._ It disregards whatever you might have wanted from the situation! You are meant to stay _alive,_ and instinct makes sure of it.

...This isn’t any form of foreshadowing, by the way. No, I never suffered through the _awful_ taste of that swill more than once.   
Where was I going with this? Truthfully, I’m not entirely certain.   
I thought we were past these ludicrous side tangents, but apparently not.

 _Any_ way, seeing as we do not live in a perfect fantasy world, the colosseum was not the first thing my eyes were laid upon the moment the rackety old elevator came to a shaky stop.  
In fact, the colosseum isn’t even _in_ the City! What nonsense! I tell you, once I found this out for myself, I was positively livid! I traveled all that way, and for what? A dead end? A soggy cloak, something this precept feverishly condemns? As I am _incapable_ of following my moral code for _any_ reason?

At any rate, I’m getting far too ahead of myself. I didn’t realize that the colosseum wasn’t in the City until I found the confounded place, which… happened on near accident, but I choose to see it as destiny! A cruel, wicked and deceptive destiny, but destiny nonetheless!  
After all, it’s not as if I did not _struggle_ to get there! In fact, I had to face head-on something I had been completely avoiding for… _ever!_

And I know what you must be thinking.  
 _“Really, now? Zote the Mighty, a knight of_ great _renown, actively avoiding something? Why, it must be something absolutely petrifying! Sickening! Outrageously daunting, a task he could surely never achieve! An obstacle uncrossable! Oh, woe is he!”_

Any other occasion, and – with this specific topic – you would be _wholly correct.  
_ But the truth is this: I’ve mentioned this very thing to you before! It’s no secret that I hold a great disdain for this… this abomination of nature. I loathe the very existence of it, and when faced with a great expanse of it, I tend to turn the _opposite direction!_

In fact, I’ve mentioned this to you… What, five minutes ago? Three? Less?

Well, I brought up what _caused_ this irrational appalment.   
The city’s atrocious gutters, their _sewer system…_

_Water._

Or, liquid in general.

Yes. I know, it’s hard to believe. Why did I admit this? I haven’t the faintest.   
Yet here I am, still rambling on; broadcasting my fears for any poor sod to overhear, because my intelligence is unmatched.

But alas, I, Zote the Mighty, have such a great aversion to water that I… would _rather not under any circumstance be submerged in the vile liquid thank you._ Perhaps calling it a “fear” is incorrect, as I’m never afraid of anything. This has been established by the previous precept!  
My negative experiences with it have just left me… _incredibly offended by its very presence._ How’s that? I’d say that sounds a lot nicer than if I were to say, for example, “water terrifies me greatly as I am a pitiful and weak hatchling that cannot swim.”

Regardless, I’m sure you are bewildered to learn just _how_ much of an impression that event had left on me. After all, how incredulous! That I would be so shaken after my precarious near-death experience! To the point where I, a fearless and courageous knight, would much prefer to turn and abscond when faced with a body of water. Ludicrous, unfathomable!  
I’m sure you’re also wondering how and why this is relevant, and I’m _getting_ to it! Be patient!

…No, no, it wasn’t the rain! As stated, I’m not so traumatized as to scurry away from mere drops of the cursed stuff. As far as I’m aware, no insect has drowned in _rain._

Plus, how unfortunate would that be? Considering that the City is in a constant state of pouring. What a nightmare!

Now, back to where I’d been.  
I won’t dilly-dally too long on the intricacies of my re-exploration of the City, as I already spoke great lengths on the status of that sorrowful place, but I’ll give a quick summary.  
It looked the same as when I’d left it. Dreary, unsettling – swarmed with Infected guards and citizens, all meandering about in their endless marches. Wanting to save my strength for the colosseum, I chose to avoid any confrontation with the guards. Life-Ender was still broken, too.   
I _really_ needed to get around to fixing it, but, as you may have noticed, I hadn’t the time for such a thing! Not _yet_ , anyway.

I followed the same path as I had the last time I had been there. Dropping down, back toward that forsaken hall of windows… I wasn’t about to enter it again, however; carrying the fresh, disgraceful memory of the accursed vessel in the back of my mind.  
Instead, I went in the opposite direction, skillfully and hastily dodging great spears shot at me by the flying husks. Since I had expected them this time around, I did far better than last time! My movements were calculated and meaningful! I was no longer stumbling around, blindly and panicky.  
I managed to make it inside a building, taking cover there as I listened to the buzzing wings of the guards’ drift away. It didn’t take long for me to realize that I _recognized_ that place.

Regaining my composure after a tactful escape, I made my way down a short hall and hopped down again, only to get slapped in the face with déjà vu.   
You won’t believe this, but I was in the entry building to the city! I would never forget those tall windows, the hanging tapestries, and the blinding lumafly lanterns that _still_ hung around every corner. I continued to make my way downward, landing on a ledge above some abandoned carts.

…This may sound… odd, but the entire experience left me _aching,_ somehow. Not a physical ache, but… a sort of turmoil sparked in me. Perhaps it was just the unnerving silence again.  
The last time I was in that place, it was bustling with insects. Guards standing at attention, families passing through with their young ones, nobles greeting one another…   
Now, the cloth that once decorated the hall was torn and ripped, the windows were smashed, and corpses… Well, corpses littered the place, as with any other part of Hallownest.  
The only sound was that of the pitter-pattering rain, and the shrill cry of a belfly in the distance. A cry that echoed down the otherwise still entry hall, only amplifying how… _empty_ it was.

Nothing moved. Neither did I, for a while.  
But I pushed myself forward, trying to the best of my ability to ignore how much the desolation bothered me.

I tell you, seeing the City as it was when I returned there the first time was bad enough. Seeing it falling apart, witnessing the mindless nature of the citizens, standing dreadfully alone in the middle of a once-busy street… Awful.  
This, however? Somehow much worse. I theorize it has to do with the fact I once… lived in that building, for a period of time. A second home, maybe?  
Eugh. That, again, suggests some sort of sentimental value. Which I clearly do not hold for that place. Obviously.

I walked past countless bodies, many of which appeared to have met their dooms fairly recently. Some were even still bleeding that stained orange hemolymph. Had the Infected insects started mauling one another? I always thought the affliction worked as some type of hivemind, but perhaps it didn’t, if the bugs under its control were attacking others of their… “kind.”  
Unless, and this is another case of wishful thinking, but perhaps the Infection was trying to off itself? If the Infected husks _were_ to start tearing one another apart, rather than focus purely on unafflicted bugs, that… _could_ that mean that the Infection was ending, somehow, right?  
I haven’t a clue. Truthfully, how sickness in general… works, I suppose, tends to utterly confuse me. It’s yet another unsolvable mystery, not to be dwelled on!

…The real hitting point was once I was in front of those huge floor-to-ceiling windows again. The ones that gave a bug the entire view of the City, if they could see past the drizzling.  
Especially when I found the bench.  
Out of old habit, I sat at that bench, and I gazed over the City. I was left to wonder if the rain had slowed over the years, as I was able to see much clearer than I had used to. Not… Not that I particularly enjoyed the sight I saw, as it only solidified how much had changed over the years.  
I didn’t like how I could so easily compare the mental image I had to the City pre-infection… to image I had of the City now.

The towers were not nearly as tall as they used to be. Not as nice, either.

Ah! Didn’t I say I _wasn’t_ going to spend so long on the little details? _Aghh,_ why did you let me lose track of things? I care not for the bedeviled entry building! It’s nothing but ancient ruins now, and that’s all it will ever be!

I left that place in a hurry, mumbling curses to myself as I boarded elevator after elevator. Now I was beginning to remember why I mildly loathed elevators.  
Once I reached the bottom and was once again introduced to the open city streets, I made haste as I leapt across the large gaps in the roads. The old sewage gutters had fallen apart, making way for large _chasms_ to be opened up in their stead! So bad, in some cases, that it left some dangerous, tiny hanging _ledges_ in the place of where a street should be! Complete with old lampposts!   
While the smell of the sewage was no longer _rancid,_ the water below was still an ominous pitch black. I was _not_ too interested in seeing how deep it went.  
…Alright, I was a little curious, but I wasn’t stupid enough to test it!

Trying to maneuver through the City now is nigh impossible. Every time you get to solid land, you’re left darting your gaze around to be sure no Infected bug is going to charge you! _Especially_ if you feel as strongly as I do when it comes to water. The last thing you would want is for some buffoon to send you toppling back into it, then drag you down into the depths with them.  
 _No,_ no, no, _no thank you._

That’s when I saw that the dastardly _fountain_ was still up! Are you _kidding_ me? It’s still there now!  
And, of _course,_ it’s on the largest piece of sturdy ground. When my eyes landed on that thing, as I was breathless and exhausted, all I could manage was a half-hearted _laugh!_ It just figured that the fountain was left standing, of all the things that had fallen to pieces there! A mockery it made of me!   
I remember taking a moment to lean against the base of it, rethinking my entire plan of action as I shouted obscenities toward the Pale King. Seeing as that exact location was where He once stood, spouting His _lies_ and _manipulative words._

After my short rest, the remainder of my search was rather uneventful. I passed through an old Nobles’ Tower, overall unimpressed by the shoddy interior. Granted, it was only so decrepit and unkempt because there was no one left to tend to it, but _still._  
I kept an eye for any signs – that I would _read,_ as I’m capable of doing so – that could point me toward the colosseum. Surely, there would be _something_ to guide me there! There just _had_ to be! Insects from all over the world would travel here just to battle for glory, recognition, geo, what have you, and _yet…_ Not a single sign!  
…Or, if there was one, I must have just missed it somehow. Remember, jumping around that place was utterly draining! Even if I _did_ find the colosseum there, I wouldn’t be fighting in it anytime soon. Far too tired.

 _  
_I had a few run-ins with guards or erstwhile nobles, the former becoming easy enough to dodge once you recognize their patterns, while the latter… Well, half of them went running scared once you got near them, flailing their arms about and crying out in terror! It was the strangest behavior I had ever seen from an Infected bug! Every other one was aggressive or hostile, but suddenly there was an exception to that rule. How unusual.

After ages and ages of scanning every nook and cranny for the slightest hint toward salvation, and still coming up squat, I caught sight of another old stag station.  
Specifically, the supposed “King’s Station.” I had heard of it once, way back when the City was alive. It was the completing half to the Queen’s Station, which, despite my statue-based memories there, I highly preferred the look of when compared to the King’s one.  
…Then again, this may be due to the fact that _most_ of the King’s Station had been flooded.

Once I managed to get inside, I found myself halting in my tracks. The entire _floor_ was covered in that dark water. There would be no easy way to pass through it, as I couldn’t possibly reach the hanging platform above me.  
I had absolutely _no_ reason to stay there. Sure, perhaps I could have found a clue, one that stated in bold letters “Colosseum, this way!” With tons of arrows, and bright flashing lumaflies.  
But… No, I wouldn’t be willingly dipping into that liquid for _any_ reason. None whatsoever. If I could prolong my inevitable next contact with the stuff, I _gladly_ would!

I took one step back, just about to turn around, when I foolishly lifted my gaze.   
I had only wanted to see _just_ how far away the next ledge was, just _in case_ I could make the leap.  
Instead, my eyes immediately focused on a figure. A familiar silhouette, dashing into the darkness, the gleam of a nail on their back.

Oh, no.  
No, no, you’ve got to be _joking._

How long ago was it? How long ago did I say— How long ago did I list off those _excuses?_   
_“I can’t just spend the rest of my life searching for them! They could be anywhere in this kingdom!”_ Blah, blah, blah! And, of course, as fate would have it, _there they were._  
That… _vessel.  
_ I couldn’t just turn away now! That would be a show of cowardice! They _had_ to have known I was there, after all. They knew what I was, they knew I was after them! They _had_ to know, as otherwise, why lead me on this chase? One that eventually _would_ lead to the very destination I wished to get to?

Speaking of, every thought of the colosseum completely vanished from my mind. Instead, I was working feverishly to come up with _any_ solution to this conundrum! How was I meant to get through the water? How could I get to them? Where were they _going,_ even? The stagway at the other end must be flooded, mustn’t it? Were they at a dead end?  
Oh, that would be even better! A secluded, hidden away, _fantastical_ place to have a historical battle to the death! It would be symbolic, too! They may not have met their doom at the hands of the last of my species, but they would be the last to die _there,_ in that graveyard of a City!

My—

No, not _my_ species… Egh.

All I had to do… was cross through the water.

Simple, right? Simple. It’s _easy._ I would _be fine,_ I wasn’t going to _die._ It’s not as if anything could possibly go wrong. As long as I kept my head above water – _I don’t know how to swim! –_ I’ll be _fine._   
It can’t be so hard! I’m- I’m _Zote the Mighty!_ I can do anything, I can overcome any challenge! Always win your battles. If you try, succeed.  
 _You! Can! Not! Breathe! Water!  
_ It would be _fine!_ It’s for the sake of… For honor! For justice! For vengeance! If it’s a fight they wanted, a fight they would get! I would not shy away from such an obvious challenge of my will!

This mantra was something I had to repeat, over, and _over,_ and _over_ again. If I didn’t hurry up, I might lose sight of them! Even if, to my knowledge at the time, there wasn’t anywhere to go from where they had taken off to.  
My mind was completely severed: One half demanding I get over myself and _dive_ into that water, shrieking a triumphant battle cry; whilst the other half was nothing but overwhelming anxiety and _horror,_ screaming at me to _turn the hell around._

I was losing time the more I stalled. The longer I waited, the worse it would be. I would _never_ get over it if I kept running away! There’s no reason to be frightened – which I wasn’t – it’s just water! I _probably_ wouldn’t drown, and that should be _good enough for me!_

Now, perhaps, the better way to go about it would have been to take it slower. Maybe test the water with a hand, a foot, even Life-Ender. Slowly, carefully, _calmly_.

Is that what I did?  
Seeing as I’m describing it this way, I’m sure you can assume what the answer to that is.

I… Genuinely, I’m not sure what my thought process here was.  
I just jumped in at some point.

This, if you haven’t gathered, was a _mistake._

Not because of a subsequent panic, desperate attempts to stay afloat, losing Life-Ender, or anything so dramatic.  
No, it’s because the water wasn’t even deep enough to be fully submerged in.

…

I’m _not_ as dull-witted as I make myself out to be, I _swear to it.  
_ In fact, I’m not dull at all! I was just… being cautious! Yes. Exactly. I’ll keep telling myself that.

I still had to _somewhat_ keep myself up, as it was _just_ deep enough where I _could,_ potentially, if I were a total incompetent fool, drown, but it was hardly worth the paralyzing _fear_ that preceded it.

I swam my way across without a hitch – once I figured out how exactly to do that – and once I was out, I had atrociously and shamelessly betrayed yet another one of my precepts.  
Which one, you ask?  
Well, you tell me. Do you think my cloak was particularly dry after that excursion?

At any rate, I practically collapsed the moment I was on the stone ground. Relief came over me like a wave – pun unintended, be silent, I can and _will_ cut you down – as well as a sense of _victory.  
_ I had done it! I had wonderfully succeeded! Never again could I be bested by liquid! Never would it hold any power over me! Haha! Yes, finally! Something was going right for me!

Once I caught my breath, I stood and shouted out every which way I was superior to the terrible lake of misfortune beneath me, letting my voice reverberate off every wall. Then, with a proud swish of my cloak, I took off after the monstrous vessel! They had no where to run to, now! I no longer felt fear! I had banished the very idea of it from my mind, surging with pride and _overly_ prepared to handle _anything_ they could throw at me!

I bet they had thought I wouldn’t cross it! You know what? I’m sure they knew of my disdain for water. I bet they caused it!  
No, it wasn’t a noble that tripped me, all those eons ago. It was _them._ _They_ were working with that wicked Great Knight! Or- _Or,_ they were working alone! It was all them, the entire time! Oh, I knew it. What caused their personal vendetta against me? What did I do to them? I’ll never understand!

Perhaps a nosk ate their sibling, or something to that effect. For that reason, they’ve sworn an oath to eliminate all nosks!  
Since I’m the last one left, I’m clearly their last target!

Oh, phenomenal reasoning. It all makes sense now!

W-Well, it would, if I were a nosk.

Anyway, I’m sure you can imagine how I _scoffed_ once I reached the stagway on the other side.   
…To be fair, initially, I was wholly confused. I stopped and darted my scrutinizing gaze around, daring the vessel to show themselves, yet…  
No one. Nobody was there.  
How peculiar.

Then I heard splashing.   
I whipped around, trying to locate the source of it, before I realized… It was on the other side of the flooded stagway.  
There was a wall there, but just at the bottom, peeking above the surface of the water… I saw an opening. Had they passed through there? Why? What awaited them out there? It seemed like a lot of trouble for nothing if you ask me.

I learned why soon enough, but first, I faced the same opponent again. Measly, paltry, contemptible water.   
This time, however, I only laughed in the face of it! I was above it, now! It was inferior!   
In fact, I’m sure I thought I was immune to drowning, then. Because I just casually leapt in.

This one was deeper than the last.

…But I survived! _Miraculously…_

Definitely not panicking as I pushed my way through that small hole in the wall, I discovered an entire secret passage! What wonders and mysteries this kingdom still held!  
…Also, _dry land that I hurriedly latched onto and dragged myself up on so I could stop freaking out._

Oh, Gods – Speaking of dry, guess what wasn’t?

My _cloak.  
_ Despite my winnings, I am still a sorry excuse for a knight.

Let’s wrap up this precept, shall we? I know, cruel of me to leave it on such a cliffhanger, but I must! The next one is-

The-

The next one…

…

_…Oh._

_…_

…If your cloak gets wet, dry it as soon as you can. Wearing wet cloaks is unpleasant, and can lead to illness…

_…_

_Umbrellas. That’s what they’re called._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me whipping out the umbrella symbolism we went over in my literature class like "heeeHAEHahehehe"
> 
> so for some reason my brain was just like “oh yeah you can walk from the City of Tears to Kingdom’s Edge no problem” when that is, in fact, not the case  
> curse this damn map it’s caused so many issues for me smh   
> So……… sucks, zote, get over your drowning trauma in the name of petty vengeance, the plot demands it
> 
> OTHERWISE THOUGH how did he get there in canon??????? Like I haven’t the faintest idea  
> I realize team cherry probably doesn’t care since he’s a joke character and not meant to be taken seriously but TC EXPLAIN, HOW DOES ZOTE GET TO KINGDOM’S EDGE I’M BEGGING…….  
> Did he just swim through the old stagway?? But like,,, whY then, in canon??  
> what made tiny little man go “oh yeah I’m jumping in that water and swimming through it over there” if NOT for petty reasons  
> maybe his reasoning is just beyond my level of thinking and I should stop questioning his intelligence. I dunno. I just write funny zote fic. I know nothing
> 
> Anyway goodnight
> 
> Actually, fun ominous p.s.:  
> Writing this chapter with one of the original endings of this fic in mind made me sweat viciously  
> I think about that version of cogr a lot,,, ya’ll probably woulda killed me for it if I ended up going through with it hehehee


	47. Mothers Will Always Betray You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her.

**_Mothers Will Always Betray You_ **

…

…This precept explains itself.

…

What? I’ve nothing to say on this matter. Nothing at all.   
This… This precept is _entirely_ self-explanatory. I haven’t any need to _defend_ it, nor must I explain how it came to be! How ludicrous, how preposterous…  
…It-It’s not even relevant! We left off on my grueling excursion through the waters of the City, surfacing again in some foreign end of Hallownest… A strange land unbeknownst to me previously! Covered by the most peculiar white flecks that continuously descended from the heavens, much like the rain in the City-

 _No!_ I’m not going to. I don’t have to. This precept- _Curse it,_ anyway! It’s by far the worst precept of them all! And I’m permitted to say such damning things, as I _wrote_ these rules! I can say what I _wish_ to about them!

I will not dwell on this at all. I’ve done just marvelously in avoiding it thus far! I haven’t even uttered her name; I’ve spoken nothing of that… Of…

 _No,_ no, _no no nononono_

That’s it! That’s all. We’re moving on. I have no reason to prattle on about such… such evident things. I have no _wish_ to talk about such things.

Precept Ten, “Keep Your Weapon Sharp…”

…

_It doesn’t matter, does it? After all… who cares to listen to my inane ramblings, let alone look down upon me for what was out of my control?_

…

I don’t want to. I don’t want to talk about her. She was- That- She-

 _Gods,_ what a pitiful hatchling I am. Imagine if she were here, now, listening to this diatribe against her. Hah.

…

_I’d be dead in seconds._

She would slaughter me for defiling her name. Skewer me before I would have a chance to plead for mercy. Shriek to the masses of nosks that bowed before her of my insolence, my impudence, my disloyalty.  
…

…Perhaps, then, I will allow myself this respite. If my recollection of her would serve to sully her name, then that’s all the better.  
She’s dead and gone, now, anyway. As are the rest of the monstrous nosks that followed her.

_There’s no one left to disappoint._

…

Out with it, then.

My mother – _agh,_ I shudder just saying it – was… Hm…  
 _Hah, what would have angered her to hear above all else?_

A frail, ineffectual and spineless atrocity of a nosk! A disgrace upon all nosk kind, even! An utter horror to behold, a terror on this soil- _No, wait. I can practically hear her corpse smirking at those.  
Plus, given what negative things I’ve said about nosks so far… That almost seems like a good thing. No, _no, _never._

I _loathe_ my relation to her. In fact, I refuse to even acknowledge it, which should be plainly obvious, seeing as I’ve neglected to even mention a maternal figure until now.  
It’s not as if her presence would have been frowned upon in the den… Nor would she be spoken lowly of, cast out, murdered, what have you.  
No, _no,_ she was the complete opposite.

She was a superior.

Yes, most unfortunately – my own mother was one of those haughty, wicked individuals… Ones that I spit the names of now, as their very title fills me with disgust.  
This isn’t something you should ogle over. Don’t look to me now with some newfound admiration! Not from _that,_ anyway! My connection to a superior means nothing – nothing honorable, at least – and I refuse to uphold it.

It’s not as if being a superior’s offspring was something to strive for, either. Forgetting my bias for a moment, I’ll let you form _your_ opinion. Tell me if this is something _you_ would particularly yearn for.

A superior will select whomever they deem worthy of their time and will court with them. They tend to choose the strongest, the most efficient, the ones with the best disguises…  
My father, for example, was a fierce hunter. Never would prey escape his grasp, never would another nosk wrestle his prize away from his claws. Hence why my mother chose him. _And hence why-_

_…No, not yet._

The hatchlings that result from this courtship are expected to be as proficient as their parents, if not better. If they are considered a failure by the time they reach adulthood, they are to be killed; for a tainted bloodline is one _no_ superior would dare have.

 _Hah!_ My mere survival is an insult to her, now. _Good._

If they are “worthy,” then they must challenge whichever parent is the superior. If they survive, then they take their place.  
If they don’t… Well.

I’m sure if he had lasted long enough, my brother would have been the one to challenge her. His end would have come swiftly that way. He wouldn’t have suffered.  
…

He was alive when I left. Why do I speak as though that wasn’t the case? How… How odd of me.

Regardless, the only good to come from the status as a superior’s child was… a sort of understood respect, I suppose.  
Of course, as the child of what was essentially royalty, you were an easy target… but to attack a superior’s offspring was to attack the superior themselves, which most knew would not end well for them.   
Why do you think I wasn’t killed off? I’d deal with my fair share of threats, sure, but I was a stunted nosk chasing fantasies and listening to “traitorous” elders in my pastime. Were I a regular nosk, I would have been offed the moment I started walking.

…Sooner than that, actually…

…

My mother wasn’t very prominent in the majority of my life.  
The first I had seen of her was just moments after my hatching. My brother and I, looking up to her in all our naivety, in all our obliviousness of the future… And all she could do was scowl.  
…Specifically at me. I was far smaller than what was… “acceptable.”

I wasn’t meant to live past the first night.  
…Surprisingly enough, though… My father was the one who argued for me.

…  
  


After that point, my glimpses of her were few and far between. She was kept busy with other affairs, and she hadn’t the time to watch over her brood. The times where I saw her, however, were always petrifying.  
Just her hard stare, with narrowed eyes. Unwavering, unblinking. I would always have to break the eye contact first, out of fear that she’d take my gaze as a challenge.   
That’s… That was the last thing I ever wanted.

Oh. Hah. Are you wondering what her usual disguise was?   
I’m sure you’ll have a hearty chuckle over this one.

A vengefly.

 _Yes._ I’m serious.

Now, I’m willing to bet you’d argue that such a thing couldn’t possibly be intimidating. The contrast with her demeanor seems staggering, then.  
You wouldn’t be thinking that way if you were as familiar with those jaws as I am.  
What’s worse, she had a crooked laceration over one of her eyes. It translated into every form she took, making her awfully recognizable no matter what she looked like. Seeing any creature with a similar scar left me paranoid, always wondering if it was her secretly monitoring me.

That… That fear hasn’t left me with time.  
I’m not sure she’s dead. I never saw her body. I’m only assuming her fate, as it’s one that most – if not all – the nosks have faced.   
Would she go down so easily?... I can’t be sure.  
She could be looming over me now. She could be watching, glaring, poised to strike. Waiting for the perfect moment. Waiting for me to drop my guard, to get too comfortable, to simply _breathe_ incorrectly.

I can never let that happen.

I _will_ never let that happen.

That’s… That’s all. Surely, that’s enough to satisfy you, yes? I hope you’re _happy,_ for sharing this… Sharing this wasn’t particularly enjoyable for me! I don’t… I don’t want to be reminded of her. I don’t want to remember what she did.  
I don’t want to remember.  
 _I don’t want to remember._

…

_You’re just hiding it, like the coward you are._

…

_Suppressing it won’t do you any good._

…

 _Come on. Why take_ this _to your grave?_

…

I… She…

She killed him.

My mother killed my father.

I saw it. I saw the end of it, anyway.

There was no indication of it coming. I hadn’t even heard a scream. I was only walking past, mulling over other things, when I realized I had strolled by her cave.  
And I could scent the hemolymph.

That wasn’t anything unusual.

And yet… I felt a sense of dread. A sense that something horrible had taken place. Something felt wrong.

Foolishly, I entered her cave. Knowing full well such an action, unprompted, could have otherwise cost me my limbs.

Once I got close enough, I stopped, and I only stared.

His mangled corpse, hardly recognizable. His legs were torn from his body, looking as though they were chewed off. I could only find one of his claws, his spine was crushed, and his tail was halfway across the room.

My gaze lifted, and my eyes met with hers.  
…The situation felt familiar.

I’m not sure why I ran. I knew that was certain death. I knew I would die either way. Yet I turned around and fled, desperately hoping, _praying,_ that I could get out of that place. If I got out of Deepnest, I would be fine. I just had to outrun her.

That’s not what happened.  
I managed to get just outside of her cave when she barreled into me, holding me to the ground and hissing those vile words…

_“Impudent child… You are as feeble as your forebearer. Your mere existence besmirches this colony, disparages us all and brings nothing but ignominy and scorn to my name. Timorous and cowardly… How lamentable it is that you of my blood, that you are my spawn. Never will I make such a mistake again; to choose a mate so useless, so deplorable and impuissant._

_“You will not be the future of this place. You will not live to breathe another day, nor waste our food and nests. You will perish now as he did, by my claws, and you will be utterly joyous that you are receiving my mercy. Should your sibling oppose me, or dare to follow in your footsteps, you will lie beside one another in your graves. Were it not for your heinous father, I would have abolished your insignificant husk the moment your eyes dared to blink._

_“Now sleep, child. Treasure this final memory, and have it plague your eternal rest.”_

I recall squeezing my eyes shut, tensing up, and bracing for impact.

…

I didn’t die, if you haven’t surmised.

Before she could put an end to this tragedy, something knocked her off me, and a pile of screeching limbs went flying the other direction. I scrambled to my feet, shocked and confused, before the two nosks parted.  
The attacker was none other than my brother.

He demanded to know where our father was, _fuming_ with an instability in his voice I had never heard before.  
Of course, she answered, insulting his spirit by riddling his title with the most offensive of obscenities. My brother, he… He _wailed,_ in a mixture of crushing grief and anger. It’s a cry that still haunts my psyche, as it was so… Genuine. Never had that word applied to anything out of my brother’s maw before then.  
He was nowhere near strong enough to face off against our mother yet, but then and there, he swore to be the death of her. He spat out an oath, an unbreakable promise to slice her wings and adorn his nest with them… and then he stormed away.

My mother and I held each other’s stares, and then I chose to take my chances.

I ran.

And she didn’t chase after me.

This wasn’t when I left the den. It should’ve been, as death held my throat in a vicelike grip with its imminency, but it wasn’t.  
Instead, I just… hid. Hardly did I emerge to hunt, and the last time I did, well…

…  
It didn’t go well.

…I never sought her approval.

Perhaps that’s a lie.  
I did seek out some form of positive acknowledgment. With that, it would ensure that I wouldn’t die.

But I never…   
The last thing I wanted was for her to be proud of me.

Seeing her smile at me, seeing any form of warmth on her face…

_…it terrified me._

I wanted… I wanted my father’s pride.  
I never wanted hers.

…

Fate has a cruel way of playing tricks on you.

A-At any rate, uhm… Oh, Gods. Pull yourself together, by the Wyrm! Look at me, shivering like a lost grub.   
_Pah!_ Haha! Ah. Of course, _that’s_ the first thing that came to mind. Grubs. Haha. Way to make it worse.

…That’s truly all, this time. I mean it.   
Am I happier, now, with it all said? Now that it’s all fully transparent?

No.

Likely because there’s still more left unsaid, but… You didn’t hear that. Be silent.

So, mothers…

…

Perhaps it’s the knowledge of what a mother is _supposed_ to be like. For other bugs, a mother is… Comforting, right? Encouraging, soft and welcoming… Perhaps it’s this that has led me to choose the word “betray” for this precept.  
…

…Let’s collectively ignore all this. It’s not important to my story. I’ve gone this long without so much as a nod towards it, so I’d say it’s had little impact.  
Mothers betray you. Always. There, precept done and over with.

Let’s never speak of this again, deal?

_…Maybe now, she will finally get out of my head. Please. Please, please, let the nightmares end._

_I just want to sleep._

_I’m so tired._


	48. Keep Your Weapon Sharp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the horrible mental breakdown that was the last chapter, Zote abandons that train of thought entirely and instead focuses on his exploration of the Kingdom’s Edge. Which goes very well. Definitely. Totally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people of bikini bottom, it is I, here is zote chapter, it's 2am
> 
> SO alright hear me out! This chapter was originally going to be stupidly long. Like DUMMY long.   
> because in my brilliant idiocy I had planned the Colosseum of Fools, and ALL of Kingdom’s Edge, to take place in _this one chapter_  
>  That’s… yeah we’re not. Doing that!
> 
> The reason this chapter has taken longer than usual to get written is because I was arguing with myself on how to go about doing this!! Because original plan… bad, don’t like it, let’s make the pacing a little less garbage  
> and with that, well,,,, there’s been some revamping going on! Y’all are gonna have to bear with me, because the next few chapters were all reorganized and planned out differently. Not anything like,, drastic, nothing important to plot has been changed, but yknow like! General flow. Fixes. Changes. We’ll see how it goes!
> 
> Hopefully less bad than it would have been if I had shoved essentially three chapters into one :,,)))

**_Keep Your Weapon Sharp_ **

…

Ah! A- _ahem,_ oh, Gods above-

No, I’m not getting choked up about anything! Be silent! Utter not a word. We’re no longer speaking of her—of _it_. In fact, we never spoke of it. “It” never existed. It lacks any importance, any relevance, anything… Her- _It’s_ mention was limited—S-so, limited, in fact, it ceased to happen.

_Gods, stop stumbling over yourself._

We’re moving on! Onward! No more riffraff, no dilly-dallying. Suppress it, ignore it, don’t acknowledge it. Don’t dwell.

Now, _ahem,_ where was I?... City of Tears, undead civilians, flooded stag station, yadda yadda- oh! Yes, of course! The secret passage I found, hidden just underneath the King’s Station… What mysteries it kept, what wonders to behold! What could this old kingdom still be hiding, eons after its untimely collapse? Treasures, perhaps? Ancient artifacts, mountains of geo? If optimistic, maybe even a place outside the reaches of the Infection – somewhere safe, someplace comfortable and serene; untarnished, tranquil! Where all your worries go to die!

Wouldn’t that have been lovely? Imagine what relief I would have felt, knowing that all hope wasn’t lost.

Imagine how that relief would have been corrupted by a terrible rage, as I would realize how _close_ salvation was to… Everyone! The kingdom, the nosks… th-the latter of which I do not care for, but _regardless!_ Just out of reach? _Just_ neighboring the City? Oh, the _frustration_ I would have felt.

Perhaps, then, it’s a blessing that this wasn’t the case.   
No, it wasn’t paradise on the other side of the secret passage. Though, for a split moment, that was the thought process I underwent. Most unfortunately.

Once I braved the dark waters of the tunnel, periodically stopping to hoist myself up onto ledges of stone so to continue down my path and dry off…  
…Which, and forgive my tangent, led to the discovery of… Some odd room? About halfway through the passage, I found a stack of glass containers… Jars, I believe them to be called. They were empty, dusty old things, but they were propped up against what _looked_ to be a padded wall comprised of velvety cushions. A light filtered down from above, carrying the slightest pink hue. I just about hopped up out of curiosity, but ultimately decided against it – I was there for _reason,_ and it was to chase after that hooligan of a vessel!   
_Not_ to get side-tracked, as I am doing now.

I was soon to find what awaited me at the end of that passage, anyhow: A brand-new land, one I had never been to before. Nor had I ever heard of. So, you can gleam what my surprise might’ve been when I stepped into this place, expecting another gloomy, dreary atmosphere to trudge on through, only to be faced with brightest white!  
…Perhaps “brightest” is incorrect, as the Pale King’s glow was _far_ brighter, and _leagues_ more irritating, but nevertheless! I walked out onto a ledge, finding myself just underneath an _enormous_ rotund creature… and lo and behold! Strange white flecks falling from the sky!

What are those things, you ask? Well, despite my great effort, I haven’t the faintest idea.

I caught a few of those flecks in my hands, diligently inspecting them and trying to figure out what in Wyrm’s name they were, but I never came to a solid conclusion. It’s best not to linger on mysteries, I suppose… but I can’t help but _wonder_ what that stuff was.  
Whatever it is, it _covers_ that place. With how continuously it fell from… an unknown source above, it was left conquering the ground, building up in small hills and piles. There was hardly a path to follow, so I found myself wading through that odd material for most of my time there.

Which I suppose I can’t necessarily complain about. The mystery of the substance perturbed me, but it didn’t appear to be… dangerous, by any means. If it were, I don’t think I’d be here right now, given the gross prevalence of the stuff.  
How pitiable it would be to be killed by _flecks._ _Almost_ as bad as being killed by water… That I cannot be killed by! As I’ve bested that terrible liquid!   
Therefore, being killed by water _now_ would just be _upsetting_ and _disappointing._

While being killed by flecks would be dishonorable… I don’t know what they are, exactly, so I believe I would get a pass!

… _What_ am I on about? _Agh,_ my point is, lots of tiny white things forever falling, plastering themselves to my soaked cloak as if they had nowhere better to be. Abominable. Terrible. How annoying.

My attention then turned to the behemoth that was ever-so-casually flying above me, either oblivious toward my presence or completely indifferent. I was inclined to believe the latter, as _more_ than once, one of those creatures made direct eye contact with me and chose to lazily hover away.  
They were these positively massive beasts, with round bodies, tiny, useless legs, and _miniscule_ wings that had _no_ right being capable of holding those monsters off the ground.

What puzzled me, however, was their refusal to attack me.   
I can clearly recall waving about Life-Ender toward the creature, demanding a fierce battle with it, but it just… floated higher away. Disinterested.   
Not that I’m particularly _peeved_ by such a turn of events, but it was… strange. Those occasional moments of eye contact proved that, yes, they _were_ Infected, as their eyes had the slightest tint of orange… and yet, they were harmless.

Perhaps you can see why, now, I had a momentary wonder if this place was a paradise of some kind. Even Infected, the creatures did not turn ferocious! They would not charge at me with shrill cries or roars, and they didn’t _spit_ at me!

Before I could properly react to such a concept, however, a corpse fell right from the sky and landed on a hanging platform above me.

So, no, maybe not paradise.

Reasonably confused and at least _mildly_ concerned, I leapt across and up the various platforms until I reached the body, cautiously nudging the bug to see if they were still alive. The answer was a clear no once I noticed the gashes and slashes through their armor and all across their carapace.  
Does something about that seem strange to you?  
This insect, whomever they were, was covered antennae to toe in armor. A rusted red it was, though stained frightfully with orange. A shield lay beside their body, damaged beyond repair, and a wickedly sharp nail was still clutched in their hand.

What had become of this poor sod? It was if they had been _mauled_.  
For a moment, I looked up to see one of those big bulbous creatures staring my way, and I had a paranoid thought about _those_ beasts being secretly lethal killing-machines somehow. I was yet to see any _other_ bugs or beasts around there, so I could only presume…  
That is, until _another_ corpse fell, landing square on _top_ of the creature’s back. This… proved almost entirely ineffective. The beast wavered for a second, shook the body off it, and then continued on its way.

Alright, then, if that wasn’t it, what _other_ nightmare could’ve caused this carnage?

…And was apparently still _causing_ carnage, seeing as bodies still catapulted downward. I craned my head back and tried to look up, past the flurries of white flecks and shadowy silhouettes of more blue beasts, but couldn’t make out anything extravagant.  
Then again, I was expecting something… horrific. A gargantuan leviathan, with rows upon rows of teeth in its mandibles, and great beady eyes that bore straight through my soul! Something riveting and exciting!

That was not what I saw.  
In fact, I couldn’t see much of anything.  
How disappointing.

Regardless, that wasn’t what I was here for. In fact, what I _was_ there for managed to slip my mind just long enough for me to lose track of the dratted, mischievous vessel.   
Yes, all glory to me, I am the epitome of intelligence and tact.

I _could_ have gone scouring for them, scaling down and working my way back up again, leaving no stone unturned as I hunted down that villain… but I was just interested _enough_ in where the bodies were coming from that I chose to investigate that instead.  
What? It’s a mystery that I _could_ potentially solve! They were evidently coming from _someplace,_ and I had to know where! After all, what if it was a mighty foe for me to stand off against, therefore nullifying any need for the colosseum?

Ah, but what little I knew! While my goal of reaching the colosseum had been set aside for something else, I was soon to find that these separate expeditions were more intertwined than I had believed.

Before I began my ascent, however, I picked up the nail of the deceased warrior. It weighed heavy in my hands and had a dreadful curve to it. I admired the craftsmanship, but I had no intention of wielding it as my own weapon. I have Life-Ender for that!  
Instead, I carried it with me until I reached a platform devoid of corpses, nice, sturdy and solid. Once there, I chose to sit and rest.

A precarious place to do so, yes, but at that point I was willing to live life on the edge. Literally.  
Furthermore, I was _exhausted!_ I had been traveling for ages; overcoming my fears of water, witnessing the devastating remains of the nosk den, meeting yet again with the disgraceful vessel… and during all that time, I don’t believe I took a moment to simply breathe _once!_

So, I rightfully took my place then and there, letting those not-so-bothersome-but-I-will-deem-them-as-such-anyway speckles accumulate on my cloak and horns. What a travesty, I was so burdened by this, oh woe is me.  
And what was my plan there, you might be asking?

Well, look no further than the title of this precept!

As I’ve stated multiple times over the course of the past few precepts, Life-Ender’s state was… cumbersome! That chip off the top had landed me in a multitude of perilous situations, and it desperately needed to be taken care of. This would stand for no longer!

I tell you, though, using a curved tool to sharpen it was _not_ an easy task.

I almost grew frustrated enough to toss the damned thing aside and search for something different, but a brief scan of the area yielded nothing that seemed promising. Every other weapon I spotted still shared that curve! What a _nuisance.  
_ Sure, there were stones all around me that _could_ have worked, but finding one that was sharp enough proved quite a hassle. So, I begrudgingly accepted the challenge, toiling away at Life-Ender with the end of another bug’s old weapon.

This had to be _perfect._ If I massacred my nail… _hah!_ Not only would I never forgive myself, but I’d be utterly defenseless.  
…Hm. Perhaps it would’ve been smarter of me to keep my claws…

How ironic that my “rest stop” consisted purely of stress and ultra-focus as I struggled to fix Life-Ender’s sorry blade, praying to whatever Gods there may be for mercy if I botched it recklessly. Though I suppose this shouldn’t be surprising anymore, as I’m rarely given a single moment of peace!

After what must have been decades, it was finished. I held up Life-Ender, admiring her new, sharp and pernicious edge, taking a second to congratulate myself on my handiwork. As it turns out, despite the tool I had used, it was _far_ easier to carve wood with hands rather than malign nosk claws. Had I been in a noskly form during that task?... Those decades would have been centuries.

Not that I—

…

…At any rate, Life-Ender was in mint condition once more! I remained on that platform for a little while longer, basking in what little time I had to be relaxed before I hopped up again and proudly brandished my weapon. Had it been made of any metals like those fools’ nails had been, it would have been glimmering! Dazzlingly spectacular, as always!

It would probably _appear_ deadlier were that cloth not wrapped around it still, but… that’s not an option.

Now that I was prepared to face off against any and everything, I was wholly reinvigorated, and continued climbing upwards. I would find where those bodies fell from if it were the last thing I did!

…Although, most depressingly, once I reached a certain point, I realized I could not ascend any higher. Not unless I spontaneously grew wings. I ran fresh out of platforms to scale, and no walls were near enough for me to clamber up.  
This soured the good mood I had just acquired, until I noticed another ledge with a tunnel. Expertly, I maneuvered across the platforms, just _barely_ managing to catch the edge of the cliff with my last jump. My mobility will never be bested! It is by far my best quality.   
Even if, admittedly, that near-miss gave me a _heart attack._

Not wanting to waste another moment, I took off down into the cavern, only to come skidding to a panicked stop at the familiar glow of _green.  
_ Yes, what an accursed thing… the _acid_ had made a return.  
This time, however, I couldn’t see anywhere to go from there. No land to making a running leap toward, no walls to climb… it was seemingly a dead end.

Well, this was a disheartening conundrum! Without a clue toward what I was meant to do, I headed back from whence I’d came, mulling over my options.

If all else fails, I suppose I could just start dropping down. Maybe it circled around, somehow? I couldn’t imagine that the bodies were just falling from nowhere—

All thoughts came to a screeching halt as I exited the acid cave and was confronted by two, sharp-nailed knights, with armor almost identical to the kind that had been on the warriors’ corpse.  
Difference was, these two were obviously _alive,_ and their armor was in far better condition.

This wasn’t ideal. Proud as I was to sharpen Life-Ender, I was not quite ready for confrontation so soon.

One was holding a plethora of discarded weapons and shields in a large satchel, apparently collecting those that were lost in whatever scuffle their brethren had gone through. The other only held their own weapon and shield, but it was threateningly stained with fresh hemolymph.  
Both Fools were staring directly at me, unmoving, unblinking.

No one said a word for a few moments. Just tense, uncertain air, both parties wondering if the other side was dangerous enough to battle. I thought about making a tactful escape, but realized I had little choices when it came to where I’d run to. Behind me was acid, and to either side of the ledge was a steep drop to inevitable death.

Fleeing would just be cowardly, anyway.

…I’m no coward. I’m not _weak,_ I’m _good enough,_ I can do _anything and everything if need be._

I tightly gripped Life-Ender and pointed her toward the adversaries in front of me, choosing to stand my ground. _Don’t stand down, don’t back away, don’t show fear, don’t cower, don’t run, don’t_ —

_“If it’s a fight you wish for, then a fight you shall receive! Draw your weapons and meet your ends, curs!”_

I sounded much more confident than I actually was.

The two shared a look. One murmured something to the other, they nodded in agreement, and the next thing I knew…

I was no longer conscious.

You won’t believe this. The Fools charged me before I even had a chance to retaliate! One good _thunk_ with the blunt end of their nail, and I was out cold. I can hardly call this a loss! They _cheated;_ they went about it all wrong! No honor, no glory… they didn’t even kill me! They knocked me out and dragged me elsewhere, which I’ll get to shortly.

Funnily enough, it turned out to be exactly where I wanted to be. So, I suppose it was for the best…?

Eugh, no, there had to have been a better way to go about this. Unfortunately, I’m not sure what that better way could’ve been. I was never given a chance to find out, as you may have gathered.

For now, though, let’s finish off this precept.

Precept Ten, “ _Keep your Weapon Sharp.”_ I make sure that my weapon, 'Life Ender', is kept well-sharpened at all times. This makes it much easier to cut things. Such as your enemies.

…Hm…

It might’ve been my imagination, but I think one of those Fools might’ve been staring at my _neck_ rather than my _eyes._ It was a bit hard to tell, seeing as I was more fixed on hopefully not dying, but…

…

It’s rude not to maintain eye contact when you’re being challenged.

_…Truth be told, I didn’t put up much of a fight, anyway._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **me realizing that there’s no way to get to the Colosseum of Fools without Isma’s tear:** are you fucking kidding me
> 
> HOW DID ZOTE GET TO THE C _O L OSSE UM TEAM CHERRY PLEASE EXPLAIN I’M BEGGING---_  
>  WELP, time to just let Zote get kidnapped by Fools, I guess. I was gonna go about this differently, as I wanted Zote to be caged for?? Similar reasons, but not… this way. I wanted him to get to the colosseum All On His Own but I mean. This man is incapable of swimming through acid! Damn. Zote why can’t you just be better
> 
> So zote’s MOM, HUH? GOD do you know how hard it was to just sit here like “haha what’s a momther never heard of that haha” for this long?? HARD  
> but now I can finally answer questions and acknowledge that Bad Mom exists, this is great, I’m thriving!
> 
> Anyway that’s all for fun zote fic chapter full of silly jokes for kids, I’m going to bed now
> 
> WAIT ACTUALLY for those that are unaware I have a tumblr now [look](https://ratcandy.tumblr.com/)  
> I’ve never used tumblr before so you get to watch me in real time stumble around like the big idiot I am! Talk to me about Zote I want to talk about zote I will talk about zote please I am beggingsign //shot


	49. Keep Your Home Tidy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zote wakes up in a mysterious place, caged and confused.  
> Worse yet, it’s filthy in here!
> 
> And even _worse,_ there’s not one, but TWO curs afoot!  
> One of which is significantly more displeasing to see than the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello my stunning pomegranates. today my vein blew while I was getting blood drawn
> 
> Anyway, here's zote chapter! In which the little man is in a cage and complains about it for an entire chapter  
> Also. It's almost time. it's almost time for more pain. it's coming. it'll be here. it's on its way! how horrifying

**_Keep Your Home Tidy_ **

And so it was that I was whisked away, snatched off the cliffs of the Kingdom’s Edge and toted elsewhere. I wish I could tell you what occurred in the time frame that I was unconscious, but alas!... That’s not possible, as far as I’m aware. Once a bug is out cold, they know not a thing of their surroundings, and their memory of the excursion – and sometimes, bits and pieces of what happened prior to it – is stolen away! I find this not only irritating, but puzzling.

Where does our conscious go running off to during these periods? Other than, occasionally, broadcasting vivid hallucinations before our eyes and succumbing us to our repressed and buried memoirs?

Wherever it travels to, it certainly wasn’t present when I needed it. Nor was it present at all. No nightmares plagued me on that journey.  
Hah! Ironically, it was the most peaceful sleep I’d had in years.

Regardless… Hm.  
I can only speculate why they chose to capture me rather than kill me; not that I’m complaining that they didn’t choose the latter.  
…Not _entirely_ complaining.  
But… given where one of those Fools’ gazes had landed, the possibilities are… limited. In all my brilliance, I must have completely forgotten to readjust my cloak once I had emerged from the water in the passage, thus leaving my venom as visible as ever. You’d think I’d be more self-conscious about such a thing, and you’d be correct, but this time is just managed to _slip my mind_ somehow!  
Perhaps I was just too mentally occupied with other matters. I don’t know.

That would mean that the Fools were acquainted with nosks before, however, and would know how to recognize a disguised one. I suppose that’s _possible,_ seeing as they kept an assorted lot of creatures in their Colosseum –

Agh! Drat! I went and spoiled it. Damn it all!

 _Yes,_ yes, alright. When I finally awoke, _Wyrm_ only knows how long after our scuffle, I was exactly where I had wanted to be.

The Colosseum of Fools.

And I definitely, above all else, no matter what any imbecile would dare suggest, was _not terrified out of my mind._

…Ahem, as for what I was saying, I theorized that the Fools wanted me to battle in their Colosseum. They saw a telling sign of something beastlike– They saw my _potential_ to be something _more,_ and they dragged me back to their special hellpit of nails, hemolymph and death.  
This theory, most unfortunately, turned out to be true.  
As you may be able to guess, I’m not very fond of that place. Certainly not for any _particular_ reason, I simply despised the lack of honor! The battlefield was nothing but a free-for-all, with Fools shrieking and slashing at one another with lances, tearing one another apart for the sole purpose of a ridiculous title.

They weren’t even acting this way out of necessity! At least in the nosk den, the infighting and bloodshed was expected… Mandatory, even, if one desired to survive. To have your heart beating another day was to fight! Your right to _eat_ was dictated by your strength!  
There, on the other hand? That chaotic, disorganized Colosseum? Hah! Those Fools were _insane_ in thinking that any small victory there gained them righteous glory!

 _My_ purposes for being there were noble! Dignified! Virtuous! It was to solidify my worthiness to wield Life-Ender! It was to… To _prove_ myself!  
 _It always comes back to that, doesn’t it?_

One _could_ argue that I was there against my will, thus deeming my original intentions in going there moot, but _I_ argue that I was heading that way _anyway._ The method I used to get there is… irrelevant! This changed absolutely nothing.

Other than _maybe_ my state of mind during the whole… experience.

If I had marched up there myself, poised, calm and _not_ ambushed by two fully armored warriors, then I would have been able to demand my place in battle without any complications. It would have gone smoothly! I would have gone straight into the fray, weapon by my side and confident as ever!

Awakening as I was, however, did _not_ having me feeling confident at _all._

To elaborate on this… Well...

Slowly, I blink awake. My movements are lethargic, my head is _pounding_ as if I’d been harshly cuffed by a blunt object, and I have very little memory of what had happened before this.  
I realize I’m on a cold, stone ground, and for a moment… I almost trick myself into thinking I’m in Deepnest. I can scent the hemolymph, I can hear screams, I hear shouting, yelling, _fighting;_ I hear voices barking orders to one another, one or two bugs hissing in disgust or pain…  
Once I’m sitting up, holding my head in my hands and squinting through a blazing light, it takes mere moments for me to notice…

No. This isn’t Deepnest.

First off, it’s _far too bright_ to be Deepnest. _How regrettable._  
Second off, I hear nails clanging together. Nosks did not fight with nails.  
Third off, I’m in a cage. There are no cages in Deepnest.

…

_Hold on. Why am I in a cage?_

What a fantastic question! All at once, my memories came flooding back to me as I recalled the events that led me there. The Kingdom’s Edge, the mysterious flakes, the giant beasts… and the Fools, clad in red.  
My gaze immediately flitted about as I scanned the area, trying to be as aware of my surroundings as possible. I was still _alive,_ and that much was already inconceivable! Where in the world had those insects taken me, if not to my grave?

Now, there was _quite_ a lot to process, so you must bear with me as I now meticulously bestow upon you what I observed:

Most obvious was my aforementioned predicament of being caged.  
The enclosure had curved bars that rose up toward the ceiling like spikes, with _just_ too small of a space between them for me to fit through. Believe me, I tried! Yet all I managed to do was make an embarrassment of myself, as I nearly got stuck.  
I stood in the middle of that barred contraption, trying to locate any mechanisms to exploit that could open the cursed thing. It was asinine to consider that cage as one meant to contain nosks, for it was _far_ too short and cramped! If I were to transform in that tiny thing, well, _that’s_ how I would’ve gotten stuck permanently. I can’t imagine what that would’ve been like for an _average_ sized nosk!  
Coming up with nothing, I was left to mutter endless obscenities to myself, instead uselessly fiddling with a lock at the bottom of the cage. Life-Ender couldn’t work as a lockpick, and just my luck… I had no claws to speak of! Hiss and spit all I wanted, there wasn’t anyway to get the blasted thing unlocked.  
Furious.

_Alright, so I suppose I’m stuck here. What else might be in my sights?_

I chose to look up, peering past the bars to see my broader environment.  
The Colosseum – or, as I found to be, specifically the “warriors’ pit” underneath the Colosseum’s arena – was a cluttered, _messy_ place full of tired gladiators and wounded warriors. Discarded weapons and shields were strewn across the floor, orange-tainted blood covered the walls and armor, and what bugs there _were_ in that dreadful place were left repeating odd phrases to themselves… Seemingly in inescapable dazes.

There was also an abundance of chains, the distant sound of a bubbling hot spring, and a dark, shadowy room to my right.  
Speaking of shadows, I could only _wish_ for such pleasantries in that place! Torches were lit up every which way, and while _that_ glow is less bothersome than that of a lumafly’s, I know to be careful of fire! If one of those things were to fall, _eugh,_ I can only _imagine_ what flare-ups would occur.

Now, maybe you can see where I’m going with this description? I’ve detailed it so intricately for you, sure to mention how messy and disorderly it was…  
Yes, exactly! It goes horrendously against everything this precept stands for!

Before you protest that this precept specifies keeping one’s _home_ tidy, I demand you silence yourself! It’s my precept, I know the boundaries and exceptions!  
Furthermore, I’d be willing to argue that the Colosseum was a sort of second home for the Fools. They spent their lives there, from what I could tell, and it had driven them entirely mad! This was all due to the disastrous state of the warriors’ pit, I’m sure, and _not_ the constant cycle of battling that they suffered through daily. After all, the state of one’s home can alter the state of their mind.  
…I’ve experience.

…Also, I claimed earlier that the ground was made of stone. That, on closer inspection, turned out to be horribly wrong.  
It was made of _bones._  
You can only imagine how mortified I was once I realized! I kept my abhorrence to myself, not looking to gain attention from the Fools around me, but… _Gods above,_ what a sight that was! What creature was so massive as to have bones that size? One I wouldn’t want to meet, anyhow.  
Worse yet, as I studied the ceiling above, I saw it was littered with the masks of countless insects and beasts. This was common practice in the nosk den, too, but… that doesn’t mean I have to find it a stylish decoration choice.

In fact, that connection made me hate it more.

What a conundrum I was in! I had ended up exactly where I’d planned to be, but in the most unfavorable of circumstances.  
…Uh, I mean, that was all intended, or what have you, _blah blah, useless drabble, there’s no point.  
_ Even if my plan _was_ to be there, I hadn’t factored in any possibility of me being _caged._ So, now that I was there, I hadn’t the faintest idea what to do about it.

I supposed they’d have me fight in their arena eventually. I could claim my victory, receive my due praise, and then walk back out again. Easy. Simple. I just had to wait.  
So, I sat myself down, not at all distressed about the situation or panicking over my inevitable untimely demise now that it was right in front of me… and held tightly onto Life-Ender.  
…How kind of them to allow me to keep my nail.

For a while, nothing of note took place. Fools shuffled in and out, some collapsing on the bone floor as soon as they made it down. I took note of where they were falling from, seeing a small hole in the ceiling just to my right… Just before that strange shadowy room.  
If I _could_ escape, that would be my way out.  
…But why would I want to escape? I’m meant to be here. This was the goal. _I’m not freaked out, I’m not afraid, I’m not—_

My thoughts were ever-so-rudely interrupted by some diabolical cur calling upon me with the most derogatory word I could ever imagine:  
“Squib.”

It was spoken more of a question that a statement, and it was said right beside my cage. I whipped about to face what _knave_ had named me such a foul thing, and was met with a tall, blue-hooded warrior. His hood completely obscured his face, leaving me staring down vaguely glowing white eyes.  
Perhaps it was instinct, but I immediately took to scanning this perpetrator for anything deadly. He was equipped with a shield, but no weapon to speak of. No claws, no stinger, no visible poison nor venom… as for teeth, I couldn’t be sure, but I wasn’t interested in finding out.

The fool blinked with confusion for a moment, then dared to apologize to me, saying he had mistaken me for someone else.  
As if! This coward was just too intimidated by me, I’m certain.  
Before I could snap back, his gaze fell onto Life-Ender, and he _laughed_ at me!

_“You wield a nail of wood? That hardly seems a fitting weapon for combat.”_

Oh, now he was getting on my nerves. Finally given a moment to jab back at him, I handled this situation as civilly and honorably as I would handle any other:

_“You dare speak so lowly of my glorious weapon? I should cut you down for that alone! I am Zote the Mighty, a knight of great renown, and my trusty nail Life-Ender will not be so blatantly insulted by the likes of you!_

_“And furthermore, you chastise my nail, and yet you carry none of your own! Were I outside of this cage, you would be done for in seconds.”_

He had a _hearty_ chuckle over that, and I was growing to find his nasally voice more irritating the more he spoke. He came back at my threat with one of his own, though laced in a faux sportsmanship of some kind. As if a fool like him, seeking “glory” in a place like that, cared for any sort of honor! No, no, he was just like the rest of them – here for a bloodbath, here for the chaos, and nothing of integrity.

_“Grey Thing, you think this shell a defensive arm? It’s far more than that, I can assure you. You’re sure to find out soon enough in battle, when I crush you alongside everyone else here.”_

“Grey Thing” he called me! I’m no _thing,_ I’m a knight, and I expect to be respected as such!  
It took everything in my power to bite my tongue before I outed myself with _“there’s a reason I’m in a cage.”_ That would only lead to questions, and ones I’d prefer not answering truthfully.

_“I suppose we’ll just have to see, shan’t we? Being as overzealous as you are for battle will get you nowhere but a certain, undignified death! Now begone with you! Your presence proves nothing but an annoyance; your hostility is unwarranted, and it will serve as your final mistake! I await your demise, cur. You shall perish before you even meet my blade.”_

It bothered me how _amused_ he seemed by the idea. His arrogance was _infuriating.  
_ He walked off after that, heading toward a bench in the center of the warrior’s pit, and I could just _sense_ his overflowing confidence despite the distance. What a fool, to let such “pride” get to his head! I swore to strike him down the moment I was given a chance, simply out of spite, but I never got that opportunity.  
Namely because, the next I saw of him after this, well…  
…The same thing that happens to everyone else happened.

Not long after our small confrontation, I heard the latch opening above. I gave it a glance, expecting just another armored fool to come crashing down, stumbling through the pit and crumpling, exhausted –

…but that was _not_ the case.  
No, instead, I saw a pair of familiar horns.

I did a double take, hoping to what Gods there may be that I was _wrong_ in what flash of white I’d glimpsed, and yet…

There they were.  
Ah, how _convenient._ Strange how it all just added together for me, didn’t it?

That harrowing, appalling, murderous, heinous, monstrous, dratted, despicable, _sordid, detestable, loathsome, diabolical, horrid, awful little vessel._

I stared at them, they stared blankly back to me. They hadn’t a chance to utter a word before anger boiled up inside of me, threatening to spill out in threats, curses and shouts if I didn’t control it.  
It’s a miracle I managed to simmer it down, under the circumstances. After their show of treachery, after all they’d done against _me_ and me alone… I’d say I would have been justified if I just lunged for them right there in a fit of rage.

I suppose the cage would have made that a tad difficult, though.

They ever-so-nonchalantly walked toward me, stopping to tilt their head to the side once they got near enough. Mocking me, I’m sure. It outraged me how casually they approached, how indifferent, how _oblivious._ As if they hadn’t a clue what terrible crimes they had committed, what atrocities they’d done!  
I may hold no respect for the nosks, nor their spirits, but to brush away their existence so offhandedly… I was seething.

_“Hmm? What do you want, cur? Have you come to laugh at me as well?”_

Not a word. Coward.

 _“Fools!”_ I had exclaimed more generally, hoping that the blue-hooded one heard my clamor, too. _“Did you never consider that being trapped in this cage was precisely what I intended?_

_“Yes, by all means, release me into your arena! I am Zote the Mighty! And as soon as I draw my nail, 'Life Ender', your laughter will turn into terror!”_

Perhaps I didn’t do too well in concealing my ire, but you can’t blame me! I was inches away from the one who slaughtered last trace of my species! A murderer, a thief – an egregious criminal, just out of my reach! If there wasn’t something trapping me, why, that vessel would be as good as dead the _moment_ they had dropped down into the pit.

My voice lowered with the next portion of my address, as I wanted it to seem as personal as possible. Given that they made it personal in the first place.  
…Plus, it’d be wise to be a smidge quieter with my threats. Should I irritate the other Fools of the Colosseum’s ground floor, well, _uhm, perhaps that wouldn’t be a smart idea._

_“I have been fighting my whole life. I've slain hundreds, nay thousands, of foes… And these fools think to face me in combat? Madness! It seems they've been gripped by a powerful desire to be destroyed._

_Very well then. Zote the Mighty will grant them their desire...”_

I had _hoped_ for my speech to end there, finely and with flair, so it left an unshakeable dread in the blasphemous vessel that dared stand near me. Unfortunately, they had no sense of it, as they just continued to stand there, unmoving, unblinking, not even flinching.

I was becoming very impatient.

_“Leave me be, you lowly worm! I must rest before my great battle. Pray we do not meet in the arena!”_

They understood _that,_ thankfully, as they just strolled on past me… Right to the blue-hooded one, who began his own one-sided conversation with them. The vessel even claimed a spot beside him, listening intently to what he had to say.  
I should’ve known they were acquainted. They held the same air of irreverence and disgracefulness. Despicable.

Whilst they chatted, I took a moment to realize the full ramifications of them being there. If they were going to fight in the arena, then what were the chances that I would be facing off against them? That I’d finally have my chance to spar, not only for Life-Ender’s sake, but for the sake of my vengeance? The vessel and I, _both_ at the Colosseum at that precise moment… It had to be fate!  
Hah! I could easily kill two maskflies with one stone!  
How perfectly the pieces fell into place. I’d prove myself! No one could ever doubt me if I successfully ended their miserable life! Life-Ender would be held with honor, my nerves would be settled, my panic quelled, my rage put to rest, my promise to myself fulfilled!

Within moments, the anger caused by animosity fell and was replaced with a fire. Anticipation, excitement; pure, unadulterated courage welled up in me! I would slay them, the crowd would cheer, I’d earn my rightful title in this dreary and unfair world! Recognition! Respect! Admiration! Just vengeance! Everything was so, so flawlessly lined up for me. Everything was supposed to go right for me, for once, for _once_ in my life.

Luck was supposed to finally be on my side.

_I would finally make him proud of me._

…

And yet…

Oh, Gods, the precept. What is this? _“Keep your Home Tidy?”_

Hmm… Well, _hah,_ as I described, the Colosseum was a complete mess. Its degree of disarray was an eyesore.  
 _It reminded me too much of the nosk den.  
_ It’s best to keep one’s living quarters neat, otherwise it can negatively affect one’s mind… Which, at the same time, should be kept pleasantly organized as well! The Colosseum’s uncleanliness was likely what forced the Fools into insanity, as… what I was yet to find out, most of their eyes shone orange. I know the Infection targets the mind, and specifically, a distressed, weak or conflicted one; therefore, if the mind was besmirched by a disheveled “home,” then…

…Disregard that. I… I don’t know what I’m on about.  
  
It’s the Colosseum we’re focusing on. Not… not anywhere else.

Your home is where you keep your most prized possession - yourself. Therefore, you should make an effort to keep it nice and clean.

_“I have been fighting my whole life.”  
...Hah. I suppose that wasn’t necessarily a lie._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not me listening to ["Mamma Told Me" - Mother Mother](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pN0yjqOIiBE) while I write this fic….. or ["Burning Pile"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asRCJ5F_1zM)…….. my point is no I’m not connecting any mother mother songs with zote that be weird ahahaha…….
> 
> Also LOOK at the colosseum’s floor and tell me those AREN’T bones. I know bugs don’t have bones but. Listen. Those are fuckin’ bones
> 
> OOogghg it’s almost time, it’s almost time, god I don’t know how to write this, oh god, oh f  
> Y’all are,,, are you guys prepared for the next chapter?? Because I’m Not, hguhshgh
> 
> Anyway regarding this chapter!!! Yeah!! Tiso time!  
> Tiso is just here to have a good time but this depressed angry man is yelling at him… smfh… can’t have shit in hallownest
> 
> Oh BOy this chapter was hard to write for reasons unknown. Like it took me. forever. evidence by how I thiNK this the longest I've gone without updated this trashfire fic... worm.  
> I've only reread over it like... once, because I just. I'm vERY tired HKJH and I wanted this chapter doNe so I can instead stress over how the hell to write the next one!! Because it's!! ho man
> 
> Anyway goodnight!


End file.
